Is there a fix for the unconfident woman?

Discussion in 'Women's Issues' started by W/In 1 Stand Dev, Sep 24, 2008.

  1. W/In 1 Stand Dev

    W/In 1 Stand Dev Active Member

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    I am involved with a gal now who isn't confident at all.

    Have you ever been around a dog or some other pet that has been beaten?

    Ya know that tail tucked between the legs kinda look?

    That's like the vibe I am getting from this gal.

    She rarely speaks up. Talking to her on the phone is such a PITA because I have to ask her to repeat everything.

    At her apartment, I can barely hear her. I have told her time and time again to look at me first when she is speaking (so at least I can read her lips).

    It's gotten to the point where I am thinking she is hiding something.

    What? I have no idea.

    I'm kinda pulling my hair out here.

    And in the interest of full disclosure, she used to be an anorexic. She is on some small dose of Prozac, I guess, for mild depression.

    I do NOT think she was the purging (read vomitting ) type of anorexic but her teeth were still harmed from being anorexic, although not visibly like when she talks or smiles.

    Maybe she still feels self-concsious about it. :confused:

    Any suggestions?
     
    #1 W/In 1 Stand Dev, Sep 24, 2008
    Last edited: Sep 24, 2008
  2. B_spotted_duck

    B_spotted_duck New Member

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    a tough one. don't get sucked into "saving" her. she might need some kind of therapy. nothing wrong with that- people should get help. but it's not your job to do it.

    you are probably best off asking her what's wrong rather than asking us.
     
  3. D_Kay_Sarah_Sarah

    D_Kay_Sarah_Sarah Account Disabled

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    Just give the girl some time. She obviously has issues with herself and her appearance so every day you are with her she will grow more confident in the relationship and you.
     
  4. hardknock

    hardknock New Member

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    Ok, I'll ask.....

    Is she hot??
     
  5. qazwsx_182

    qazwsx_182 New Member

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    Most girls (and most guys actually) will never like their appearance no matter how attractive they are.

    The idea is to like who you are as a person. If she doesn't like herself as a person, encourage to take steps to do deeds for others (deserving others whom she defines as deserving) so that she can feel good about herself.

    This applies regardless of sex
     
  6. B_ScaredLittleBoy

    B_ScaredLittleBoy New Member

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    The "purging" type of anorexia is actually bullimia which is a separate condition. Anorexics don't eat whereas bullimics eat (a lot) and then induce vomiting.

    It depends how long ago she was actively anorexic. And how long she's been on the medication. If she just got on the medication or just learned to control her anorexia (or both) then obviously this is a transitionary period for her and what you are seeing is her body adapting; or trying to adapt.

    Like it or lump it I suppose.
     
  7. psidom

    Gold Member

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    was she raised in a VERY religious home?
    was she ever sexually abused?
    was she rich and popular or poor and humble?

    i see she was anorexic...did her mother,sister,brother or father
    always tell her she was unacceptable wightwise?

    the past can condition people in very rancid ways.
    you can choose to re-condition her into the gorgeous girl she is
    or quit and hope someone doesn't come along and fuck her up even worse.

    i say stick with her and give her your all,
    SOOO many gorgeous girls get forgotten because of issues they
    have that can be mended with love and patience. ;)
     
  8. Zayne

    Zayne New Member

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    If you can't accept the way she is, maybe someone else can.
     
  9. StraightCock4Her

    StraightCock4Her New Member

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    I suggest just loving her and supporting her. If you can put up with her then do so, if not, leave her.

    Anything else would be unfair to both of you. Don't stay with her simply because you think she's cute.
     
  10. melis

    melis New Member

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    I think that was me a few years back. :redface: Well, at least on the inside, I always held my head high in public - but when I let my guard down, the self-consciuosness would shine through. I don't have the answer to how you should go about with her. I guess you should really think it through whether you liker her enough to stick by her: If you don't think you could love her and hang in there for the long run, my advice is that you consider not taking it further with her. If you let her trust and love you, you have a responsibility to try not to hurt her, right? A failied relationship - or loss of someone you trust, if you will - may add negatively to her issues and feel like the ultimate confirmation that she is not worth anything. If you have to let her down later on, let her down easily!


    Tell her you value her opinion, that you love her voice, laugh with her, get her at ease with you, tell her you're getting old and need her to speak up...

    She is: Herself.

    Regarding the eating disorder: To me, anorixia is just part of that extremely self-conscious personality, always wanting to please the people around you, always needing to be (and seem) in control. It's just a fasade. I guess it doesn't matter so much whether she used to be anorectic or bulimic - the two sometimes overlap, with an anorectic period fading into a bulimic period (you can only go without eating for so long - but the unintended food intake must be eliminated somehow... thus the induced vomiting)


    Seconded!


    True. I guess you need to ask yourself if you can provide her with some sort of stability and reassurance over the long run. I know, it's a bit high-maintenance... on the other hand, she may very well be worth your effort! Best of luck to you - the both of you!
     
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