Oh DAMN!!
I remember that movie...
The whole damn movie the momma tried to talk her out of it.
But, she went into the bathroom and still did herself in!!
I know when I was growing up I wanted so badly to get out of Kansas City, Mo.
I did want to KILL myself because I did not want to marry a loser in Mo and have a LOSERS children. Like my friends and sisters did. I wanted to live my life without being tied down. REALLY!
I was so ANGRY that I failed the asvab and I wanted to LEAVE Mo!
Armed Services Vocational Aptitude Battery - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia
I did not want to work a DEAD end job all of my life. But, my momma told me about the hardships that grandpa went through and to keep taking the test. I will have to pass at least one! Thank GOD my momma knows me. She was the ONLY one that knows, my damn brother that I am close to don't even know. You all, my hubby does not even know this and I tell him just about everything. I could not tell the NAVY when I FINALLY got in that I had those thoughts in the past. If you would tell them that you had thoughts of Suicide, YOUR OUT!! I know of a White chick from Mo that I met when we got to boot camp and she told them the damn truth! They booted her out and I have no clue whatever happened to her. I know she was crying her damn eyes out. But, I was not going to do that! That is what I wanted, to be in the damn Navy!! Why tell them so they can KICK me out? I loved that I had 8 HAPPY years with them, the Navy.
Then I had the thoughts again when I went to Japan 2004. I just got out of the Navy to become a wife. I was so unhappy that I was not getting pregnant because we would have sex when he got back ( but, no baby) and on top of that, I had to leave my 2 cats in Kansas city with my momma. I missed them so damn MUCH! Then on top of that! My hubby was always gone on his damn ship and we just got married. I HATE to sleep ALONE! Then on top of that I was not getting a damn Job fast enough.I needed money to pay my mommas rent. Hubby was paying it at that time. I cried a
WHOLE lot when I first got to Japan. But, I remembered about the first time I wanted to do it. I remembered what my momma told me about NOT giving up and to let things fall into place and so on.
Yes, I read my Bible and it is a HUGE SIN to do yourself in. That also, played a part in it, for me not doing that to myself.
Then we got to Hawaii I was just SAD. But, I have my hubby with me. I still miss my twin cats. We cat sat for one person and I had to have a CAT in the house. So we got Stormy. I still want a baby, I still miss the twins. But, I am thankful that I had a great LIFE and want to keep having that great life with my husband and SOON we will have the twins back! So why should I be sad?