Is it wrong to look?...

[helgaleena]

I am female and I look. But then i'm very visual anyway.

It would have been better for both me and my partner if I had shared more in words rather than saving it up for artwork, in retrospect.

 

[deleted509196]

I think everyone "looks". There are a lot of attractive people out there. However I think a lot of people get jealous too. In some way being open about it... at least you're... well, being open about it and not hiding and looking behind your partners back. On the other hand, mentioning it... if they get jealous, well, they get jealous and then might think 'so? I don't want to know who you fancy' or maybe just worry 'are they hotter than me?' but it's all insecurity really. As long as your partner WON'T go off with said attractive person, I guess it doesn't matter. I imagine, though, that it would be somewhat easeir if both people can "look" and say 'yeah, that person is hot' but also know that said person isn't hotter than your partner and you won't be running off.

To be fair, I'm my namesake on here (lustful) and I can be quite visual etc, SO... yeah I've always "looked" at hot people. As I say though, and this is really how I feel, I have not seen anyone I find MORE attractive than my boyfriend now. Not even famous people (although people like Noel Fielding and Jake Gyllenhaal could be AS hot, I suppose!).

I do get a bit jealous if my guy "looks" but then, that's just human nature. Although if we both found the person attractive, it could be easier as I say, 'cause then I could at least see where he's coming from, or vice versa.

 

[B_625girth]

it's okay to look whether you are gay or straight. I'm a married straight guy and I look at other women and if alone, get approached by woman and gay men. most are cordial, make polite converstation and flirt, some are very blunt. since I am straight, I usually tell the gays they are wasting their time right up front, so they go away. a pretty woman on the other hand I will engage as much as possible.

 

[Maia]

It is wrong if your mate says it is hurtful. Doesn't really matter what others have to say about it. I check out girls in front of my husband, but not other men. My man doesn't check out anyone unless I point her out. I used to have a very bad jealous streak which probably traumatized him, haha.

 

[rostrick]

It is okay to look, but save some attention and excitement for your partner. I would be upset if I were out with my partner and he brushed me aside to prowl like a hungry lion. Confirm your understanding with him through conversation so you can reinforce the trust and give him an opportunity to voice his feelings. If he is okay and comfortable, let your eyes wander.

 

[SpiceFromIndia]

I also look but i dont touch ... i believe just look dont touch ...hahahaha..

 

[sxjTheFirst]

I don't see a problem if your bf doesn't mind. Even if he does as long as you only look in most cases it shouldn't be.

However when I am with friends I HATE it when they get distracted by something for an unreasonable length of time a few mins is mine. It doesn't have to be a person could be the scenery or what the next table has ordered. If you want to be by yourself why go with us?

 

[buzzrider7]

I def agree that it's obviously not a problem for your bf, but my guess is that what your friends were really trying to say is that you were making them feel uncomfortable.
I love to look probably about twice as much as the next guy, but if I'm socializing with friends, I try to make it a point to be 100% present with them, especially if we are conversing.
Granted, I don't know the full context, such as if you were in some noisy crowded place, with everybody off in their own worlds because it was too distracting to talk.
But from their comment, it sounds like they felt as if you were not being present in the group.

 

[bigbulgelicker45]

The guy I used to go out with was constantly looking and it did cause problems in our relationship (especially when I'd leave for a trip to the bathroom or the bar) and lo and behold guess who'd be talking to in my absence? He even made a date with someone while I was talking with one of our friends.

 

[FuzzyKen]

I have been married and in a monogamous relationship for well over ten years now. We agreed early on that looking was fine. Hey guys, "we're Married, not dead". If there is something interesting I will point it out to my other half and he does the same for me.

I've said many times that this one or that one would be interesting without his clothes on and that is that. We both know that no matter how attracted we are or how erotic we find the "eye candy" that we are faithfully Married to each other.

I do not care if my other half has fantasies of other men. After a period of time it keeps things interesting. I would only worry if he knew the guys name and started calling it out in the middle of his sleep or some other thing that would indicate more than looking. So far that has not been a worry.

The issue is not eye candy the issue is trust and the respect for the concept of a monogamous relationship. As long as it does not go beyond looking.

Gazing at porn would be no different.

 

[scottredleter]

I think this is one of those things that a lot of gay men have adopted from the straight world to try to fit in better. Tell your friend who had a problem with it that it's not any of her business. It bothered her because se would have bothered her if her man did it. A lot of times straight women who have gay friends make the mistake of thinking of us like their girl friends... in some areas it may be true, but in every way regarding sex, we are just like our straight brothers... yes in every way... except the actual holes that we like to play with and have played with. There is no other area in which gay men and straight men are so alike, and so different from women (I know... kind of a broad brush stroke, but I think I got the point across).

 

[BigDallasDick8x6]

Great thread... Interesting question.

I wonder if hetero couples have a different take on this question than gay couples?

I've been married for almost 30 years and faithful throughout. Nevertheless, I love to look! I notice dozens of people every day that are attractive. Sometimes (not always... it would take too long! lol ) I come home and tell my wife about someone that was particularly eye catching.

When we are out together I will point out a particularly interesting woman to my wife. I even point out hot looking men. However, now that I think about it, she isn't so quick to reciprocate.

She does humour me and play along but it is rare that she would initiate. I have asked her about the difference between men and women's sex drives and what is the 'turn-on' for her versus what is a 'turn-on' for me. Her answer is that the situation is usually more important than 'just' the physical appearance.

In our foreplay we (I) sometimes fantasize and tell stories about particularly attractive males or females we have seen at the gym or in the shopping mall. However, now that I think about it we don't talk about actual office co-workers or people who we know as friends or colleagues. The fantasies and people we talk about in our forplay are usually the anonymous person we saw at a bus stop or while on a beach holiday or something like that... they are anonymous, untouchable and there is little or no chance of becoming a real encounter.

I wonder if we actually talked about our sexual attraction to someone we worked with or socialized with would it create a different dynamic. More possibility of jealousy? Would it be too close, too real and too threatening? I don't know.

I'd like to hear other thoughts and experiences.

Is there a difference between fantasizing and role playing with your partner about an anonymous person versus someone you both know? Because there is more chance that the attraction might be acted upon and the 'temptation' might become a real 'threat' to the relationship is that different? How much do you really want to test your relationship?

Candy in the window is different than a bowl of candy sitting on your desk.

I'm responding to this well after your post, but I think you have some good insights.

 

[BigDallasDick8x6]

Women... heh

Women get very sensitive about it, many of them get jealous.... not to say that guys don't, but it's less often. I think it's a matter of trust, sure the fact the person cares is nice, but when you trust one another you know it's nothing to worry about. It's awesome you 2 are honest with one another, it is a sign that your relationship works

Yeah, with guys sex is more about dicks and less about hearts.

 

[AM_092]

If you're in a relationship with someone, then, no, I think you shouldn't look! If he's REALLY HOT, then take a glance... I know it's just looking, but for me, it would feel like I'm disregarding how my partner feels. I want him to feel special and that I only have eyes for him. With that said, I guess, if you're in a relationship we're you both look and you have an understanding about the issue, then it shouldn't be a problem. Otherwise, keep your attention to your partner I've stopped looking.

 

[D_Jurgen Klitgaard]

looking and touching are two different things. if you look, it doesn't hurt anyone, especially because your hubby acknowledges that you do check out other men. but if you touch, that's a whole other ball game. so if he knows you look, and he's ok with it, then there's nothing wrong with that.

if your friends give you shit about how rude it is, tell them to back off. unless they're in your relationship, then their opinions don't matter. do not let people like them, who can't mind their own business, push their beliefs upon you.

Have to agree with you baby!

I think it's more healthy to not repress your sexual urges. CF and I are both healthy sexual human beings. We look and check other people out, get turned on, and then go fuck the shit out of each other. I remember one instance when we both saw this checker at Walmart one night while buying beer. Kinda skanky, but she had the biggest natural looking tits on such a skinny frame, we couldn't help looking in awe. I think we were both equally turned on by her. Left the store and then fucked like rabbits. :biggrin1:

 

[crescendo69]

My friend/lover, with whom I had a 7-year relationship, had opposite tastes in men as I. He was a petite, skinny Japanese man who loved older "bears", while I was a bearded, slightly heavier and taller man who loved younger twinks and athletic types that we jokingly called "chickens". When going out, we would have playful competitions to see who could spot the most of his own type. It was a fun way to spice up the evening.

But we had few social friends to share this with, and I'm not sure it would have gone over well if we did.