What is it to be gay or not gay? Are there set rules of how a gay human being acts versus a straight one? Do gay women act similarly to gay men? Are there gay looks? Hairdos? Gay clothes? Gay bodies? I ask these somewhat odd questions because, to me, there is no such thing as being gay unless you are gay. However, it seems that society has a bit of confusion going on when it comes to determining a stranger's sexuality, especially the heterosexuals. I've had quite a few people ask me if I am gay (29yrs). They have also asked my brother if he is gay (21yrs). However, my other brother has never been asked if he was gay (25yrs). Normally when asked why they asked, the questioners have little to no answer as to why they might have thought that I was gay (or my other brother). For me, there have been various scenarios and lengths of times where the person knew me to where they asked me - anywhere from 2 minutes to weeks. I've been in mixed groups, alone, and doing random things. I'm into a lot of different things (many of which seem pretty manly to me). I don't do hair, ballet, wear tight pants, or talk in a high voice (I actually have a pretty deep voice). Now, I understand that I have some things that may be considered gay. However, I'm not sure if they can be considered for my question because most of the time these things aren't known or can't be seen by the accusers. Here are my OGTs - I collect underwear (hey it goes with having a nice body as mentioned below), I have a lot of gay friends, and I like shopping. Here are some things that I've been told that make me gay. I am nice. I have a nice body. I will dance. I do my hair - color and/or style. I have nice clothes. I wear cologne. I use gestures to tell stories. I have a cat. I have gay friends. I am a good listener. My brother has also got... That he is tan. That he wore a shirt with no sleeves. So I guess my question is... what is a gay person and what is a straight person? Or to be considered straight do I simply have to let my body go to shit, wear the same thing all week, never do my hair, give up my cat, and de-friend my gay friends? Oh, and be an asshole to everyone. What is even more curious is this... my gay friends never get asked if they are gay. The reasons for being told I'm gay seem so... trivial. I can't help but think that there is some sort of sociological issue going on here where people make snap judgement to disqualify or qualify - straight guys call me gay because they somehow see me as a threat and girls call me gay because they can't believe that a straight guy would be all of the above (nice, takes care of body, attentive, etc.) so they automatically label me as gay so they can be friends without sex on the table. (which BTW - I'm fairly sexual and definitely not short on the sex talk... which is always straight... but still have been called gay out of that somehow?) Another oddity is that many times if there is a group which happens to have a gay... the straight person will ask... and the gay person will say they never had their gaydar go off on me. Hence, why I said the heterosexual crowd is confused. So what is going on here? Anyone have any insight on the issue? Anyone have anything similar happen to them? I'm not looking to change - I'm just curious as to how humans determine other people's sexuality.