Is Online Dating Hurting Men?

wallyj84

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Do you think online dating is harmful for the mental state of men?

I used to like online dating. When it first started online dating was a great way to meet like minded individuals, but that isn't the case anymore. Now from personal experience and what I here from others, if you're an average man you will experience a kind of silence. You won't get replies or matches. You will just be ignored. I think this has a very negative affect on male mental health and wonder if it isn't at least partially to blame for things like incels and such.

What do you guys think?
 

wallyj84

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Do you know how women get treated on dating sites?

I never said that they didn't. This thread however is about the negative affect it has on men specifically.

You're free to make a thread about the treatment women receive on dating sites and I'll agree with everything that you write. But, this thread is about men. So let's focus on that, please.
 

Tight_N_Juicy

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I never said that they didn't. This thread however is about the negative affect it has on men specifically.

You're free to make a thread about the treatment women receive on dating sites and I'll agree with everything that you write. But, this thread is about men. So let's focus on that, please.

Meh.

I think you're on the troll again anyway. Words like "average" are very suggestive coming from you so I'm not interested.
 

Tight_N_Juicy

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lol

Anytime we disagree I'm a "troll".

No. I don't always call you a troll when I disagree with you. I just ignore those posts and move on.

You are right though. I shouldn't have wasted time entering this thread anyway.

Have fun.
 

heinz.friedrich

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Do you know how women get treated on dating sites?
That is not surprising. The dating sites are based on shallowness. Women are chosen based on their attractiveness (appearance, money, status). And the women do the same with men, after they recieve a message. Attractive women can choose. Non-attractive women have to deal with the few messages they recieve. But the non-attractive women also suffer, when they compare with other women.

Now from personal experience and what I here from others, if you're an average man you will experience a kind of silence. You won't get replies or matches. You will just be ignored. I think this has a very negative affect on male mental health and wonder if it isn't at least partially to blame for things like incels and such.

Only the ones that are not attractive are negatively affected. The other privileged men will insult you, that that is your fault. Ok their mental health is negatively affected because their arrogance increase and the respect for the less attractive men may decrease.

in a perfect world that is not based on superficialness, everybody would have the same response and the women and men could not decide who to pick, because everybody would have the same attractiveness to them. Then you would have to meet them first and decide based on the character that fits best to you afterwards.

I dont like the conspiracy theorists, that say this was planned to destroy society. But I have to say that this is not a positive development. The non-online dating is far better in my opinion.

Do you think online dating is harmful for the mental state of men?
To answer your question: Yes that is harmful. Some men get arrogant (the attractive ones), the other ones depressive. But that is because of the system. The normal non-online meeting can correct that.
 

wallyj84

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That is not surprising. The dating sites are based on shallowness. Women are chosen based on their attractiveness (appearance, money, status). And the women do the same with men, after they recieve a message. Attractive women can choose. Non-attractive women have to deal with the few messages they recieve. But the non-attractive women also suffer, when they compare with other women.



Only the ones that are not attractive are negatively affected. The other privileged men will insult you, that that is your fault. Ok their mental health is negatively affected because their arrogance increase and the respect for the less attractive men may decrease.

in a perfect world that is not based on superficialness, everybody would have the same response and the women and men could not decide who to pick, because everybody would have the same attractiveness to them. Then you would have to meet them first and decide based on the character that fits best to you afterwards.

I dont like the conspiracy theorists, that say this was planned to destroy society. But I have to say that this is not a positive development. The non-online dating is far better in my opinion.


To answer your question: Yes that is harmful. Some men get arrogant (the attractive ones), the other ones depressive. But that is because of the system. The normal non-online meeting can correct that.

I think online dating in the past was great, but now it is crap.

Meeting in reality is better nowadays, but much more difficult. The virus and just the way society has become more isolated has made the old ways of meeting people much harder.

But at this point I think loneliness is better for a man's mental health than online dating IMO.
 

Sagittarius84

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I think younger straight men in particular are most negatively affected by dating sites, which by proxy is going to make it worse for everyone else once they age. Now granted Ill acquiesce, individual interactions probably turn out worse for women, but that's unfortunately par for the heteronormative course, not something unique to online dating.
Now historically younger males have always been at a disadvantage in the sexual/dating marketplace, a fact we typically learn early on in HS when our female peers express a clear preference for upperclassmen, college students or adults....what online dating has done has expanded the scope by which women can further exploit the advantage of attraction they already possess, casting their net wider amongst older men and men whom offer a socioeconomic advantage, effectively selecting out their male peers whom either carry on with worse odds, build resentment that arises later on in adulthood against women , or are compelled to seek women over whom they hold socioeconomic advantage, often via age.
Simply, I feel online dating is becoming a set of data points that will be used(is currently being used if you peep the "manosphere") as evidence for the misogynist claims of women's collective inability to be anything other than hypergamous by nature.
 

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I think online anything; is ripe for "average" people abusing anyone.

Technology in general is turning us writ into social retards. Social networks have exposed the fucked up inner demons people used to maintain positive control over.

Dating and specifically online hook ups have a negative effect on both sexes equally; it just hits differently.
 

Sagittarius84

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. Social networks have exposed the fucked up inner demons people used to maintain positive control over.
Oddly enough I think that's really the net positive from social networks. A lot of BS has fallen by the wayside and it's starting to expose people for who they really are, collectively and individually.
 

Sagittarius84

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Imagine labelling yourself as average tho.
It's usually not self labelling, but a moniker applied by the discerning party. An average height man can specify 5'8 3/4" all day but will still be perceived as "average" until 6'+ pops up. In the categories that seem to matter in the subsequent selection/reciprocation process, for most men to not consider themselves as average in the inline dating world is borderline delusional.
 

Sagittarius84

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I say all of the above in agreement of how online dating hurts men specifically, but I dont exactly think that is the worst thing for us. Keep in mind online dating was originally a means by which primarily men could widen their scope of dating/sexual opportunities to match what in less egalitarian days' past could be simply accomplished by leveraging their socioeconomic advantages. Scope was definitely widened, but like most advancements or upheavals designed for one subset of society, it spawned a series of unintended consequences. Pendulums swing.
 

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It's usually not self labelling, but a moniker applied by the discerning party. An average height man can specify 5'8 3/4" all day but will still be perceived as "average" until 6'+ pops up. In the categories that seem to matter in the subsequent selection/reciprocation process, for most men to not consider themselves as average in the inline dating world is borderline delusional.
“Now from personal experience and what I here from others, if you're an average man you will experience a kind of silence. You won't get replies or matches. You will just be ignored.” He very much self identifies.
 

Sagittarius84

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“Now from personal experience and what I here from others, if you're an average man you will experience a kind of silence. You won't get replies or matches. You will just be ignored.” He very much self identifies.
Numbers dont lie. My guess is his determination is an objective observation of the stats that catch women's eye and his relative position within them. Self confidence is great, and we can all value qualities how we'd like but within specific realms we are judged by specific metrics. My guess is he's referring to his height, income, and physical appearance, which cross referenced against the actual selective data of women on social dating sites, comes up as average. Itd be nice if he could purport say, some hypothetical total dominance of "The Pokemon Card Game" as an above average trait, but that would be dependent upon the desired audience.
Physical appearance may be shaky, but data has shown that men below 6ft and below specific income thresholds get far less interest from women prior to any interaction, and most of the successful advice about crafting a desirable profile revolves around both visually and in written form, putting forth an aura of physical confidence(to compensate for size) and leading more than a spartan lifestyle(implying some measure of wealth or disposable income)
 

cherryboom66

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Numbers dont lie. My guess is his determination is an objective observation of the stats that catch women's eye and his relative position within them. Self confidence is great, and we can all value qualities how we'd like but within specific realms we are judged by specific metrics. My guess is he's referring to his height, income, and physical appearance, which cross referenced against the actual selective data of women on social dating sites, comes up as average. Itd be nice if he could purport say, some hypothetical total dominance of "The Pokemon Card Game" as an above average trait, but that would be dependent upon the desired audience.
Physical appearance may be shaky, but data has shown that men below 6ft and below specific income thresholds get far less interest from women prior to any interaction, and most of the successful advice about crafting a desirable profile revolves around both visually and in written form, putting forth an aura of physical confidence(to compensate for size) and leading more than a spartan lifestyle(implying some measure of wealth or disposable income)
Show me the numbers. Then show me data to show that all men see themselves as a statistic on a screen. Are men really that lame?
 
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deleted1074483

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I'm not sure that its 'online' dating in particular that is the issue but the way in which people use it in terms of catfishing, ghosting, etc and that it is like a shopping catalogue in a lot of respects - we're 'directed' in lots of ways to 'swipe left' on anyone who has any type of 'flaw' because someone better may come along next. and people you'd be very happy to date if you met in real life as you'd see them as a 'person' rather than a set of pix (sometimes very old pix, sometimes photoshopped or 'improved' ), you'd see a smile on their face (or not) when you caught their eye and you could have a 5 minute 'how are you' chat to decide if you were interested to explore more.

On line dating can work, i've met many partners, some of whom turned into LTRs, some into friends and some fwb or one night stands - its just being realistic about expectations isn't it?

The 'hurting' bit, for men, women, trans, bi, pan etc etc is these unrealistic expectations, comparing oneself to pix of others, the numbers game of rejections vs contacts, but all online social media has those bad elements not just online dating, this perhaps just directly exposes one to it ?
 

Sagittarius84

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Show me the numbers. Then show me data to show that all men see themselves as a statistic on a screen. Are men really that lame?
I think we're talking past each other, you seem fixated upon self perception, where Im referring to actual interest from interested parties. Im right with you in saying men should have more confidence in their worth, but Im not so naive to say that is going to translate into increased interest.
 

cherryboom66

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I think we're talking past each other, you seem fixated upon self perception, where Im referring to actual interest from interested parties. Im right with you in saying men should have more confidence in their worth, but Im not so naive to say that is going to translate into increased interest.
You’re talking about statistics and number and how they “don’t lie”, meaning all men are robots devoid of personality and life. If your whole (very very long) post is going to solely be about said “evidence”, it would be nice to see it.

Is this an American thing? I don’t think I’ve ever met anyone who has these opinions and I have yet to find anyone like this on dating apps. I’m 5 10, 8/10 times I’m matching with someone shorter. There’s a pandemic... I’m often matching with men without jobs.

Moral of the story. American men - stop seeing the world as stereotypes, numbers and a place where you can walk around going “woe is me... I’m a man!!”. Start working on your personalities and interests and your confidence. If we are talking about dating apps - having a personality and making someone smile, laugh and feel something... that is all you need.
 
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