Issues with approaching young women

Galloper

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It's going to feel really awkward for me to ask a question about something which I already know the answer to.
Well, is a nicer way to approach than do nothing. If you see a girl you like and get blocked, do this and as TG said: smile to her. It works. Some girls like it.
 

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Well, is a nicer way to approach than do nothing. If you see a girl you like and get blocked, do this and as TG said: smile to her. It works. Some girls like it.

Well, I should become a master of pointless conversational topics because its pretty obvious what I'm saying now isn't working, which is literally nothing since I cant think of anything relevant to say. This is probably the only time I wish I was less intelligent because being the way I am results in serious over analysis, there are several studies that I have seen that showed greater intelligence resulted in increased difficulty with women and social settings.
 
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deleted924715

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I'm getting the impression you're going to be a person who meets their friends and SO in the workplace. It throws people together on a daily basis and gives you an initial topic of conversation. Conversation expands over time in a natural progression - it suits shy and introverted people because the workplace gives them a defined role that they can start from.
 
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Interesting discussion. First, you started the conversation, so it is possible for you to find the words. Yes I know it is different, but in a way it isn't.

Some of your early advice has been great. Smile, say 'hi', acknowledge that you noticed them looking your way.

You can use the fake reasons, "Do you know where the cucumbers are?", and that will set a tone, but really, I'm not a big fan of that approach, mostly because you don't want to be fake and have to overcome that later.

As for nerves, you may want to use them to your advantage and acknowledge that her smile or eyes made you feel excited and a little nervous. But let the feelings be genuine and just be yourself.
 

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Sangeili, correct me if I'm wrong, but in another thread you've mentioned trying to unpack these issues with a therapist/psychiatrist and they were unable to help you. I could be thinking of someone else. Either way I've seen countless men and women give you advice on how to approach women and you have paragraphs to say about how it won't work. You seem to have no problem starting and keeping conversations going on the internet. Maybe you are more comfortable typing words than being face to face with someone. If that's the case then meeting someone online might be a better fit for you.
 

sangheili90

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Sangeili, correct me if I'm wrong, but in another thread you've mentioned trying to unpack these issues with a therapist/psychiatrist and they were unable to help you. I could be thinking of someone else. Either way I've seen countless men and women give you advice on how to approach women and you have paragraphs to say about how it won't work. You seem to have no problem starting and keeping conversations going on the internet. Maybe you are more comfortable typing words than being face to face with someone. If that's the case then meeting someone online might be a better fit for you.

I was going to a therapist, but that was a while ago and I really didn't feel It was getting me anywhere. The online dating thing has never worked for me, partly due to the limited pool of people on there, but I also feel that it really wont help me rectify some of the issues that I have with people in general.
 

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Well, I should become a master of pointless conversational topics because its pretty obvious what I'm saying now isn't working, which is literally nothing since I cant think of anything relevant to say. This is probably the only time I wish I was less intelligent because being the way I am results in serious over analysis, there are several studies that I have seen that showed greater intelligence resulted in increased difficulty with women and social settings.
Maybe that is the point, don`t over think about it. Is not a logics`exercise. Just try to relax and let yourself go. Starting a conversation with something irrelevant is not bad at all. Talking about small things might lead to carry on a conversation.
 
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I know people hooking up and keeping relationships on okcupid, and POF(plenty of fish), Tinder has worked too, I don't know if it's my friends that aren't relationship material but it seems like Tinder is for the one of hookups.
I have been shy and introverted since my teens, now I'm just introverted.
I would meet girls, usually mutual friends, we would back then exchange MSN or Facebook ID's. I would then chat with them get to know them, and when things got more comfortable casually slipping in gentle flirting. They would always want to meet me. I've never sent a dick pic to them. That wasn't the age of dick pics for me(or I didn't know it was a thing).
Now days there are so many social media platforms, and more open minded girls.
I'm not the kind of guy to walk up to a girl with some retarded pickup line. If they like that shit they aren't for me.
The smile from a distance and the hi(and the very next thing is your name when a conversation starts, maybe compliment her name<if you genuinely like it>), is a great start to the chemistry. Don't think to hard about what you are going to say. Don't flower her with all your compliments in one go. Just one, doesn't actually have to be about her, strange enough. Could be her t-shirt! Use the environment to your advantage. Ask her if she regularly comes here, to the gym, the supermarket, the park. Keep it relevant, take an interest. Don't be obsessive.
That the gym - Harder to approach, easier to say something. You could compliment her arms, back legs, whatever is her best feature relevant to working out. Ask her what she does and maybe how to do it. If you or her are into spinning, boxing aerobics or whatever maybe you could talk about the trainer and other classes.
At the supermarket - Easier to approach, harder to say something. You can't really jump out with a cucumber and say I imagine you would look great handling this(you could, but that's a tough one to get away with). I recommend you don't try that. You could say like mmmm.. Fruit and veg I'm trying to keep healthy. Have you seen the price of the salmon(or anything usually overpriced, now cheaper). Maybe you are cooking for your friends and you are nervous of what to cook, you could be polite and ask for advice. If she's buying alcohol you might be bold enough to ask if she is having a party.. Don't use that unless you are good in a party environment. Candy and chocolate that you both obviously like, Ohh.. Those are my fav. I just munch them down while watching(suggest a likeable show like Game of thrones, Sons of Anarchy, Breaking bad, misfits<use one you know and can talk about>, Don't go to feminine or to masculine with your pick. Humour is probably the best, you know comedy!)
If things go well, maybe suggest getting together for a coffee/tea/hot chocolate(Some people may say I don't like coffee or tea or chocolate or even hot drinks. Think fast ask what they like and compromise) to talk more, and get to know each other.
In the park - Pets, you don't have to own one, you just need to be loving. Most girls/women get weak in the knees with animals. Ask about the pets name, establish the breed. Maybe mention one from you your childhood.

I hope you understand where I am going with this and I don't spend my entire morning writing. Feel around for a good vibe, if you get rejected atleast you tried. That way you don't regret never trying. Don't feel bad you might not be her type. Maybe she just has a thing for Tall black men with average but thick cocks. Take it with a pinch of salt.

Trick is you need to be able to talk and make them feel comfortable, making her laugh is a big plus. Try not to let it get awkward. Don't mention your are a member on here or that you watch porn unless she is genuinely interested in porn. And we'll don't mention this site unless you are willing to lose her for a longer, thicker, more massive penis. ;)

Good luck happy muff hunting!
 
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deleted924715

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Are you kidding me with that signature? My whole screen is taken up with a GIF of you in the shower. Douche move - everyone knows how to access your gallery or the show off forum. I'll have to put you on ignore now so it's not in my face, which I'm pissed about because I liked you post.
 

sangheili90

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Are you kidding me with that signature? My whole screen is taken up with a GIF of you in the shower. Douche move - everyone knows how to access your gallery or the show off forum. I'll have to put you on ignore now so it's not in my face, which I'm pissed about because I liked you post.

LOL that's exactly what I was thinking, WTF lol.
 
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deleted924715

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How about some millennia-and-a-half-old words of wisdom from Lao-tze: The fastest way to catch something is to stop chasing it. Once you stop looking for a woman you'll then be in a position to find one.

Reading his posts, that is pretty much the attitude he has taken (and good for him), but he's acknowledged that he has social awkwardness and I think that's more what he's trying to address. If fate literally dropped a woman in his lap, he wouldn't have a clue what to say. He could probably do with a little mentoring from someone who is able to put women at ease and has no problem initiating *nudge* ;)
 

sangheili90

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Reading his posts, that is pretty much the attitude he has taken (and good for him), but he's acknowledged that he has social awkwardness and I think that's more what he's trying to address. If fate literally dropped a woman in his lap, he wouldn't have a clue what to say. He could probably do with a little mentoring from someone who is able to put women at ease and has no problem initiating *nudge* ;)

I think that applies to a fair share of men out there but definitely not me, sitting idly by and not change anything is going to have the same result for me.......nothing lol.However, I think the take home with what he said is that its generally better and healthier to not fixate on meeting a girl and allow life to play its course.
 
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Lots of advice..so my two cents.

Dont leave it to just women you think are hot or attractive..you have to get in the habit of talking to women..or anyone for that matter..so next time you are in that market, or a bar, or whatever...make a comment, or joke or whatever to a woman that you have NO interest in physically...she may be nice, she may not be your type..so there is no pressure...and if you do not have an agenda you will be more able to make that off the cuff comment. Or try it on a married woman...not to pick her up..but to be friendly...and married women..from what I have seen...love it when a good-looking guy makes a comment to them...even something as simple as " is this any good " I was at the supermarket a few weeks ago and I was standing next to this woman looking at the gazillion types of orange juice..and I just made a comment/joke like " shit what happened to just buying orange juice" she laughed and we chatted for a bit and that was it. You need to do that kind of stuff..not with an agenda..but with just an eye to talk. Jokes go a long way. It will get you comfortable doing it and then eventually you will do it with someone that could be more or a date etc

I do the same thing at business conferences and cocktail receptions. I target the person who is alone, or not really engaged in a conversation. No one ever turns down a chat or intro at one of these if they are alone...same thing in a bar or social setting.
 

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It's never happened in my life and I'm in my mid 20s so I think its safe to assume I'll never be approached by a woman. I have literally 0 dating experience so if the stars are finally kind to me this should be a very interesting experience.

I have personally seen men in our age range (I'm 27) who were virgins, and believed they were destined to stay that way forever, find girlfriends and start dating. Most of my customers are male tech students. Totally awkward, nerdy, shy guys. After seeing them and having them sit at my coffee bar for hours at a time they get to feel more and more comfortable around me and discuss things just like what you stated in the OP. Some of them stay pessimistic and I never see them meeting people or feeling better over the years. The ones who Try, even if they are extremely shy, are the ones who end up inviting me to their weddings. I was invited to 3 in 2015.
 

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It's never happened in my life and I'm in my mid 20s so I think its safe to assume I'll never be approached by a woman. I have literally 0 dating experience so if the stars are finally kind to me this should be a very interesting experience.
it happens you might just be displaying closed body language which is why it does not happen.. I been hit on a lot at lest 3-5 times a year
 

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Lots of advice..so my two cents.

Dont leave it to just women you think are hot or attractive..you have to get in the habit of talking to women..or anyone for that matter..so next time you are in that market, or a bar, or whatever...make a comment, or joke or whatever to a woman that you have NO interest in physically...she may be nice, she may not be your type..so there is no pressure...and if you do not have an agenda you will be more able to make that off the cuff comment. Or try it on a married woman...not to pick her up..but to be friendly...and married women..from what I have seen...love it when a good-looking guy makes a comment to them...even something as simple as " is this any good " I was at the supermarket a few weeks ago and I was standing next to this woman looking at the gazillion types of orange juice..and I just made a comment/joke like " shit what happened to just buying orange juice" she laughed and we chatted for a bit and that was it. You need to do that kind of stuff..not with an agenda..but with just an eye to talk. Jokes go a long way. It will get you comfortable doing it and then eventually you will do it with someone that could be more or a date etc

I do the same thing at business conferences and cocktail receptions. I target the person who is alone, or not really engaged in a conversation. No one ever turns down a chat or intro at one of these if they are alone...same thing in a bar or social setting.


This is actually good advice. You need to get out of your head so you stop overbraining random encounters with strangers. See a pretty girl coming your way? Smile, say hi, tell her you like her t-shirt (or whatever). No one-liners, nothing clever, just something she can easily respond to. That's it. Next move is hers. She hits the ball back over the net to you or she doesn't. If she doesn't, move on. Another pretty girl will be coming your way in a few seconds.

The best way to get out of your head and just engage with people is to take an acting class. Or an improv class. You won't become another Robert DeNiro. But you'll learn to use your voice in front of people. Improv class will teach you how to keep the tennis ball in play. Your classmates will include of salesmen and business types who need to improve their social skills.

The other thing is learn is dancing. Again, you might actually become a good dancer. But for your purposes, the point of dance lessons is to make you comfortable touching and leading women. This is important if you're shy. You will become comfortable taking the physical initiative with a woman you're holding. Amazing how much confidence that ability/skill gives you off the dance floor.

Finally, ignore advice to be nice and/or a gentleman. Nothing wrong with being nice or a gentleman. But for you, nice probably comes off as weak, passive, wimpy and pussy-ish. Ditto the gentleman stuff. You need to be assertive, perhaps aggressive, even at times, an asshole. It shows you're confident and not afraid to take what you want. Girls like those kinds of men.

Good luck.
 

sangheili90

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This is actually good advice. You need to get out of your head so you stop overbraining random encounters with strangers. See a pretty girl coming your way? Smile, say hi, tell her you like her t-shirt (or whatever). No one-liners, nothing clever, just something she can easily respond to. That's it. Next move is hers. She hits the ball back over the net to you or she doesn't. If she doesn't, move on. Another pretty girl will be coming your way in a few seconds.

The best way to get out of your head and just engage with people is to take an acting class. Or an improv class. You won't become another Robert DeNiro. But you'll learn to use your voice in front of people. Improv class will teach you how to keep the tennis ball in play. Your classmates will include of salesmen and business types who need to improve their social skills.

The other thing is learn is dancing. Again, you might actually become a good dancer. But for your purposes, the point of dance lessons is to make you comfortable touching and leading women. This is important if you're shy. You will become comfortable taking the physical initiative with a woman you're holding. Amazing how much confidence that ability/skill gives you off the dance floor.

Finally, ignore advice to be nice and/or a gentleman. Nothing wrong with being nice or a gentleman. But for you, nice probably comes off as weak, passive, wimpy and pussy-ish. Ditto the gentleman stuff. You need to be assertive, perhaps aggressive, even at times, an asshole. It shows you're confident and not afraid to take what you want. Girls like those kinds of men.

Good luck.

The dancing class idea sounds really good to be quite honest, I could see how I could get the verbal part down but then have a new sticking point with physical touch......that's an awesome idea to help break that next potential road block. I really like the acting lessons you mentioned, I'm actually really good with presentations and public speaking but that is essentially a scripted performance on my part, thee improve sounds like a great idea as well. Honestly, taking those 2 classes sounds like something that would make me super nervous walking into the first time but I really think I might actually try this out.

Thanks for this really unique advice
 

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Honestly, I would never expect a woman to eve initiate a conversation with me lol. People in general rarely ever approach me or feel comfortable around me, I think it would be safe to assume a lady that is interested in me would ever go out of her way to talk to me.

Sir, I am willing to bet that people sense your own discomfort with yourself, and this turns them off. Get used to liking yourself. You really are a decent guy- the simple fact that you opened yourself on this forum shows your humility and honesty. Go right now and look in the mirror, and SMILE at yourself. Do NOT feel silly or embarrassed about it- you are the only one there. Say to your face in the mirror, "I really AM OK! I deserve a happy life."
When you see an attractive young lady, walk up to her and introduce yourself simply, as in, "Hi, my name is so-and-so. What's yours?" If she responds, and you want to talk, try asking her easy questions, such as, "so, what do you do for work?" and "what do you like to do in your free time?" Be prepared to answer her questions in the same vein, but don't talk too much. Ask her more questions, or crack a silly joke.
The main thing is to TRY. Yes, maybe you might get shot down. Yes, maybe you will appear a little foolish. Then again, maybe you will meet someone really great, and she will like you. But right now, you are not talking with ANYBODY. As Wayne Gretsky said, "You always miss 100% of the shots that you don't take."
 

sangheili90

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I know people hooking up and keeping relationships on okcupid, and POF(plenty of fish), Tinder has worked too, I don't know if it's my friends that aren't relationship material but it seems like Tinder is for the one of hookups.
I have been shy and introverted since my teens, now I'm just introverted.
I would meet girls, usually mutual friends, we would back then exchange MSN or Facebook ID's. I would then chat with them get to know them, and when things got more comfortable casually slipping in gentle flirting. They would always want to meet me. I've never sent a dick pic to them. That wasn't the age of dick pics for me(or I didn't know it was a thing).
Now days there are so many social media platforms, and more open minded girls.
I'm not the kind of guy to walk up to a girl with some retarded pickup line. If they like that shit they aren't for me.
The smile from a distance and the hi(and the very next thing is your name when a conversation starts, maybe compliment her name<if you genuinely like it>), is a great start to the chemistry. Don't think to hard about what you are going to say. Don't flower her with all your compliments in one go. Just one, doesn't actually have to be about her, strange enough. Could be her t-shirt! Use the environment to your advantage. Ask her if she regularly comes here, to the gym, the supermarket, the park. Keep it relevant, take an interest. Don't be obsessive.
That the gym - Harder to approach, easier to say something. You could compliment her arms, back legs, whatever is her best feature relevant to working out. Ask her what she does and maybe how to do it. If you or her are into spinning, boxing aerobics or whatever maybe you could talk about the trainer and other classes.
At the supermarket - Easier to approach, harder to say something. You can't really jump out with a cucumber and say I imagine you would look great handling this(you could, but that's a tough one to get away with). I recommend you don't try that. You could say like mmmm.. Fruit and veg I'm trying to keep healthy. Have you seen the price of the salmon(or anything usually overpriced, now cheaper). Maybe you are cooking for your friends and you are nervous of what to cook, you could be polite and ask for advice. If she's buying alcohol you might be bold enough to ask if she is having a party.. Don't use that unless you are good in a party environment. Candy and chocolate that you both obviously like, Ohh.. Those are my fav. I just munch them down while watching(suggest a likeable show like Game of thrones, Sons of Anarchy, Breaking bad, misfits<use one you know and can talk about>, Don't go to feminine or to masculine with your pick. Humour is probably the best, you know comedy!)
If things go well, maybe suggest getting together for a coffee/tea/hot chocolate(Some people may say I don't like coffee or tea or chocolate or even hot drinks. Think fast ask what they like and compromise) to talk more, and get to know each other.
In the park - Pets, you don't have to own one, you just need to be loving. Most girls/women get weak in the knees with animals. Ask about the pets name, establish the breed. Maybe mention one from you your childhood.

I hope you understand where I am going with this and I don't spend my entire morning writing. Feel around for a good vibe, if you get rejected atleast you tried. That way you don't regret never trying. Don't feel bad you might not be her type. Maybe she just has a thing for Tall black men with average but thick cocks. Take it with a pinch of salt.

Trick is you need to be able to talk and make them feel comfortable, making her laugh is a big plus. Try not to let it get awkward. Don't mention your are a member on here or that you watch porn unless she is genuinely interested in porn. And we'll don't mention this site unless you are willing to lose her for a longer, thicker, more massive penis. ;)

Good luck happy muff hunting!

Good advice man but can you seriously get rid of that signature lol.