Is there a deadline?

Discussion in 'Et Cetera, Et Cetera' started by B_Sativa, Jul 24, 2008.

  1. B_Sativa

    B_Sativa New Member

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    For all players and commitaphobes...
    on the average when do you call it quits? What I mean is, after meeting someone if they get too close do you cool off and then br weeks, eak it off? And if so, do you have a "deadline", like an average (6 weeks, 8 weeks- or do you wait till they say, "I love you!") and what is it? What makes you say, "this is not the one"????? And have the need to break it off.
     
  2. Principessa

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    Excellent post & question!

    I think that for 98% of men they don't know how to break up. I think that the second you know it's not going to work you should say so. Some guys let the "relationship" drag on forever or worse until they meet someone they like better, then they dump you. :mad: Even if it's only been less than a month you owe the other person a phone call. Don't just fall off the face of the earth! That's just mean and hurtful. Just say, "I'm sorry but this isn't working out," and hang up. Seriously, if it's only been a few weeks there shouldn't be a need for a long drawn out discussion.

     
  3. naughty

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    Workin' up a good pot of mad!
    Perhaps they are afraid of a violent reaction. No one likes to hurt others or be seen as the bad guy. I know I try to do whatever I can to make ut work before I have to say goodbye.
     
  4. B_Think_Kink

    B_Think_Kink New Member

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    I will know if I love you very quickly. I tell all my gay friends I love them, but it's something different than being in love with them.

    I refuse to get into relationships because they are pointless to me. I don't understand wanting to be committed to someone.

    And the ones I do want to be with.. I can't for obvious reasons.
     
  5. B_Sativa

    B_Sativa New Member

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    I sooooooo agree!!!!! Why is it so hard for some people to communicate and be respectful of anothers feelings?
     
  6. D_Fiona_Farvel

    D_Fiona_Farvel Account Disabled

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    When I was younger I had a "we" rule, when people started referring to the two of as "Kittie (obviously not my real name) and Pete", or the guy made future plans as "we", I'd start to get a "I need to break up" feeling. I never just left, but would sort of let the relationship trail off until it was obvious we were no longer dating. *I know this was bad*

    Now, rather than string along some poor guy for a few weeks or months, I instead choose to date guys who are unavailable, emotionally or otherwise. *shakes head*
     
  7. Principessa

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    OMG! :eek: You fuck like a man, you're commitment phobic! Maybe one day when you are tired of being alone you may want to look into why that is. :cool:
     
  8. D_Thoraxis_Biggulp

    D_Thoraxis_Biggulp New Member

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    Women are just as guilty of this.
     
  9. D_Fiona_Farvel

    D_Fiona_Farvel Account Disabled

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    Yes I do or did "fuck like a man", I won't deny it. Nor do I see an issue with any woman living that way.

    However, I am well aware of the reasons for my commitment issues (even my poor fiances and LTRs were aware of them), and no I am not alone. I am never quite alone in terms of family and friends, or even "single", meaning celibacy, dry spells or without male attention/affection, and I think that is one reason why it has taken so long to modify my behavior. But I have matured.

    In the last year and a half, actually two years in November (yes there was a moment), I have become more open to not reserving so much of my individuality in a relationship. I'm still very much into maintaining separate interests, opinions, and personal time, but I realize there has to be a sort of melding as well - which had always been a concern.

    Overall, I think the key to success in my long-term relationships, past and present, is to go in accepting the person for who they are fundamentally, loving each other for who we are/were, not could be, and possessing unified, for lack of better terms, goals and definitions for the partnership (for lack of a better term).

    Every person has an issue, mine is commitment, my ex may be another thing, another ex had another - you work through it. - and thankfully, they all took the journey with me. :smile:


    This is true.
    Although, most of the women and men I know have or are currently growing out of it. I think it is more of a phase you go through with people you aren't really into. Sooner or later you meet the person you don't want to break up with, and later, you're on the receiving end where all your previous crap comes back and kicks you square in the ass.

    I read an article once where someone wrote, "you earn empathy" and, in my experience, that's true.
     
  10. B_Sativa

    B_Sativa New Member

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    This is me too- you put it so well.
    And then my stupid ass falls for one of them (us)... and he lives with me...why would he want to committ to me if he gets everything he wants without making a committment (I am of course being a smart ass when I ask this)- so the tables have turned and he has stopped opening the door for me and kissing me when I get home, etc.- it seems so stupid but when those little things, that were so nice change, I know shit is getting ready to hit the fan- I'm guessing any day now he will mention he is going to move out. And I'm kinda sad.
     
  11. mista geechee

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    Sometimes I think........I'd gladly trade away emotions and human reasoning for that pair of wings or fangs. I guess evolution really did even things out. We got the bigger brains, but no natural defense and these emotions that cause impetuous actions and ambivalence.

    But then I remember that I like to hunt.
     
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