Is jerking off a part of a normal sex life?

Discussion in 'Relationships, Discrimination, and Jealousy' started by jay_too, Jan 16, 2003.

  1. jay_too

    jay_too New Member

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    This week a girlfriend asked me if I ever jerked off. Well duh, I am a guy. So I said, "Yeah," hoping the conversation would die.

    Next question: "How often."

    "I dunno.....why is this important?"

    "I'm curious."

    Question: "More than once a week?"

    "Yeah."

    Question: "Two or three times a week?"

    "Yeah, could we talk about something else?"

    "Quit being evasive. Everyday?"

    "Yeah."

    "More than once a day?"

    "Yeah, why are you asking these questions?"

    "You are kidding! That is obscene with as many women as you are seeing. Is something wrong with you? [Yep, horny and young.] What does jerking off do for you that a woman can't?"

    "Well, a woman is not always available when da monkey needs a spanking. Can't we end this? I am really uncomfortable being questioned about my jerking off?"

    "I just don't understand the why!"

    "Look when I am with a woman her fantasy is mine and I have got to make sure her needs are satisfied....probably first. When i jerk off, my needs and fantasies are the only ones I have to worry about. It is a different kind of sensuality. And yes, it can be as satisfying[on occasion]."

    So my question is: How do you explain jerking off is just another part of the sexual life of males? Apparently, it is not in women. AND I would really appreciate some insight from the ladies.

    Thanks,
    jay
     
  2. B_DoubleMeatWhopper

    B_DoubleMeatWhopper New Member

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    Why explain? It is normal, and trust me ... women masturbate also.

    The answer to her: "I can't explain why beating off is so satisfying any more than I can understand why you continue asking me questions about it when you know it's making me uncomfortable. Can you explain why you enjoy badgering me? Are you a sadist? And if so, why?
     
  3. Imported

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    RedheadedSpdFrk: Let me be the first woman to assure you, that we masterbate also (even if some won't admit it). My current lover was shocked when he found out that not only do I do it but I'm not afraid to admit it or discuss it with him. Now it's kind of a game to see who can masterbate more often and still be game for sex (I've won everytime). ;)
     
  4. benderten2001

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    Not a lady responding here, of course. But, that doesn't stop me from speaking up.

    I guess the appropriate answer about masturbation...
    ANY masturbation....is... TO QUIT WORRYING ABOUT IT----And, that could go for ALL OF US!

    Masturbation is quite normal, healthy, and often ...-very necessary ---even when "regular" sexual opportunities exists; particularly for men who are in the larger catagory (I think) because regular sex for the "bigger guys" sometimes means restraining to some degree (i.e. being unable to use the full length; going "extra carefully" in entering, thrusting, etc.). Hence, self-pleasuring (sometimes) comes into play as a final step to completing the release of sexual tension ...(any remaining unresolved feelings to satisfy and "relax" the system) should intercourse NOT do it. (And, sometimes---intercourse goes LESS than splendidly--
    Of course, everyone of us wants to prevent that disappointment if possible; avoid that catastrophe in life! But, HEY! --sometimes, it just happens for any number of reasons; for either party. And, it's often not either one's fault really.

    Wives, gfs, partners of the "larger men" should be patient and understanding on this matter--not criticize or question the need to self-pleasure from time to time.

    --YES! Perhaps women too, need "private time" as well for THEIR own reasons. (I would imagine they do.)

    We all must remember that masturbation for most of us was a major first step into "the world of sex" and it taught each of us early fundamental lessons in the pleasure of touch and stimulation (which later was translated into bringing pleasure to another person through regular intercourse and other sexual practices.

    So long as masturbation doesn't become excessive (or obsessive) and ultimately interfere with regular sexual intercourse (whereby the affected "second" party involved would then be deprived of expected sexual relations altogether or have them diminish in quality) masturbation is nothing to be ashamed of.
     
  5. Imported

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    mr17yearold: what confuses me is how u remember the entire conversation...when u could have been paying more attention to say her tits or something. :D

    very curious...
     
  6. Imported

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    aussiechick63: I think most women masturbate. Maybe they are afraid to admit it. I think it is a healthy part of a normal sex life. As long as it doesn't intrude on partner time, why should it be a problem. Do it together perhaps.

    One of the reasons I enjoy it is because it is selfish. I can relax, enjoy myself and not have to wory about pleasuring anyone else for a change. It can be very de-stressing.
    Another reason I do it, I have a high sex drive. If I didn't masturbate I think I would go crazy.
    Hope this helps,
    Tracey.
     
  7. Imported

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    sammygirly: uh huh, women do masturbate - but again it's normally something "good" girls don't talk about...but hey, who wants to be a good girl these days anyway? ~LOL~

    Um, firstly - I don't think avoiding the question is exactly the right tactic for responding to why...because most women, will just keep asking ~LOL~ which is what seems to be what happened here...the more evasive you get the more we ask.  It's an adorable feminine trait, hm?

    I think she was fine with it up until you admitted to doing it more than once a day...at which point, the shock factor just hit her.  I don't think it was really the sexual aspect anymore - probably would have gotten the same reaction if you said...say..."I clip my toenails more than once a day".  She would have said "Holy hell, what's wrong with you?  Do you have too much calcium or something?"  ...and then this thread wouldn't be nearly as interesting....but you get my point (I hope).

    Most women masturbate on a qausi-regular basis...so I don't really think it's that we need to have it explained per se...


    UH HUH!
     
  8. jay_too

    jay_too New Member

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    benderten2001

    thanks for your insight...i did not mean to imply that i only wanted responses for the ladies. after thinking about this conversation for a couple of days (and knowing that she was going to tell mutual friends), particularly the part about i really liked to j/o. i think this is a conversation that a guy will never win if he wants a sex life....i just need to get my head straight so i can lose the next argument with grace.

    i might agree with DMW but with my personality, i could not pull it off.....i would be left with a burnt earth policy and no SEX and that would be serious.

    jay
     
  9. jay_too

    jay_too New Member

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    mr17yearold and sammygirly

    good point....it was not the entire conversation...just the salient points....and i edited it. and when you feel your sex life is threatened, you listen carefully...very carefully.

    and yes, i was trying to be evasive. i was reading the paper or pretending to during the conversation...and saying, "i wonder why The Road to Perdition never played here?" or maybe, "should we try for the late showing of the Rings?"

    on the other hand, if i had been the inquistor, someone would have gotten VERY angry...and it would not have been me.

    and "yes" she told some (or at least one) of our mutual friends...i just got a call from my date for tonight who told me to rest up "because we are going to solve your masturbation problem." what can a guy say but "sounds like fun."

    jay
     
  10. Imported

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    bklynbigballs: [quote author=DoubleMeatWhopper link=board=relationships;num=1042771047;start=0#1 date=01/16/03 at 19:00:30]The answer to her: "I can't explain why beating off is so satisfying any more than I can understand why you continue asking me questions about it when you know it's making me uncomfortable. Can you explain why you enjoy badgering me? Are you a sadist? And if so, why? [/quote]

    I would have said, "why does your vagina bleed once a month?  What's up with that?"

    Seriously, does this women expect you to fuck her everytime you get an erection?  I'm thinking that her confusion springs from her own ignorance about the differences between male and female sex drives.  Yes, women masturbate but it's something that takes longer and requires privacy and comfort.  Women can't just whip it out, jerk it off and cum a few minutes later (like I just did in the bathroom at my job).  Why do you think there are no lesbian back rooms like there are at gay male bars?
     
  11. Imported

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    sammygirly: [quote author=bklynbigballs link=board=relationships;num=1042771047;start=0#9 date=01/17/03 at 08:19:36]
    Seriously, does this women expect you to fuck her everytime you get an erection?[/quote]

    Well yeah, to be perfectly honest, we'd love to think we can satisfy you every single time you get an erection ;D Most women are smart enough to know that this isn't possible but lots of women will erronously equate "jacking off" to "he isn't happy with what i do for him"...which leads us to...

    [quote author=bklynbigballs link=board=relationships;num=1042771047;start=0#9 date=01/17/03 at 08:19:36]I'm thinking that her confusion springs from her own ignorance about the differences between male and female sex drives[/quote]

    ...which is sadly the case more often than not. More women should join groups like this and be set straight - or care enough about something other than what they are thinking long enough to ask "why" - which is why I think it's best to explain if they're asking. Tell them why it's different. Tell them that it's not that you're unsatisfied sexually. Most of us really do want to know
     
  12. Max

    Max New Member

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    Jay_too. It seems from these quotes that you can't be the one with a problem. She is. I may of course be wrong, but it could be that this is a seriously lop-sided relationship.

    Re. the original question. A woman who loves a man she knows to be very highly sexed will accept his very frequent need as part of the package. And vice versa, no doubt.
     
  13. jay_too

    jay_too New Member

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    sammygirly and brooklynbigballs

    thanks for your thoughts....i will try to do a better job of explaining. i might even try to explain that my flared glans has a tendency to get "bruised"....no discoloration but so sore that it just sits in my ck briefs and hurts for several days after an athletic and rough night. i have tried this explanation before but it is met with disbelief and i am told, "I NEVER heard that before."

    i really appreciate your insight.

    jay
     
  14. Imported

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    Finedessert: [quote author=sammygirly link=board=relationships;num=1042771047;start=0#10 date=01/17/03 at 08:53:59]

    Well yeah, to be perfectly honest, we'd love to think we can satisfy you every single time you get an erection  ;D Most women are smart enough to know that this isn't possible but lots of women will erronously equate "jacking off" to "he isn't happy with what i do for him"...which leads us to...


    JAY: Take Sammygirly's advice and give the girl a link to this board.

    Might just open her eyes to a lot more than how many times you masturbate. ;D

    Grandpa




    ...which is sadly the case more often than not.  More women should join groups like this and be set straight - or care enough about something other than what they are thinking long enough to ask "why" - which is why I think it's best to explain if they're asking.  Tell them why it's different.  Tell them that it's not that you're unsatisfied sexually.  Most of us really do want to know

    [/quote]
     
  15. Imported

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    bklynbigballs: [quote author=jay_too link=board=relationships;num=1042771047;start=0#12 date=01/17/03 at 09:09:02]i might even try to explain that my flared glans has a tendency to get "bruised"....no discoloration but so sore that it just sits in my ck briefs and hurts for several days after an athletic and rough night.[/quote]

    You're missing the point.  If you have to use a health excuse to justify masturbation to your girlfriend, you are only playing into her belief that there's something wrong with how often you masturbate.  If someone asked me why I masturbated so often, I'd reply, "because that's how often I need to masturbate" and leave it at that.  

    Sammygirly, you totally have a point when you say that women need to know these things.  It's true.  They do.  However, it sounds to me (and I may be misinterpreting here) that this girlfriend isn't curious so much as she's trying to yank her boyfriend's chain and make him feel uncomfortable.  The fact that she's joking about it to friends makes me think that there's a sadistic component to this questioning.  I'm guessing that she's angry that he's seeing other women so she's trying to make him feel like a walking erection.  
     
  16. Imported

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    sammygirly: Well...yeah...I really don't see a good reason to spread the information through her social group....because she certainly wouldn't like it if he told all his buddies about how she is obsessed with shaving below...or something like that.
     
  17. B_DoubleMeatWhopper

    B_DoubleMeatWhopper New Member

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    I guess it's a lot more laid back for us gay dudes. When my bf asked me if I whack off every day more or less, and I answered "yes," his response was, "Cool! Can I watch?" My response, "Sure, if I can watch you, too!" We're both guys, so w know the score! ;)
     
  18. jay_too

    jay_too New Member

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    hey DMW,

    i thought masturbation was flying solo. ;D

    jay
     
  19. B_DoubleMeatWhopper

    B_DoubleMeatWhopper New Member

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    It is ... but you can watch someone else fly solo without trying to take control of the joystick yourself! :D
     
  20. Imported

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    mekkler: Of course it is!

    And, by the way, 99 out of 100 people do it and the other one is a liar. That joke is at least 10,000 years old!

    That 99/100 rule applies to the girls too.
     
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