Is it possible to be sexually incompatable with the one you love?

[zaza]

Thanks for all the very interesting replies.

I have always thought that it would not be possible, because sex is so much better with someone you love. Then again perhaps you are more inclined to get over your incompatabilities with someone you love, or perhaps you would find it difficult to love someone who you were highly sexually incompatable with. Its a bit of a minefield really.

 

[hrconsulttex]

Yes, it's very possible. I'm in that situation now with my boyfriend. I love the guy, and we have a great time when we're together. And you'd think we'd be compatible in that area. He's a bottom, I'm mostly a top. But when we've attempted intercourse, he's not been able to take me. I'm not nearly as hugely hung as many guys on this site, but still bigger than average, and the biggest he's ever been with. He has a very tight hole. And so far we've not been successful. Also, I think I have a much stronger sex drive than he does, and find sex to be more important to the relationship than he does. This is getting to a point where we're going to have to discuss these issues very soon, and I think it's quite possible we may have to change our relationship status due to this, and a couple of other issues.

It's a very difficult situation to be in, because as good as other aspects of the relationship may be, you're always painfully aware that something very important is missing in the relationship.

 

[roosevelt]

yes. I've been in relationships experiencing many different forms of sexual incompatability.

 

[IntoxicatingToxin]

Yes... unfortunately.

 

[zaza]

Yes, it's very possible. I'm in that situation now with my boyfriend. I love the guy, and we have a great time when we're together. And you'd think we'd be compatible in that area. He's a bottom, I'm mostly a top. But when we've attempted intercourse, he's not been able to take me. I'm not nearly as hugely hung as many guys on this site, but still bigger than average, and the biggest he's ever been with. He has a very tight hole. And so far we've not been successful. Also, I think I have a much stronger sex drive than he does, and find sex to be more important to the relationship than he does. This is getting to a point where we're going to have to discuss these issues very soon, and I think it's quite possible we may have to change our relationship status due to this, and a couple of other issues.

It's a very difficult situation to be in, because as good as other aspects of the relationship may be, you're always painfully aware that something very important is missing in the relationship.

I wish you both luck in your difficult discussion.

I won`t pretend to know anything about male gay sex, but this scenario is the sort of issue I was thinking of when I posted the question. If you truly love someone are you(and possibly they)more inclined to work at it and adapt? Also you will have sexual chemistry on your side which gives sex with that person the edge over sex with someone else.

 

[hrconsulttex]

I wish you both luck in your difficult discussion.

Thanks. There are several other issues we need to discuss. I'm not really sure what's happening with our relationship, and I think there's a good chance we may go our separate ways at this point. But as most of you know, it's never easy to say goodbye to someone you really care about.

 

[Mr. Snakey]

What do you think?

Yes in the begining. If the love is there and strong and there is a true bond and comunication going on everything will work out in the end.

 

[MCC]

size, lust, style, timing, secret turn ons, secret fears, sometimes it is only because of the love that any of it works at all...

 

[conchis]

possible, obviously.
all the couples I know are 'sex driving' incompatibles.

 

[blue_eyed_devil]

Unfortunately yes. I was in a relationship with someone for almost 5 years, and although we loved each other we were tottally sexually incompatible.
MK

 

[dwzig]

Regardless of size people can be sexually incompatable. It could be the curve, the angle, the motion and thrusts etc. Some folks just camn't get it on together.

 

[Hand_Solo]

I've been with my wife for 18 years now. I'd always known we weren't the best fit, but didn't really think too much of it I guess. Well, a few years ago, I accidentally hurt her during sex, and afterwards she finally told me it's like that often with me, and that she just hadn't wanted to say anything because she didn't want to upset me. I have been so careful afterwards that I feel like I'm fucking on eggshells, and still sometimes it's not enough. I'd always considered myself a gentle, caring lover. Pretty much devastated me when she told me.

 

[AllyMwf]

I have to weigh in here because this situation personally affects me. I love my husband but sexually we are oil and water. Since this is the general topic of the site I'll point out that yes he's small while I prefer larger. He's also shy wheras I like to be more open.

We dated for nearly a year before I saw his penis. I knew I really liked him and could open up and talk about anything. Politics, religion movies whatever the only taboo topic was sex which I guess in hindsight should have been a warning sighn but at the time just seemed cute. But we shared so many hobbies and interests that I just figured it would work out. I actually wanted to wait. To have him get really worked up over me and just take me. But the waiting went on and on eventually giving way to me being blunt after nearly a year.

We tried a lot at first to make it work. We really did. He did have a lot of issues with my previous experience and I'm not sure I should have been as honest as I was with him at times but that was the cornerstone of our relationship. That ability to just open up and be myself. Anyway I'm rambling on about things I probably shouldn't. The short version is that yes it is very possible.

Ally

 

[Love-it]

I have to weigh in here because this situation personally affects me. I love my husband but sexually we are oil and water. Since this is the general topic of the site I'll point out that yes he's small while I prefer larger. He's also shy wheras I like to be more open.

We dated for nearly a year before I saw his penis. I knew I really liked him and could open up and talk about anything. Politics, religion movies whatever the only taboo topic was sex which I guess in hindsight should have been a warning sighn but at the time just seemed cute. But we shared so many hobbies and interests that I just figured it would work out. I actually wanted to wait. To have him get really worked up over me and just take me. But the waiting went on and on eventually giving way to me being blunt after nearly a year.

We tried a lot at first to make it work. We really did. He did have a lot of issues with my previous experience and I'm not sure I should have been as honest as I was with him at times but that was the cornerstone of our relationship. That ability to just open up and be myself. Anyway I'm rambling on about things I probably shouldn't. The short version is that yes it is very possible.

Ally

Good for you! I really appreciate your honesty and that you have carried that throughout your relationship.

 

[djpeh]

I'm not sure I should have been as honest as I was with him at times but that was the cornerstone of our relationship. That ability to just open up and be myself.

Seems to me that should be the cornerstone of EVERY long-term relationship!! And I, at least, hope you'll feel comfortable enough to talk more about your relationship, if you feel so inclined . . .

Hmmmmmmmmmm, I can think of plenty of situations which I would find MORE difficult to deal with in the one I love than sexual incompatibility: what if he were (or became) deeply politically conservative (which I'm NOT!)?? I'd have a much more difficult time with that than with sexual incompatibility--perhaps to the point where I didn't love the guy any more.

 

[TheKitten]

It's extremely possible to be incompatible sexually with someone you love. I am very sexual, my husband doesn't want it most times.

 

[JeepersJane]

What do you think?

Well, you know what they say, "anything is possible" & another personal bull's eye line I like to borrow and add on to the previous cliche: "Thus, have we made the world."

 

[Principessa]

Unfortunately yes. I was in a relationship with someone for almost 5 years, and although we loved each other we were tottally sexually incompatible.

MK

Gosh, that sounds dreadful.:frown1: ​