Is wanting to be straight bad?

Discussion in 'Relationships, Discrimination, and Jealousy' started by Water dragon, Apr 6, 2010.

  1. Water dragon

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    I want to have children with a woman I love body and soul. I want to feel love and be aroused by her breast, the curves of her hips, the smell of her, personality and the most of all the feel of me inside her. The trouble I face is I love men; all I do is look at men, I try sometimes to look at women but I feel no desire towards them nor interest that even measures up to how I feel looking at men.

    Some people may say being gay is not a problem, that I should do what I love and feel best. But I don't feel the way I want to be. Or should I find a weird balance for me.

    One of my earliest memories when I was younge was I attracted to men, muscled men on the front of underwear and magazines made me interested into what was under their pants.
    I would play with the girls at school till I was in 9 (then a friend my age introduced me to play his mates at school). Most of the Sims I created were male and had relationships with both sexes. It was only till I was 9 did I relies that I could be gay or what the term meant. And during my teens I hoped I would grow out this assumed phase.

    My family is well of, my parents gave me a great education; they gave me what I wanted, taught me to work and put effort into making money, relationships and trust. I was well taught about and met other cultures, homosexual couples and religions. Watched tones documentaries and classic films when I was young. Well read. Used a lot of the internet to my advantage like so others to fill my sexual questions at an early age.

    My parents are loving and caring people who don't mind if they have gay son (and they don't know it yet). I was raised as a non strict Christian but my parents never forced any religion on to me. They were never strongly into religion but used to go to church when I was young but not anymore.
    All they want is to be happy and peaceful. It was always my choice to be Christian or not. They never minded. I still some times go to church.
    I believe that being gay is fine with God as long as I keep faith and practice his words of love, caring justice and peace with the ability that I may do some good in this world to improve it on the behalf of him and scientifically.

    My real cur is my greatest strength is the scientific view. in the question: why I should be gay and meaning being an anomaly in the function of life as men and men cannot make life.
    I then relate to God that he made us the way we are. Me being gay therefore it could be one big challenge that others don’t have; Similar to a person has with being crippled it is how we were made but it is a challenge to make us better for his cause. I do not think being gay is a disease or something repulsive. It is so hard to express what I think. But one barrier so great that if I knew how to get past this I can initiate a life and be gay and being what God meant I was to be in life.

    There has been no doubt there has been influence by my brother who shows disgust in gays. He is also one of my closest family members along with my sister but unlike him she to accepts people gay or not.

    On the other hand I guess it boils down to is in a crude and venting way…
    All my life people have said “are you gay?” since I was 9 ( not from my friends I would play with but) others I would just meet shortly or people who I don’t like to meet. All this makes me angry that they who dare even try to ask a question in an insulting manner to hurt me and be fucking right! I hate it.
    (so what right? but it is infuriating to let them have that point made against me)

    Not only that but my despise to my mother (love her except in this area) who last year expressed she loves to be with gays only because they are so feminine; she would signaling with her hand rotating left to right as she spoke on the matter. This disgusted me for her stereotyping.
    Yeh as if every gay person is like that and to let her know I am gay would bring pleasure to her that I can expect such a stereotype bull crap on me and therefore I hold this secret away from her is disgust that she may treat me the same. “how is my hair, or clothes” I don’t care about that stuff I am still a man!

    I love men and I know that for a fact, but I cannot do any anal nor the image of the butt as I don’t like it and I know others don’t too.
    I accept I am gay and there is no way past that. But if there is a chance to change I would sadly to betray myself to know what is like to be straight.

    I do fantasize what it is like to have sex with a woman and it sounds all very pleasurable to be in a vagina so pleasurable, to play with boobs to touch, to feel a woman I love. But I know in reality it is not so and only could I get pleasure from the contact rather that my sexual turn ons and feelings to a woman (which would betray her trust).

    I also like the idea that men are less foreign to me we have the same hormones and less emotional baggage to handle that woman can give and weird expectation of psychic ability to know what they mean and do what they want in exact detail. Of course I am wrong in most cases on this statement as woman can be as direct as men and men be as emotional as women but this is me trying to make some light to my situation I guess…

    I just want none of this burden of stereotypes, I am manly, and I want to be accepted. I want to know what it is like to love a woman, burn the lust for her as I do for men and to be able to reflect love to a woman who expresses deep feelings for me. I don't want to prove some asshole right that I am gay and I don't want to be ashamed to love men and I also don't want to betray myself to wanting to be straight.

    I guess there is no reason why I should write 70% straight 30% gay on my profile but I think until I am willing to admit it and be open with the people I live with I am gay then will I change my profile it at least more to 70% gay and 30% straight.

    I don’t know really but I guess I am venting through this whole topic and it is good to get out all my thoughts to people who can put me back into order.
    I know my behavior is disgraceful to my issue but that is my jumbled mind. Unable to find what I want. Which to be fair everyone has troubles in one issue to the next.

    Too bad I am not bi-sexual lol

    Much obliged to all who read this and/or has some input on this matter.
     
  2. Joll

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    Awww. :(

    I think it's a fair question dude - why shouldn't you want to be straight and have a wife and kids? Seems available to most ppl (str8 ones), so understandable to question why it doesn't seem possible for you.

    I don't actually know the answers - but I hope you find some peace of mind, and appreciate your strengths as a person regardless of sexuality, and which direction you end up going in. :)
     
  3. helgaleena

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    You could try hanging out with more masculine women, for starters. And meanwhile be kinder to yourself as you are!

    Whoever you meet with whom you decide to spend the rest of your life, you can always adopt. That is what infertile heterosexual couples do.
     
  4. onewatcher

    onewatcher Active Member

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    Wow!! While reading this, I just kept thinking how I wish I were sitting in front of you able to talk to you rather than trying to put this into words.
    You have the capibility to love! Your main focus has been men. As you age and mature, you will realize that it doesn't matter who you love. The important thing is that you love someone and someone loves you. You don't know what the future holds yet. A woman may come along that rocks your world. You first have to be comfortable with yourself as a person. Don't label yourself. Once you allow yourself to "just fall in love" you will see that it really doesn't matter if it's with a man or a woman. Most importantly, don't let others dictate to you what they want for you. It's your life, and your decision. As I said, it would be so much easier to talk in person rather than trying to make sense in this small space.
     
  5. THEDUDEofDestiny

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    Women are great in theory but they can be a pain in the ass to deal with emotionally. I think you have a case of the grass in greener syndrome
     
  6. DV8

    DV8
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    Hey Bud!

    I had read this, and I thought about what I would say to you. A really nice guy also read this and told me to respond, so I knew I had to! The first thing that I really want to say is that I wish I knew you in person, and I mean that. You seem so sweet and compassionate, just frustrated. There's nothing wrong with wanting to change worlds, whether it be a permanent decision or merely indefinite. However, I do take issue as to why you want to change worlds.

    I'll go ahead and get a little personal and tell you that I come from a very non-traditional family. My parents were young when I was born, and my dad was gay. He split when I was 2. My mother kept him out of my life (to protect me from his corruption, she said) until I was 14(it'll be 11 years in a few weeks). My father came back in my life shortly after my birthday. Because of his absence, I had developed this idea in my head that he left because of me- he just didn't want to be around; I never knew of the role that my mother played in that. He died of AIDS a month after I started my first year of high school. I had a lot of emotions going through my head during that time- I never really knew anything of the man.

    I came out to family a month later, and that's when I found out that my father was gay. My mom had so much anger towards him that she mixed how she felt about gays. She told me that she would never want to meet any man that I would want to bring home, that she didn't approve of my lifestyle, and she feared that I would die the same way my father did. We had a rocky relationship for the next 4-5 years. I did drag for almost a year, competed in a pageant and won. I was beautiful! It wasn't for me though; I hate shaving off my facial hair, wearing dresses wasn't for me, and high heels hurt- A LOT!

    I can tell you that my mother and I have great relationship now! She's one of my best friends. I can honestly say that I feel comfortable discussing anything with her, except my sex life of course; but if she asked, I'd answer. My mom was afraid that I would grow up to be a stereotype, and in some cases, I can be. But I am who I am, and I love who I am. Others seem to love me too.

    So for you, my new friend, know that the grass is not always greener on the other side. Take no prisoners, and take no shame! Love who you are! Appreciate all that you have, and all that you are. And about your mother, brother, and those asking if you were gay? Brush it off, and forgive them; no one is perfect and we all do stupid things sometimes. It's funny how we allow people to have a hold over us, especially when they don't even know it. I'm sure if your mother and your brother knew, they'd feel differently. I was proud to break the mold for my family. And when you're ready, you will be too.

    It's strange, isn't it? You want to be straight because of the anger that others have put in you, and you come from a loving family. Remember that not everyone is blessed to have such an accepting family as your's.

    I look forward to hearing from you!

    Best Wishes,

    Dante'
     
  7. B_RedDude

    B_RedDude New Member

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    Undoubtedly, being gay can be a great challenge in many ways. The thing is to live out your life in the most positive way that you can.
     
  8. Voglener

    Voglener Active Member

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    I think one way to deal with this issue is to find a woman whom you can be truthful and open with and who can return the same to you. It is possible to find a woman who can understand and emphatize with your dilemma.

    If you go into a relationship honestly, not expecting perfection out of her or yourself, you have a basis for making the relationship warm, loving and lasting and most of all real. Focus on what's right about you and not what you feel is so wrong about you.

    I applaude you for being so insightful within yourself. If you convey those positive traits you have toward the relationship, you'll be able to work through the issues that frighten you and make you fear that what you want out of life is unattainable to you.
     
  9. D_Eddie Withagun

    D_Eddie Withagun New Member

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    A jumbled mind you do not have, my friend. People would be lucky to have a scrap of your clarity. You have however been dealt a rough hand in life, and it's completely understandable that you feel this way. Hardships are suffered by many different people, in many different situations. This hardship and your good nature combined will bring you to a unique life lesson buddy.

    Your mother. She's a straight woman. Gay men she may know play up to this fact. She's a great deal of fun to them. She's accepting and they likely feel safe to exaggerate their own femininity. This is not as big a problem as it seems to you, I believe.

    People jest all the time. Deep down she knows that this is a small part of what gay men must be. You will not have to prove a thing to her, I believe that! I know it. My mum did similar things. Camp voices as she regaled her experiences with her girl friends and gay mates. But you know, she knows you ain't a hair stylist!

    Your brother is also similar to mine in his outward disgust to all things queer. I've been told "Pigs will never learn to fly". I'm certainly not calling him a pig, but you get the message. My brother in particular has a lot of issues due to a childhood experience of his that was not particularly pleasant.

    After he found out from my mum’s then boyfriend, who I came out to, he said that he thought he should be less homophobic. There is the notion that the more gay people a person knows, the less likely they are to side with homophobic sentiment. I have seen this to be true. You might too. :)

    I love men too, but we're divided on the opinion off butts. I love men’s legs, thighs and indeed behinds. I love the masculinity of it and also the softness too. I love that they're different from female behinds, in the same way that men are different from women. And I celebrate this diversity.

    Many gay men don't engage in anal sex and that's just fine. If you're one of them then there's a guy out there for you who feels the same. But since you wish to be straight, I might link this to hang-ups that revolve around that longing.

    Homo, queer, fag, poof and pansy. These are things that people are gonna call you. The world won't change because you KNOW you're manlier than the people that call that. It will only change when you're unashamed of these terms, and you show people that.

    Man - I wish you well. Hug. x

    Message me if you like :)
     
    #9 D_Eddie Withagun, Apr 6, 2010
    Last edited: Apr 6, 2010
  10. B_Nick4444

    B_Nick4444 New Member

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    what he said (and I was going to say, before I saw his post)
     
  11. Water dragon

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    Thank you all so much for your reassuring and [FONT=&quot]caring [/FONT] words.
    I will try to implement the great advice and personal experiences you have shared with me.

    I cannot express the thanks enough.


    :smile:
     
  12. DV8

    DV8
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    You're welcome- just keep your head up :)
     
  13. D_Cooter Rooter

    D_Cooter Rooter New Member

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    First of all you have to realise that what your experiencing is perfectly normal, confusion is probably the best way of describing it. No one fits neatly in to a box and you're no exception, there's no reason why you cannot have children or love a women even if a straight sex life is out of the question. However I am curious as to whether or not you have experiment much with women or even men for that matter? How about fantasising about being a man you fancy doing the women you are with, what I am trying to say is that all doors are open and you cannot guess what will happen. What we do know for certain is that you will not feel any better, fix any issues you have or meet those special people in life unless you start taking action. So you have to get out there and be open about the way you feel, coming on here is a great start, anonymous conversation will help you realise what you feel without the feelings of the other clouding your thoughts. In the future you can take your thoughts and feelings out in to the real world and start sharing them with your friends and eventually with your family.

    The same applies to everyone, we all have our hangups and we all need to deal with them for ourselves. I feel attracted to men but I know I want a female partner but that dosn't mean I wont try it with a man sometime, the best way I can describe my attraction to men is wanting to be them, say for example, having his face or his body or his dress sense or personality or his cock or hair or whatever. It's some kind of indulgent envy if that makes sense.
     
  14. B_RedDude

    B_RedDude New Member

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    Isn't this fairly common for straight guys? It doesn't sound like a SEXUAL attraction at all.

    I am gay, but I still look at attractive women. It doesn't mean I want to f_ck them.

     
  15. cbrmale

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    I'm 100% straight and I adore women, and I know and understand that women are very different to men. There is more to a relationship than sex, although part of the attraction of women to me is quite sexual: smooth soft skin, curves in all the right places, warm and ready pussy.

    I have thought hard about why some of the women in my life have been often difficult to understand, and yet some have been very simple. The answer, I think, is cultural. Our Western-Christian heritage has, until very recent times, treated women very badly. Indeed, they were the property of their husbands. As a result, Western women tend to be oblique and indirect when communicating wants and desires, which often frustrated me. Very hard to understand what is actually wanted if it's never said. And then I met someone who was pretty straightforward and direct, and very easy to understand. She was from a different cultural background, born and raised in a well-off African country, and this made a big difference.

    The point of all this is that unless you're prepared to put in the work, learn to second-guess your partner or wife, learn to understand what different types of silences really mean, learn to understand why sex isn't happening anymore, then don't get married. Or marry and African perhaps? Either way, you have to live with a wife and they have to live with you, you have to communicate with and understand one-another, however that communication happens. You also need to be romantic and understanding (there isn't a woman in the world who doesn't need both of these ingredients). Women are often quite selective in choosing a partner for a long-term relationship, knowing that he will be the father of their children. Throughout a relationship, most women need reassurance that he's there for her (and her children). If a woman doesn't receive this reassurance, she may (and often will) do whatever it takes to make it happen. This might even be to pick a fight over something trivial, and in the aftermath of the argument she will know that there is a spark of attraction to her (the opposite of love, of course, is ambivalence).

    For us married straight men, we usually understand our partners in particular and women in general. If not, then it's unlikely that we remain married for particularly long. So think about some of these points, and think about how they may affect you and your desires.
     
  16. TheRob

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    honestly as to if it's bad or not that's a personal choice for you to make

    people will try to force thier bullshit on you from both sides
    people who fancy themselves 'open minded' will tell you that you are MADE to feel that way by society
    people who don't like homosexuality will tell you that it is just you trying to be normal

    ignore all the bullshit from both sides
    the fact is you feel the way you feel
    if it's good or bad, that's really dependent on who it makes you react and behave
    I guess this post isn't realy a lot of help but this is one area that really self-help is the only kind of help worth having
     
  17. B_dxjnorto

    B_dxjnorto New Member

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    Agree. Everyone is unique. There is nothing inherently good or bad about feelings and individuality.
     
  18. Lex

    Lex
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    I can only hope to add a little to the already stellar advice already given out:

    Remember that being gay and being a biological parent are not mutually exclusive realities.

    My partner and I both have our own kids, as do about half of all my gay friends (men and women).

    Try not to let your longing turn into self-loathing and I think you will be fine. Like others have said, you have a clarity for which many could only wish.
     
  19. DV8

    DV8
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    You just seem so sweet. Bless your heart
     
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