Is Sex Ruined for Sex Workers?

Discussion in 'Relationships, Discrimination, and Jealousy' started by earllogjam, May 29, 2007.

  1. earllogjam

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    Does sex just become a bodily function like going to the bathroom when you do it for a job? Or does becoming a sexual technican enhance your private sex life?

    If you had to make a living providing sex don't you think that it would become a chore and ruin any chances of having a meaningful sex life with someone you love? Or is sex an unlimited thing that can easily shared with people you don't love and do love?

    Opinions?
     
  2. B_big dirigible

    B_big dirigible New Member

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    Generally, a man who manages to turn his hobby into his job soon finds that he needs another hobby, because his old one is just, well, a job.

    I can't see this being any different.
     
  3. kundalinikat

    kundalinikat Member

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    It depends on the sex worker. I did this briefly, managed to fool myself into thinking it was worthwhile, worth my time.

    The problem I encountered was not whether "sex" became like a chore, but the problem of intimacy. It's not wise or possible to be intimate with customers, yet many try to create intimacy with the sex worker, which is kinda the point if that's what they need to get off or enjoy themselves. So the sex worker can be in a situation where they will fake intimacy enough for the customer to be satisfied. Either that or the sex work is giving intimacy and emotional connection and then turning it off as they or the customer walks out the door.

    Also take into account the fact that the people who seek sex from sex workers can't or won't get sex or intimacy from unpaid people, and of course the shame or guilt they may be fending off around this. For my experience, I would compare sex work to meeting a man (female customers are inconceivably rare) for the first time, feeling out whatever knot he may have tied around his sexuality and intimacy, going to the center of it in order to cause an orgasm, and then leaving as safely as possible (in both the emotional and physical sense). Frankly I found it disgusting in retrospect.

    This is not to say that it is wrong: I still believe that most or all consensual sexuality is respectable, natural, and most importantly sacred. It's clear that there are people out there who are capable of truly giving their sexuality and some measure of emotional intimacy to whoever needs it, the whole idea of sacred sexuality and the sanctifying of the whore. (Trying to remember the name of a porn actress who would appear in person at porn theaters showing her work and give favors to audience members...) But I'm not one of those people.
     
  4. earllogjam

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    How can you fake or manipulate your intimacy and not kill your soul? I can see why you got out. I would think clients begin to fall in love with you and become dependent on your fake intimacy- a big danger. I think this happens to psychologsts and therapists also.

    Actors make a living on faking intimacy and feelings - is it the same as being a sex-worker? There is no deception as an actor because everyone knows up front that they are faking it, can't say that with sex work.

    BTW -I do agree with you that there is a need and place for "sacred initimacy" and sex work especially in a place that is so touch deprived as the US.
     
  5. upone

    upone New Member

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    Thru my social work I got to know a lot of female sex workers. Their ways of coping are as different as they are, but it really depends on the worker. There are a couple of things to keep in mind, though. One is issues of mental health. There is a condition called "borderline personality disorder" which occurs in about 1% of North American women. Among women arrested because of sex work, it is 35%.

    Another is what kind of sex work she does. Does she service two men a day or twenty? After the first four or five, she's not even pretending.

    Finally, I've always been amazed how easy it is for men to fool themselves into thinking that she enjoyed it.
     
  6. B_Think_Kink

    B_Think_Kink New Member

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    I'd think it would be pretty easy... turn off the emotional connections, and go through the motions of intimacy..
     
  7. earllogjam

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    What is borderline personality disorder? Is this a fancy term meaning that you try to escape or justify what you are doing by not being yourself anymore?

    Some can divorce the act with the emotions involved. Some can't. Sex ought to be fun and I think it is for many long-term sex workers. Having sex without affection or emotions is probably a skill you learn and perfect. I think promiscuous people can do the same thing and I don't think the lack of emotions spoil any fun or pleasure for these folks. Does one ever get tired of having sex? Can't say that I do.
     
  8. earllogjam

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  9. upone

    upone New Member

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    A big part of the appeal of sex work for women with b.p.d. is that it reduces stress or anxiety by assuring quick intimacy, short relationships, and, in the backwards logic of b.p.d., high danger of rape or beatings. The wiki article talks about the internal characteristic of "splitting" or black-white thinking; how it works is, she thinks "He's so wonderful to me; I cheat on him; if he beats/rapes me, it proves I'm better than he is; he's a bastard."

    By the way, 85% of patients diagnosed with b.p.d. are women. The corresponding situation exists with antisocial personality disorder; 95% of diagnosed cases are men.

    That explains a lot about the pimp/whore relationship.
     
  10. amiegrrl

    amiegrrl New Member

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    I can't say much about long-term sex workers, but I know as an adolescent and into my early adulthood I sought sexual attention from men with the misguided thought that it was 'positive' attention. I'm not saying that a man wanting to have sex with me is negative per se .. just that it didn't fill the emotional, mental nor physical void properly for me. I had sex with them thinking that I could distance myself (much the way men seem to), still feel accepted by them and thereby boost my sense of self-worth. It didn't work.

    Growing up I never really had a male/female relationship to look to as an example of 'normal' intimacy/respect/whatever, and the only attention I ever saw my father show towards women was sexual in nature. So I thought the way to make men like me was to make them WANT me... I had sex with a lot of men before I figured out that I wasn't getting what I needed, and I could have ended up in a much darker place if I hadn't figured that out sooner.
     
  11. earllogjam

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    amiegrrl - What was it that you finally figured out you needed?

    If you don't mind sharing I'd like to know.
     
  12. vibratingfinger

    vibratingfinger New Member

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    She's obviously talking about a big penis. The be all and end all of all human desire for gay men and all women. But hopefully not, cuz that would just be too corny.
     
  13. Principessa

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    Agreed


    Many things are easier said than done. Having sex without affection or emotions is The emotional disconnect required for this is not healthy and is a big indicator of a serious untreated mental illness.


     
  14. D_Merringtonne Meathead

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  15. Girth girl

    Girth girl New Member

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  16. Girth girl

    Girth girl New Member

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    That's it, a nice smile, a yes and a thank you and he thinks he is god's gift to women
     
  17. B_NineInchCock_160IQ

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    I don't think sex is ruined for sex workers. I have no personal experience with this but those I've spoken to who have would agree with me. Of course it varies by person.
     
  18. amiegrrl

    amiegrrl New Member

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    This might be a bit off-topic because I was responding to the 'people who've had many sex partners' comment, and I've never been paid for sex. But since you asked:

    Sex lost its intimacy and importance at that point in my life. I was looking for acceptance, intimacy and a sense of importance to men in general. I always equated sexual desire to power. It wasn't an intimate act shared between two people who want to show deep feelings of love, passion, etc. to one another. It was just a quick fuck, I felt fulfilled for a very short time afterwards (usually until the buzz wore off) and then felt like a complete piece of garbage. I thought that if a man chose to share his body with me, that surely it must be because I meant something .. When in reality it was the exact opposite. Most men that have casual sex with you care nothing about you. They're just tired of fucking their hand, simple as that. It took me a long time to understand and stop sleeping around with random men for an imaginary shot of power.
     
  19. LouisVauban

    LouisVauban New Member

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    Thank You, Girth_Girl!

    As someone who has worked in the biz, I have seen a wide spectrum of reasons and whyfores... It's a JOB!

    I have seen: "damaged" girls (sexually molested in youth), smart girls (they need their days free to audition for parts, etc... these often use the biz wisely and get out), very smart girls (college tuition for law degree, etc), single moms barely getting by, wives of men in jail, writers getting "hand-on" experience, nymphos who actually LOVE their job, lesbians (who are somehow "getting back" at men), girls who are taking care of a sick loved one and needs BIG Cash, or immigrants who aren't allowed to work in the regular work force.

    For all, it's just economics. Plain and simple. It's not for everyone. And some people get very uptight about the topic. But, where I worked (as a phone booker) a girl could make up to $750 per hour. Some are very good at it, some are not. And for the very accomplished girls, it's all about playing pretend... making a man feel as if he has a no-strings girlfriend... it's not all about sex....

    And I have heard, on many occasion, a girl exclaim, "I just need to get laid." Translation: When one is on the clock, it's just sex. Making love is reserved for personal time.
     
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