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Is My Straight Friend Closeted?

Discussion in 'Ask a Gay Man' started by JaPret, May 23, 2019.

?

Is he interested in me?

  1. Very possible

    12 vote(s)
    16.2%
  2. Probably not

    62 vote(s)
    83.8%
  1. JaPret

    JaPret Banned

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    At university college, there's a guy I've become friends with in my class. He's shy, kind and has a girlfriend with whom he has been with for two years. I'm bicurious myself, and I have fantasies about him... But yeah, officially he's straight and has a girlfriend. We are in the same social group, but he's not often with us, as he prefers being with his girlfriend at home...

    The reason why I need your thoughts, is because I may believe he's bi/gay/interested in me.
    1. I believe he looks at me. At least sometimes when I look in his direction, he'll look at me.
    2. He gets very shy when I say hi or goodbye. One time I said goodbye to the group, and he said bye immediately after in a nervous manner without looking me in the eyes.
    3. He has began conversations with me sometimes, which would surprise people, as he is very shy.
    4. He once asked a friend of mine if I also was "coming to the party".
    5. The way he walks and moves his hands is a little feminine.
    6. When we started at university college, I know he asked my friend where I came from. Yet he also said he was surprised I "was on social media" - which at first gave me the impression he didn't like me.
    Reasons making me doubt it all, are:
    1. If I ask him what he's doing in the holidays, he'll tell me all the things he's doing with his girlfriend.. But he won't ask: "And what about you?" In fact I don't think he knows anything about me... he doesn't ask.
    2. He has PDA with his girlfriend. When we are social in a group, he'll kiss her a lot while we're there - like this proud married man.
    3. He's planning to marry his girlfriend, and have kids... They have discussed what to call them.
    4. He never reaches out to me on social media.
    5. After classes, he goes straight home to be with his girlfriend and make dinner. They're like this 30 year old couple.
    6. He's innocent and correct. I don't think he would ever try something with me, because of his girlfriend.
    7. We've never hung out just the two of us. Me and my friend have reached out a couple of times, but no...
    8. We sat in the library just the two of us after classes, and had a great time. But all of a sudden he leaves because his girlfriend has finished her classes.
    I'm so confused... Any thoughts? Maybe I'm just being irrational...
     
  2. Brodie888

    Brodie888 Superior Member

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    My advice would be to do yourself a favor and find yourself a situation that's a lot simpler before you get too invested.
     
  3. JaPret

    JaPret Banned

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    That I should forget about him?
     
  4. hvdude

    Gold Member Verified

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    You're looking for something that isn't there. Take Brody's advice: find someone who will reciprocate your interest and leave this guy alone.
     
  5. JaPret

    JaPret Banned

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    So you think he’s straight and not interested?
     
  6. Brodie888

    Brodie888 Superior Member

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    In a word, yes.

    Your most limited resource in life is time. Once spent it's gone forever. You don't have time to waste on someone who is not ready for you right now. You may miss connecting with someone else better if you're distracted looking in the wrong direction too.
     
  7. 1141702

    1141702 Guest

    Conversely, you could spend more time with him and make him comfortable enough to pursue you instead. Don’t initiate.
     
    JaPret likes this.
  8. rayray

    rayray Superior Member

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    (QOUTE) 1. If I ask him what he's doing in the holidays, he'll tell me all the things he's doing with his girlfriend.. But he won't ask: "And what about you?" In fact I don't think he knows anything about me... he doesn't ask.(QUOTE)

    I don't really think he's into you just by what you wrote.
     
  9. rayray

    rayray Superior Member

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    Yes!
     
    693987 likes this.
  10. 822034

    822034 Guest

    Are you James Charles? LOL
     
    Kylie75001 likes this.
  11. JaPret

    JaPret Banned

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    Nice :D
     
  12. 1222288

    1222288 Guest

    You have a lengthy, bulleted list of behaviors that don't really add up to anything aside from you looking too hard at this situation. Well, actually I'm being fairly generous there. You are obsessing over this guy, dissecting what he does (and does not) do, and seem to have a great deal of jealously towards his girlfriend.

    To me, it sounds like he's in a happy relationship. From your perspective, you are turning everything he does into a personal affront towards you. When, the reality is, he's probably just living his life, has a gf that he likes to spend time with, and probably isn't into you that much at all if he hasn't gone out with you one-on-one. I'd even go a little further, and say he can probably sniff out your paranoid and jealous thoughts, and outside of school time, seems to want to avoid you.

    At the end of the day, you have an unhealthy obsession. Unrequited love is a thing. Find someone who is into you, and become happy as well.
     
    malakos, Kylie75001, hung9fl and 2 others like this.
  13. JaPret

    JaPret Banned

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    But how can you explain that behaviour to me though.. he believes I'm straight, as he knows about girls I
     
  14. JaPret

    JaPret Banned

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    have hooked up with.. So it's not like he knows I'm into him
     
  15. 1222288

    1222288 Guest

    I did. I don't think you understood what I wrote.

    In short: you are over examining.

    He is:
    • shy
    • has a girlfriend that he wants to spent time with
    • doesn't want to contact you outside of school

    From his side of the deal, it sounds pretty normal.

    From your side, you are waaaaay too interested in reading "signs". If you really want to know, ask him.

    At the end of the day, find someone else. He has a girlfriend that he likes so much they are talking about marriage and kids. There isn't anything on his side that says he wants to pursue you, on any level outside of a casual school buddy. No social media, no coffee off-campus, no late night calls.

    Even if he were bi, or whatever, he's happy where he is and is making future plans. Let him have that, and stop chasing him with puppy eyes before he gets a restraining order.
     
  16. 328982

    328982 Guest

    Have you heard of De Clerambault's syndrome?
     
    420Canadian likes this.
  17. SkiCop

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    agree with Brodie, leave him be.
    find someone who you can be with.
    Even if he is bi or whatever he's probably a long way from doing anything....
    on both sides of that, yours and his, that can be tormenting....
    move on.
     
  18. tito21

    Gold Member Platinum Gold

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    Like many of the posters have pointed out, take a hint and go after other gay men. Life is too short to play kind games.

    What you’re reading and seeing is very different from reality! Your delusions, lust and feelings for the guy have clouded your judgement. What you hear and see are wishful thinking on your part.

    Like @420Canadian has pointed out; The guy has a girl friend, whether he is gay/bi/closeted, it doesn’t matter. He has a girl friend and chose to be with her, and not you! Get out of the fantasy that you have created in your head and start living in reality!

    I have been in your shoes before when I was younger. Don’t sell yourself short and be someone’s side dish. You deserve full attention from someone who truly loves you - and you’ll only find that from a GAY man, romantically speaking! No straight guy or closeted guy will ever leave their straight life for a gay man.
     
  19. JaPret

    JaPret Banned

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    Thank you all for your help. You seem to have valid points. However, it’s based on what I’ve written, and I realize I haven’t told everything: A friend of mine said he acts friendlier towards me. It was just a random comment. More shy and gentler... Tried to include me in conversations, smiling shy at me... I noticed that before I fell in love, which was after a few months. Before that I didn’t even notice him, as he looked unfriendly, introvert and not interested. This changed when we began talking.
     
  20. Cum_is_Great

    Gold Member Verified

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    Okay, so you are in love. Which means you probably will never believe us as you are smitten. But there's not much more we can say to you. You're convinced and in love.
     
    surfnwoody and cedarizzo like this.
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