Hi Guys (and girls), I've gotta tell ya... I'm small. Really small. 4.5"x4" and that's straining EBPL. Flaccid I've got a nub or worse, my dick retracts entirely into my abdomen. Thankfully my balls are normal size (go me), but I feel shortchanged. Much of my self esteem is wrapped-up in my dick. Maybe it's normal, maybe it's not. It's the way I am. As a kid in puberty I didn't notice my penis getting bigger since it seemed to grow in proportion with me. When I went away to boarding school and experienced the joy of gang showers, I noticed that I was considerably underhung compared to all my classmates. None were as small as I was. Being a small school nobody ever said anything about it even if I was very embarassed. I jerked off with a few of my friends (it was boarding school after all) and fooled around with some gay experimentation and in each case I was comparatively tiny compared to the other guys. When I was a junior, a chick liked me enough to want to have sex with me so I bummed a condom from a friend. I was nervous but, being a 17 year old horndog, I could get it up. Problem was the condom was too big. It was just a standard sized Trojan but I had a really difficult time keeping it on. We had sex a few times after that but I couldn't find a condom that fit so we had to stop as it kept slipping off. When I was a senior my best friends got together and gave me a "Smallest Dick In School" award :grr:. Had it come from anyone else I would have been deeply hurt but I knew it was done in good humor and they did discount the one freshman who hadn't started puberty at all. Still, I realized it wasn't just me who noticed this and I withdrew from any sex at all for 10 years when, while I was making out with a new girlfriend, she suddenly stopped everything when she felt and saw how little I was. Last time I had sex was when I went to a brothel in Nevada 11 years ago. Following that I had a few brief encounters getting blowjobs from older gay guys who thought I was cute and would suck off anything with 2 legs under 40. Having such a small dick makes a man wonder about himself. Seeing kids in the gym hung much bigger than I, being completely unable to piss in a public bathroom unless I'm in a stall, even wondering if castration would make this longing go away: all are things that make me hate being less of a man than I should be. You can't imagine what it's like trying to take a piss and having to literally pull hard at your dick to make it stretch to clear your pants. I'm now 38 and realize how much sex I've missed; how many opportunities I had to pass-up. A few years ago I discovered Lifestyles Snugger Fit condoms and found they didn't slip off! Haven't used them with anyone yet, but knowing I could is a big boost. I've since found Thunder's, MoS, PE Forum, etc.: all of which promise I can get bigger if I want to. I want to. I need to. I don't have many years of great all-night sexathons left and I'd love to have a wife and kids. All these routines are going to require major time commitments and some (albeit small) financial investment. The chances I'll get huge are very slim but if I could even get the standard 6" I'd be walking on air. Just to be normal would be a big deal for me. So what I want to know, is it worth it? Maybe I'm fishing for my own lure here, but I want to know if the big guys find having a big dick as great as I imagine it is. I don't expect it to be a panacea for all my self esteem problems, but I know that my dick is the root of many of them. Tell me about how being big makes you feel. Tell me if it gives you confidence, makes you happy just to know it's there. These may be silly questions to you but it's important to me to know that even if it was just you and 4 walls does being well-hung make you feel more of a man? Or is it not all it's cracked-up to be? I've read a lot here and I've seen some advantages, some funny things, and some real downers but I've never really read anyone write, "I'm glad I have a big cock just for me." I've been spending some time around here reading your comments, anecdotes, ideas, and problems. It's really quite surprising that you all aren't a bunch of dicks about your size. I'm finding LPSG to be a cool place, even if I don't belong here.... yet! Thank you all for your writing and time and effort. Talking to guys in a forum like this is like being a local tennis teacher talking to the champion of Wimbledon. I truly appreciate any comments you might have. I will read every one of them and consider them carefully.