Is This Advice Ever Taken?

Discussion in 'Relationships, Discrimination, and Jealousy' started by Cottonfield, Jul 5, 2006.

  1. Cottonfield

    Cottonfield New Member

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    Many times on this board over the years, when the subject of dismay over size disparity has come up, posters have said things like, "We're all guys, we all have penises, what difference does it make, don't be ashamed to show yourself, just get naked," and so on. The advice is couched as being supportive.

    But it is my impression that that advice always comes from well-hung guys who would compare very favorably in such a situation, and never from the other direction. And it is also my impression that the advice is seldom taken--that men poorly endowed through no fault of their own, find it difficult to subject themselves to inevitable adverse comparison, and probably think the advice is the opposite of supportive.

    So my questions are: do others think I'm wrong and the advice is genuinely meant to be supportive? Or do you get the same impression I get? And if so, what do you think the motive is? Do you think the adviser really believes that all penises are equally attractive or desirable? or do you think urging others to get naked in a situation where they will always "lose" is a way of secretly stroking yourself? Is there "better" support that lucky guys can give unlucky ones, such as don't "get naked" -- ie, don't put yourself in positions where you'll feel bad?

    I don't mean to impugn anybody's motives, but I think this is a very complex example in the whole arena of how men help or hurt each other, and how men come to think positvely of themselves. and I'd be interested in how others interpret this transaction...

    Cottonfield
     
  2. danglybanger

    danglybanger New Member

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    well, I think it s a GOOD thing not to worry so much about your penis as to not be ashamed of it. It's good advice

    But I think it's easier to apply coming from having one size than the other.

    I've never urged someone else to get naked so I could compare favorably to them. I have been naked voluntarily here, and been dwarfed by the other huge cocks, cocks so big they have other, smaller cocks in orbit around them.

    I think we all have shame, and the best advice to ANYONE with it, is to let go of it.

    Even people with "big" penises have different insecurities. It's not all about the penis, a lot of people here would be much happier if it was.

    Slade
     
  3. basque9

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    About the only other thing that I can think of that a hung guy could do is encourage the small- dicked guy to try to enlarge it! Do you feel that suggestion (altho problematic) would be interpreted as less condescending and perhaps more supportive?
     
  4. Snozzle

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    Underlying all this is the assumption that bigger = better. A long time ago when I worked in a railways goods shed, a guy told me that he had had the smallest dick in his platoon. He told me with, a certain amount of pride, that it pointed straight foward and was almost flush with his belly. Offered to show me, but I never took him up on it. I think it was the idea of being the anything-est that made him proud.

    I admire guys with small ones who aren't afraid to let them be seen. For one thing they help cure the impression given by porn and lockerrooms that huge is average. They've got over it.
     
  5. AlejoPlay

    AlejoPlay New Member

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    I'm smaller and I enjoy running around naked. Granted I work out and keep myself in shape, so I am proud of my body. But I think life's too short to limit yourself just because your penis is one way or another.

    Plus, as a gay man, I believe a nice dick can come in a big or small package. I've seen pretty dicks that were small and some real ugly ones that were large (and vice versa).

    And I think someone who doesn't give a toss and has confidence is sexy no matter what size he is. Period.
     
  6. dreamer20

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    This advice came from my mom too, and she doesn't have a penis. At that time my brother and I were teenagers and she thought it more convenient for us to both use the bathroom on occasion e.g. when one wanted to urinate and the other person to shower. I had no problem with communal bathroom use but my brother objected to it.

    Re: your topic the advice is being given by well adjusted persons, whether they are hung or not, to persons who have body issues, such as yourself it seems. It is no surprise to anyone that males raised as nudists would not be ashamed to show their bodies and they suggest that one attend clothing optional resorts to overcome this issue.

    Your irrational mind has you thinking that the persons who want to help these individuals face their fear and overcome their insecurities truly have some sinister purpose in mind. They just want these persons to enjoy life with the body that they were alloted and not feel ashamed about it. This task will not be easy however if that person has already been made to feel bad about themselves through the cruelty of others. Nevertheless support is available at measurection.com for those who are interested.
     
  7. D_Elijah_MorganWood

    D_Elijah_MorganWood New Member

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    It seems we've had many men who are hung average and below come to us for reassurance. We give our best, most honest and supportive responses and for some reason we're accused of having an ulterior motive. I've seen quite a few leave here in flames, Measurection bound. My personal opinion is this: I'm all about the guy. If it's just a fuck, the dick may become more important depending on the mood I'm in. I've been with hot, yummy guys with dicks on the small side. My first BF had a slim cock the size of my thumb. He was incredibly hot and made me pop a boner and start to pre every time he was near. He was absolutely intoxicating. I've encountered perfectly vile men with huge cocks (some post here). One guy I dated had the face, the bod, the big, fat cock and the hot car. Most of the time he couldn't get hard and when he did, he had absolutely no idea what to do with it. The extreme focus on one body part is a bit of dysmorphia in itself unless the owner of said phallus is really, really tiny.

    Bottom line is this: if you come to a big dick board for support and we give it to you, take it and say thank you.
     
  8. chico8

    chico8 New Member

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    Great, so you're suggesting all guys with little dicks should never, ever be naked in front of other guys simply because they're small? There's nothing like knowing who the little guys are since they'll never be taking their clothes off.

    The lack of nudity during childhood (smaller families, lack of gym class) and the proliferation of porn on the internet means that too many young men are growing up without any real life comparisons. What you've got is what you've got and being embarrassed about it is not going to do a lot for your mental health. Get over it and stop your whinging.
     
  9. dolf250

    dolf250 New Member

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    I am unsure how to answer the question. I don't think that I have ever encouraged others to get naked nor do I believe that smaller men should keep their pants on. I'm hung and still I am not comfortable parading around a locker room for the most part. I quite often work out with a friend of mine who was always into team sports. He would certainly be on the very small side but goes from his locker to the showers, to the sink back to his locker in the buff and stands there still nude while he cracks a joke and talks politics. I usually have showered and changed by the time he returns to his locker.

    I was changing one day and he made a comment along the lines that I should loosen up and not worry so much about being in the buff. He said something to the effect that if he is comfortable then I should be proud to be walking around with that much swinging between my legs. I still wrap a towel around myself on the way to the showers and prefer not to be in a crowded locker room and nude. However, I appreciate that he can be as comfortable as he is and I now make a bit of a conscious effort to relax a little.

    So when you ask “ do you think urging others to get naked in a situation where they will always "lose" is a way of secretly stroking yourself?” I would have to answer in many cases the answer is no. He was urging me to feel at ease with myself. If anything he was going to “lose” (if you really want to consider size a competition) and he knew it. He was trying to be supportive as, I would suspect, most of the guys on this board are trying to be. Having played those team sports he thinks that it is natural and it is not a competitive thing for him at all.

    I can understand the suspicion. If the roles were reversed and I was smaller than average and he were horse hung and trying to get me to stand next to him I would probably be suspicious and think he was trying to show off. If you are offended and suspicious of the posters motives for encouraging you not to feel shame at your size I can always send him over so that you can see that regardless of a mans size he can be comfortable or not in the buff. The choice is his and his alone.
     
  10. DC_DEEP

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    Not always.
    In my most humble opinion, I think the only guys who have a problem with this have lots of self-esteem issues, regardless of dick size. I used to be very self-conscious. I got over it. I'm quite fond of my dick, but it is by no means my best feature, nor my definining feature. I have no fear of getting naked. Another person's opinion of my appearance is just that, an opinion - they are entitled to it, and it has no physical or emotional effect on me.
     
  11. Wrat

    Wrat New Member

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    As mentioned above, in the middle, between the eas
    For some reason i really can't see some hung guy encouraging some guy with a smaller penis to disrobe just so the two can stad in comparison. You might want to have that discussion with a professional.
     
  12. Cottonfield

    Cottonfield New Member

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    There've been some good, thoughtful answers so far. I hope there are more that help with understanding this.

    For those bristling at the question, relax: the question is genuine and not meant to be accusatory. It's hard enough to understand motive at the best of times, and especially I would think regarding advice in a situation where society places very high value on something possessed by one party and not the other. Trust that the advice is well-intentioned, yes. But remember Reagan quoting the Russian proverb: Trust, but verify. The original question goes to verification, that's all. I would hope you could understand the complexity in deciding how to react to advice like "I love being hung, but you should embrace not being hung," or "I love being talented/healthy/rich, but you should embrace being unintelligent/ill/poor," etc. I'm not saying it's bad advice -- that's what I'm probing -- I'm saying it's hard to embrace inequality.
     
  13. JustAsking

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    Cotton,
    I can see where you would get that impression. But consider that this is a board full of well hung guys. I imagine that the probability of asking any question and getting most of the responses from well hung guys on this board would be extremely high.
    My point is that the fact that mostly well hung guys are giving you the advice that size doesn't matter, doesn't mean they are wrong. But I do see your point that it doesn't address the orignal concern. My question is, from whom would accept that advice, such that it would have any real meaning?

    Emotional insecurities tend to be resistant to positive comments from almost everyone, because the insecurities are usually irrational to begin with. Our cognitive framework we build around them is very effective at rejecting information from the outside world that is incompatible with the insecurity. And it is usually very effective at accepting negative information that supports the insecurity, or even making it up if it doesn't exist. This is why insecurities are irrational when compared to objective reality. This is the kind of thing that leads to depression, suicide or eating disorders in otherwise healthy, talented, attractive teenage girls, for example.

    So a hung guy tells you penis size doesn't matter and you say, "sure easy for him to say." A small guy tells you penis size doesn't matter and you say, "of course he would have to say that for his own sake." Your love interest says it to you and you say, "sure, but what happens when a really hung guy comes along next week." And so on. It doesn't even help you when a partner commits to marriage. You can't tell me that there are no married men who worry that they can't satisfy their wife because of that problem.

    My point is that it takes something different than simple reassurances to overcome insecurities like that. It takes true cognitive changes in your own beliefs about the reality of the situation. Unwarranted insecurities come from faulty emotional logic. And since its the emotional logic that is evaluating info from the outside world, that logic has to change before one's internal beliefs about something matches the external reality.

    The reality is that some small percentage of partners would place a high priority on penis size and some percentage of partners would place it very low compared to other characterstics in a mate. Then there are all the percentages in between. Your own actual number of experiences with partners responding to your size will be so small (compared to the general population) that you personally will get a very unreliable indicator of how the general population would respond. If you get very lucky, your first partner loves you and marries you forever. If you get very unlucky, your first partner laughs at you hysterically because they have an obsession with huge penises. If you go by that alone, you would have to have thousands of partners before you could get a statistically meaningful reading on the situation.

    Since that is not practical, you have to try a different approach. For example, a good piece of cognitive self-therapy would be to know where you stand in penis size to the distribution of sizes in the general population. Since the distribution curve is narrow, and if you are near the average, you have to conclude that penis size will only be an overriding issue with a small number of partners, since this is the typical situation with a huge segment of the population of men with partners.

    You have to keep coming back to the statistical reality of the situation whenever you detect your insecurities and remind yourself that they are irrational in the face of the statistics. Having an average sized penis is like not being extremely rich. It seems like having lots of money would guarantee success in finding partners and forming relationships, but you can't argue with the fact that there are plenty of people with average incomes that have wonderful love lives and wonderful lives in general. (And there are rich people who have really messed up relationships and messed up lives in general).

    In summary, I believe that there is no segment of the population that could answer your question such that you would be reassured. And neither will you get a good reading from a limited number of relationships. The truth lies in the statistical reality, and those numbers are exceedingly good. Ninety percent of the population of men have averaged sized penises, and a huge number of them are in successful loving relationships. It might be that most of them dream about having a large penis, but its also true that most of them dream about being very rich, too. But there they are out ther living, loving, and dreaming along with their loving partners.
     
  14. Lordpendragon

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    I don't think you should go naked unless you enjoy it. You are otherwise using it as some bogus test to see if you are confident in yourself - it is the pleasure of nakedness that is the point nothing else.
     
  15. DC_DEEP

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    I agree. Who cares if a stranger in a locker room likes or does not like what he sees? Honestly, who does your naked body have to impress, and why? Anyone that I care enough about to worry about whether or not I impress them, are not interested/impressed by simple appearances to begin with. I do enjoy being naked, and am not embarrassed about it.
     
  16. Wonderboy

    Wonderboy New Member

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    The advice to 'just get naked' (in real life) is actually good advice since everyone should 'love the skin they're in'. But as for asking people to post pictures of their cock here (dunno if you were hinting at that) is in some cases unhelpful and I think there are times guys say it just to get their kicks. I think it's warranted though when there are guys saying 'is my cock big' or whatever...but they aren't very serious questions.

    I think the advice given here - to some of the more serious, less penis-orientated questions - is generally good advice. As for comparisons, large penis is in the site name so obviously most of the advice will come from men with larger penises, or people claiming they have large penises. People just shouldn't compare or if they do, prepare to be outcocked. There is always someone bigger, always someone more built etc...hopefully with age people can be happy in themselves.

    Big dick does not equal happiness, success or anything at all. A cock is a fleshy protrusion. Happiness, success, love etc are all things you create for yourself. And when you have those things, the size of yours or anyone else's penis is so trivial and pointless.

    Of course, there are a lot of unfulfilled people in this world...Having or not having a big dick is neither the solution nor the problem though.
     
  17. D_Coyne Toss

    D_Coyne Toss New Member

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    It is true that well endowed men are less ashamed to show off, and get pride about looking bigger than others.

    On the other hand, I am sincere when i say that size is not everything, because the most important thing is to know how to use it (and to use it as often as you want).

    Look at me, i am quite hung, but i lost my virginity at 23: being hung helped my ego in locker rooms, but that was al until few months ago.
     
  18. SomeGuyOverThere

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    I think that it is meant in the spirit of support. It just so happens to come from the guys with big shlongs, probably because they are in the stable position - they don't have to worry, so they can give support.

    I think the guys who have big wangs and try to console guys with smaller ones show that they have heart, and are trying to help the dispairing one.

    I also think that if a "big guy" really thought himself better than a "small guy" he wouldnt bother positing in such threads, or if he did would affirm his superiority, not try and mask it up with pretending to console them.


    However, on the wider issue of physical beuaty and such, I don't think it is at all true to affirm that it "doesn't matter" and "personality is all", ofcourse it matters! If it diddn't, then nobody would get uptight about it. It matters because we still do judge one another on physical beauty, and although I know I would prefer a great person to a shallow supermodel, there has to be a physical aspect to the relationship - no matter how wonderfull their personality is, if their body is repulsive, any physical relationship isn't going to take off.

    But maybe I'm a pig-headed judgemental fuck, and most people really do judge others compeltely on their personality, I don't, I'd be lieing if I said I did, and I won't lie to try and sound righteous, physical beauty and desirability must play a part in relationships in my mind.
     
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