is it wrong to ask a partner to sign a prenup?

Discussion in 'Sex With a Large Penis' started by D_Maurice Mountlilly, Nov 16, 2010.

  1. D_Maurice Mountlilly

    D_Maurice Mountlilly Account Disabled

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  2. DasLeezard

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  3. curioustitan

    curioustitan Member

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    My head says no, but my heart says yes... and i often (to my detriment) follow my heart. Guess it's safer for me to remain unmarried then.
    Why do you ask. Is it something you're considering doing or is it somebody that you know?
     
  4. cameltoelover

    cameltoelover Member

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    No. Finances are a huge part of any relationship. Signing a prenup is just being realistic that most relationships don't endure. It's for the benefit of both parties.
     
  5. Captain Elephant

    Captain Elephant Active Member

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    I asked my wife if she needed a pre-nup. She laughed and said "No, you?" Told her I had some very valuable guitars and that I'd split them with her. We didn't sign, but I think it's safe to ask if you have something of value that you intend to keep. Hey, with 50% of marriages ending in divorce better to be safe than sorry. I apologize to all the romantics out there.
     
  6. petite

    petite New Member

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    It's an act of distrust that could ruin or permanently change your relationship for the worse, but it's not "wrong" per se. The sick irony is that a prenup could destroy your relationship, when you might have otherwise been happy together and you might not have broken up, because negotiating one together is an exercise in discovering how paranoid your partner is about you, your motivations, and what you're capable of doing to him/her, and that can cause a lot of resentment and hurt feelings that are hard to forget. That's the problem with planning your breakup right when you're supposed to be anticipating your happy life together.

    The idea of one is theoretically perfect, you're proving that you're marrying for love. The reality is that you find out that your partner doesn't think very much of you, and your positive and romantic feelings about each other are permanently altered, possibly irreparably. You might as well just not get married, which is what I actually recommend if you feel like you need one.
     
    #6 petite, Nov 16, 2010
    Last edited: Nov 16, 2010
  7. curioustitan

    curioustitan Member

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    I agree wholeheartedly and say thank God for the romantics like Petite carrying the torch.
    On another note however, a friend of mine recently got married and didn't want to go through with a pre-nup for romantic reasons. His mom (ever the pragmatist) convinced him to do it as a precaution more for his wife than for him. He is a sole-proprietor in a business you see and if things don't work out well, then at least her assets are safe should the 'collectors' come around to attach bits of property. So i guess sometimes it can be done to protect your loved one rather than to create an air of distrust in the beginnings of something beautiful.
     
  8. Mal_the_Wolf

    Mal_the_Wolf New Member

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    what about owning half some ones things makes you love them any more or less? by that arguement wouldn't it ALSO be JUST as romantic to sign away everything to prove your faith in eachother?
     
  9. petite

    petite New Member

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    I don't think that you read my post, or you misread it, or maybe you just don't understand what happens when you decide to get one?

    You're talking about a fantasy land where a prenup magically appears before you and you simply choose to sign or not. The idea is perfect, you choose to sign it and prove that you're marrying for love, and it would be perfect if that's how it happened. There are prenuptial advocacy groups that are working on making that possible, because the reality is much different. In reality, the process is brutal to a romantic relationships and can be relationship destroying. Hence the irony that asking for one might mean that you should just call off the wedding right away and not even bother.

    Again, if you feel like you need one, just don't get married. Your relationship has a better chance of survival IMO.
     
    #9 petite, Nov 16, 2010
    Last edited: Nov 16, 2010
  10. HiddenLacey

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    I agree with a lot of this. I think it depends on what it is you are worried about. I had talked with a partner about this before because it's in his Fathers Will that his children have to sign prenups to keep what he gives them in the family. Which I told him I thought was silly because once you get married you are supposed to be family. Most people don't look at it like that anymore. At the time I told him I would sign away rights to anything his Father left him. Problem solved if we would have gotten married.

    I think that if a partner is marrying someone that places a lot of value on material worth it may be wise to have a prenup, people with a lot of money can attract really good liars that are out for their wealth. Personally, I would have no issues with signing a prenup if I got married to someone with a large business or millions of dollars. Otherwise I just think it's kind of silly and it would probably hurt my feelings and make me question our relantionship. I've worked hard so obviously I have my own things that I love, yet at this point in my life I wouldn't think of asking someone to sign a prenup to keep any of it, it's just stuff.

    I would hope that going into marriage I would know that person well enough to want to share what is mine and that he would feel the same way.

    People seem to start marriage off now looking for it to fail.:frown1:
     
    #10 HiddenLacey, Nov 16, 2010
    Last edited by a moderator: Nov 16, 2010
  11. Mal_the_Wolf

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    if things can destroy it how is it romantic? i didn't misread anything, the fantasy land isn't one where you sign a piece of paper that says whats yours is yours mine is mine THAT is reality, fantasy land is where people don't change, grow, fall out of love or die leaving family issues to deal with and so on and so on. people runn off, they fall out of love, they die..... all relationships end if its really love then you can face that together.... cause STUFF doesn't matter dose it?
     
  12. overninept5

    overninept5 New Member

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    For us it is/was. We're both well off. He has his and I have mine and we have ours. Almost two decades so far so good. And he is a wall streeter and did not mention it. I hadn't given it a thought.
     
  13. B_prettyswinggirl

    B_prettyswinggirl New Member

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    90% of us have little assets going into a marriage. I was married while still in college, so DH jokes that I'm wearing the motorcycle he always wanted on my finger. We now have a variety of cars, 2 houses and some inherited property. We live in a no-fault state and should we get divorced will split bills and all 50/50. Now if I were to remarry after...hell yes I'd get a pre-nup. I've had too many friends go through knock down drag out divorces where the attorneys seem to wind up the only ones for the better. It may not be "romantic" but clean and simple, especially if children are involved is by far the better option! And NO I don't plan on divorcing my DH anytime in the next 25 years or so...after that? We'll see! :tongue:
     
  14. petite

    petite New Member

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    What are you talking about? I don't think we're having the same conversation. I said that it's a good idea in theory. It's just not an idea that works.

    Look, if you want one, then get one, but I think you're better off just not getting married if you feel like you need one, and the reason is because the legal process and the process of choosing how you will break up destroys many relationships. Here you are, about to get married, and you sit down and you think about all the ways that your relationship might break up, you think about what you think your partner is capable of doing to you, and you plan out every single contingency for each situation. Then comes the real kick in the balls. You find out what your partner thinks you might do to them and how what they think should happen in each eventuality. There you are, not even married yet, and you're literally planning your own divorce out, and it rarely goes a lot better than actual divorces, except neither of you has done anything to the other person yet, so you both feel hurt and falsely accused and misjudged. Not only that, you're finding out how much of a bitch or a bastard your partner thinks that you're capable of being in the future, and that's painful. I've heard horror stories. It becomes a disaster before it's even begun. If you don't think that will taint a marriage, cause resentment and hurt feelings, then you are living in a fantasy land.

    And like I said above, there are advocacy groups working on "off the shelf" prenups that would make it possible to not have to go through that sort of negotiation process, which would bring it around to more of the theoretical perfection of just "choosing to sign" and I'm all for that, but in the meantime, I think you're naive if you don't think that it will negatively affect your marriage.
     
    #14 petite, Nov 16, 2010
    Last edited: Nov 16, 2010
  15. ksregister

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    No, it's not wrong to ask a partner to sign a prenup. If one partner goes into the marriage with millions of dollars and the other one doesn't, why should only one of them stand to benefit if the marriage breaks up.

    It's often said that the person wanting the prenup is already planning for the marriage to fall apart before even getting started. On the other hand the person who doesn't want to sign a prenup is also already planning for the marriage to fall apart and how much money they could get if it does happen.

    Why would anyone object to a prenup? Are you marrying for love or money? If it's love then signing a prenup shouldn't change that - it only really affects the money issue.
     
  16. southernstud

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    My view on prenups... It's like life insurance, you don't ever plan on dieing, but it's nice to have protections in place. Marriage is similar, you don't ever want it to end, but it's nice to have protections in place. For both partners to understand and mutually agree to a worst case, and to know what the outlook is should things go bad, it can help them to prevent those things while laying it all out on the table before hand. It also should raise a questions as to, "If you don't want a prenup, than what do you expect to do should things not work out?"
     
  17. Mal_the_Wolf

    Mal_the_Wolf New Member

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    we are its just weird cause I'm not agreeing with you for no reason.

    a prenup is nothing more than a contract that states in the event of the marriage dissolving, exactly what property belongs to who. its like putting an air bag in a car you built, the thought of wrecking it is unthinkable but you have no idea what is around the corner and if you have "faith" in the relationship signing a life long separate accounts agreement isn't a big deal if you're gonna be together. the only reason it should be devastating is if you're just as worried as he is and are afraid he's gonna leave you in the cold. thats not very romantic trusting or faithful at ALL
     
  18. petite

    petite New Member

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    If you need marriage and a prenup, then get one. I'd rather remain single since that also solves the problem without having to get a prenup. It's the same end result, except without the pain of getting a prenup, but you just keep sticking to these metaphors that fail to address anything that I wrote.

    You haven't addressed a single point that I made or seemed to understand what I wrote in any of my posts, you just have grasped the point that I'm against them. I really don't care. You want one so you're fighting like a dog to argue for them. I don't know why you're so adamant about convincing me. It's not like you're going to marry me or anything.
     
    #18 petite, Nov 16, 2010
    Last edited: Nov 16, 2010
  19. Mal_the_Wolf

    Mal_the_Wolf New Member

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    as usual when you put down the dukes and say whats really on your mind we are in TOTAL agreement, the first point i made was why dose giving some one half your things make you love them more? and its not just men that get buttfucked in divorce, Madonna, liz taylor, kristy alley. marriage is legal it takes place in a church, where the law is supposed to not exist, its all one big scham. see how great minds think alike.....
     
  20. petite

    petite New Member

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    What are you talking about? I think you need to go back and read my posts. I said that in theory prenups are perfect, it's the reality of them that doesn't work and then I explained the reason why, which I've done over and over again.

    Wait, are you making this out to be a man/woman thing? Is that why you're attacking me, because I'm female and you think that women are out to scam men out of money?
     
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