Is it wrong to look?...

Discussion in 'Relationships, Discrimination, and Jealousy' started by LuvMensCocks, Nov 16, 2009.

  1. LuvMensCocks

    LuvMensCocks New Member

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    I have been in a relationship for 15 years and from day one I have always looked. I am very open about it, I never hide it. Tonight we were out having some fun when I spotted this hot guy. I openly looked over at my husband and pointed him out. He was totally my type. I could not stop checking him out. My eyes finally found his crotch and low and behold he was packing. After seeing that I was done for. Spent the rest of our time watching him and not being able to focus on what I was doing.

    The people we were with started to give me shit about being so open about my fantasies, My husband never seems to care, He is not the jealous type and knows I would never cheat....I did admit to him that if the guy was my "Perfect" fantasy I might consider it. He laughed and said as long as he could watch.

    Anyway, She was telling me how rude it was of me to openly stare and not be shy about it around my man. I told her this is how I have always been and if it truely bothered him he would tell me and I would stop. (Well, stop making it so obvious of course) Got to thinking she might be right so we talked on the way home and he assured me as long as I came home to him everynight and took it out on him he would be ok with it and the only one he has a problem with is my ex.

    What is your opinions. Would you have a problem with your "Other" looking around? Not only that but being open about it. My feeling is this, It is when you start to hide it then there is something to worry about.

    BTW, He was in a group of 3 couples, He was the only single one there. He had this huge belt buckle on that drew attention to his package. I went outside when he was out having a cig and commented on it, He was kind enough to pull up his shirt and show me his.....Funny I cannot remember what the buckle was I just remember his bulge and his grey boxer briefs.
     
  2. biguy2738

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    I tend to have an approach of, "If I am on diet...will it be wrong to look at the menu, if I have no intention of ordering from it?"

    I personally don't think that there's anything wrong with it. In fact, wifey and I are completely open with this. Being bi has made it quite fun actually, because we both check out men and perve over them...which normally leads to us arguing about who's hotter, the guy that she's checking out or the one that I am.

    This goes back to even before I realised that I'm bi. I'd tell her if I saw a hot woman and it would normally be coupled with a "She can leave her shoes under my bed anytime" and wifey would do the same with men. There's a big difference between fantasy and reality. I have no right to put a chain fence around my wife's mind. I don't care if she checks out men or even if she fantasises about them afterwards. Ultimately, I'm the one who she chooses to make love with every day.
     
  3. QuiteOne

    QuiteOne New Member

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    Nothing wrong with looking. My partner and I frequently point out attractive me we see. Your behavior seems a bit obsessive to me.

    They should have given you shit... even though you're partner claims he doesn't mind, you were still disrespectful to your friends.

    No problems with my partner looking... but there is a fine line between appreciating the beauty in others and actively ogling.

    WTF? You followed him outside? To me that's crossing the line.
     
  4. Guardian100

    Guardian100 Member

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    I don't think it's wrong to look, but you have to be concious of when you're making people feel uncomfortable. A gentleman always makes an effort to make the people he's surrounded with comfortable.
     
  5. patrick9999

    patrick9999 Member

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    I suppose if your husband has no problem with it, then wy should anyone else?

    Completely ignoring the others in your group is another story. Right up there with having a cell phone stuck in your ear - IMO.
     
  6. Stephenmass

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    I was fine with your post until this. My b/f and I comment on hot guys around us all the time. We usually agree on the levels of hotness of any particular male too. But if he did what you did above in my answer to you, I'd be bullshit. You crossed WAY OVER the line when you approached him. That is totally disrespectful of your partner.
     
  7. B_Nick8

    B_Nick8 New Member

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    Of course my bf and I look and even ogle. But we would never do it to such an extent that we were disrespectful of each other or our relationship.
     
  8. Rowan Ravenseed

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    I'm single but one of the first discussions I have with some-one im dating is the concept of monogamy and fidelity... simple because I dont believe in monogamy, I wont have jealousy or possessiveness in my relationship either.... so for me its as simple as this.....

    When i find the right partner he should be able to accept that I will enjoy looking and playing with others and should have absolute faith that I have choosen him to share my journey with

    oh and of course the same applies to me he would of course be allowed to look and play and hopefully we could look and play together if we found the occasional guy we both enjoyed
     
  9. henry777

    henry777 Well-Known Member

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    Someone once told me a good analogy. If you're walking on a sidewalk and saw a beautiful flower in full bloom, is it wrong to look and admire it? No, just as long as you don't pick it and take it home. :)
     
  10. Countryguy63

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    But, would you ask that flower to pull down it's foliage? :tongue:

    My opinion may differ a bit than everyone else's here. It would completely depend on the understanding between the OP and his mate. If that didn't offend his mate, then that's the important issue here.

    Granted, it bothered their company, but who of us doesn't do something that bothers / irritates our friends, lol.
     
  11. thadjock

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    it's like that saying goes, i might be married but i'm not dead.

    just because ur with somebody doesn't mean you go blind. and just because you look, doesnt' mean you're going to jump the fence.

    i think it's much healthier to be open about "stud spotting" than be sneaking peeks around your parnters back. we do it all the time, but know that our relationship is solid because we can be comfortable about it.

    if i ever felt i would incite jealousy by commenting on an obviously hot guy around my bf, i think i'm aware enough to know it would be a bad sign for our future together anyway.
     
  12. LuvMensCocks

    LuvMensCocks New Member

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    C'mon, I did not stalk him as some have suggested, One of my friends was out there having a smoke as well, He just happened to be there.

    My group of friends was teasing me because they caught me looking. None were offended.

    I leaned over to my husband and mentioned how cute he was and he had a nice bulge going. He laughed and said yeah,Your right that bulge is kinda cute.
     
  13. whatireallywant

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    The guy I had the longest term relationship and I used to do this all the time. We'd do it a lot in restaurants, for instance - he'd comment on the hot waitresses and I'd comment on the hot waiters. We were both fine with it. :smile:

    Now granted, I was in an open relationship, which made things a bit different, but even if I was in a monogamous relationship (which I could be - not ruling it out!), I would be of the opinion that I may be in a monogamous relationship, but that doesn't make me blind! :biggrin1:
     
  14. D_Ivana Dickenside

    D_Ivana Dickenside New Member

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    looking and touching are two different things. if you look, it doesn't hurt anyone, especially because your hubby acknowledges that you do check out other men. but if you touch, that's a whole other ball game. so if he knows you look, and he's ok with it, then there's nothing wrong with that.

    if your friends give you shit about how rude it is, tell them to back off. unless they're in your relationship, then their opinions don't matter. do not let people like them, who can't mind their own business, push their beliefs upon you.
     
  15. YoungHungMachine

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    Yes its horrible wrong... you're a fucking loser prick!
    /sarcasm

    Of course not, look all you want. Feast!
     
  16. Stephenmass

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    I don't think anyone said he needs to be blind when in a monogamous relationship. It depends on the couple I guess, him and his partner. Me personally, if he looked at another guy and noticed a bulge and the guy was hot and he said something to me about it I may reply to him, yes he is smokin!

    I may even check him out myself more as he walks by, I'm not blind either. Noone is saying to be blind, that's impossible.

    It's the lifting his shirt part to give him a look that I wasn't comfortable with. It's not a friend that is just fucking around with him kinda thing; it's a total, granted HOT stranger. I would have preferred if I were his partner, for him to go outside as he did with his friend, and if he noticed the guy while I wasn't there, that's cool. But to strike up a conversation with him, unless the other started the conversation, not good. It sounds almost as if he was "picking him up with his eyes" and the hot guy picked up on it.

    Again if it's an open relationship I'm cool with whatever makes a couple comfortable. It's not my own comfort zone, but I'm not the couple that still may be in their comfort zone.

    He knows if he went over the limit regarding his partner.

    Either it was OK or it wasn't or he would not be asking.
     
  17. helgaleena

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    Going around lifting up stranger's garments is invasive. No but's about that. It's an aggro move and cuts directly to the chase. Any ties with others immediately come out to be tested after something like that.

    Looking is fine. I am one who looks too. 'Even a cat can look at a king.' Touching is not.
     
  18. LuvMensCocks

    LuvMensCocks New Member

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    I never touched him, He lifted his own shirt.
     
  19. jjsuperbird

    jjsuperbird Member

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    Great thread... Interesting question.

    I wonder if hetero couples have a different take on this question than gay couples?

    I've been married for almost 30 years and faithful throughout. Nevertheless, I love to look! I notice dozens of people every day that are attractive. Sometimes (not always... it would take too long! lol ) I come home and tell my wife about someone that was particularly eye catching.

    When we are out together I will point out a particularly interesting woman to my wife. I even point out hot looking men. However, now that I think about it, she isn't so quick to reciprocate.

    She does humour me and play along but it is rare that she would initiate. I have asked her about the difference between men and women's sex drives and what is the 'turn-on' for her versus what is a 'turn-on' for me. Her answer is that the situation is usually more important than 'just' the physical appearance.

    In our foreplay we (I) sometimes fantasize and tell stories about particularly attractive males or females we have seen at the gym or in the shopping mall. However, now that I think about it we don't talk about actual office co-workers or people who we know as friends or colleagues. The fantasies and people we talk about in our forplay are usually the anonymous person we saw at a bus stop or while on a beach holiday or something like that... they are anonymous, untouchable and there is little or no chance of becoming a real encounter.

    I wonder if we actually talked about our sexual attraction to someone we worked with or socialized with would it create a different dynamic. More possibility of jealousy? Would it be too close, too real and too threatening? I don't know.

    I'd like to hear other thoughts and experiences.

    Is there a difference between fantasizing and role playing with your partner about an anonymous person versus someone you both know? Because there is more chance that the attraction might be acted upon and the 'temptation' might become a real 'threat' to the relationship is that different? How much do you really want to test your relationship?

    Candy in the window is different than a bowl of candy sitting on your desk.
     
  20. Joseph

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    Women... heh

    Women get very sensitive about it, many of them get jealous.... not to say that guys don't, but it's less often. I think it's a matter of trust, sure the fact the person cares is nice, but when you trust one another you know it's nothing to worry about. It's awesome you 2 are honest with one another, it is a sign that your relationship works
     
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