Thank you again, everyone, for your kind comments! I really appreciate it.
Sad to say it is a dealbreaker for me.
That response out of the way, couldn't you ask your doc if dosing up on relaxin would help?
She recommended Premarin, the estrogen cream. She's apparently familiar with this particular problem. Unfortunately, the solution might affect my breast milk production, and I'm dedicated to breastfeeding.
My wife and I share a connection that goes well beyond the physical.
We do, too. :smile:
I would hope that we would be able to use other sexual activities and the all-sexy imagination to stay physically intimate.
I hope so, too!
I dated a girl years ago that was saving vaginal penetration for marriage but everything else was "no holds barred." We didn't go as far as using toys. But, had mutual masturbation, oral, grinding, etc. I found it an awesome experience and we came hard just with that. It was an awesome experience.
This weekend was really nice. I felt like a teenager again, but it was definitely very sexy. It was nice to get in touch with that feeling again, even if we couldn't have vaginal sex, like we're used to.
A bond is truly strong when nothing short of death can break it.
When you love someone and you are there for them when they need it in a way no one else is, that is beyond intimacy.
I think that describes us, at least I truly hope that it does.
A terminal illness can terminate your sex life and consequently that of your partner.
I spent nearly 5 years without sex while my partner was dying.
Besides not being able to have sex there were 3 days a week at the hospital, hair gone, strength lost, numerous surgeries, unable to drive, then unable to walk, confined to a bed.
I know there are people who abandon someone in such a situation but to me that is just wrong. So wrong that it is unthinkable.
I had no vaginal sex for 5 years and yes it sucked.
But my wife had no sex either. And a slow death that came to one much too young to die.
I know that we would be there for each other in the exact same situation. I just hope we never have to find out for sure.
I'm so sorry that you had to go through that and you lost someone so dear to you. :hug:
Nope, I could easily have a relationship with someone where all we did was kiss. It's about the person, not about sticking your penis inside them, surely...
I think I would want more than just kissing, but I completely agree with you, it's all about the person.
I understand how you feel, Petite. While I didn't have any issues with penetration after childbirth (I had a c-section as well), my post-hysterectomy insides are different. The lack of hormones from ovary removal make the walls less elastic and intercourse has been painful. Vaginal length was shortened by maybe a 1/2 inch but when you add decreased elasticity it feels like I've been shortened by inches. I honestly think your issues are your hormones balancing back out. For most women it's an emotional issue, maybe it manifested physically for you? It's also difficult to relax with a newborn that needs so much tending to, so could some of this be emotional? Just throwing that out there.
ticIf he had an average size penis, it wouldn't be an issue at all, but when I described the difficulty I had dilating using dildos and the pain I experienced when we tried penetration, she said that it was lack of elasticity due to breastfeeding, so it sounds like a similar problem that occurs after a hysterectomy. I was really glad to get a solid answer so I could stop wondering. It's also nice to know how long I need to wait. I was thinking maybe a few weeks, but it turns out that it will probably be months before we can have vaginal sex again, which doesn't make me happy, but it saves me the frustration of attempting to have sex over and over again and failing repeatedly.
If it came up later, I'd need to discuss opening up the relationship. If he wasn't OK with that, it would be a deal breaker.
If my partner and I were still being sexual, I could continue a relationship with them in the absence of vaginal sex. I could continue to love them and be happy with them. But if I wasn't getting vaginal sex from somewhere, the need would eventually nag at me enough that I'd have to leave or try an open relationship (ie. my need for sex is separate from my ability to love) .
Since you brought it up, I asked TheBF the hypothetical question, "If we could never have vaginal sex again, would you want to open up our relationship?" The prospect of never having vaginal sex with each other again is a scary one, but we both thought it was scarier to seek satisfaction elsewhere, if the purpose was to get something neither of us could get from the other partner. We both thought that the more secure we felt about how satisfied each other was in bed, the less concerned we would feel about inviting extra partners. I asked him if he didn't believe that there was enough to our relationship outside of sex to keep us together, and he said that wasn't the problem, he would feel threatened by whomever I'm enjoying having sex with if I can't have it with him and I know I would feel the same way if he was having sex with a woman who could do things I can't do. He cares more about protecting his relationship with me than he does about having vaginal sex. Neither of us liked the idea that one of us could develop feelings for someone else. Unlike you, we aren't as good at separating sex and emotions, and we're both aware of it.
I think I could, but only if anal was on the cards. Mainly because I'd want to do something to her with my penis... a blow job she's doing all the work, toys its not really me doing it... I would still want to have sex with her and cum inside her.
This is also assuming we were 100% compatible personality wise, and she fucking loved anal.
I do enjoy anal sex, but it is time consuming to enjoy it, which gets in the way of doing it frequently.
Not a deal breaker for me at all. But then again, I guess I just never based my love for her on whether or not any or all of her openings are on the menu.
True. I keep thinking about how a lot of gay men only engage in oral sex, no penetration at all, about 25% of all gay men. Considering how many people are in sexless marriages or who only engage in sex in the missionary position, I think our sex life would still be enviable and more varied than most people who are in long term relationships.
Petite, I definately don't see it as a problem for myself. I prefer to give and receive oral if the girl doesn't want to have vaginal sex and it can be even hotter than the full sex thing. But I've never been a fan of anal. Plus when you're with someone and it seems like it's going well, it doesn't matter if there is a dry spell. Especially after childbirth. My girlfriend was sore for many months after but eventually it gets back to normal and didn't even notice because there's a kid occupying your time. Of course sex is always important but I'm sure like most guys, he isn't really noticing. And congratulations by the way!
Aw, thank you for the congratulations! I wish I could say that we haven't noticed the absence of sex, but we have. I think we notice it less than we would if it weren't for the baby, though.
I'm glad you were able to get the Premarin cream. It is possible to use while breastfeeding. I know for a fact it is!! Yes your production can decrease, but taking in more fluids and pumping between feedings should take care of that. Most babies start taking in some solids such as rice cereal about 4 months of age so you're really not depriving the baby of anything. Please don't feel torn to shoose one over the other cause it's not necessary. You're right about having to think in terms of months and not weeks though...Like I said, I breastfed all of my kids for 2 years each, that doesn't mean that I gave up my sex life during that time and they were all eating healthy solid food by 6 months too. I actually made my own babyfood! Please feel free to ask anything. Nothing is off limits I promise! And if it helps then all the better!
You were so right about everything! I am glad that I won't be struggling futility, now that I know that I really should just be patient and wait until I've decided that it's okay to begin formula or solids.
I'm really dedicated to breastfeeding and I think we're on the same page there. My OB-GYN said that some women aren't affected, but because of my size, I probably will experience a reduction in my breast milk, just because I'm so tiny. I don't think we feel willing to take the risk that my breastmilk supply could be affected because we feel that it's so important. I think we're going to wait longer before we try the cream.
I've been planning on making baby food, too! I was planning on breastfeeding exclusively for 6 months, no formula or solids.
no not a deal breaker for me, i'm 9''x7'' and i have to be careful with most women..i don't know if this is why i like to give head so much or what. but i prefer mutual masturbation and recieving hand jobs foot jobs ect.........i do enjoy intercource but its hard to have a good time with a lot of women its the length not the girth that causes problems you just naturally want to go as deep as you can and some times you forget and you hurt your partner, thats not okay with me
TheBF doesn't like it when he hurts me with his penis, either.
Glad to hear the good news, Petite :smile:. And good on you for being totally honest with your doc again. Being brave really pays off :smile:.
It really does. At first it was surreal, and then she said, "Lots of women have talked to me about these problems." That really made me feel a lot less like a freak.
I need to add something to this discussion for petite's sake too: In the spirit of the question, "Is it a dealbreaker?", my answer is yes. But in the context of raising a family and a newborn kid, it would not. I'd move heaven and earth to stay happy in a sexless relationship for the sake of my kids... which is why I have none.
Likewise, the health of the baby will always be a priority over our sex life.
My personal gynecological problems (endometriosis)involve large amounts of internal scar tissue which I have found sexual activity is the best way of alleviating. But it does not have to involve vaginal penetration. Petite, just coming regularly will be the very best thing for restoring your internal flexibility and reducing the scarring between the organs!
Also I breast-fed. One of my kids was a forceps delivery with very high bilirubin (jaundice from bruising) and my milk didn't kick in fast enough to hydrate him so I supplemented with formula but breast feeding has no substitute. That child got both and turned out tall and heavy as a youth.
Well, you don't have to tell me twice. I'm happy to have lots of orgasms for the sake of my health. :smile:
My baby also had jaundice and they almost didn't release us from the hospital. I spent the first few days after he was born with the breast pump, feeding him as much as possible. Breastfeeding is very important to me because it reduces his chances of getting diabetes, cancer, allergies, asthma, and becoming overweight. It also reduces my chances of getting breast cancer and heart disease. Everything I eat is in consideration of it's effect on my breastmilk and I'm careful to get my vitamins and take the DHA supplements. We aren't ready to give it up quite yet, especially since I've been struggling so much with it, working so hard to increase my milk supply so that I wouldn't have to use formula. I'm too invested in doing it to give it up.
Your BF seems like a stand up guy... I wouldn't give up the breastfeeding either.
I would say that having oral and especially a willing anal partner would be fine with me. Vaginal sex is great, but having a willing partner is way better in any relationship.
He is a stand up guy and I'm definitely a willing partner.
Petite I am so happy that you had a good talk with your obgyn. You are a lucky woman to have TheBF, I'm sure everything will work out fine!
I think I am lucky! He's a very good man. :smile:
