Is my gaydar broken?

[SyddyKitty]

Ever since the 7th grade, whenever I have a crush on a guy... he's straight. It's been this way up through my first year at college (I'm about to enter my second). I've been around gay men and never had the slightest feelings towards them (though, most of them are rather femmy... and I'm not attracted to that).

Every year, it's one or two guys that I just totally crush on (yes, crush... I'm still pretty immature in that whole relationships area. Since I've never had one and all.). A few times, I've been threatened by the person because I let them know in some way.

Why is it that I fall for the straight or "straight" guys rather than the guys I have a legitimate chance with? Is it the maculinity factor? I'm personally not sure. xD Unless a gay male is flambouyant, I can't tell if the guy is straight or gay... so my gaydar is kinda broken anyway. x.x

Heck, even on this site, I'm more attracted to the members that have their straightness rated higher than their gayness. XD

 

[LemacST]

i have a friend who is a masculine guy but is secretly gay. They're out there, I'm sure.

 

[ZOS23xy]

Hey Syd:

I often was attracted to hostile gay guys, and later had to realise this was a problem caused by my hostile family background, and I should watch it and make sure I made the right choices in my life. Yeah, I can find myself doing self destructive foolish behavior when I know its wrong. Even when the answer is as clear as a bell. I find myself doing it.

LemacST:

Masculine and gay can go together. Look at Rock Hudson. Not Liberace.

 

[Charles Finn]

don't you dare knock my Lee yes he was a big flamer but he was an awesome
showman.
and you can keep your closet cases anyway like rock I will take an open flamer any day over a closet case. at least they are not afraid to be themselves

 

[SyddyKitty]

Haha, seems someone was a bit offended. Oh well. And anyway, I never said anything of closet cases. Just flat out straight guys. Get over your hang-up, or whatever. <3

 

[EdWoody]

Plus, Rock wasn't closeted to anyone but the wider movie-viewing public. To everyone who knew him personally, he was as openly gay as can be - and he usually screwed most of them.

 

[hungcountryboy8+]

Perhaps you never met the right kind of gay man. Myself I'm not into the fem type, but rather the str8 acting kind of man. I look for a real man. Not a man that wants to be a woman. Hang in there, and don'y try so hard. Perhaps you should try to do something with yourself that will give other gay men a way to know that you're gay. Good luck.

 

[invisibleman]

Ever since the 7th grade, whenever I have a crush on a guy... he's straight. It's been this way up through my first year at college (I'm about to enter my second). I've been around gay men and never had the slightest feelings towards them (though, most of them are rather femmy... and I'm not attracted to that).

Every year, it's one or two guys that I just totally crush on (yes, crush... I'm still pretty immature in that whole relationships area. Since I've never had one and all.). A few times, I've been threatened by the person because I let them know in some way.

Why is it that I fall for the straight or "straight" guys rather than the guys I have a legitimate chance with? Is it the maculinity factor? I'm personally not sure. xD Unless a gay male is flambouyant, I can't tell if the guy is straight or gay... so my gaydar is kinda broken anyway. x.x

Heck, even on this site, I'm more attracted to the members that have their straightness rated higher than their gayness. XD

Maybe you feel that gay men aren't as good as straight guys. You are attracted to those who aren't necessarily attracted to you.

 

[arliss]

Is my gaydar broken?

probably...but there is a site that will repair it for $19.95..or you can purchase a refurbished gaydar for $89.95 with a one year guarantee... I will PM you the name of the site...good luck

 

[SyddyKitty]

Seems you're in a mood today. Why bother me? Your last comment to something of mine was intentionally dry and rude. You should cool down.

 

[invisibleman]

Perhaps you never met the right kind of gay man. Myself I'm not into the fem type, but rather the str8 acting kind of man. I look for a real man. Not a man that wants to be a woman. Hang in there, and don'y try so hard. Perhaps you should try to do something with yourself that will give other gay men a way to know that you're gay. Good luck.

I think I understand what you are saying.

Who is EVER the REAL man though? I have met some really good men and they happened to be "femme" types. I find that many gay men are way too critical of each other. Thinking that they are going to find a Tom Selleck type. But never think that "IS Tom Selleck digging me?" It is all nice to know what you want but thinking that you deserve to get it is an entire matter. Another matter, is ANY one guy up to being another guy's standards of being a man? Be your own man.

 

[SyddyKitty]

Perhaps you never met the right kind of gay man. Myself I'm not into the fem type, but rather the str8 acting kind of man. I look for a real man. Not a man that wants to be a woman. Hang in there, and don'y try so hard. Perhaps you should try to do something with yourself that will give other gay men a way to know that you're gay. Good luck.

I've tried giving off signals that I'm gay. :x My long hair is a result of one of the tries. I don't act very gay and most of my friends have told me that "If I didn't know you, I'd sometimes think you're straight.". I get that less and less now but it still pops up.

Now, don't get me wrong here, saying straight men with long hair are somehow homosexual. It's just, black males are less often seen with long hair and there's a sort of intimidation factor, for some, seeing a black male with short hair that's quite tall.

I used to also carry a book bag that was smaller than the average messenger back, from H&M. I considered it kind of a give-away but I've since ditched it except for during school, when I actually need it. .

 

[invisibleman]

I've tried giving off signals that I'm gay. :x My long hair is a result of one of the tries. I don't act very gay and most of my friends have told me that "If I didn't know you, I'd sometimes think you're straight.". I get that less and less now but it still pops up.

Now, don't get me wrong here, saying straight men with long hair are somehow homosexual. It's just, black males are less often seen with long hair and there's a sort of intimidation factor, for some, seeing a black male with short hair that's quite tall.

I used to also carry a book bag that was smaller than the average messenger back, from H&M. I considered it kind of a give-away but I've since ditched it except for during school, when I actually need it. .

Come on, man. You aren't serious. You are pulling our legs with this thread. :smile:

 

[SyddyKitty]

Come on, man. You aren't serious. You are pulling our legs with this thread. :smile:

Nope. I've since grown quite attached to my appearance with long hair, so it's less of a signal than it was when I first started growing it.

http://images.askmen.com/fashion/trends_150/157d_fashion_men.jpg the bag looked almost like this camera bag, but not leather (it was an army green done in fabric).

I've been a pretty desperate guy at times.

 

[Not_Punny]

My gaydar is practically nonexistent! (I was married to a gay man for 10 years!):biggrin1: (He was a good looking, masculine fellow -- not macho at all, just very alpha.)

However, I'd say that you probably dig the masculinity factor.

You are so gorgeous, Syddy, that I'm surprised that you haven't had a relationship yet. :wink:

Single girls depend a LOT on friends to make introductions and connect them up. This might work for you too.

So.... might I suggest getting a "girlfriend" -- not in the sexual sense, but in a FRIEND sense. A friend who's also gay who knows the local gay scene and can help show "you around"

 

[SyddyKitty]

Branching out for new friends this year is sounding better and better with ideas like these. n_n;

 

[invisibleman]

Your gaydar is not broken. You are just out of the range. You are out of sight. Gay men cannot see you. (I should know. I am invisible. Invisibleman knows invisibility.)

You will have to have more than long hair and an H+M messenger bag to snag a man...a straight acting gay man at that. You have to put yourself out there where the gay men can see you. You will have to go to a few gay bars. Nightclubs. Gay Community Center events. Pot lucks. Cinema Clubs. Whatever.

This is what I did when I was out in the scene. I got a few men that way.

 

[invisibleman]

Nope. I've since grown quite attached to my appearance with long hair, so it's less of a signal than it was when I first started growing it.

http://images.askmen.com/fashion/trends_150/157d_fashion_men.jpg the bag looked almost like this camera bag, but not leather (it was an army green done in fabric).

I've been a pretty desperate guy at times.

I wasn't joking with you about your hair. I myself had long hair but I didn't grow it thinking that people would think that I was gay. (My uncle had long salt and pepper hair that went down his back. Bone straight. He was black.)

I own a Superman logo messenger bag and a GAP shoulder bag. I didn't buy them as gay men magnets. Hehehe.

To find the men you want, you will have to go where the men are. Go where the men you want go.

 

[Dave NoCal]

Many gay men are attracted to masculinity. Many gay men are quite masculine but still give off subtle signals. It seems to me that gaydar is an acquired skill.

You may not be giving yourself opportunities to meet gay men in an open environment. Volunteering with a gay organization would be a way to do that. That way you would have opportunities to know who might be approachable.

Now, it's my observation that sometimes gay men pursue straight men for other reasons such as thinking straigt men are "better," being ambivalent about being in a relationship and therefor pursuing men who aren't available, or wanting to be the person for whom a straight man makes an exception. These reasons existed for me in my youth and I think they are actually pretty common for guys as they are working their way out of the closet.

 

[SyddyKitty]

That's an interesting idea as to why. o.o I don't feel that it works that way for me but I'm unsure why I'm this way, anyway. I came out of the closet when I was 15 but I didn't do anything with another man until I was 19... maybe, in some way, my slowly growing experiences are working kind of like coming out of the closet? Just a thought. Doesn't feel like it fits thinking about it but eh.

And yea, up until recently, I considered the campus to be a place to be noticed... which was a dumb idea. x_x I really do have to get out there. I turned 21 on the 6th, so I shouldn't have any trouble visiting a bar. Problem is, I don't drink... so I don't know exactly what I'd do there. I'm not very good for small-talk. n_n;

A gay organization? Like what, exactly? o.o I don't know of anything but the LBGT ( or whatever it is) at school, which is mostly females.