1. Paul Vincent

    Paul Vincent <img border="0" src="/images/badges/member.gif" wi

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    There is a dilemma I am currently experiencing.

    My girlfriend wants to move in with me this year. I want to transfer to Journalism this year. However, my transfer isn't guaranteed since I don't have enough 'points' to get on the course (am 20 short, which isnt much but it also doesnt meet the requirement). Also I need to give a reference on the transfer form, from one of my tutors. None of them will give me a 'good' reference because I missed a lot of class.

    The course I am/was on wasn't one I wanted. I would have preferred an English course, like the one I'm trying to get onto now. The only reason I picked business was because my ex wanted me to come to uni just to be closer to her. Since I didn't have enough points to do journalism, I picked a course that it was guaranteed I would get onto. As immature and stupid as it was, the main reason was to be able to see my ex...the actual impact and consequence of uni never really hit me.

    So now I am at uni, I would like to get onto a journalism course. I phoned up my old college about doing a resit of an exam to get enough points. They haven't got back to me but I'll phone them tomorrow. I emailed someone (sort of a counsellor type thing) at uni and asked her if it would be better to explain to a tutor then get their reference or what other options were available to me. I emailed her two nights ago and she hasn't replied either.

    Just no my girlfriend 'anonymously' posted a thread about me on another forum. The situation, "business course...he's 20...wanting to transfer to journalism" gave away that it was her. For some reason I really don't like that. I don't like to tell people my problems, or for people to think that I have any problems at all in fact. Although I know I have quite a few severe 'problems'.

    I'm thinking now that I'm 20, should have my life on some kind of track and not stuck at the side of the road. I think that having some time to myself, sans girlfriend, to find myself and decide what I want and to find the motivation or energy to do it would be good. But my girlfriend would be gutted, and we wouldn't be living together this year. So if I did transfer in September I'd have nowhere to live...One major problem is I always fail to apply or to notice a sense of importance or urgency to anything. I think maybe because my mother told me my father was dead and it turned out he isn't. That was quite an important thing (at least to me) so I think maybe after that I saw a lot of things as being unimportant...but I'm not a psychologist.

    Help me please? Some advice or something?
     
  2. zaphod

    zaphod New Member

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    Why are you posting this here?
     
  3. Paul Vincent

    Paul Vincent <img border="0" src="/images/badges/member.gif" wi

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    For advice. I acknowledge I have problems, so I am asking here.

    I don't like other people telling others about my perceived problems. Here I am only discussing my feelings because I want advice, as much as I dislike having to do this. Help please?
     
  4. vinny_spiruccino

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    This post was very sweet I thought. I have some thoughts... "now that you're 20" doesn't mean you should have life figured out. FAR from it. If I knew then what I know now... I know, it sounds cliche but MAN it's true! One thing that I wish I realized then was this - at 20, you've just barely become an adult. You're still in the PRIME of your youth, so why shouldn't you act like it? BE 20!! I wish I could do it again, I would certainly do things different. From someone older (and maybe wiser, just from experience) think like this - what decisions can I make today that I won't regret when... I'm 30? Do what works best for YOU, because if you make life choices to please other people today, you'll only think of "what could have been" when you're 30, and your 20's will have passed you by...

    You made the last decision based on your now EX gf - who's to say that your current gf will be part of your life forever? Any more than the last gf is now? The only thing you DO know for SURE is that YOU will be part of you life. Do what's best for you...

    **jeez, I sounds like somone's DAD!!??!!**
     
  5. Pecker

    Pecker Retired Moderator
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    Sit down and let your practical side (yes, Paul, you have a practical side) think this one over:

    where do you want to be in 1 year?
    in 2 years?
    in 3?

    How are you going to get there? By shacking up and missing more classes or by being a university student who happens also to have a girlfriend?

    Priorities, Paul. Vinny is right - it's you future, not your current girlfriend's.
     
  6. Paul Vincent

    Paul Vincent <img border="0" src="/images/badges/member.gif" wi

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    My girlfriend is only trying to help me, trying to get me onto this course. But I worry about if I don't get onto the course...and I feel really mixed up and messed up and I think I need some time on my own...so that I CAN actually envisage a year or two or three from now....

    I want to get on this course. My girlfriend is only trying to help me. I don't know what my problem is.
     
  7. Matthew

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    Are you sure you aren't?
     
  8. B_DoubleMeatWhopper

    B_DoubleMeatWhopper New Member

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    Paul, you have a lot on your plate, and some of it is uncertain. You're not even sure that you'll get on the course. You have a lot of things to get in order. Do you think that the added stress of trying to maintain a relationship with a live-in girlfriend would make things easier? Really? Remember, we have read about your relationships on this board, and we know that this is a girl that you really haven't known long enough to even consider moving her into your digs. For a change, look before you leap. That's a big step. Let the other big things in your life settle down before you add another. I don't want to sound pessimistic about your girlfriend, but what you gain from your education will most probably outlast your current romantic relationship: concentrate on what's going to help you in the future. Getting tied down when trying to spread your wings is not something that I would recommend.

    You said it yourself:
    You think right.
     
  9. invisibleman

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    I really believe that you are not ready to move in with her. It seems to me you resent your girlfriend making your life difficult (moving to a different city, changing schools, and talking about you behind your back). Let her know how you really feel. If Journalism is your dream (go to your classes!), follow your dream first and your dream will bring a girlfriend to you later on. If you aren't able to commit. You aren't able. Let her know how you really feel. You're 20 years old! Do you really think that relationships last in your twenties? You really shouldn't be having any serious relationships until you can fully commit the energy. Get married when you're 30 or older. Get to studying! Focus on what you would like for your ideal life to be like. Have plans and backup plans. You aren't ready to move in.

    Even if you did move in with her, you'd end up breaking up and miserable.
    She'd only hold you down. She has dreams, as well, to fulfill, doesn't she? Because pursuing your dream while you are young is important. You can have noncommittal relationships with women. Have many as friends at college. (Really be careful with the sex though. You don't want to be a father too soon. You talk about being held down.)

    Or, if you guys are REALLY in love. She will wait for you after Uni is completed and you get you a job with the BBC News or BBC America or what-not. If you and the GF truly love each other, both of you can wait to move in until really ready to do that. Waiting is not so bad. What's the rush?
     
  10. D_alex8

    D_alex8 Member

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    A boy can only dream :rolleyes:
     
  11. GoneA

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    testify!


     
  12. headbang8

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    Paul,

    Plenty of good advice here. Your relationship and your professional ambitions are two separate questions. And one shouldn't depend on the other. It's unfair to your chances of success at either.

    I'll leave it to my romantic betters to discuss the girlfriend issue. Let's talk about becoming a journalist.

    Most of the professional journalists I know didn't start with a degree, or even a cadetship. They struggled by hawking their wares to publishers...small magazines, the local papers, street press. Or, they took a passion or hobby, found a publication that specialised in the area, and became an expert in a specific area before branching out.

    How do you do it?

    You don't just write stuff, send it off, and hope for the best. You need to write a submission or proposal. This usually consists of an outline for your article, and a brief chapter or paragraph that simply shows you can write the thing if the editor commissions it. An introductory letter accompanies it.

    There are tons of books and websites that show sample proposals. The one I just grabbed off my bookshelf is The Freelance Writer's Handbook by Paul Kerton (published in the UK by the Ebury Press, but I'm sure you can find something more up-to-date. (it's been ages since I did any of this sort of stuff) You can find lots of submission guidelines on this site: http://www.freelancewriting.com/guidelines/pages/index.html

    Don't despair that you can't get into a journalism course. Just do it. You'll get knocked back more often than you've had hot dinners, but if you're passionate, you'll stick at it. And a history of publication may help convince the admissions officers that you're a great candidate for the journalism course.

    HB8
     
  13. GoneA

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    paul, many of the posters have already expressed my sentiments towards your situation. remem ber, old heads don't rest upon young shoulders. you're boundto make mistakes - it's inevitable. however, there is a world of difference between making mistakesand making careless mistakes. i think a colossal part of your dilemma is due toyour failure to prioritize - what things do you place first in your life?why? maybe you should give dating a rest until you can find some form of equilibrium in your life.maybe the absence of a girlfriend might help to keep the weights balanced. then again, me like you, i'm no psychologist.


     
  14. Dr Rock

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    who lives in the east &#039;neath the willow tree? Sex
    if that's how you feel, you'd be better off getting out of college and doing something you enjoy
     
  15. Matthew

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    Wait!!! Then why am I paying you for those weekly sessions again ... ?
     
  16. Pappy

    Pappy Member

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    Paul, all the advice given has been great. As has been stated above, I think you need to figure out what's important to you and get you priorities in order. Choose your career for you, something you want to do not something someone else wants you to do. Maybe a steady girlfriend isn't what you need right now, maybe you should just play the field for a while.

    Take some time and decide what it is that Paul wants and then go for it.
     
  17. B_horribleperson

    B_horribleperson New Member

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    all of the problems you post on here all have to do with this girl you are seeing. now do yourself and your hair line a favor and KICK THE PSYCHO OUT.

    2nd thing you should do is not let girls PICK WHAT YOUR FUCKING STUDYING. stand up for yourself and pick what you want to study.

    3rd no more girlfriends until you are done with schooling. find yourself 4 girls and fuck a different one each week. you will save yourself alot of time, money and you will be less stressed.
     
  18. D_Elijah_MorganWood

    D_Elijah_MorganWood New Member

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    Oh Paul, you're preachin' to the choir. When I was your age I lived with my girlfriend. She was needy, clingy, whiny and selfish. I hadn't "come into my own" yet and lived my life around her. When she was tired I'd stay up all night and write her term papers for her and then go to my own classes at a different college. I lived on campus at a University I didn't even go to! It took me 2 years to realise what a mess I'd gotten myself into. It took a lot to pry myself away from her. Once I did, I finally started to grow up and find myself. I got counseling, lived life and enjoyed being young without having to worry about someone else's needs. It's the best thing I could have done. That's when I moved to Los Angeles and that's when my life started.

    You have a lot to figure out. You have to figure out who you are. I know it's cliche' to suggest counseling but it really helps. I'm sure you can get it for free at your school. What are ways to find out who you are? Travel. Meet new people. Do new things. Expand your mind. Once you "become a man" so to speak, you'll find you won't need someone else to justify your existence. You're a lovely human being. I've enjoyed watching you grow up on this board over the last many months. At 20 I was a mess and had no idea who I was. I hope you're not as slow to learn as I was. Today I'd never put up with letting people walk all over me the way I used to.

    Oh...and the psycho girlfriend? She tried to run me over with her car when I dumped her. She didn't let me go easily.
     
  19. Pecker

    Pecker Retired Moderator
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    It's a good thing for you (and us!) that she was driving a Yugo.
     
  20. B_Spladle

    B_Spladle New Member

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    You can't really blame her, though - you're quite a catch. :07:
     
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