Is meeting someone from Craigslist safe?

[Yorkie]

I'm still waiting for ideas on where to meet someone and stay safe!

As Jeff said,meet the guy in a public place and have a "date" with him.The place you choose depends on what you like to dnly you know what that is,but most people tend to choose a bar.

 

[whatireallywant]

As Jeff said,meet the guy in a public place and have a "date" with him.The place you choose depends on what you like to dnly you know what that is,but most people tend to choose a bar.

I usually choose restaurants and have dinner. When I placed that ad back in 1999, if they were not willing to have a "date" in a restaurant, that was one of the signs that I did not want to meet them. The guy I met through the ad who I did have a FWB thing going on for several months, I did have to drive to his place and pick him up (as he was legally blind and could not drive), but he was willing to have a date at a restaurant when we first met. I have to admit that the drive to his place was one of the things that drove us apart though, because he lived on the complete opposite side of town from me! There was also the political thing... I would have rather not known that. :biggrin1: And then there was just upheaval in my life.

 

[Yorkie]

When I placed that ad back in 1999, if they were not willing to have a "date" in a restaurant, that was one of the signs that I did not want to meet them.

That is a rule you should stick to.I have never met anyone from the internet,but if I did I wouldn't ever expect a woman to come to my place for a first meeting.That kind of trust has to be earned no matter how genuine the guy seems to be.

 

[Principessa]

No you don't, no one does.
There was a thread on personal ad speak last week and I know that I put discreet means he is marred or otherwise involved. I skip right over those ads. I am not looking to be anyones dirty little secret.

Or as Oprah often says, "doubt means don't."
I don't always agree with her but she was definetely right on that one. Afterall if you didn't have doubts you wouldn't have asked our opinion.

Update - He emailed me back on why he wanted to be "discreet". He isn't married, but he has a girlfriend. I made the right decision to say that I was no longer interested. I don't need that kind of drama.

 

[whatireallywant]

No you don't, no one does.
There was a thread on personal ad speak last week and I know that I put discreet means he is marred or otherwise involved. I skip right over those ads. I am not looking to be anyones dirty little secret.

Or as Oprah often says, "doubt means don't."
I don't always agree with her but she was definetely right on that one. Afterall if you didn't have doubts you wouldn't have asked our opinion.

I definitely skip over the ones that say "discreet" in their ads. This one only said "we have to be discreet" after we started emailing each other. It wasn't in his ad at all or I would not have answered it.

I agree with Oprah on this too - "doubt means don't". Even if he wasn't an abusive freak, he is already involved with someone, and I want to be able to live with myself the next day.

 

[Chaz]

I'd say these places attract some random odd people.. but i have considered these sites before.. would like to meet some girl at least once in my life from the net.. i'd like to consider myself as a gentleman

 

[rob_just_rob]

Without reading any of the posts beyond the first, I will nonetheless chime in: Don't think that meeting anyone from any online groups is safe. The internet, and especially the sexualized parts of the internet, is rife with liars, embellishers and various forms of "wannabes".

My advice would be to be quite cautious about meeting anyone, and go into the meeting with zero expectations... 'cause more often than not, it's a waste of time.

 

[whatireallywant]

Without reading any of the posts beyond the first, I will nonetheless chime in: Don't think that meeting anyone from any online groups is safe. The internet, and especially the sexualized parts of the internet, is rife with liars, embellishers and various forms of "wannabes".

My advice would be to be quite cautious about meeting anyone, and go into the meeting with zero expectations... 'cause more often than not, it's a waste of time.

Well, I actually have met someone from a "casual encounters" personal ad before and had a FWB thing going with him for several months. Yes, those sites attract a lot of weirdos, but you can find some people who are just fine on them. I am extra-careful, and as a result did not meet with the guy yesterday (and especially after he said he had a girlfriend - uh uh no no...) My real-life methods for meeting men, and particularly the kind of man I want at this point, are rather limited. That leaves me to take my chances (but at the same time be very careful) with the personals online. I opened up a special email address just for my online and "adult oriented" activities, separate from my regular email address; use a nickname when conversing with them as my real name is unusual and anyone would know that it is me if they heard it (and could lead to some privacy issues), etc. I screen ads for words like "discreet" (if that's in the ad, I skip it), and if they want to immediately come over to my place or have me go to their place, I tell them no, let's meet in a public place. Most of the quality guys would suggest first meeting in a public place anyway, so that's generally not a problem.

 

[classyron]

After four psychos my friend eventually met the woman who became his wife, but not on Craigslist. He went to Match.com, but it is a pay site. I tried Lavalife and found that the women in my town who use it are pretty shallow, but my town is shallow anyway.

I would recommend, as a guy, that you avoid Craigslist altogether. It is a magnet for loonies. Regardless of why that is, it is and has become pretty common knowledge.

 

[whatireallywant]

After four psychos my friend eventually met the woman who became his wife, but not on Craigslist. He went to Match.com, but it is a pay site. I tried Lavalife and found that the women in my town who use it are pretty shallow, but my town is shallow anyway.

I would recommend, as a guy, that you avoid Craigslist altogether. It is a magnet for loonies. Regardless of why that is, it is and has become pretty common knowledge.

I can't afford a pay site right now. Plus I am not necessarily looking for a long term relationship or husband at the time, just a FWB kind of situation. I would eventually like a long term relationship, but I need to get my life together first.

 

[rob_just_rob]

Well, I actually have met someone from a "casual encounters" personal ad before and had a FWB thing going with him for several months. Yes, those sites attract a lot of weirdos, but you can find some people who are just fine on them. I am extra-careful, and as a result did not meet with the guy yesterday (and especially after he said he had a girlfriend - uh uh no no...) My real-life methods for meeting men, and particularly the kind of man I want at this point, are rather limited. That leaves me to take my chances (but at the same time be very careful) with the personals online. I opened up a special email address just for my online and "adult oriented" activities, separate from my regular email address; use a nickname when conversing with them as my real name is unusual and anyone would know that it is me if they heard it (and could lead to some privacy issues), etc. I screen ads for words like "discreet" (if that's in the ad, I skip it), and if they want to immediately come over to my place or have me go to their place, I tell them no, let's meet in a public place. Most of the quality guys would suggest first meeting in a public place anyway, so that's generally not a problem.

All good precautions. I wasn't aware that you had had extensive experience with online dating when I posted my response.

As you say, you can meet good people online. But the good ones are seriously outnumbered by the time wasters. That was the point I was making.

 

[whatireallywant]

All good precautions. I wasn't aware that you had had extensive experience with online dating when I posted my response.

As you say, you can meet good people online. But the good ones are seriously outnumbered by the time wasters. That was the point I was making.

Well, I wouldn't say my experience is "extensive" but I have done this before - although it was not an online thing. Similar though - I placed my ad over the phone and got messages that I could check, and I could choose to keep or delete the messages. Anyone who was into being dominant or said we had to be "discreet" I deleted right away. Anyone who just plain sounded obnoxious I deleted. And for the ones I kept and talked to on the phone, if they wanted to come over to my place without meeting in a public place first, I deleted them after that conversation. I know that the bad ones outnumber the good. But there are a few who are perfectly ok. You just have to sift out the bad ones.

 

[curious n str8]

Hey, I'm careful too. I don't think anything is going to happen. I'm too suspicious. The latest is that he wants me to call him but block my number. That just sounds too suspicious to me. Plus supposedly his car is in the shop, so we could not meet in a public place. I'm starting to think he's a weirdo or hiding something.

I can't let a friend know about any of this. My friends are all rather conservative sexually and would label me a tramp, and I would no longer have any friends. I also don't have a cell phone, so I can't do any texting.

When I had placed the ad I placed a few years ago, I had one or two open minded friends who I could let in on what I was doing. The one guy I did have to go to his place and pick him up, because he was unable to drive (and he was not lying about that - he was honestly legally blind). I had a nice FWB relationship with him for several months and he was totally safe.

I am getting very antsy though - remember it has been six years since I've had sex. That is terribly frustrating to someone with a sex drive like mine.

Go with your gut feelings Hun...if you don't feel confy with it don't go since you already went 6 yrs without I'm sure a few more months won't hurt. How about trying some sort of group where you can meet someone with similar interests as you or perhaps your friends have some friend or relative that might interest you. And if you don't mind me asking why have you waited so long to have sex?

 

[vancouvergirl]

<clip> and if you're going to get in his car before you get in (in a public place) let him see you text his registration number to a friend, it might sound paranoid but it makes sense and if he's a genuine guy hell quite understand your concerns.

Not paranoid. Smart. As far as i'm concerned at least. And good idea about the registration thing! I like that better than what i did.

Once, when i was meeting a new guy, i didn't have a friend to call, so i got the guy to give me his driver's license and i read it to my voice mail. He just laughed (he turned out to be a real sweetie). But really. You can't be too careful these days!

 

[whatireallywant]

Hey, I'm careful too. I don't think anything is going to happen. I'm too suspicious. The latest is that he wants me to call him but block my number. That just sounds too suspicious to me. Plus supposedly his car is in the shop, so we could not meet in a public place. I'm starting to think he's a weirdo or hiding something.

I can't let a friend know about any of this. My friends are all rather conservative sexually and would label me a tramp, and I would no longer have any friends. I also don't have a cell phone, so I can't do any texting.

When I had placed the ad I placed a few years ago, I had one or two open minded friends who I could let in on what I was doing. The one guy I did have to go to his place and pick him up, because he was unable to drive (and he was not lying about that - he was honestly legally blind). I had a nice FWB relationship with him for several months and he was totally safe.

I am getting very antsy though - remember it has been six years since I've had sex. That is terribly frustrating to someone with a sex drive like mine.[/quote Go with your gut feelings Hun...if you don't feel confy with it don't go since you already went 6 yrs without I'm sure a few more months won't hurt. How about trying some sort of group where you can meet someone with similar interests as you or perhaps your freinds have some freind or relative that might interest you. And if you don't mind me asking why have you waited so long to have sex?

I don't have any close friends here, not that I could talk about my "preferences" this way. Too many people are really uptight. And I am in several groups where I can do non-sexual activities and meet people but have not dated anyone from the group. Some people in the groups do date, but I haven't found anyone yet.

Why have I "waited" so long? Simple - no one has wanted to have sex with me. It was certainly not my choice. Not all women have an easy time getting sex, despite what people seem to think. It may be easy for drop-dead gorgeous, slim, busty women, but I am none of these. I am just "average" (and a bit below average in the "busty" department). There is also the shyness, which is a result of issues from growing up (yeah, I'm 44 and still have these issues...)

There are several men in the groups I belong to who I am attracted to, and one in particular. However, I was at his house for a party once, then later on went on a hike with him, and he didn't even remember that I had been to his house. I guess the attraction is not mutual. I'm not really surprised - I'm just not a "head-turner". I never have been (and have always longed to be).

I do have a lot of great interests and if you get a conversation started with me and make me feel comfortable, I am fine. I am just very shy at first, and have an extremely difficult time starting conversations. I pretty much have to have someone else start a conversation, and I will join in if I have anything to add. Ironically, my being unemployed makes me more open, because I am job hunting and asking my friends if they know of any job leads. I'm still more comfortable in "activity" type situations like team sports or hiking, rather than parties or such.