Is this a lack of patience or something else?

Auggiecakes

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Over the last three years I’ve grown tired of...
- pretending I’m having a good time
- putting up with people for the sake of having friends
- playing the cat and mouse game of dating

I am starting to really enjoy my time alone. I don’t want to be but I find better comfort in being by myself than being with someone who I’m not like completely happy to see.

Does this happen to anyone else?

Like, the minute I go out with friends, I wish I was home cause people are either being too loud or to crazy.

The commute to work is hell, wether I’d traffic on the freeway or the train is slow and packed.

I feel like I’m drowning in a sea of people and there isn’t anyone solid enough to hold on to.

Have you ever felt that way?
I would love to meet someone but even that now feels like such an effort.
 

malakos

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I get you on dating. At least around here, it's such a hassle.

I still enjoy making friends and spending time with old friends though.

I'm not quite 30 yet, so that may have something to do with it.
 

Tight_N_Juicy

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I can't stand being around people longer than I absolutely have to.

If my man hadn't come back into my life there's a good chance I would be single and happily alone right now. Of course there's no way to know that for sure, but I really just hate meeting new people.

I've been this way since I was like, 22. Probably longer than that. I was cynical at a young age.
 
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Tight_N_Juicy

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Oh this is nice. Glad I’m not alone

Not at all.

I have very few friends and I see them very rarely. When we do spend time it's never long lived because we're pretty similar in our solitary time loving selves.

And meeting *new* people? I just don't want to. I have to because I live in society and I'm human, but I keep it at a minimum in every way I can.

So don't worry... There's nothing wrong with you. There's just something wrong with too many people and it makes me not interested in socializing with them.

Just don't let yourself become a hermit ;)
 
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manplezrks

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I used to think I was an extrovert, but now cherish peaceful time at home. My dog is better company than a lot of people! It's unfortunate that people are losing the fine art of quality conversations. Too much shallow, meaningless drivel these days. Attention spans are too short and people are too addicted to their phones.
 

MisterB

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As I've aged I've found I've less tolerance for a lot of folks. I treasure my close friends, but I've had my share of dealings with the fake and phony who can't help but show their true colors. To the curb they go.

I've also found myself more of an Introvert as I've aged. So much of the behavior I see these days probably has contributed to that.

What the hell is more important going on in your phone screen than paying full attention when with others in the flesh? It's why my phone stays in my pocket when I'm with others; I'm spending time with you--not the top of your head and your phone screen!

I did my share of *plasticizing* and pretending I'm having a good time when I really wasn't. I have no time for that nonsense anymore. I'm no longer willing to waste it on doing things or spending time with people that don't bring me fulfillment.

Interesting thread topic @Auggiecakes!
 

johnnyunitas

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There is definitely nothing wrong with you. I have my own issues when it comes to dealing with other people. The thing you said that caught my eye was "I am starting to really enjoy my time alone. I don’t want to be but I find better comfort in being by myself than being with someone who I’m not like completely happy to see. "

If you really enjoy your time alone then that is wonderful. However if you find yourself alone but wishing you had other people around you then the feelings of 'drowning' or missing home the second you are in a more public space, to me, suggests you may have some anxiety when it comes to socializing or being around others.

I have an anxiety disorder so I can relate to a lot of your post. For me it's a matter of recognizing that it takes a lot of effort and work to allow people into your life. I spend a lot of time alone but I KNOW when I'm honest with myself that I am lonely and desire the company of others.

I don't know your personal history but I would recommend seeing a therapist if you are dissatisfied with your life. If you simply think you like a lot of personal time and are generally happy then maybe you are just getting a better sense of how you like to spend your days. Good luck!
 

Auggiecakes

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There is definitely nothing wrong with you. I have my own issues when it comes to dealing with other people. The thing you said that caught my eye was "I am starting to really enjoy my time alone. I don’t want to be but I find better comfort in being by myself than being with someone who I’m not like completely happy to see. "

If you really enjoy your time alone then that is wonderful. However if you find yourself alone but wishing you had other people around you then the feelings of 'drowning' or missing home the second you are in a more public space, to me, suggests you may have some anxiety when it comes to socializing or being around others.

I have an anxiety disorder so I can relate to a lot of your post. For me it's a matter of recognizing that it takes a lot of effort and work to allow people into your life. I spend a lot of time alone but I KNOW when I'm honest with myself that I am lonely and desire the company of others.

I don't know your personal history but I would recommend seeing a therapist if you are dissatisfied with your life. If you simply think you like a lot of personal time and are generally happy then maybe you are just getting a better sense of how you like to spend your days. Good luck!

It’s definitely not anxiety. I don’t want to be alone in the sense that I’d prefer to have a significant other but it’s not something I lose sleep over.
 

headbang8

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In recent years, people have begun to recognise that being an introvert, and being shy, are two entirely different things. I’m fine in the company of other people and enjoy a good conversation. But I need time to recharge afterward. And I tend not to stay for hours and hours at a party.
 

hzs3fg

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I contend that humans are born with a fixed allotment of patience.

For a rare few, it is enough to last a lifetime. Most of us begin to run low on it in our 50's and are completely out by the time we hit 60. Others run out as early as 30.

And, some apparently missed that line entirely when they were being processed prior to birth and thus have none at all right from the start.
 

ItsAll4Kim

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I think age grants us a wonderful gift....not putting up with bullshit. When I think of how much crap I put up with as a young man, I want to kick myself.

I'm totally with you on the socializing issues. SO glad dating is over. My wife and I both feel that should either of us pass, that we probably won't go back into the dating thing. It's exhausting...and I've done very little as I've been rather fortunate in it.

Your location is listed as New York. If your commute and life involve NYC, I totally get where your lack of patience started....it's just plain too crowded there. When I worked in and near NYC, I lived upstate a bit. I needed that disconnect.

Speaking of disconnect, my entire life I've always needed breaks from people while socializing. As you wrote...too noisy, too crazy. I go outside while family/friends are visiting, and take breaks when in other situations. I like people, but can't handle more than short doses.
 
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TinyPrincess

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I love peace and quiet but I couldn't live for more than a day or two without someone around me - dinner with friends, going dancing or something else socialising.

Guess it's a question of how you recharge your batteries - alone on yourself or in social settings.
 
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ItsAll4Kim

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It’s definitely not anxiety. I don’t want to be alone in the sense that I’d prefer to have a significant other but it’s not something I lose sleep over.
I wouldn't dismiss the anxiety angle of this. Many forms have very vague and variable triggers, as well as uncommon symptoms.

If you are finding, or in the future begin to find that it's difficult to understand or deal with your apparent impatience, some time with a *good* therapist may help.

*Good luck finding a good therapist.
 

johnnyunitas

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It’s definitely not anxiety. I don’t want to be alone in the sense that I’d prefer to have a significant other but it’s not something I lose sleep over.

I would only add that I didn't know I had anxiety issues until age 30 but that it affected me tremendously all through high school and college. I have found anxiety to be tricky because it can present itself under the guise of a gamut of symptoms like fatigue, depression, foggy-headedness, substance abuse--it's not always as simple as losing sleep, perspiration, or obvious feelings of fear.

If you say you are certain it's not anxiety I believe you but certain things in your OP: "pretending I’m having a good time" and "I feel like I’m drowning in a sea of people" resonated with my own personal experience which is dictated by an anxiety I often don't even realize is guiding my actions.

I hope you find someone you feel comfortable connecting with.
 
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INCUBUS

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Whats been said I can't add too but? LOVING every minute of being alone and knowing the only drama I have to deal with is the shit online. Turn off laptop! Problem solved
 

Gj816

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Dating these days kinda sucks. After I've worked all day and interacted with all the people I have to deal with. But the time I get home I'm ready for some peace and quiet.

Done stress over being alone. When you least expect it you find someone. Until then just enjoy yourself.
 

Auggiecakes

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Many forms have very vague and variable triggers, as well as uncommon symptoms.

I can go out and hang out with friends and strangers. So I doubt that I’m depressed. I’m not sitting home feeling sorry for myself asking god why I’m so lonely.

I’ll admit I have some apprehensions about my own physical appearance but that’s something that bothers me even when I’m alone and even then it’s because of the steroids I had to take medical reasons.


What I don’t like is the lack of depth that a conversation should have with someone who is suppose to be your friend. It almost feels like we* keep relationships for the sake of kindness and convenience. Talking for the sake of talking.



"pretending I’m having a good time" and "I feel like I’m drowning in a sea of people"

I say that because as of late my interactions with different individuals don’t seem authentic.

Maybe this is me being an asshole but because my time is so limited and precious, I don’t feel like I should have to share it with a mediocre a experience/person.
 
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Auggiecakes

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Dating these days kinda sucks. After I've worked all day and interacted with all the people I have to deal with. But the time I get home I'm ready for some peace and quiet.

Done stress over being alone. When you least expect it you find someone. Until then just enjoy yourself.

Again not stressing about being alone. Let’s just say I’m disenchanted with society and people.