Is it possible to actually tell if a woman orgasmed?

[Kassokilleri2ff]

"And I argued with her about it."

Are you trying to ruin your relationship?

Quit calling her a liar and quit stressing over a physical event. If she's happy just being intimate with you, orgasm or not, quit trying to throw a wrench into it with your macho quest to make sure she cums every time.

Lmao you didn't read to well, I never accused her of lying. I simply said that I want to pleasure her too, and she shouldn't hide it if I'm not, and that we could work on it to get her off too. I argued, when she said "I only care if you get off" I said "I want you to get off too, you should be able to get off too" Its not a macho quest like "oh yea im the fucking sex god of the world!" I simply want her to have the same pleasure I could have (but you know the women way)

Women bitch and complain about being with men who don't give a flying fuck about them in the bedroom, and then I ask a question and all of a sudden i'm just some loser on some macho man trip trying to be a stud. I'm not trying to be a badass mofo in the bedroom. Sorry for caring about pleasing my girlfriend.

I just think its stupid that women would take away the ability to orgasm by faking it. Why wouldn't a woman just tell the man "hey, I like this or that". I mean, yea I guess she does tell me, she makes noises or whatever when I do it a certain way so I keep doing it. It just really bothers me that maybe she isn't having as much fun as me.

If you went to six flags with your GF wouldn't you go on rides with her that she would like? Wouldn't you want her to have as much fun as you? Would you feel bad if you knew it was possible that she just pretended to have fun? That she really just hated the hellavator, or the teacups. Or that your marriage was a sham, that she only used you only for your money and she never really loved you. Obviously thats something waaay bigger than faking an orgasm but I think its similar. A relationship isn't just one side and a woman shouldn't force that on herself by faking, and a man shouldn't force it on a woman by not giving a fuck about it.

Sorry I'm no stud, I'm no fucking big manly man with chest hair and big sexy metal claws coming from my fists (haha hugh jackman is a sexy mofo). I'm not on a crusade for sexual dominance, I just wanted to see if I could figure out whether or not she really is or not. I would love to just work it out and if I wasn't doing it right I would want to work with her until we got it right. But as you all have said, it really is impossible to tell. Its up to trust. I want her to feel good but I can never really tell.

I can see that maybe it comes with maturity depending on the woman of course. Seems to me like women age like wine, they get better as they get older. I'm still young so oh well. I'm not beat up about it, I just wanted to know.
I do believe her, but there will always be that lingering doubt. I'll live with it.

 

[B_subgirrl]

A few guys have expressed confusion about why a woman would fake an orgasm so I'll try to give an answer.

Personally, I have only ever faked orgasms with one guy. Our relationship was going downhill fast and I found sex boring and just wanted it to be over. I didn't want him to feel bad about me not having an orgasm, but didn't care enough about the relationship to try to fix it either.

I think with most women (those I have spoken to about it anyway) the main reason they fake is so that the guy won't feel bad about his bedroom technique. Some don't say anything because they couldn't be fucked having the conversation, some are embarrassed to have to have the conversation, some have never orgasmed before and don't think their chances of doing so are high so what's the point in mentioning it, some have never had an orgasm and are embarrassed about it, some fake because it will get their guy off quicker, some think the guy won't care about improving his technique. Sometimes the faking begins for one reason, but continues for another. For example, a woman may begin the faking early in a relationship because she doesn't want to hurt her new partner's feelings, but continue because she can't turn around later and say 'well actually, you've never given me an orgasm'. I'm sure there's some reasons I've forgotten to include

 

[Phil Ayesho]

Oh fer cryin out loud...
Women can not fake a real orgasm...

They can make a lot of noise, thrash around some, but that will only fool the kind of inattentive idiot doofus that doesn't pay attention enough to get a girl to orgasm anyway ( women fake it so these guys will stop slamming at them ineffectively )

Women can not fake the engorgement of the clitoris. It gets stiffer as she gets excited. They can not fake that as they approach orgasm, their clit will suddenly get very soft again... ( this critical moment is when a lot of guys lose track of the thing )

They can not fake that they get wet, nor can they fake that the nature of their wetness changes as they orgasm. It changes from very liquid to a thicker cream, and then after orgasm becomes thinner again. ( with many women, it starts as a cream, then gets more liquid with building excitement, then becomes thick again as they come-)
If your finger is in her ass as she has a clitoral orgasm, the pulsating, rhythmic contractions you will feel can not be faked.
If your finger is in her cunt, as she clitorally orgasms her anterior vaginal wall will "tent", pulling toward her belly button. I do not know any woman who can do this at will no matter how hard they try. Its not a muscle set they have conscious control of.

A vaginal orgasm often does not have the pulsating contractions of a clitoral, but her whole body will shudder, or even buck in a fashion that may be somewhat easier to fake than the internal contractions of a clitoral orgasm, but an attentive partner can tell the real thing because it is accompanied by certain other signs, including the internal sensations of the strong deep contraction. No woman can fake a buck, on top of a shudder, and still have enough attention left over to manipulate her internal vaginal contractions.

And no woman alive can fake the red flushing that spreads across her upper chest and, often, her throat, as a result of orgasm.



I Applaud the OP's not being concerned about his own orgasm... he has the right attitude to be a truly unforgettable lover. The kind a woman dreams about for the rest of her life.
A man OUGHT to be disregarding of his own orgasm... no climax we can achieve is even remotely as astounding as what a woman is capable of having in the arms of the right man.

And driving her to that place is far more electrifying, exciting, and satisfying than any orgasm a man can have.


So Pay attention. Learn to appreciate and thoroughly enjoy all these very discrete indicators of her blissful response, and that discerning attention will enable you to further refine your technique... to know when to go slow and when to go hard, to know when a position is really working for her, and what you can do to drive her to even greater heights of ecstasy. Keep in mind that these are just the broad strokes... women vary in precisely how they respond... but if you are doing it remotely right, they DO respond, and you need to learn the responses of the particular woman you are with... this is why sex gets better as you get to know your mate's body, and she, yours.

You have to be responsive to the most subtle of her physical cues... because when she gets to the point of one long continuos rolling orgasm... she will be unable to even speak coherently...

She will be flying...

and that is when you can fly with her.

 

[HiddenLacey]

I think with most women (those I have spoken to about it anyway) the main reason they fake is so that the guy won't feel bad about his bedroom technique. Some don't say anything because they couldn't be fucked having the conversation, some are embarrassed to have to have the conversation, some have never orgasmed before and don't think their chances of doing so are high so what's the point in mentioning it, some have never had an orgasm and are embarrassed about it, some fake because it will get their guy off quicker, some think the guy won't care about improving his technique. Sometimes the faking begins for one reason, but continues for another. For example, a woman may begin the faking early in a relationship because she doesn't want to hurt her new partner's feelings, but continue because she can't turn around later and say 'well actually, you've never given me an orgasm'. I'm sure there's some reasons I've forgotten to include

Agreed. :smile:

I will add that the only thing I could not fake is the flush, but that doesn't mean that I flush or that all other women flush. Personally IMO there is no real way for a guy to tell. I have never had a partner question what I told him.

However, specifically for the OP, you seem like you do actually care. I'm assuming you're both rather young. She may not feel comfortable telling you the truth and you asking her may make her deny it more. Now I'm not saying that she's faking because she may be perfectly happy.

I can give you a pointer and I would think it may apply to a lot of women, but I'm not trying to make a blanket statement so I will word everything in the first person.

After I climax, especially after a clitoral climax, my clit becomes very sensitive. I'm talking I'm going to try to squirm away if someone continues to try to touch me there.

This may be a way you can tell. Goodluck with your girlfriend:smile:

 

[B_subgirrl]

Oh fer cryin out loud...
Women can not fake a real orgasm...

While I applaud your abilities of observation, you should probably listen to women when that say that not all female bodies respond in the ways you've described. Some women flush, some don't. Some women tent, some don't. Etc, etc. While I agree that these things can't be faked, just because they aren't happening in a woman, it doesn't mean she isn't having an orgasm. So I guess in a way you were right. If she does those things - she wasn't faking. But if she doesn't, it doesn't mean she was faking.

 

[B_subgirrl]

I can give you a pointer and I would think it may apply to a lot of women, but I'm not trying to make a blanket statement so I will word everything in the first person.

After I climax, especially after a clitoral climax, my clit becomes very sensitive. I'm talking I'm going to try to squirm away if someone continues to try to touch me there.

I'm one of those women outside your blanket :smile:. This only happens to me several hours in after many, MANY orgasms. If you used this as an indicator for me, you would think I was faking for the first few hours.

 

[tgirlsrgreat]

you two are getting me very excited!!!

 

[B_subgirrl]

you two are getting me very excited!!!

Sorry :tongue:

 

[Belly_Dancer]

Oh fer cryin out loud...
Women can not fake a real orgasm...

Um, you made a really well written and well expressed post, Phil, but I must still disagree.

Women can not fake the engorgement of the clitoris. It gets stiffer as she gets excited. They can not fake that as they approach orgasm, their clit will suddenly get very soft again... ( this critical moment is when a lot of guys lose track of the thing )

Just because the clit gets engorged does not mean a woman is definitely going to have an orgasm. My clit gets engorged when I get turned on. A clitoral erection is essentially the same thing as a penile erection. Guys don't come every time they get an erection.

As for it getting softer just before orgasm, that is not something I have ever noticed, and I have been in direct manual contact with my clit many, many times during orgasm.

They can not fake that they get wet, nor can they fake that the nature of their wetness changes as they orgasm. It changes from very liquid to a thicker cream, and then after orgasm becomes thinner again. ( with many women, it starts as a cream, then gets more liquid with building excitement, then becomes thick again as they come-)

Women do not always get wet when they orgasm! I am literally capable of getting all the way to orgasm while remaining bone dry (granted, I am on some medications that cause dryness).

Even when I do get wet, it is not in copious amounts, and I'm sorry, but feminine lubrication is produced by the bartholin's glands and the content of those glands does not rapidly change based on the female's orgasmic process. With the right stimulation, I can orgasm in under 90 seconds. This is not enough time for my vaginal secretions to noticeably change.

If your finger is in her ass as she has a clitoral orgasm, the pulsating, rhythmic contractions you will feel can not be faked.

This is the first statement you have made that I agree with. I think it would not be possible for me to voluntarily mimic the kind of anal contractions you are describing.

]If your finger is in her cunt, as she clitorally orgasms her anterior vaginal wall will "tent", pulling toward her belly button. I do not know any woman who can do this at will no matter how hard they try. Its not a muscle set they have conscious control of.

Again, I have had my fingers in my vagina many times as I came and have never noticed any change in the anterior vaginal wall associated with orgasm specifically. The vagina often does "tent" in response to arousal, but this is no guarantee of orgasm.

No woman can fake a buck, on top of a shudder, and still have enough attention left over to manipulate her internal vaginal contractions.

Au contraire.

I can execute complex dance footwork patterns while controlling which part of my foot (ball, flat, or toe) contacts the floor during each step, while moving my hips in a whole different motion, while moving my arms in another motion, while focusing my gaze in a specific direction, while maintaining good posture, and while making sure there is a genuine smile on my face.

I do not think this means I am special. I think most people could accomplish this degree of coordination if motivated enough.

And no woman alive can fake the red flushing that spreads across her upper chest and, often, her throat, as a result of orgasm.

Another true statement, but not all women flush. I don't.

A man OUGHT to be disregarding of his own orgasm... no climax we can achieve is even remotely as astounding as what a woman is capable of having in the arms of the right man.

And driving her to that place is far more electrifying, exciting, and satisfying than any orgasm a man can have.

Actually, I tend to agree, but how can any of us really know? There is not a person alive who has had the opportunity (in one lifetime) to personally experience both a male and a female orgasm, and compare the two.

 

[Phil Ayesho]

While I applaud your abilities of observation, you should probably listen to women when that say that not all female bodies respond in the ways you've described. Some women flush, some don't. Some women tent, some don't. Etc, etc. While I agree that these things can't be faked, just because they aren't happening in a woman, it doesn't mean she isn't having an orgasm. So I guess in a way you were right. If she does those things - she wasn't faking. But if she doesn't, it doesn't mean she was faking.

Actually... I did mention that women's responses vary... and that you have to learn each woman individually.
That these were general observations...

Altho- you are wrong in one regard, ALL women show SOME physiological sign of actual orgasm.
There are no women who show no physical signs of genuine orgasm that can not be faked.

They may not show ALL of them... they may show some signs I did not even list, but a real orgasm is a very strong neuro-physiological response to stimulus...
It is not possible for a physically normal woman to have such a powerful response without any physiological evidence.

 

[Phil Ayesho]

Um, you made a really well written and well expressed post, Phil, but I must still disagree.



Just because the clit gets engorged does not mean a woman is definitely going to have an orgasm. My clit gets engorged when I get turned on. A clitoral erection is essentially the same thing as a penile erection. Guys don't come every time they get an erection.

I love it when people respond as if I wrote something I did not.
I said that it gets harder as women get excited.
I also pointed out that as they NEAR orgasm, it suddenly goes soft, and that a lot of guys fail to give a woman an orgasm specifically because they lose track of it at this point.
That in no way even remotely implies that every time a clit gets engorged, she has an orgasm. In fact, it implies the direct opposite.


If yours does not... that would be a very non-standard response... however, I do not think your reportage as to how stiff your own clit is is actually valid.
You can FEEL your own clit from the clit side... you Never lose track of it with your own finger.

I can tell you from the male side, using my very sensitive mouth on it... it very noticeably changes in stiffness - not as a result of orgasm, but prior to achieving orgasm.
I can tell you that this has been true of every woman I have ever know, and that every man whose opinion I would trust ( i.e., reported to be good lovers by their mates ) reports the same of every woman they have ever known.

Once more, how easy it is for YOU to tell your own clit from the surrounding tissue is meaningless. What matters is how easy it is for your partner.

Women do not always get wet when they orgasm! I am literally capable of getting all the way to orgasm while remaining bone dry (granted, I am on some medications that cause dryness).

Again... I already qualified my statements as to variations in women's responses... and again, you specifically point out that you are on a medication that causes dryness.
This alone makes your point moot and not representative of the general population.

Again- I did not say women always get wet when they orgasm... i said the NATURE of their wetness changes.
Again, something they can not fake.

Whether you agree or not, healthy, normal women produce a lubricating fluid in their vagina when they are sexually excited.
Some produce a lot, some produce very little, but an Absence of any wetness is a sign of hormonal imbalances that may be due to such things as a hysterectomy, menopause or peri-menopause... or other factors.

If you are on medications, then certainly that is a factor... but once again, I never made any claim that all women respond exactly alike. I simply listed a bunch of physiological cues that simply can not be faked by even the most consummate actress.

Even when I do get wet, it is not in copious amounts, and I'm sorry, but feminine lubrication is produced by the bartholin's glands and the content of those glands does not rapidly change based on the female's orgasmic process. With the right stimulation, I can orgasm in under 90 seconds. This is not enough time for my vaginal secretions to noticeably change.

Sorry, you are incorrect.
Human physiological responses are as fast as nervous responses.
If you can FEEL it, it can change how your body is rpesonding...

In fact, nerves affecting your vaginal secretions can send impulses to your glands faster than they can to your brain, and there is a lot of debate about What, exactly you are even feeling, because the experience in your brain is more dictated by the activity of your glands, than the other way around.

Once again... The OP asked for general information on how women respond.
I provided it with appropriate caveats about normal human variation.

Again, I have had my fingers in my vagina many times as I came and have never noticed any change in the anterior vaginal wall associated with orgasm specifically. The vagina often does "tent" in response to arousal, but this is no guarantee of orgasm.

Once more... I did not say this always happens..., I said that women can not mimic this common physiological sign.
I have been with women who tented upon orgasm, and with women who did not. But it is not something you can do at will while faking an orgasm.

I can execute complex dance footwork patterns while controlling which part of my foot (ball, flat, or toe) contacts the floor during each step, while moving my hips in a whole different motion, while moving my arms in another motion, while focusing my gaze in a specific direction, while maintaining good posture, and while making sure there is a genuine smile on my face.

I am sure you can... and belly dancers can do some amazing things with their pelvic muscles... But there are some things you simply can not do thru conscious mimicking of an orgasm, simply because you are not entirely aware of all the things your body is doing during an orgasm, and because most autonomic responses are simply not accessible to conscious volition.

Another true statement, but not all women flush. I don't.

I did not say that all women flush... however
frankly, I don't think you can even truly say. Some women flush more noticeably than others, and on some the flushing is very transient while on others it may persist for 20 minutes or more...
If you are not looking at your own throat in a mirror in a well lit space at the moment of clitoral orgasm... I don't think you can possibly know for sure.
You can not see your own throat... and by the time you get up and look in a mirror, any flushing may have faded.

Actually, I tend to agree, but how can any of us really know? There is not a person alive who has had the opportunity (in one lifetime) to personally experience both a male and a female orgasm, and compare the two.

I have had the most spectacular orgasms that a male physiology is capable of... they are great... but they are short lived, and all of a kind.

Women can have at least two distinct types of orgasm... and even those two categories have multiple variations in terms of duration, intensity, and experience ( based upon reportage of women themselves )

Women can be gotten to a state of continuous rolling orgasmic experience that can run on for 15- 20 minutes... or more... ( if they can stand it )

A state in which they lose conscious apprehension of their surroundings and report an almost hallucinatory experience.

No guy ever gets there, except vicariously thru a deep connection with their mate...

At least... that has been my experience.
her pleasure is always far more satisfying to me than my own...

Or, perhaps I should say that when I have the deep sensate connection with a woman, her pleasure becomes my own.

 

[helgaleena]

Oh for crying out loud all you 'experts'--- the only way to tell if a woman has orgasmed is to ask her and believe what she says! There's too much variation in the the visible or feel-able symptomology, even in my own orgasms. Sometimes I flush, sometimes I gush, sometimes I pulse in one place, sometimes in another. Sometimes I am completely silent, sometimes I'm yelling, or even yelling words. The only constant is in my brain, which convinces me it was a peak. And oftentimes it's not the highest peak of the evening!

If she likes what you are doing together and you do as well, simply appreciate her for the unique instrument she is.

 

[helgaleena]

I have had the most spectacular orgasms that a male physiology is capable of... they are great... but they are short lived, and all of a kind.

Women can have at least two distinct types of orgasm... and even those two categories have multiple variations in terms of duration, intensity, and experience ( based upon reportage of women themselves )

Women can be gotten to a state of continuous rolling orgasmic experience that can run on for 15- 20 minutes... or more... ( if they can stand it )

A state in which they lose conscious apprehension of their surroundings and report an almost hallucinatory experience.

No guy ever gets there, except vicariously thru a deep connection with their mate...

Phil, it is possible for a male to experience that state as well, with practice. Please investigate tantra-yoga. I don't have permission to brag about the one who demonstrated this capacity of his to me, so I won't. But I have firsthand knowledge that it is not mythical.

Female G-spot is held by some 'experts' to be mythical too, and the ladies of LPSG refuted that!

 

[B_subgirrl]

Actually... I did mention that women's responses vary... and that you have to learn each woman individually.
That these were general observations...

Altho- you are wrong in one regard, ALL women show SOME physiological sign of actual orgasm.
There are no women who show no physical signs of genuine orgasm that can not be faked.

They may not show ALL of them... they may show some signs I did not even list, but a real orgasm is a very strong neuro-physiological response to stimulus...
It is not possible for a physically normal woman to have such a powerful response without any physiological evidence.

Actually, I believe it is. Or rather that some women may have physiological responses that are subtle enough to go unobserved by them or their partner.

 

[deleted356736]

Women can be gotten to a state of continuous rolling orgasmic experience that can run on for 15- 20 minutes... or more... ( if they can stand it )

A state in which they lose conscious apprehension of their surroundings and report an almost hallucinatory experience.

No guy ever gets there, except vicariously thru a deep connection with their mate...

At least... that has been my experience.
her pleasure is always far more satisfying to me than my own...

Actually we men can, and I have for about ten minutes or so. Called Tantra.

As far as orgasmic signs go, there are some that can be faked and some that can't, and I think we can all agree on that. I have felt contractions that were not faked (that woman wasn't going to squeeze and relax to such a regular interval for a couple of minutes, the duration of her orgasm). Why would she fake something so long lasting? Another one is clitoral sensitivity; my former mistress would take ages after her orgasm before I could penetrate her, and I don't think she was faking that. With my wife I can't honestly tell, except that last night I accidently brushed her post-orgasmic sensitive clitoris, and she jumped half a metre (sorry, but I didn't mean to). To the men out there, don't test this one out! And not all women get sensitive after orgasm either.

Being dark brown, my wife doesn't flush, but my mistress certainly did. Squirting is something I associate with orgasm, but not many women squirt (the woman with the two-minute orgasm did, and so did some others). Female ejaculate is distinctive: watery and slippery.

So it varies, and I'm sure I've been fooled in the past, like most men.

 

[badgirl22]

There is one sign that cannot be faked as far as I am aware - Just prior to an orgasm, the clitoris actually retracts into the female - this can happen up to a minute or so prior to the orgasm. Often times, during oral sex, the man will stop what he's doing because he thinks he's *lost* the clitoris. unfortunately, if he stops, the build up to orgasm does as well and it all has to start from scratch again. Of course, it's not a sign that's easily checked out in the throws of passion unless it's oral.

 

[D_Reuben Stallpisser]

Did somebody really ask this question? Yes. Yes! YES! YES!!! You can tell, just not by the screaming. It's easier to tell with oral or digital stimulation, and easiest of all if you are facing the woman's feet rather than her head when you perform oral, because you can see the contractions of the perineum and the anus, as well as feel the retraction of the clitoris. I hope that's detailed enough.

 

[NightFish]

Yep, she's cooking you breakfast...

 

[Phil Ayesho]

Actually, I believe it is. Or rather that some women may have physiological responses that are subtle enough to go unobserved by them or their partner.

I agree that most responses go unobserved by their partner... But not because they are not present or visible, but because most partners are too busy paying attention to their own pleasure, or are simply unobservant in general.

I have never seen a woman who did not flush... Even black women flush... its just harder to discern... if you can not see it you can certainly FEEL it... the skin in that area radiates greater heat when it is flushed.

You also can not necessarily discern pheromones that are released by your mate, but you ARE sensing them and responding to them, whether you consciously apprehend them or not...


These are all evolved cues that are part of pair bonding...

But you can become more discerning of your own experience and of such things as the scent of your mate.

breasts, for example smell different than the rest of her body... it is a very subtle thing... but there are moments, particularly when you are in early romance, where your sense of smell becomes more acute, and thereafter, you can identify your mate by her scents.

The world of sexual and romantic desire is far richer than most folks seem to realize.

as to tantra... properly practiced... the whole point of tantra is to teach the male to focus on the bliss his female partner can achieve... and to key his own pleasure into hers.

tantra is all about learning to perceive and discriminate these very subtle cues she gives off and to respond as if in a dance...

Leading her into the realm you can only visit thru the agency of her joy.

 

[Phil Ayesho]

Phil, it is possible for a male to experience that state as well, with practice. Please investigate tantra-yoga. I don't have permission to brag about the one who demonstrated this capacity of his to me, so I won't. But I have firsthand knowledge that it is not mythical.

Female G-spot is held by some 'experts' to be mythical too, and the ladies of LPSG refuted that!

I am a long time student of tantra.
Like a lot of eastern yogic practice, it is partially elaborations of a belief, more than based in sound physiological fact.

However... also like a lot of yogic practices, it has, at its core, an element of being a finger pointing at the moon... that is, it tries to lead the practitioner to a deeper realization that simply can not be conveyed directly.

In the case of Tantra... I have done the retention of sperm thing ( it is actually simply ejaculating into the bladder because the rhythmic contractions are out of sync )
I have mastered the so called long orgasm... and all the other tricks that are actually only intended to get the guy to persist long enough to actually properly please his mate.


Part of the pursuit of extended orgasm for the male tantric, is to teach the male that such a pursuit is essentially futile and fruitless.

it is egoic in the worst sense, and the result not very satisfying in contrast to the satisfaction you can derive from pleasuring the woman, who is far more capable of transcendent pleasure.

The ultimate point of tantra is to demonstrate that only in union, is there true transcendent sexual experience.

I take my woman to places she can not get to without me.
And in doing so I attain access to states I can not gain without her.

It is Yin and Yang made one.

It is not about my pleasure.
It is about my delight in and feeling for, another.