Is It The Right Time To Come Out And Get Out Of The Closet ?

[_Everest_]

Hey guys,
I'm a medical student , and I'm feeling a bit lonely these days, I just wanna come out as gay and explore our lgbgq+ communinty and be a part of it.
But I'm afraid my parents wont accept it and kick me out if i come out as gay.
I cant afford the tuition fee and living costs, some of the fee is covered under my scholarship but i'll still need around 2000 USD per annum.
The society & the environment around me is very much against lgbtq. I cant live by my self if my parents kick me out. I need to have some help.
So should i wait until my graduation or do what i dont know.
Help me out please i cant go through this.

 

[Brodie888]

Firstly, congratulations on coming out to yourself. Self acknowledgment is half the battle!

I would suggest a tiered approach to coming out.

If you suspect coming out to your parents or friends will put your future at risk then don't do that until your circumstances change. This is tier one.

Tier two, if you have friends that will be weird or too close to your tier one group then be asexual to these people. "I'm not looking, I'm too busy studying to look", "I have all kinds of friends".

Tier three, you can still have sex with men, you can still have gay friends, you can still date and be open with these people. "I'm gay, but it's complicated with my family".

You get the point, I hope.

Most gay people have been through what you have. Coming out is a personal thing and not for anyone else to force upon you.

Eventually you will be happiest when there is only one tier so just remember this is just a bridging strategy until you have your independence.

Parents are cluey and they will probably figure out in time that one of their ducklings isn't like the others.

 

[umdoistressilvaquatro]

Prioritize yourself. I would recommend thinking first in your livelihood. Remember coming out is not a binary choice. People might be out to some, but not everyone.
Unless your parents are invasively homophobic, you won't need to worry about going to gay bars, hooking up or even secretly dating guys.
You can deal with your family's homophobia with plausible deniability. You also don't need to fear other gay people outing you, this is kind of a "mutually assured destruction" situation since they certantly are dealing with homophobia in one or another part of their lives. No gay man will out you for using grindr, you don't need to be paranoid there.
Come out formally once you have your life sorted up and already tested waters with other people in your life to see how yourself can deal with this kind of tension. There's no shame in going through this by steps.

 

[umdoistressilvaquatro]

Btw, how out of the closet are you right now?

 

[_Everest_]

Btw, how out of the closet are you right now?

Well this is my first time discussing about this online.
I haven't told a soul that i am a gay

 

[_Everest_]

Prioritize yourself. I would recommend thinking first in your livelihood. Remember coming out is not a binary choice. People might be out to some, but not everyone.
Unless your parents are invasively homophobic, you won't need to worry about going to gay bars, hooking up or even secretly dating guys.
You can deal with your family's homophobia with plausible deniability. You also don't need to fear other gay people outing you, this is kind of a "mutually assured destruction" situation since they certantly are dealing with homophobia in one or another part of their lives. No gay man will out you for using grindr, you don't need to be paranoid there.
Come out formally once you have your life sorted up and already tested waters with other people in your life to see how yourself can deal with this kind of tension. There's no shame in going through this by steps.

My parents are pretty much homophobic.
My mom goes all KAREN whenever she comes across gay people on movies, tv shows etc.
And about meeting people meeting on grindr,
I once met a guy, he took pictures of me and blacmailed, harassed me for over a month that he would post those online. I haven't heard from him again.
But seriously i dont know whom to trust.

 

[Brodie888]

My parents are pretty much homophobic.
My mom goes all KAREN whenever she comes across gay people on movies, tv shows etc.
And about meeting people meeting on grindr,
I once met a guy, he took pictures of me and blacmailed, harassed me for over a month that he would post those online. I haven't heard from him again.
But seriously i dont know whom to trust.

Sorry you had a bad experience. Yes, you don't know who to trust because trust is built not given. That guy abused your trust but he probably didn't deserve it in the first place.

I think you need to take a step back and focus on making a group of gay friends.

If you're going to have casual sex, make sure you meet them in a public place first for a coffee or something. If they don't seem right, pay your bill and walk away. Don't give anyone information that they can use to blackmail you. Lie if you have to. It's a random hookup you'll probably never see again anyway. If this is all too hard then maybe wait until you have your freedom before wading into this particular pool.

 

[_Everest_]

Sorry you had a bad experience. Yes, you don't know who to trust because trust is built not given. That guy abused your trust but he probably didn't deserve it in the first place.

I think you need to take a step back and focus on making a group of gay friends.

If you're going to have casual sex, make sure you meet them in a public place first for a coffee or something. If they don't seem right, pay your bill and walk away. Don't give anyone information that they can use to blackmail you. Lie if you have to. It's a random hookup you'll probably never see again anyway. If this is all too hard then maybe wait until you have your freedom before wading into this particular pool.

Thank you so much that's really helpful !

 

[brinzaulsschwul]

If your mum goes all 'Karen' then you know what your safest option is already, keep it to yourself - you must have seen or heard what happened to Aliresza Fazeli Monfared in Iran, and if you have not, here is a link Gay man in Iran brutally murdered and beheaded by family in "honour killing"
There's no honour in what they did - it's murder.

Get your studies done, find a job, move into own apartment and then start living your life more openly if that is what you decide.

Stay safe over there in India, we've seen it on the news, dreadful state of Covid-19 affairs

 

[Melbs]

I agree with what the others have said. Find yourself some like-minded guys and girls who will form a safety net for support when you do decide to come out to your parents. Even in conservative places, it is a fact that there are other gay people in your community who are probably going through exactly what you are going through. For me, coming out to friends I trusted gave me the confidence to come out to my family as I knew that what ever happened I’d have them for support.

Hopefully when you do come out to your parents, they will surprise you with their acceptance. A lot of people who have no interactions with gay people, form their opinions based on the stereotypical queer eye for the straight guy types. They find it okay to belittle them and attack them because they don’t know them. It will often be different for them when they know the person before their sexuality. This was certainly the case with my brothers, but when I came out to them they were actually great. Good luck mate.

 

[Jason661]

Hey guys,
I'm a medical student , and I'm feeling a bit lonely these days, I just wanna come out as gay and explore our lgbgq+ communinty and be a part of it.
But I'm afraid my parents wont accept it and kick me out if i come out as gay.
I cant afford the tuition fee and living costs, some of the fee is covered under my scholarship but i'll still need around 2000 USD per annum.
The society & the environment around me is very much against lgbtq. I cant live by my self if my parents kick me out. I need to have some help.
So should i wait until my graduation or do what i dont know.
Help me out please i cant go through this.

First, I am envious of you for all of the good reasons. I am 41 and still don’t have the ability to be honest about myself like you do your age. If I were to give you any advice, it would be to live your life your way, and in the light. There is nothing harder than having to live in the shadows, out of fear of how others may receive you or out of fear of how your family may reject you.

Do not allow yourself to become my age, having not allowed yourself to live in the light, to live out loud and to be honest with your true self. It is one of my greatest regrets, and I wish with all my heart that you may not have that for yourself.

As others have said, you have to prioritize yourself. What you know to be right, and true are the most important things you live by now.

Always remember, that you deserve to be happy. That simple value will carry you through on the hardest of days, even if people turn their backs on you, even if you lose financial stability. You will of had the one constant in your life, that you know who you are and you do not have to hide it.

While no words from any of us may make it easier for you, I hope these words find some measure of solace in being able to help you make these decisions, because our regrets allow you to find ways to learn lessons without having to encounter the heartache, or the pain that we have self-inflicted or has been inflicted upon us.

Always remember, that you are welcome to be your true self here. We will embrace you. You always have a place here.

No person, has the right to tell you how to live, or love.