Is it okay to hook up with someone in a relationship?

[deleted1058283]

So, there is a straight married guy from Honduras that I hook up with every once in a while. I knew about his wife but I just found out that he has 3 kids too.
Should I stop taking care of his fat cock or just continue on?

 

[Justtoolittle]

If it satisfies and pleases you then continue taking care of that cock

 

[deleted1058283]

So, I shouldn't feel bad that he has kids then?

 

[JackDoff]

Do you feel bad he has a wife or does her feelings not matter?

 

[Infernal]

You might come home one day to find a rabbit boiling on your stove, but ultimately his relationship is his concern, not yours.

 

[EllieP]

Situational ethics is a wonderful thing, huh.

Let's turn this sideways just a bit. What if your SO felt the same way and was getting some on the side without your knowledge? Hey, you didn't know so you weren't hurt at all by it. Right?

I don't know if humans are the only animals that can rationalize their behavior because a situation benefits them, but we certainly seem to take advantage of it when the occasion calls for it.

If you are in a committed relationship where you have sworn to forsake all others, and you find that the burden is too much to bear then you have broken your vows.

Best thing for him to do is to allow his wife to do the same. If she's not willing then say the rules have changed, and you can stay or you can go, but this is how it's going to be from now on. That sounds as compassionate as one can be in that situation.

Well, he's the one that's married, not me. Yeah, I've heard that before. I have actually unwittingly been the other woman in a relationship with a married man, and it sickened me to learn that.

Still, you want to know if you're in the wrong. That I cannot answer. I'm not your conscience, but you are contributing to the decline of an existing relationship. But I'll go so far to say that if it's not you then it'll be someone else.

I'm not an expert in situational ethics because it's a moving target.

Your best bet is to go find a single guy with a fat weenie to take care of. Why would you want to be entangled in a web if you don't have to?

For reference: https://www.lpsg.com/xfa-blog-entry/bad-dates-2.3644/

 

[ItsAll4Kim]

I can't believe adults ask this question.

 

[shard38]

I never quite understood the whole concept of "cheating" and why it upsets people so much. I wouldn't like it if my partner lied to me, but if he or she wanted to have some playtime outdoors, by all means indulge yourself. If you don't tell me, I have nothing to be upset about. I have been far more jealous when partners decided to ignore me, prefer quality time with others and especially when they shared their deepest feelings with others instead of me. I find that kind of 'betrayal' far more upsetting than any sexual escapades.

Back to the OP; why should he feel guilty about something he plays no part in. It's not the OP who's hurting the wife, he probably doesn't even know her. Nor does he know if she's hurt at all. You don't serve a drink to an alcoholic, because it hurts HIM but can't I serve a drink to someone who promised his wife not to drink?

 

[328982]

I never quite understood the whole concept of "cheating" and why it upsets people so much. I wouldn't like it if my partner lied to me, but if he or she wanted to have some playtime outdoors, by all means indulge yourself. If you don't tell me, I have nothing to be upset about.

But isn't not telling you a sort of lie? It's one thing if you have an open relationship and it's agreed that one or both of you may play away. It's another thing if the relationship is supposed to be monogamous. Not telling actually makes it worse because you are exposing your partner to risks they are unaware of. It means that your pleasure is more important to you than your partner's welfare. To give you a concrete example: I was given crabs by a partner once. Some people would say no big deal, easily treated. For me it was a big deal. It meant I was being deceived by my partner, I was unwittingly playing host to some other person's fucking disgusting parasites, and it meant I was being potentially exposed to other more serious STDs. I had to have an AIDS test, which was stressful in itself, so yes I think I had plenty to be upset about

 

[deleted1074483]

I don't think it is, though I'm not innocent on this score, after I split with an ex years ago, we'd kept in touch and even occasionally had sex - that had always been good between us if nothing else was. He found another partner and I did stop regular contact and stopped the sex, however, he started contacting me and saying he'd missed the sex, eventually I did start fucking him again, partly because sex with him was good, partly that it made me feel somewhat superior to his new partner, partly because it was a bit forbidden. I did meet his bf several times and I never told him, but it did create a frission with my ex, and of course its always great to feel you're better sexually than an ex's new partner. I can't say I felt overly guilty about it and I did stop it after awhile much to my ex's regret. He still says I was the best and yes we have had sex over the years since too, but not when I've been in a relationship or seeing someone. bad??

 

[EllieP]

Like I said, one can rationalize it all you want and believe that cheating is a victimless crime. But it is anything but. I would prefer that you not stick that thing in me without me knowing where else it's been stuck in regardless of how many precautions were taken.

 

[bwhip1011]

Like I said, one can rationalize it all you want and believe that cheating is a victimless crime. But it is anything but. I would prefer that you not stick that thing in me without me knowing where else it's been stuck in regardless of how many precautions were taken.

Oye! Completely agree!

 

[malakos]

No, it's not OK, so yes, you should stop.

 

[shard38]

But isn't not telling you a sort of lie? It's one thing if you have an open relationship and it's agreed that one or both of you may play away. It's another thing if the relationship is supposed to be monogamous. Not telling actually makes it worse because you are exposing your partner to risks they are unaware of. It means that your pleasure is more important to you than your partner's welfare. To give you a concrete example: I was given crabs by a partner once. Some people would say no big deal, easily treated. For me it was a big deal. It meant I was being deceived by my partner, I was unwittingly playing host to some other person's fucking disgusting parasites, and it meant I was being potentially exposed to other more serious STDs. I had to have an AIDS test, which was stressful in itself, so yes I think I had plenty to be upset about

I totally agree you should always play safe. There is no excuse for exposing your partner to STD's. But I would be upset about the exposure not about the infidelity.

 

[328982]

I totally agree you should always play safe. There is no excuse for exposing your partner to STD's. But I would be upset about the exposure not about the infidelity.

I would be upset by both. The betrayal of trust and the exposure to risk. If someone is having sex behind my back I certainly wouldn't trust them to 'play safe'. People are selfish cunts basically.

 

[Lee_M]

Ultimately his relationship is his concern, not yours.

What a horrible perspective to have.
Would getting in the middle of someones marriage/relationship not go against your morals and ethics?

 

[328982]

I totally agree you should always play safe. There is no excuse for exposing your partner to STD's. But I would be upset about the exposure not about the infidelity.

Sorry, that came out too strong. I do agree with you that there are other forms of 'betrayal' than sexual infidelity, which might perhaps be worse. I've just seen the damage it's done in various relationships.

 

[halcyondays]

Kids make the difference, not that he's married? If that's where you draw the line then stop.

For full disclosure I've been with married women and men who have kids (and grandkids) and it doesn't bother me.

IMO monogamy is a fake social construct. Promising to be faithful is about as effective as promising never to lie.

 

[shard38]

Sorry, that came out too strong. I do agree with you that there are other forms of 'betrayal' than sexual infidelity, which might perhaps be worse. I've just seen the damage it's done in various relationships.

I think the damage always has to do with betrayal of trust and unrealistic expectations. We all know sexual desires are incredibly basic and powerful and very difficult to control. It always seems to me some kind of strange self-sacrifice we ask ourselves and our significant others to make. "I'm so committed to you I will refrain from following a basic need". Never heard anyone say "I love you so much, I will never eat with anyone else but you!"

 

[malakos]

IMO monogamy is a fake social construct. Promising to be faithful is about as effective as promising never to lie.

Social construct? I guess that could be argued. Fake? Do you realize what that means? Saying monogamy is fake is basically saying that no one is truly monogamous.