Is revenge really all it's cracked up to be?

Discussion in 'Relationships, Discrimination, and Jealousy' started by Fleur, Aug 22, 2009.

  1. Fleur

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Jul 14, 2009
    Messages:
    1,559
    Likes Received:
    28
    Gender:
    Female
    Location:
    Manhattan
    So, I was dumped by my ex 7 months ago (he finally quit leading me on 3 months ago)...I have had crazy dreams these days out of no where of him crawling back and admitting he made a big mistake.

    For the most part I've ignored the dreams. But I'm wondering...has this actually happened in real life to anyone? The proverbial ex that comes crawling back after they've dumped you? What did you do about it?

    Of course I told him when he dumped me he was making a big mistake...do I think that now that he's even more depressed and miserable that he agrees with me by now? Probably. Do I think he's going to come crawling back? For both our sakes, I definitely hope not. :rolleyes:

    I have to admit...part of me would be quite pleased at the notion of him admitting his mistake and to get revenge over it by rejecting him back. Somehow it would help the moving on process to know he wants me back but can't have me back...:wink:
     
    #1 Fleur, Aug 22, 2009
    Last edited: Aug 22, 2009
  2. lucky8

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Oct 30, 2006
    Messages:
    3,716
    Likes Received:
    17
    Gender:
    Male
    Been there. A girl i had dated for a couple years broke up with me, we stopped talking for 6 or 7 months, then suddenly she calls me out of nowhere saying "I broke up with ------ and I really want to see you." I was like wtf? Especially because I lived 2 hours away and she wanted to come see me on a sunday...I went to see her the next weekend, had sex, and that was pretty much that, even though I still think about all the time...like 4 years after the fact. Although, to this day, she still contacts me like once a year to see if I'll still chase her around, but honestly, I'm over it. If she were to call or text me or whatever and just flat out be honest and not expect me to chase her around, I'd probably get back together with her. But honestly, when ex's contact you I feel it's usually either because they're really lonely and if that's the case, part of me says sorry, I don't want to be your last resort. But then again, maybe you 2 really did have something more special than any other relationship, so that could play a role too. From experience, I'd say trust your instinct, it's usually right...
     
  3. _avg_

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Nov 11, 2007
    Messages:
    1,704
    Albums:
    1
    Likes Received:
    8
    Yep. Took them back. Mistake; they repeated their error.

    Indeed.

    Self-assuredness; the perceived validation of the belief that he was wrong and you were right. The power. "Any fool can endure hardships. If you wish to test a person's character, give them power."
     
  4. Countryguy63

    Verified Gold Member

    Joined:
    Jun 29, 2006
    Messages:
    14,488
    Albums:
    1
    Likes Received:
    1,445
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    near Monterey, Calif.
    Verified:
    Photo
    I think that everyone who has been left by someone else, has had that feeling. It's a way of feeling justified and "OK"

    I wouldn't accept any of my ex's back, as I can see why it wouldn't work. However, it would be nice to have them come back and ask.
     
  5. Symphonic

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Mar 12, 2008
    Messages:
    1,731
    Albums:
    1
    Likes Received:
    36
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Minneapolis (MN, US)
    When I stopped thinking of it as a loss on either persons part it got easier. Grudges just age you faster.
     
  6. lickme69

    lickme69 New Member

    Joined:
    Jun 2, 2009
    Messages:
    436
    Likes Received:
    0
    Gender:
    Female
    Location:
    Indiana
    Yes this did happen to me. It did not end up the way I wanted it to. He dumped me and I cried about him for a long time. Finally, I started dating again. I dated a man for approximately 6 months. He asked me to marry him. Foolishly I said yes. Well, here comes ex BF (the one who dumped me) and expresses his love to me and tells me how wrong he was and how he has realized I am the woman for him and how much he loved me. It broke my heart that he waited fro such a long time to tell me this. I broke the news to him that I was engaged. We both cried about it. He told me he was sorry for hurting me. He left, I got married 3 months later. I never stopped thinking about him.
    My marriage lasted for 20 years. I just got divorced this year. He is on his 3rd marriage. So who knows? Maybe my life would have been different, but one will never know.
     
  7. 8060

    Verified Gold Member

    Joined:
    Apr 1, 2008
    Messages:
    1,363
    Albums:
    3
    Likes Received:
    1,026
    Location:
    The Midwest
    Verified:
    Photo
    Luckily, I have never been dumped. I have dumped someone that wanted me back and that wasn't happening. I wouldn't say that revenge is worth it. It would probably give you a great big smile for a while and that's about it. I would find more satisfaction in just the realization of them knowing that they made a mistake. But to rub it in their faces (tell them hell no) after asking to come back, I wouldn't do that.

    Of my past relationships, I accept them to be over and forget about them. Remember them, yes. Dwell on them, no. In those memories is when I smile to myself and think silently, "There is no way I'd even let you think that you could come back." They're gone and I'm still here. That's revenge enough for me.
     
  8. invisibleman

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Oct 10, 2005
    Messages:
    9,976
    Likes Received:
    39
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    North Carolina
    The best revenge is to live your life...and when you are ready to love again and be with the right person...love again. And learn to lose and give up your ex's power over your love life. He left you. And you dealt with your pain and heartache alone. Why didn't he suffer?
     
  9. _avg_

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Nov 11, 2007
    Messages:
    1,704
    Albums:
    1
    Likes Received:
    8
    ::double thumbs-up::

    Wise words, and ones that I wish I could take to heart.
     
  10. helgaleena

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Sep 8, 2006
    Messages:
    5,663
    Albums:
    2
    Likes Received:
    3
    Gender:
    Female
    Location:
    Wisconsin USA
    It has happened and it was very annoying. A man kept writing to me for half a dozen years and I kept gathering up his letters and mailing them in big batches back to him unopened. Finally I invited him to come see me. He came and could not even look me in the face because he realized he had not been writing to the real me at all and that I truly had no interest.
     
  11. B_Lewis1

    B_Lewis1 New Member

    Joined:
    Jun 4, 2007
    Messages:
    82
    Likes Received:
    0
    (Madea Goes to Jail)

    Hell to the yeah
    Somebody do something to me I do something to them thats just commen sense.

    Well if they done got you an you go get them when you get em everybodys gone get got
     
  12. Lex

    Lex
    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Jun 11, 2004
    Messages:
    9,536
    Likes Received:
    16
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    In Your Darkest Thoughts and Dreams
    The energy and actions you put out all come back to you in some way, shape or form. If you get "revenge" you have exuded negative energy and will get is back at some point. I would avoid it. Karma is a bitch.
     
  13. starstruck

    starstruck New Member

    Joined:
    Sep 13, 2008
    Messages:
    220
    Likes Received:
    2
    Gender:
    Male
    Remember this brilliant quote

    "I HAVE SEEN YESTERDAY. I KNOW TOMORROW."
     
  14. Fleur

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Jul 14, 2009
    Messages:
    1,559
    Likes Received:
    28
    Gender:
    Female
    Location:
    Manhattan
    I agree. I don't really want revenge. But taking solace, somehow, by him coming back to say he'd make a mistake would be karma enough for the hell he's put me through.

    It really wasn't a typical break up, by any stretch. But I'd still never stoop to his level and take him back to just teach him a "lesson" etc. I'd like to think I'm not that mean/horrible. And as cruel as he has been to me, I wouldn't be cruel back.
     
  15. sexplease

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Oct 23, 2006
    Messages:
    1,724
    Albums:
    1
    Likes Received:
    87
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Santa Monica CA
    I was dumped once and lo and behold, 10 moths later he came back wanting to get back together.
    I told him: " we can't go back, but we can go on, and.. I cannot go on with you."

    I turned and walked away, admittedly with tears in my eyes, but my chin held high and my self-esteem in-tacked.
     
  16. Fleur

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Jul 14, 2009
    Messages:
    1,559
    Likes Received:
    28
    Gender:
    Female
    Location:
    Manhattan
    It's been 8 months for me, and I'm a little worried this'll happen to me since in the last few days I found out from some of his guy friends that they think my ex dumped his rebound girl he was madly "in love" with and has admitted to keeping "tabs" on me. Anyway, hopefully I'll have the guts to say something like you did if it happens. :smile: Although I think I got the crying and walking away bit down.
     
  17. helgaleena

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Sep 8, 2006
    Messages:
    5,663
    Albums:
    2
    Likes Received:
    3
    Gender:
    Female
    Location:
    Wisconsin USA
    Wonderful. :)
     
  18. dickman45885

    dickman45885 New Member

    Joined:
    Sep 6, 2005
    Messages:
    730
    Albums:
    1
    Likes Received:
    10
    Location:
    ohio
    revenge is empty.
     
  19. sexplease

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Oct 23, 2006
    Messages:
    1,724
    Albums:
    1
    Likes Received:
    87
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Santa Monica CA
    To thine own self be true. -Shakespeare

    At the time I said that to him, I had spent 10 months of emotional highs and lows, playing all the scenarios (some I imagined) that brought me to that point and, mostly wondering what had I done wrong. Well, it wasn't me.
    It was never about me. I choose whom I did, as we all do, for what is usually subconscious decisions to challenge ourselves (toward growth)
    Some years later, after learning much about myself, I may have "gone on" with him - but that is not how the journey of my life became.
    What worked for me may or may not work for you ... or others.
    I did what was right for me at the time and since that day ( in 1985 ) I still have love and compassion for him but not with him. and that's ok.

    Good luck and much love to you on YOUR journey.

    Michael*
     
    #19 sexplease, Aug 26, 2009
    Last edited: Aug 26, 2009
  20. Wish-4-8

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Dec 29, 2008
    Messages:
    2,808
    Likes Received:
    2
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    LA, California
    Is revenge really all it's cracked up to be?

    I think we want it to be, but the reality is different.
    Lets take two extremes:
    Tupac "Revenge is life's sweetest joy, next to getting pussy"

    Or

    a song in Spanish called, Odiame. (Hate me)
    The song is about a man that is asking a woman he was involved with intimately to hate him. He would rather have the feeling of hate come from her then indifferance. Because one only hates what was once loved. And he cannot bear the thought that he wasnt loved at all.

    Kinda sick and twisted, but that is the way the song goes. So for her to take revenge on him would only prove to him that there is still an emotion for him. They say that there is a thin line between love and hate.

    So if she really wants to take "revenge" on him, her best move is to do nothing at all and let him suffer in his own self doubt.

    Its actaully a pretty song:

    Odiame por piedad yo te lo pido.
    hate me, for mercy's sake, I beg you
    Odiame sin medida ni clemencia
    hate me without measure or clemency
    odio quiero mas que indiferencia,
    I want hate more than indifferance
    porque el rencor quiere menos que el olvido.
    because a grudge hurts less than being forgotton

    (coro)
    Si tu me odias quedare yo convencido
    If you hate me I shall be convinced
    que me amaste mi bien con insistencia.
    That you once loved me with an insistance
    Pero ten presente deacuedo a la expericiencia
    But at the present moment drawing from experiance
    que tan solo se odia lo querido
    One only hates what was once loved.
     
Draft saved Draft deleted