Is it time to tell them???

Discussion in 'Relationships, Discrimination, and Jealousy' started by True_Blue, Sep 9, 2009.

  1. True_Blue

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    So up until now i have been able to keep my sexuality under wraps but lately the urges have begun to be more intense than usual. I have slid by the accusations over the years but i am beyond tired of hiding who i am out of fear and knowledge that my family wont except me once they know for sure. They are such phobes! I need the opinions of those who have been in my position. what should i do??? Is it time to tell them or should I wait until I move out???
     
  2. B_cigarbabe

    B_cigarbabe New Member

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    If it's going to make your situation at home intolerable then please wait until you move out.
    Why make things harder on yourself?
    If they are as homophobic as you imply and I'm not doubting you! Get your finances,friends and all the things you'll need together in order before moving out.
    Don't let your need to be truthful with them {and yourself} force you into a worsening situation. I know how hard it must be for you having been in a similar situation myself.
    I'm sending you lots of prayers and best wishes that
    everything will work out in your favor.
    Good Luck True Blue!
    C.B.:saevil:
     
    #2 B_cigarbabe, Sep 9, 2009
    Last edited: Sep 9, 2009
  3. Rugbypup

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    In my thirties, don't live at home, never told anyone, happy in the closet thank you.
     
  4. DiscoBoy

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    Completely agree with this.

    If telling them is going to truly complicate things at home, then avoid it until you're no longer reliant on them.
     
  5. True_Blue

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    C.B. and D.B., thanks so much for your input. It means a lot to be able to be able to get the opinions of individuals who have been in similar situations. And R.P., believe me, if i could stay in the closet my entire life and still be happy then i would because there wouldnt be a need to mention it to anyone but, unfortunately, it is nothing short of misery for me. im happy that your life has been satisfactory but living in such a way drives me insane.
     
  6. sexplease

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    Only you will know when and what of you you choose to share with others. Whether they be family, friends, co-workers or whomever.
    Sometimes, when an individual is experiencing love, they choose to share their feelings with outsiders.
    Sometimes, when an individual is experiencing suffering, they too choose to share their feelings with outsiders.
    In either case, and depending on the person, their choices are theirs alone and are neither right or wrong.
    You probably have a few healthy and close friends and, they will be there for you - as they know you.
    A most important thing to always remember: of nearly 7 billion people, in many many ways you are unique. When you live your life as YOU, first and foremost, you are happy and your life is filled with unique challenges and the solutions you offer.
    You life will be rich and rewarding for living as you and not as an expectation of another.
    You will win (so to speak) and everyone else who crosses your path will benefit too.
    If you choose to be or act as another, not only are you not living up to your self, but you do a great and sad disservice to all of humankind. (what uniqueness are we missing?)
    As the old saying goes: most people lead lives of quite desperation.
    They fear chastisement, banishment, torture, ridicule, hatred and many such fear-based notions.
    But to live with those thoughts and ideas in ones mind, shutters the heart and they merely exist and do not really live.

    Hold on to your friends - they'll be there for and with you. You know who they are, as they're the ones love the You that you know is.

    Life is good and it's good to live.

    M*
     
  7. Dave NoCal

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    I agree with cigarbabe. Get your life into place so that you are not dependent on their good will and they heve no power over you. Then, if it still seems important to you tell them and let the chips fall where they may. You need to be living on your own for this to be a viable plan.
    My parents are conservative about certain things but very kind and non-judgemental. Nevertheless, when I came out it was a pretty big chill in the relationship for a couple of years.
    Dave
     
  8. nicenycdick

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    Whatever you decide to do...just realize that they already know.

    Good luck.
     
  9. Stephenmass

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    Most of the time the ones who THINK they are in the closet are the ones that everyone knows about anyway. I felt that way too and when I came out just about every single person said more or less they were not surprised in the least and that it was about time!

    Rugby,

    If you ever get into a serious relationship and want to share holidays with both your significant other and your family it gets hard to stay in the closet unless you go to your family and leave your significant other at home or the two of you spend it with your own families. I finally said fuck it at this time and just came out. I think most of the time they prefer (my family) to see my significant other than me!! They LOVE him!
     
  10. SomeGuyOverThere

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    I remember the friend of a friend thought his parents were hostile to it, and when he did the big "come out" he sat them down at the family dinner table and said he had some big news and said "mum, dad, I'm gay" and their response was "We know. Now, what was the big news you wanted to tell us? Have you found somebody?"

    But if you're really sure your parents are homophobic, I agree with the advice to get out and get some independence before telling them. That way if they really really can't deal with it, the worst they can do is stop talking to you. If you're living with them, the worst they can do is make you homeless!
     
  11. EagleCowboy

    EagleCowboy Well-Known Member

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    Cigar Babe is right on as usual!! ( I just love it when she's right. :) )



    You might try it like this:


    I'm out to those that *I KNOW* can handle it.
    I'm not out to those that *I KNOW* that can't handle it.

    Besides, *WHY* do they need to know what you do behind closed doors anyway? Isn't that strictly between you and your sex partner??
     
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