Is society confused about what is and what is not gay?

D_Martin van Burden

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Yeah, no kidding. Baseball bat meet dead horse. Nice to meet you, too.

I'm straight, and I've been confused for being gay more than I care to admit. It used to really bother me, so much so that I felt justified being extremely homophobic and more crass toward women than my mother's old-fashioned home training would have me deem appropriate. It was just enough that me being a God awful prick to pretty much everybody meant that people wouldn't fuck with or make assumptions. Turns out I had far fewer friends because of it. So, of course, that behavioral tactic had to give.

A person's 20s is a time of great insecurity anyway because people are still trying to figure themselves out. When you get a little older, you won't just tell yourself not to give a fuck about what people think; you'll actually start believing it. Now that I'm pushing 32, anytime someone asks me if I'm gay, I'll try to come up with the most disconfirming answer I could find. Or I could straight up flame out or whatever.

Tactics include but aren't limited to:
-- cursing, getting in someone's face, acting like I'm about to slug them and then giggle
-- asking the dude if this is his fancy answer of asking a cutie like me for a date <3
-- telling said dude to fuck off because he's gross and not my type
-- "Talk to me after a few cocktails." *wink*
-- nope, I'm just that attractive
-- << go grind on a bunch of girls and shake my groove thang >>
-- << flash a recently acquired telephone number >>
-- delivering a calm and cool, "Nope."

Best one:
This dude that I met through a mutual friend was real cool hanging with gay guys, and we were all in a mixed group of gay dudes, straight dudes, and chicks (not cute, unfortunately, not a one). We get a beer, shoot the shit about good beer. Then he asks me, "So, what kinda guys do you like?" Maybe it was because I was wearing a pink and white plaid shirt from H&M that evening.

(Inventive line, you crafty bastard.)

I took a deep long swig, shrugged, and said that I wasn't sure; it was hard to tell. <look over> "So, bro, what about you? What kinda guys do youuuu like?"

"Naaaah man," he chuckled, "I don't like guys." I shot a wicked grin. "Neither do I. Cheers!" I clacked his glass pretty hard, took another big swig, and a couple more in quick succession. I finished my mug, set it back down on the table, and said that I was heading off to another bar.

I ran into randomly at La Salsa while getting lunch. I just said hey ('cause I wasn't sure who he was in daylight), asked how he's doing, and took off.

Moral of story:
Quit giving a fuck about this. If you're not gay, then you're gay. Done. End of God damn story.
 

D_Chocho_Lippz

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Yeah, no kidding. Baseball bat meet dead horse. Nice to meet you, too.

I'm straight, and I've been confused for being gay more than I care to admit. It used to really bother me, so much so that I felt justified being extremely homophobic and more crass toward women than my mother's old-fashioned home training would have me deem appropriate. It was just enough that me being a God awful prick to pretty much everybody meant that people wouldn't fuck with or make assumptions. Turns out I had far fewer friends because of it. So, of course, that behavioral tactic had to give.

A person's 20s is a time of great insecurity anyway because people are still trying to figure themselves out. When you get a little older, you won't just tell yourself not to give a fuck about what people think; you'll actually start believing it. Now that I'm pushing 32, anytime someone asks me if I'm gay, I'll try to come up with the most disconfirming answer I could find. Or I could straight up flame out or whatever.

Tactics include but aren't limited to:
-- cursing, getting in someone's face, acting like I'm about to slug them and then giggle
-- asking the dude if this is his fancy answer of asking a cutie like me for a date <3
-- telling said dude to fuck off because he's gross and not my type
-- "Talk to me after a few cocktails." *wink*
-- nope, I'm just that attractive
-- << go grind on a bunch of girls and shake my groove thang >>
-- << flash a recently acquired telephone number >>
-- delivering a calm and cool, "Nope."

Best one:
This dude that I met through a mutual friend was real cool hanging with gay guys, and we were all in a mixed group of gay dudes, straight dudes, and chicks (not cute, unfortunately, not a one). We get a beer, shoot the shit about good beer. Then he asks me, "So, what kinda guys do you like?" Maybe it was because I was wearing a pink and white plaid shirt from H&M that evening.

(Inventive line, you crafty bastard.)

I took a deep long swig, shrugged, and said that I wasn't sure; it was hard to tell. <look over> "So, bro, what about you? What kinda guys do youuuu like?"

"Naaaah man," he chuckled, "I don't like guys." I shot a wicked grin. "Neither do I. Cheers!" I clacked his glass pretty hard, took another big swig, and a couple more in quick succession. I finished my mug, set it back down on the table, and said that I was heading off to another bar.

I ran into randomly at La Salsa while getting lunch. I just said hey ('cause I wasn't sure who he was in daylight), asked how he's doing, and took off.

Moral of story:
Quit giving a fuck about this. If you're not gay, then you're gay. Done. End of God damn story.
Awesome post. And as I've said multiple times on this post... I DON'T GIVE A SHIT.

I am simply intrigued at why people feel the insatiable desire to determine someone's sexuality and why some get "the question" more than others. Can one not be curious as to this phenomenon?
 

D_Martin van Burden

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People want certainty in social situations in which it is all but absent. In both same-sex and opposite-sex relationships, people want to figure out the potential parameters of that relationship. I laugh because, when I deal with women who think I'm gay, I always feel like a ninja because I sneak in, I'm really nice and approachable and friendly, and just when they think they're safe... BAM! I want some action! Guys who ask just want assurances that they won't get hit on; or maybe they secretly want it? Who the fuck knows?

I think guys who are comfortable expressing emotions, talking with their hands, or who tend to not act like hairy, smelly, farting brutish people are ripe for getting the question. And women have all kinds of types; some go for it, others don't.

After a while, I think asking the question just gets nonproductive. If you're truly interested in studying why people want to figure out sexuality so badly or why they get wrong half the time, there are books about the subject. If you're asking why you're pegged as gay more often than straight, that's something for you to reflect about. But if you're really obsessed with this question, stop asking it. You've got the answer you need. And if you like hanging out on an Internet board about dicks, continue to do so.
 

iain_ware

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Your story is really cool, you sound like a really nice guy, just carry on being who you are, it sounds like there are alot of jealous people who wish they were like you but don't have the capacity to be a normal civil human being, I have a friend very similar to you, I'm gay and we have a great friendship, stay gold!
 

D_Chocho_Lippz

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People want certainty in social situations in which it is all but absent. In both same-sex and opposite-sex relationships, people want to figure out the potential parameters of that relationship. I laugh because, when I deal with women who think I'm gay, I always feel like a ninja because I sneak in, I'm really nice and approachable and friendly, and just when they think they're safe... BAM! I want some action! Guys who ask just want assurances that they won't get hit on; or maybe they secretly want it? Who the fuck knows?

I think guys who are comfortable expressing emotions, talking with their hands, or who tend to not act like hairy, smelly, farting brutish people are ripe for getting the question. And women have all kinds of types; some go for it, others don't.

After a while, I think asking the question just gets nonproductive. If you're truly interested in studying why people want to figure out sexuality so badly or why they get wrong half the time, there are books about the subject. If you're asking why you're pegged as gay more often than straight, that's something for you to reflect about. But if you're really obsessed with this question, stop asking it. You've got the answer you need. And if you like hanging out on an Internet board about dicks, continue to do so.
You're right - ninja. However, this is a little harder to do when you're trying to date and someone stops dating you because they think you are gay. LOL.

Your story is really cool, you sound like a really nice guy, just carry on being who you are, it sounds like there are alot of jealous people who wish they were like you but don't have the capacity to be a normal civil human being, I have a friend very similar to you, I'm gay and we have a great friendship, stay gold!
Possibly.

You're definitely straight. :wink:
Ha. Nice-guy tactics. Er, ninja!