Is it possible to be too stressed for a relationship?

[dolfette]

I don't know...I feel I want her back and by giving the support she needs, she will value me, therefore when she is available for a relationship we could try again.

She told me she wants to be friends and I don't wanna lose her. Not just as a girlfriend but as someone who meant a lot to me in my life.

the former is usually a lousy reason to stay friends.
the latter is a reasonable one.

you can't buy her back with brownie points.
that's just not how relationships work out.

 

[monel]

... by giving the support she needs, she will value me ...

I think this rarely works and is just as likely to make her take you for granted and maybe even resent you. If she wants a break then break. Don't be there for her so much. Don't be be unfriendly but neither do you need to be her shoulder to cry on. If she sees that you have moved on and are fully capable of having a life without her, and she realizes that she made a mistake, she'll let you know.

 

[dolfette]

true fact: you don't miss someone who is always there.

 

[OhWiseOne]

will having her friendship enrich your life?
or prolong the pain?
only you know the answer.

Always the pointed questions. While the men run around with our wild thoughts...

 

[Riffraff1]

Coming from someone who just completed a 2 year grad program last may...and nearly lost his mind on a monthly basis due to stress, commitments, and hell....

Well, my thoughts:
It was incredibly stressful, and, while I can't speak for your girlfriend, I can say that I regularly went back and forth on my relationship at the time (also long distance, and 2+ years)... One day, I'd be grateful for the support, and the next angry that I couldn't see him/touch him/having him physically be there. I'd be happy that someone cared about me and would check in, and then i'd be annoyed and think that i was wasting his time and not giving him what i felt he wanted/deserved.
Now, I share this because I'm trying to illustrate the following point:
A stressful grad program can leave you fucking nuts and really unable to properly balance and take care of yourself and your emotions.

My two cents:
Be there, and go with the flow. If she needs a break, support that. If she wants it continue, support that. Help her out, even if you're just there as a friend...hell, friends got me through some rough deadlines and busy periods those 2 years....
But, if long distance and this back-and-forth-ness don't work for you...well, you have needs that deserve to be recognized as well.

Regardless of what happens, best of luck...

 

[D_Sal_Manilla]

Hi guys. My girlfriend of 3 years just broke up with me after a nasty argument. She forgave me for it but she said that she doesn't want a boyfriend because ever since she started studying this intense course, she hasn't been enjoying the relationship.

She said I was the best boyfriend ever until she started her post-grad course and we often talked about Marriage and moving in together, now this kind of talk doesn't interest her at all.

She called me up drunk last week daying " I love you and I miss you, please hold on for a little longer" then we got in an argument because I said it's unfair to say these things and not be with me. Now she tells me not to wait for her.

Is it possible for her to not want to be with me just cause of the stress? She says she doesn't want me as a boyfriend right now and isn't planning on seeing anyone else at all. However we are currently on good terms

Do you guys suggest I move on and forget about her or try to be the best friend I can be for her and prove to her I can support her? Is this the end of our love or just a temporary thing?

I am grateful for all the help you guys can give me, this is a difficult period for me.

(If it helps she studies law, which requires a lot of studying)

give her some room. wait for her but don't wait forever if you know what i mean. Like be there for her but don't be her doormat.

 

[NottsBound]

Thank you so much for the responses! So much help...I think I'll stay as her friend but I won't initiate contact. We planned before to meet up this weekend...when we last met I couldn't help but cry...is it sensible to meet up again? I am visiting near where she lives and thought I might come say Hi. We get along very well..just not when we talk about the relationship. Thats what makes me cry.

 

[dolfette]

then don't do something intimate.
go out for coffee or with other friends too.

 

[rtg]

I think this is possible...but be wary of the fact that she may just be keeping you on a string.

I studied a very intensive 4 year university course while battling severe depression and anxiety...as you can imagine, I was a complete wreck and stressed out of my head most of the time. My life basically revolved around study...but when I found someone that I really wanted to be with, this didn't stop me. It was good to have something to look forward to and to take my mind off the stress for a little while.

Everyone is different, but just think too - is she also going to be like this when she is starting out in her career?

I'd advise against waiting for someone..just because in my experience, the waiting is because they don't really want to be with you...and you are just the backup or they don't want to lose you altogether. But she may be different..only you know her.

 

[Mumzi]

First, listen to her. Don't assume she means this or that. If she is telling you to move on, if she tells you it's ok to see other people, then do that for now. But keep the communication open. She may be stressed and feel she can't be a good partner now. But the reality of you actually going on, seeing someone else, can sometimes shake people back to a clearer head.

Sometimes people feel if they can't keep up their end in a relationship , the other person may leave eventually anyway. Keep talking, listen carefully, but in the long run, you want to find someone who does want to be with you, without question.

 

[B_625girth]

doesn't sound like she is coping too well. I wouldn't bail on her, just back off from "lover" to "friend". in this day and age, stress seems to be plentiful, and we all need "someone we can lean on".

 

[someperson]

It's still long distance and we still see each other as much as we can. Once a month to once a week. She isn't seeing someone else because I trust her not to do so, she also told me she isn't too.

I am convinced and beleive it is the stress that is holding her back. Part of her wants me back, I know that...I just want to know a way to get that part out of her...hence why I wanna know if we should be friends or cut contact?

Do not worry she will be back for your dick, once a smaller girth dick doesn't satisfied her.

 

[dolfette]

Do not worry she will be back for your dick, once a smaller girth dick doesn't satisfied her.

you're an idiot :smile:

 

[NottsBound]

Do not worry she will be back for your dick, once a smaller girth dick doesn't satisfied her.

Ha..unfortunately we stopped having sex once the relationship went long distance. We used to have sex all the time but when we graduated we didn't get to see each other very much. The lack of sex was never a problem, we loved each other enough not to care.

She said I was the best boyfriend she could ask for until she started studying her post-grad course. Then the argument came along and she dumped me :\