Is this homophobia or internalized homophobia?

[Adymoe]

My friend (19 y/o Christian Male) is very homophobic. I just can't tell if it's straight homophobia or internalized homophobia. I am out to him as Bisexual.

He makes it very clear that he dislikes LGBTQ people, but denies being a homophobe. He's not comfortable being around them (only reason he's close with me is because I came out to him 2 years into our friendship). The day I did tell him, he asked me what I was into. When I told him how much I enjoy sucking dick he didn't respond and when I asked why he said "you made me really uncomfortable with that comment". He has preached about how pride shouldn't exist and flags should be burned, blah blah blah. He only watches lesbian porn because he doesnt want to see dicks. He began his struggle with depression and anxiety early as well.

The other day we shared a hotel room with his brother while on a trip. The 2 of us shared a bed and I guess in the middle of the night I ended up snuggling up to him in my sleep while unaware of it. It woke him up and he pushed me away. The following morning not once but twice he brought it up in front of his brother and complained about me trying to spoon him. Then while I was in the bathroom getting ready I had pink shorts on. I must have appeared naked to him because he walked into the doorway and said "WTF, why are you naked? Oh nevermind you're not" I told him to relax and he said "I would have been pissed if you were naked, if I wanted to see that I'd sneak and do it". Meanwhile his brother would have just laughed it off... He's joked about being pegged, having his ass fingered, and imagining sucking dick.

The biggest flag I got was when on 2 separate occasions, we walked into an amusement park (I was along side his brother and he was walking 10 feet ahead alone), I heard him say to himself "I'm definitely straight, look at all these girls". I have caught him checking out a handful of guys. One time i caught him staring at me and when looked at him he said "you have a cute face" and walked away. One day we were texting about girls and he said "atleast the girls around me are hotter than you"? Another time I sent him a mirror pic of my gym progress and you could clearly see my bulge in my shorts so I covered it with an emoji and he still got annoyed with me! He gets handsy with me when we're together in public.

He has had a couple girlfriends in the pasr. He checks girls out in public, makes it clear when he sees one he finds attractive, and is sexually active. Though he has said "guys would be so much easier". I just wasn't sure if I'm reading too much into it and he's just a straight homophobic asshole. If he's a straight homophobe than I'm probably giving him more respect than he deserves. He used to call me a fag all the time

This post isn't me wanting to know if my friend is bisexual, I just included examples of why it may be internalized. It's more about wondering if he's treating me like this because he's a homophobe...if i should think twice about how close i am with him. I've always assumed he was struggling with his sexuality and tolerated it because I feel bad for him. Thanks for any input.

 

[pluscachange]

My friend (19 y/o Christian Male) is very homophobic. I just can't tell if it's straight homophobia or internalized homophobia. I am out to him as Bisexual.

He makes it very clear that he dislikes LGBTQ people, but denies being a homophobe.

And you are friends with him because?

 

[Kanashi]

Only your friend can answer this question for you. You need to discuss this with and just flat out ask him.

 

[Adymoe]

Only your friend can answer this question for you. You need to discuss this with and just flat out ask him.

He denies being a homophobe so no he can't answer

 

[ASK JEFF]

My friend (19 y/o Christian Male) is very homophobic. I just can't tell if it's straight homophobia or internalized homophobia. I am out to him as Bisexual.

He makes it very clear that he dislikes LGBTQ people, but denies being a homophobe. He's not comfortable being around them (only reason he's close with me is because I came out to him 2 years into our friendship). The day I did tell him, he asked me what I was into. When I told him how much I enjoy sucking dick he didn't respond and when I asked why he said "you made me really uncomfortable with that comment". He has preached about how pride shouldn't exist and flags should be burned, blah blah blah. He only watches lesbian porn because he doesnt want to see dicks. He began his struggle with depression and anxiety early as well.

The other day we shared a hotel room with his brother while on a trip. The 2 of us shared a bed and I guess in the middle of the night I ended up snuggling up to him in my sleep while unaware of it. It woke him up and he pushed me away. The following morning not once but twice he brought it up in front of his brother and complained about me trying to spoon him. Then while I was in the bathroom getting ready I had pink shorts on. I must have appeared naked to him because he walked into the doorway and said "WTF, why are you naked? Oh nevermind you're not" I told him to relax and he said "I would have been pissed if you were naked, if I wanted to see that I'd sneak and do it". Meanwhile his brother would have just laughed it off... He's joked about being pegged, having his ass fingered, and imagining sucking dick.

The biggest flag I got was when on 2 separate occasions, we walked into an amusement park (I was along side his brother and he was walking 10 feet ahead alone), I heard him say to himself "I'm definitely straight, look at all these girls". I have caught him checking out a handful of guys. One time i caught him staring at me and when looked at him he said "you have a cute face" and walked away. One day we were texting about girls and he said "atleast the girls around me are hotter than you"? Another time I sent him a mirror pic of my gym progress and you could clearly see my bulge in my shorts so I covered it with an emoji and he still got annoyed with me! He gets handsy with me when we're together in public.

He has had a couple girlfriends in the pasr. He checks girls out in public, makes it clear when he sees one he finds attractive, and is sexually active. Though he has said "guys would be so much easier". I just wasn't sure if I'm reading too much into it and he's just a straight homophobic asshole. If he's a straight homophobe than I'm probably giving him more respect than he deserves. He used to call me a fag all the time

This post isn't me wanting to know if my friend is bisexual, I just included examples of why it may be internalized. It's more about wondering if he's treating me like this because he's a homophobe...if i should think twice about how close i am with him. I've always assumed he was struggling with his sexuality and tolerated it because I feel bad for him. Thanks for any input.

Wow, Sugarbear…that's quite a lot to unpack!

This situation sounds a little complicated and emotionally charged, to say the least. Nobody needs that from a “friend”. Look, I can't get into what your friend's feelings or motivations are, but there's definitely a tension between you two that needs to be addressed, especially if it's affecting your mental well-being. That just isn’t cool! Ever!

Based on what you've said, your friend is CLEARLY struggling with something, whether it's internalized homophobia, flat-out homophobia, or a combination of both. His mixed messages and actions could be interpreted in various ways, but the focus should really be on how it's affecting you and your relationship with him. His passive-aggressiveness isn’t going to be resolved anytime soon, buddy.

If he's preaching hate speech about the LGBTQ+ community and is making you uncomfortable, that's already a huge red flag and hurtful, especially from a “friend”. It's especially problematic given you're part of the community you belong to and that he's disparaging. It's not really fair for you to be around that kind of toxicity. That's not what friendship should EVER be about—you know this.

In terms of whether or not you should maintain this friendship, that’s a tough call. I think, first and foremost, you've gotta consider your own well-being here. His comments and his actions seem to be creating an unhealthy dynamic, and you've got to look out for number one. YOU!

As much as you might want to be there for him as he figures himself out (whatever bullshit he's going through), you also have your own goals and happiness to consider. Don’t EVER let those goals and values be stepped on by others, Sunshine!

Now, if you still value the friendship and think there's a chance for growth, maybe a good ol’ heart-to-heart conversation will do, but my feelings here are that you're dealing with someone with deep-seated beliefs and emotions here,( if in fact they are genuine). You may not get the response or acknowledgment you're hoping for as well, and that's something you'll have to weigh in on And think about.

You've got dreams to chase, Bro. Whether it's acting, painting, or something else entirely, you need a supportive circle to help you get there. Life's too short for toxic relationships, you know? Don’t ever let people around you drain you of your energy and your spirit. If you do, ol’ Daddy Jeff gonna hunt you down, tell ya like is, AGAIN, and give you a big ol’ country bear hug!

Take care, and good luck navigating this, stud.

kisses on your pink parts
JEFF

 

[hisiff maji]

My friend (19 y/o Christian Male) is very homophobic. I just can't tell if it's straight homophobia or internalized homophobia. I am out to him as Bisexual.

He makes it very clear that he dislikes LGBTQ people, but denies being a homophobe. He's not comfortable being around them (only reason he's close with me is because I came out to him 2 years into our friendship). The day I did tell him, he asked me what I was into. When I told him how much I enjoy sucking dick he didn't respond and when I asked why he said "you made me really uncomfortable with that comment". He has preached about how pride shouldn't exist and flags should be burned, blah blah blah. He only watches lesbian porn because he doesnt want to see dicks. He began his struggle with depression and anxiety early as well.

The other day we shared a hotel room with his brother while on a trip. The 2 of us shared a bed and I guess in the middle of the night I ended up snuggling up to him in my sleep while unaware of it. It woke him up and he pushed me away. The following morning not once but twice he brought it up in front of his brother and complained about me trying to spoon him. Then while I was in the bathroom getting ready I had pink shorts on. I must have appeared naked to him because he walked into the doorway and said "WTF, why are you naked? Oh nevermind you're not" I told him to relax and he said "I would have been pissed if you were naked, if I wanted to see that I'd sneak and do it". Meanwhile his brother would have just laughed it off... He's joked about being pegged, having his ass fingered, and imagining sucking dick.

The biggest flag I got was when on 2 separate occasions, we walked into an amusement park (I was along side his brother and he was walking 10 feet ahead alone), I heard him say to himself "I'm definitely straight, look at all these girls". I have caught him checking out a handful of guys. One time i caught him staring at me and when looked at him he said "you have a cute face" and walked away. One day we were texting about girls and he said "atleast the girls around me are hotter than you"? Another time I sent him a mirror pic of my gym progress and you could clearly see my bulge in my shorts so I covered it with an emoji and he still got annoyed with me! He gets handsy with me when we're together in public.

He has had a couple girlfriends in the pasr. He checks girls out in public, makes it clear when he sees one he finds attractive, and is sexually active. Though he has said "guys would be so much easier". I just wasn't sure if I'm reading too much into it and he's just a straight homophobic asshole. If he's a straight homophobe than I'm probably giving him more respect than he deserves. He used to call me a fag all the time

This post isn't me wanting to know if my friend is bisexual, I just included examples of why it may be internalized. It's more about wondering if he's treating me like this because he's a homophobe...if i should think twice about how close i am with him. I've always assumed he was struggling with his sexuality and tolerated it because I feel bad for him. Thanks for any input.

It sounds to me based on this post, that he’s either very threatened and fixated on gay men due to some insecurity in himself. Or internalized homophobia like you said. Maybe some repressed jealousy of viewing gay men as not being tethered to the weighty standards of masculinity and manhood that he feels he has to put on.
my guess is it sounds like he’s had gay feelings or thoughts at least once in his life. Possibly about you. I would be very careful approaching this with him, he doesn’t ready to face it. Best thing to do create a welcome and non judgmental vibe about yourself, in case a moment comes where hems willing to open up.

Everyone is different, he could be straight. But there are some big hints otherwise in your message.

 

[johnjohnston]

I’ve had several friendships over the years with “straight presenting” guys who seemed to be struggling with their mental health and queer dynamics. One I eventually ended up dating and quickly breaking up with. The other two I could tell that their personalities and their insecurities were too toxic. So, I distanced myself from them.

Ultimately, only your friend knows his sexual dimensions, preferences, where he in the gender, sexual, affection, romantic, emotion, commitment spectrum. You could assist in helping him gain some self-understanding by educating yourself on the variance of queerness and mental health. But ultimately, that’s on him to really confront things and look for genuine self-comfort. But this doesn’t seem like a friendship that is best for you in the long run.

 

[Graham123]

I don’t know but guess your friend is truly struggling with his sexuality. His Christian faith may well be tormenting him in his head as it’s not what he feels he should feel like if he has thoughts about guys in a sexual or intimate way. I have never come out as gay or bisexual to my friends or family as back in the 70’s queer bashing was common place so kept it hidden away. Did the proper thing found a GF got married had kids locked my gay or bi feelings away. My friend came out back in the day and had a horrid time and sadly HIV came along the gay disease to re enforce stereotype feelings against gays. I believe I heard on the grape vine he sadly died of aids. I have now embraced my bi side more down to situations than lifestyle but still keep it secret from family, friends and work colleagues, still living a lie I know but others to think about not just myself.

I have not slept with a woman for decades would like to but the wives and girlfriends on fabswingers say all seem to want young and hung and I ain’t either just an old git now with a not very big cock!

it’s good that you seem secure in your sexuality but your mate maybe isn’t so have some compassion for him if he is a good fiend one day he may have to open up to somebody and that some one may be you if you have a listen ear?

regards

graham

 

[Adymoe]

I don’t know but guess your friend is truly struggling with his sexuality. His Christian faith may well be tormenting him in his head as it’s not what he feels he should feel like if he has thoughts about guys in a sexual or intimate way. I have never come out as gay or bisexual to my friends or family as back in the 70’s queer bashing was common place so kept it hidden away. Did the proper thing found a GF got married had kids locked my gay or bi feelings away. My friend came out back in the day and had a horrid time and sadly HIV came along the gay disease to re enforce stereotype feelings against gays. I believe I heard on the grape vine he sadly died of aids. I have now embraced my bi side more down to situations than lifestyle but still keep it secret from family, friends and work colleagues, still living a lie I know but others to think about not just myself.

I have not slept with a woman for decades would like to but the wives and girlfriends on fabswingers say all seem to want young and hung and I ain’t either just an old git now with a not very big cock!

it’s good that you seem secure in your sexuality but your mate maybe isn’t so have some compassion for him if he is a good fiend one day he may have to open up to somebody and that some one may be you if you have a listen ear?

regards

graham

Thanks for your response! I think his religion definitely has something to do with his behavior. He's way too homophobic to be a true Christian. It seems he's fighting unwanted inner thoughts and emotions and it's his way of "curing" himself. Hopefully he sees the truth and comes to terms with himself eventually. It could take a long time

 

[Graham123]

Thanks for your response! I think his religion definitely has something to do with his behavior. He's way too homophobic to be a true Christian. It seems he's fighting unwanted inner thoughts and emotions and it's his way of "curing" himself. Hopefully he sees the truth and comes to terms with himself eventually. It could take a long time

Yes it may well take some time and unfortunately hurting others especially those close to him. If he is a good friend give him space and like his Christian beliefs forgive him, if you can, for the hurt he may well cause you. In the end hopefully he will come around to his true identity and sexuality be that gay, straight, bi or just a guy that has sex with guys.

 

[Northerner2023]

He may be struggling with his sexuality however I'm gay as fuck grew up being openly gay with a very loving family and accepting family. I always accepted being gay never struggled with being gay. However I do struggle with being gay when it comes to many of the cultural aspects that plague the community. I have always stayed away from the "scene" and had no interest in moving to a "gay city" I've seen the damage it's done to so many gay men. Many have been sucked up into substance abuse whether that's drink or party drugs or more common with gay men chemsex. Whenever I point out or call out some of the abhorrent behaviour I feel many gay men follow I get called out for being homophobic or having internally which i always find amussing i tbink the issues is gay men and people in general dont like a mirrow being hepd up to them or being called out on something they know is fucked up but they hate being called out. I mostly have issues with the chemsex scene which is rampant, the glamorisation of popper use which I still find unfathomable that gay men still don't see it at substance abuse to me it's chemsex and to me it's just as bad as taking crystal meth. It still has extremely damaging effects on the immune system (was one of the leading causes for HIV transmissions and progression) was even thought at the start to be the cause of HIV. I also hate how unsafe risky sex is glamorised and that prep is classed as safe sex. When HIV rates are yes almost at and an end but alot of gay men seem to have a very relaxed approach to the other STIs they simply think "oh I can just get antibiotics" without knowing stis are becoming harder to treat and eventually they are running the risk of building up an immunity to treatment. I also hate the lack of stable close loving relationships with gay men. So even as a gay man my views to some are perceived as "homophobic"

 

[Graham123]

He may be struggling with his sexuality however I'm gay as fuck grew up being openly gay with a very loving family and accepting family. I always accepted being gay never struggled with being gay. However I do struggle with being gay when it comes to many of the cultural aspects that plague the community. I have always stayed away from the "scene" and had no interest in moving to a "gay city" I've seen the damage it's done to so many gay men. Many have been sucked up into substance abuse whether that's drink or party drugs or more common with gay men chemsex. Whenever I point out or call out some of the abhorrent behaviour I feel many gay men follow I get called out for being homophobic or having internally which i always find amussing i tbink the issues is gay men and people in general dont like a mirrow being hepd up to them or being called out on something they know is fucked up but they hate being called out. I mostly have issues with the chemsex scene which is rampant, the glamorisation of popper use which I still find unfathomable that gay men still don't see it at substance abuse to me it's chemsex and to me it's just as bad as taking crystal meth. It still has extremely damaging effects on the immune system (was one of the leading causes for HIV transmissions and progression) was even thought at the start to be the cause of HIV. I also hate how unsafe risky sex is glamorised and that prep is classed as safe sex. When HIV rates are yes almost at and an end but alot of gay men seem to have a very relaxed approach to the other STIs they simply think "oh I can just get antibiotics" without knowing stis are becoming harder to treat and eventually they are running the risk of building up an immunity to treatment. I also hate the lack of stable close loving relationships with gay men. So even as a gay man my views to some are perceived as "homophobic"

Thank you Northerner for a honest and frank comment? I believe you as a gay guy have hit the spot on a few subjects here. I agree some guys think if they are on prep they are ok to fuck BB and I once went to a hotel meet where there were several guys in fact I was the only one wearing a condom to my knowledge and the bottoms only two there accepted it about five different guys flicking them BB one after the other and swapping bottoms about. Risky or what!!? Is the HIV virus really over or will in come back as some other re energised virus.

 

[Northerner2023]

Thank you Northerner for a honest and frank comment? I believe you as a gay guy have hit the spot on a few subjects here. I agree some guys think if they are on prep they are ok to fuck BB and I once went to a hotel meet where there were several guys in fact I was the only one wearing a condom to my knowledge and the bottoms only two there accepted it about five different guys flicking them BB one after the other and swapping bottoms about. Risky or what!!? Is the HIV virus really over or will in come back as some other re energised virus.

Oh there will definitely be a new virus and the sad thing is gay men will take the risk just for a load

 

[sgtrock]

does thou protest to much?

As a straight male it has been my experience that most who protest their disgust often are what they are disgusted by. Why does he have to loudly protest his disdain especially if he isn’t affected?

As a stripper and nude model my friends never said anything except they wis they could. On the other hand those who accused me of being gay overtime proved they were gay. Why else is he checking men out?

Your friendship seems one sided and you are being shortchanged I think you should move on and let him grow up. Unless somehow you hope to convert him some how. It just seems you would be happier with friends gay or straight who accept you for who you are.

I have straight, gay, lesbian and transgender friends all of whom accept me and me them. I’ve also been in a long term relationship with an Asian women who accepts all of this.

life is too short to be surrounded by negativity

 

[Patrick_starrr99]

My friend (19 y/o Christian Male) is very homophobic. I just can't tell if it's straight homophobia or internalized homophobia. I am out to him as Bisexual.

He makes it very clear that he dislikes LGBTQ people, but denies being a homophobe. He's not comfortable being around them (only reason he's close with me is because I came out to him 2 years into our friendship). The day I did tell him, he asked me what I was into. When I told him how much I enjoy sucking dick he didn't respond and when I asked why he said "you made me really uncomfortable with that comment". He has preached about how pride shouldn't exist and flags should be burned, blah blah blah. He only watches lesbian porn because he doesnt want to see dicks. He began his struggle with depression and anxiety early as well.

The other day we shared a hotel room with his brother while on a trip. The 2 of us shared a bed and I guess in the middle of the night I ended up snuggling up to him in my sleep while unaware of it. It woke him up and he pushed me away. The following morning not once but twice he brought it up in front of his brother and complained about me trying to spoon him. Then while I was in the bathroom getting ready I had pink shorts on. I must have appeared naked to him because he walked into the doorway and said "WTF, why are you naked? Oh nevermind you're not" I told him to relax and he said "I would have been pissed if you were naked, if I wanted to see that I'd sneak and do it". Meanwhile his brother would have just laughed it off... He's joked about being pegged, having his ass fingered, and imagining sucking dick.

The biggest flag I got was when on 2 separate occasions, we walked into an amusement park (I was along side his brother and he was walking 10 feet ahead alone), I heard him say to himself "I'm definitely straight, look at all these girls". I have caught him checking out a handful of guys. One time i caught him staring at me and when looked at him he said "you have a cute face" and walked away. One day we were texting about girls and he said "atleast the girls around me are hotter than you"? Another time I sent him a mirror pic of my gym progress and you could clearly see my bulge in my shorts so I covered it with an emoji and he still got annoyed with me! He gets handsy with me when we're together in public.

He has had a couple girlfriends in the pasr. He checks girls out in public, makes it clear when he sees one he finds attractive, and is sexually active. Though he has said "guys would be so much easier". I just wasn't sure if I'm reading too much into it and he's just a straight homophobic asshole. If he's a straight homophobe than I'm probably giving him more respect than he deserves. He used to call me a fag all the time

This post isn't me wanting to know if my friend is bisexual, I just included examples of why it may be internalized. It's more about wondering if he's treating me like this because he's a homophobe...if i should think twice about how close i am with him. I've always assumed he was struggling with his sexuality and tolerated it because I feel bad for him. Thanks for any input

Just wanna say he is struggling with his inner demons. And honestly you should not be friends with such people. Trust me I have experience, such people just don't want to get called out for being a homophobe, but deep down they hate LGBTQ people. Maybe it's time you say goodbye to your friendship and find good friends.

 

[Patrick_starrr99]

Oh there will definitely be a new virus and the sad thing is gay men will take the risk just for a load

Lol true

 

[Jay-E]

He may be struggling with his sexuality however I'm gay as fuck grew up being openly gay with a very loving family and accepting family. I always accepted being gay never struggled with being gay. However I do struggle with being gay when it comes to many of the cultural aspects that plague the community. I have always stayed away from the "scene" and had no interest in moving to a "gay city" I've seen the damage it's done to so many gay men. Many have been sucked up into substance abuse whether that's drink or party drugs or more common with gay men chemsex. Whenever I point out or call out some of the abhorrent behaviour I feel many gay men follow I get called out for being homophobic or having internally which i always find amussing i tbink the issues is gay men and people in general dont like a mirrow being hepd up to them or being called out on something they know is fucked up but they hate being called out. I mostly have issues with the chemsex scene which is rampant, the glamorisation of popper use which I still find unfathomable that gay men still don't see it at substance abuse to me it's chemsex and to me it's just as bad as taking crystal meth. It still has extremely damaging effects on the immune system (was one of the leading causes for HIV transmissions and progression) was even thought at the start to be the cause of HIV. I also hate how unsafe risky sex is glamorised and that prep is classed as safe sex. When HIV rates are yes almost at and an end but alot of gay men seem to have a very relaxed approach to the other STIs they simply think "oh I can just get antibiotics" without knowing stis are becoming harder to treat and eventually they are running the risk of building up an immunity to treatment. I also hate the lack of stable close loving relationships with gay men. So even as a gay man my views to some are perceived as "homophobic"

Similar experience here, growing up in NYC where gay culture is already generally accepted and abundant. I hear you 100%

 

[hzs3fg]

My friend (19 y/o Christian Male) is very homophobic. I just can't tell if it's straight homophobia or internalized homophobia. I am out to him as Bisexual.

He makes it very clear that he dislikes LGBTQ people, but denies being a homophobe. He's not comfortable being around them (only reason he's close with me is because I came out to him 2 years into our friendship). The day I did tell him, he asked me what I was into. When I told him how much I enjoy sucking dick he didn't respond and when I asked why he said "you made me really uncomfortable with that comment". He has preached about how pride shouldn't exist and flags should be burned, blah blah blah. He only watches lesbian porn because he doesnt want to see dicks. He began his struggle with depression and anxiety early as well.

The other day we shared a hotel room with his brother while on a trip. The 2 of us shared a bed and I guess in the middle of the night I ended up snuggling up to him in my sleep while unaware of it. It woke him up and he pushed me away. The following morning not once but twice he brought it up in front of his brother and complained about me trying to spoon him. Then while I was in the bathroom getting ready I had pink shorts on. I must have appeared naked to him because he walked into the doorway and said "WTF, why are you naked? Oh nevermind you're not" I told him to relax and he said "I would have been pissed if you were naked, if I wanted to see that I'd sneak and do it". Meanwhile his brother would have just laughed it off... He's joked about being pegged, having his ass fingered, and imagining sucking dick.

The biggest flag I got was when on 2 separate occasions, we walked into an amusement park (I was along side his brother and he was walking 10 feet ahead alone), I heard him say to himself "I'm definitely straight, look at all these girls". I have caught him checking out a handful of guys. One time i caught him staring at me and when looked at him he said "you have a cute face" and walked away. One day we were texting about girls and he said "atleast the girls around me are hotter than you"? Another time I sent him a mirror pic of my gym progress and you could clearly see my bulge in my shorts so I covered it with an emoji and he still got annoyed with me! He gets handsy with me when we're together in public.

He has had a couple girlfriends in the pasr. He checks girls out in public, makes it clear when he sees one he finds attractive, and is sexually active. Though he has said "guys would be so much easier". I just wasn't sure if I'm reading too much into it and he's just a straight homophobic asshole. If he's a straight homophobe than I'm probably giving him more respect than he deserves. He used to call me a fag all the time

This post isn't me wanting to know if my friend is bisexual, I just included examples of why it may be internalized. It's more about wondering if he's treating me like this because he's a homophobe...if i should think twice about how close i am with him. I've always assumed he was struggling with his sexuality and tolerated it because I feel bad for him. Thanks for any input.

I cannot picture any homophobe being willing to share a bed with a person that he knows to be gay, especially if the option of sharing a bed with his brother instead - or even just sleeping on the floor - existed.

 

[Adymoe]

I cannot picture any homophobe being willing to share a bed with a person that he knows to be gay, especially if the option of sharing a bed with his brother instead - or even just sleeping on the floor - existed.

I didn't mention it in the post but his brother and his gf shared one bed in the hotel, him and I shared the other bed. But when I stay at his place he will not let me sleep in his bed under any circumstances

 

[Adymoe]

It's becoming very hard. I just feel sorry for him. It really seems he's struggling. We hung out yesterday at an amusement park and he was super touchy with me. I was cold so he grabbed me and rubbed my arms for 10 seconds and it actually warmed me up but when I said that to him he was like "well I'm not going to keep doing it!". I was like "I never asked you to..." I want to discontinue our friendship because of his homophobia but then I just wonder what if he really is struggling with his sexuality? Will I make it worse of I leave him. It's a tough decision for me. I'm way too caring for people

Just wanna say he is struggling with his inner demons. And honestly you should not be friends with such people. Trust me I have experience, such people just don't want to get called out for being a homophobe, but deep down they hate LGBTQ people. Maybe it's time you say goodbye to your friendship and find good friends.