Is It Ok Not To Have Passion but A Great Relationship

Discussion in 'Women's Issues' started by AtiaoftheJulii, Apr 5, 2009.

  1. AtiaoftheJulii

    AtiaoftheJulii New Member

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    I have a great relationship with this guy but there is no passion. My last boyfriend and I had great sexual chemistry and a good friendship. However should I let go of a person who is suited to me in every way except sexually? :confused:


    *sigh*


    P.S. Ex returned to Cyprus after he completed his education.

    P.S.S. We have a lot in common and laugh a lot.
     
    #1 AtiaoftheJulii, Apr 5, 2009
    Last edited: Apr 5, 2009
  2. Pendlum

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    What is great about the relationship exactly?

    (Also go Brutii for life. :p I'm sure this "joke" will be lost to pretty much everyone.)
     
    #2 Pendlum, Apr 5, 2009
    Last edited: Apr 5, 2009
  3. Gl3nn

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    Maybe he's more of a good friend than a partner?
     
  4. B_Nick8

    B_Nick8 New Member

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    This is a really good question and I have a lot of things I could say to you but I need more detail about who you are and the relationship in general before I answer.
     
  5. strikingapollo

    strikingapollo New Member

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    In the end when you're both old it wont matter if you're not active sexually coz all you'll have is your relationship and each other.
     
  6. fattysolo

    fattysolo New Member

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    I'm a guy...
    So, i'm not too sure about a woman chemistry..

    But for a guy, we couldn't stand too long without sex even without any stimulation (through the 5 senses). It just rise up when it's sleeping too long. Perhaps, we are created that way to keep away from extinction.

    My gf is one of those very abnormal kind. She told me in various occasions that she never have the feel to have sex. So, not too sure if woman have those physical build that there are certain hours that the feeling to have it will arise. But from your post, i get the feeling that you are not the kind of woman who actually can live without sex. So, I mean honestly.. unless you're ok with masturbation only. Otherwise, it's not going to be a too happy relationship.

    Main thing, sex is part of a long lasting relationship. Unless otherwise both of you can live without it, then it's ok.

    I'm pondering the same problem with my gf...
    but I initiated open discussion about the problem..
    get her to know, i need it...
    tell me how you feel, what you want and when it's good etc..

    Coz I love her so much that I don't want this sex thing spoil the relationship despite the fact that sex is a naturally born in instict that I must have. I try to make her feel good about sex and improve it so that she wants it too. But of course not over doing it to ignore my own needs. Seeking a balance..you know..
     
  7. Incocknito

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    Sooner or later, the novelty of this "great" relationship will wear off. And if you are having these doubts / concerns now then what makes you think things are going to get better in one, two or three years? Or if you get married he'll become some sexual animal (most studies seem to say marriage does the opposite)?

    You should politely leave him and find someone out there who dicks...I mean ticks all your boxes :wink:

    I have had all shades of sexual and emotional compatibility, I am still looking for the woman who will love me and love to fuck me but its early days yet. Unless you are pushing 60 then there are plenty of other fish in the sea. Even some with bigger...gills :confused:
     
  8. lulu79

    lulu79 New Member

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    I'm inclined to agree here. But, before just leaving the guy, maybe you should sit down and have a talk with him about your feelings. See where he stands on the issue. Maybe you two have some similar fantasies that could be acted out. Sometimes all it takes is a little bit of communication to get the ball rolling.

    But yes, if things just don't "heat up" between you two, then I would say you should find someone else who can press all your buttons. It would be better than deciding to look outside the relationship for that passion you so desire.
     
  9. Principessa

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    Sure, it's okay if he is just a friend. But for a lover, boyfriend or husband lack of mutual passion is unacceptable. Yes, sex fades but I'm guessing you are not a senior citizen. So why wait for it not to matter?

    Isn't lack of passion and desire what causes most people to cheat in a relationship? :confused: Keep him as a friend if you can, but move on to a new man who has passion and desire for you.
     
  10. vince

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    Echoing what others said... It depends on you. From the tone of your post, it sounds like a problem for you.

    Personally, sexual connection and intimacy with my partner is extremely important. When a wife's sex drive went into decline it basically ruined our relationship. We tried to work it out but in the end had to separate for both our sanities.
     
  11. D_Cock_Hudson

    D_Cock_Hudson New Member

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    Many people do have a great relationship but not much passion- it all depends what is important to you.
     
  12. jockmaestro

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    If I may speak bluntly, it would take a lot if you were to marry or be in an equivalent relationship with this man without passion. The world is full of men who have affairs because the sexual passion in their wives is gone. Men and women are different ( obviously); men NEED sex. They NEED it. Like the NEED to breathe. So if you're expecting a long-term relationship without sexual excitement, you're probably going to be disappointed. He WILL have an affair with someone else. Count on it. This is summed up in the line from Fats Waller's song, "Give em what they like." (Almost exact lyrics: two women singing: "Honey, if you show him that your jam ain't sweet; he will look for his dessert across the street."
    Good luck.
     
  13. 7x6

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    It depends what you mean "no passion", do you mean no sex or not enough intimacy or not the kind of connection you are used to during sex or does he just not act as excited as you want during sex? I think most of the responses are assuming you just mean no sex, maybe that is what you mean but on the off chance that it isn't that, you should remember that sex is a personal thing that most of us have built on the experience of just a few relationships.

    I found myself single again at the age of 40 after 12 years with one woman. That relationship was the only real one i'd had, every other attempt at a relationship when I was younger had been either a drunken one night stand or a short series of dates that petered out before we got as far as sex.

    Single again, my expectations were fairly normal but I was used to certain things that might be completely incompatible with the expactations of some women. Sex tended to be pre-planned, shows of affection were frequent but limited to kisses, hugs and "I love you" to avoid getting a "you are just after sex" and there were rules in bed (eg, no oral for either of us after penetration) that with hindsight, made our sex life pretty boring.

    Since then i've been lucky as the boundries of my expectations have been pushed in various directions by the women i've been in relationships with. I realised that some women like to be reminded they are a sexual being every time you brush past each other while others feel embarased by holding hands in public. That some women need almost to be wooed into bed each night, others can seem almost cold and yet be transformed into a cock hungry slut with a single slow kiss, while others will announce, in a very matter of fact way, which toys and positions we will be using tonight.

    Is it possible that this guy's "lack of passion" has been defined by a relationship or two with certain types of women while your expectations of passion are based on the way your ex was.

    I think if you really do have everything else going for you (you can laugh, you can talk), you should just talk lightly about this stuff. He might be up for a little bit of expectaion adjustment.
     
  14. D_Kay_Sarah_Sarah

    D_Kay_Sarah_Sarah Account Disabled

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    I don't see how a relationship (besides friendship) can survive without passion or attraction, unless of course you are willing to have an open relationship. Sure its great to have a laugh but at the end of the day everyone needs their urges and desires taken care of.
     
  15. D_Lortius Waxwillow Piddlepoop

    D_Lortius Waxwillow Piddlepoop <img border="0" src="/images/badges/member.gif" wi

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    that decision is for you to make. knowing most women and how important sex is to yall, then i don't see you staying with him.

    my issue with this is have you communicate your feelings toward him?? if not then it's about time you do!
     
  16. dreamer20

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    Don't let go of him Julii. Keep him as a wonderful friend. Find your sexual passion elsewhere.
     
  17. RamIt

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    I am in the EXACT same place as you are. I had really intense sex and passion with my ex, and extenuating circumstances spit us up. Now I have a new girl, and she is amazing. Hands down the best person I have ever known, and a great match for me in so many ways. But, I find myself longing for that intense chemistry I had with the ex.

    In thinking about it, however, I realized that I did not have that great sexual chemistry with the ex right away. It took a good 6 months for everything to be firing in perfect timing. I have not been in this new relationship for very long, and I think that might be the difference.

    Maybe its not a matter of having chemistry or not, but rather how long it takes to develope. Needless to say, Im giving her all the time we need to get there!

    Hope that helps.
     
  18. B_dxjnorto

    B_dxjnorto New Member

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    Studies suggest that passion is based on novelty and newness. That is not going to continue to always be possible in a committed relationship. Being great friends is better in my book if you have to choose. But great sex and great friendship are both desirable. Think of all the people who are in long term relationships that you know. What percentage actually have both? I'd say it's like one in ten are still crazy for each other.
     
  19. cbrmale

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    My experience is that passion can last for decades, so it's not based on novelty and newness. My experience is that if you search for long enough, you can find the person who is your best friend, your soulmate and who is your sexual ideal. I would never settle for less, especially after my experience of decades of joy and passion.
     
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