Issues with Wife in bedroom?

[D_Rosalind Mussell]

It's not a pathetic little story BBW36. It's the filp side of the coin and a good reminder (to the doubters) that it can go each way. Your perspective is very valuable. I do feel for you here. It can really undermine your sense of self when your significant other seems to lose interest like that. I really hope you can find a way to re-kindle your man's interest. It sounds a lot like depression over the money issues is one of the major factors. We went through a lot of those hard times and it didn't help a bit. In our case though, we met at a time when neither of us were making enough money so perhaps we were better able to cope with financial hardcship without it impacting our sex life too badly. But we never got to the point where we were in a stand-off about it. That kind of thing really does warrant some professional help IMHO.

Thank you, Riven. I do believe there is a lot of depression with regards to the money issue. We also have other issues I haven't mentioned, which I believe also play into the lack of sex. I've stopped trying to have sex with him because the rejection hurts too much and brings on a host of other awful feelings right behind it. I could care less if the sex was infrequent and not very lively, I just want to be intimate with my husband. Unfortunately, I don't see that happening anytime soon because my trust and faith has eroded. It's hard sharing this stuff, but I do it in hopes that someone else can dodge this bullet.

 

[D_Rosalind Mussell]

Get you some pussy on the side....or whatever you want. If you have expressed your concerns and she has not tried to change. Then you have given her the chance to fix it and she doesn't seem to care. I was in the same situation....I was starting to feel ALOT of resentment....until I got a piece on the side. Now it is all good!!!

I wouldn't recommend taking this advice, OP. Like it or not, when you cheat on a spouse you also cheat on your children, which will be adults someday. Don't put the cart before the horse.

 

[Riven650]

Thank you, Riven. I do believe there is a lot of depression with regards to the money issue. We also have other issues I haven't mentioned, which I believe also play into the lack of sex. I've stopped trying to have sex with him because the rejection hurts too much and brings on a host of other awful feelings right behind it. I could care less if the sex was infrequent and not very lively, I just want to be intimate with my husband. Unfortunately, I don't see that happening anytime soon because my trust and faith has eroded. It's hard sharing this stuff, but I do it in hopes that someone else can dodge this bullet.

You're welcome BBW36 :smile:
I think we all have to be prepared for sex to become less frequent as time goes on in a marriage. It never occurred to me before, but this conversation makes me wonder if I took a blow to my self esteem when my wife lost interest in sex. She seemed to lose interest at least a couple of years before we knew she was going through menopause. I think I may well have been feeling rejected although it wasn't an emotion I could identify at the time. Thank you, BBW36, for giving me something to think about here.

 

[kinda_hung]

We have gone through lots of marriage issues. I noted we went to a councelor 3 yrs ago. My wife has cheated on me twice since we've been married. So I really don't want to cheat on her. It doesn't do anything to the marriage.

Things are going pretty well in the marraige except the intimate part. I'm sure she feels that I think she is a slut etc and maybe she doesn't want to appear that way in bed? I have no idea. But a married man would love to have a wild, fun, open woman in bed.

I hate to pressure her into sex etc. And I try to not mention anything or talk about it. But if I don't say anything, I get nothing in return! So she has asked me how much sex I need a week. I said it doesn't matter. Once a week is great as long as it's fun, erotic, and worth while. I could fuck my wife twice in a night. I've said or hinted I'd like to wake her up in the middle of the night for some fun. She didn't think that was cool at all.

3 nights ago we had sex. She got on top and rode me for a while. After a while I came and she hadn't so I got her off with my fingers. She enjoyed it. But she wasn't very open about it. I was just rubbing the outside and it wasn't very wet. She said something like I am horny why don't you check! So I started finger banging her and playing with her g-spot etc. She really enjoyed it. I had 3 fingers in her and was really stretching her out. All of this was making her pussy really wet and making me horny again. Soon she came and I was hard again. She looked at me like I was crazy! I said lets go for another round! She didn't like that very much, went to the bathroom to clean up! I just don't understand why she couldn't just tell me that she wanted me to finger fuck her and that she would really like that, etc.

I think I'm going to have to start doing some different things in the bedroom because she is either too shy with doing it or feels like I might think she's a slut or something.

So what are some things you women would love for your man to do to you but won't tell them? But keep in mind she's not as open minded as most of you women here as her sex drive is pretty low. I mean my wife would probably be happy with having missionary sex every time. And wouldn't complain one bit if that was it. LOL

 

[pronatalist]

Patience is a virtue. "Rome wasn't built in a day." Sometimes time heals things.

And don't believe that person who says to get some on the side. Why throw a monkeywrench into things, and then get hit with dividing everything up, visitation times, and child support?

 

[pronatalist]

I had a pastor at an old Church I attended, who saw in the Bible, he needed to get his vasectomy reversed. So he added 5 more children to the 3 he had already. And really began to prosper in his business, and all that was before I started attending there.

Now what it did for his love life?, I don't know. Not many people are much open about such intimate things. I would take a wild guess, that their love life was enhanced. 5 more children! That's probably a positive measure?

 

[D_Sparroe Spongecaques]

Stop acting like she's your wife and start acting like she's the hot-ass secretary you want to bang.

From a martial, emotional-connect stand-point, romantic affection is to women what hawt sex is to men.

Do you have a baby-sitter? Do you still take her out?
Do you routinely buy her small gifts?
Do you routinely to her favors even when she says not to bother?
Any/everything you can do to let her know you are genuinely thinking about her, especially when you are apart, will help.

Do you accept your responsibility as a father and do what you can to minimize her load?
Saying you'll watch the kids then fucking off and them bugging her doesn't score points.

Make changes first then ask her to.

There's a book you can get that covers the ten basics; top five for men, top five for women.
His Needs; Her Needs; Building an Affair-Proof Marriage

If you want the lady-in-the-streets/freak-in-the-sheets you need to the gentlemen/james bond.


Same thing here, it literally took an affair and threat of divorce for her to give two shits.
Once they get the ring and have your kids they own you.
After divorce they still get most of your money.

Three kids means she won't take responsibility for birth-control either so you'll have a fourth soon.
Don't want to get snipped in-case you divorce...
The best option is to bank your sperm and get snipped.
That way you control when and if you procreate again.

Good-luck, you'll need it.

Oh and you was doing so well until i got to that little gem!!

How do you know that they didnt plan all 3 children?



OT

As a mother of six children i can understand how knackered she must be feeling.

Maybe she feels like you are just thinking of your own pleasure,porn isnt a turn on for many women,,,remember most women in porn are stretchmark/scar/line free.....'normal' women tend not to be so 'perfect looking'.

Romance the woman! Make her feel hot and oh so desirable! Make ger feel like the woman you fancied the arse off when you first met her...

Have cuddles that don't lead to intercourse...make her feel like you desire her and want her for her and not for what's between her legs.......

Take over the childcare whilst your wife has some 'me' time.....time for a sumptious hot oil bath...trip to the hair salon/beauty parlour/dress shop...

 

[D_Sparroe Spongecaques]

We have gone through lots of marriage issues. I noted we went to a councelor 3 yrs ago. My wife has cheated on me twice since we've been married. So I really don't want to cheat on her. It doesn't do anything to the marriage.

Things are going pretty well in the marraige except the intimate part. I'm sure she feels that I think she is a slut etc and maybe she doesn't want to appear that way in bed? I have no idea. But a married man would love to have a wild, fun, open woman in bed.

I hate to pressure her into sex etc. And I try to not mention anything or talk about it. But if I don't say anything, I get nothing in return! So she has asked me how much sex I need a week. I said it doesn't matter. Once a week is great as long as it's fun, erotic, and worth while. I could fuck my wife twice in a night. I've said or hinted I'd like to wake her up in the middle of the night for some fun. She didn't think that was cool at all.

3 nights ago we had sex. She got on top and rode me for a while. After a while I came and she hadn't so I got her off with my fingers. She enjoyed it. But she wasn't very open about it. I was just rubbing the outside and it wasn't very wet. She said something like I am horny why don't you check! So I started finger banging her and playing with her g-spot etc. She really enjoyed it. I had 3 fingers in her and was really stretching her out. All of this was making her pussy really wet and making me horny again. Soon she came and I was hard again. She looked at me like I was crazy! I said lets go for another round! She didn't like that very much, went to the bathroom to clean up! I just don't understand why she couldn't just tell me that she wanted me to finger fuck her and that she would really like that, etc.

I think I'm going to have to start doing some different things in the bedroom because she is either too shy with doing it or feels like I might think she's a slut or something.

So what are some things you women would love for your man to do to you but won't tell them? But keep in mind she's not as open minded as most of you women here as her sex drive is pretty low. I mean my wife would probably be happy with having missionary sex every time. And wouldn't complain one bit if that was it. LOL

I can remember when my then husband wasnt hitting the spot with his fingers.. he was too rough for a start...so i put his hand on top of mine as i rubbed myself.I whispered to him that i wanted a finger inserted a little inside me as he licked and sucked and VERY gently nibbled my clit.
I wanted to feel his wet cock on my clit after he ejaculated so i did it myself with one hand as i gently pushed his mouth to my nipple with the other hand......

All^^^ was when i was more inhibited......

I will say though...i never had an orgasm until i was 32.......with my toyboy who didnt see me as mother/wife/dish washer/cleaner etc...he saw me only as Natasha.....sex godess......it made a hell of a difference mentally for me.

 

[kinda_hung]

I can remember when my then husband wasnt hitting the spot with his fingers.. he was too rough for a start...so i put his hand on top of mine as i rubbed myself.I whispered to him that i wanted a finger inserted a little inside me as he licked and sucked and VERY gently nibbled my clit.
I wanted to feel his wet cock on my clit after he ejaculated so i did it myself with one hand as i gently pushed his mouth to my nipple with the other hand......

All^^^ was when i was more inhibited......

I will say though...i never had an orgasm until i was 32.......with my toyboy who didnt see me as mother/wife/dish washer/cleaner etc...he saw me only as Natasha.....sex godess......it made a hell of a difference mentally for me.

I don't think my wife has ever pleased herself before. Shes says she has. Maybe in the shower etc. But I don't think she's ever had her fingers inside of herself before. She says she thinks that's gross, etc.

I ask her what she wants me to do with my fingers etc. And she says what I do is great. She is starting to understand what pleasures can come from her g-spot. It seems as though her g-spot orgasms are better than clitoral? They seem to last longer and I at least get some sort of vocal "ahhhh" from her. Like I had said earlier in the thread when I was pleasing her the other night, she left a big wet spot on the bed. Some was from me, but a majority had to be from her. So I know she enjoyed it.

I have taken her hand and led it to her clit before when we were having sex. Usually in a possition where I can't reach it well or it's awkward. She seems to be very reluctant at doing this!! The last few weeks I have tried to open up to her that playing with yourself is OK and nothing to be ashamed of. So a couple times I have layed in bed before she comes out of the bathroom and when she comes out I'll be laying there stroking my cock for her. The first time she was VERY embarrassed and acted like I wasn't doing anything. You could see her look at me for a very brief second, then go on about getting ready for bed, etc. Talking about stuff and acting very nervous.

 

[D_Sparroe Spongecaques]

I don't think my wife has ever pleased herself before. Shes says she has. Maybe in the shower etc. But I don't think she's ever had her fingers inside of herself before. She says she thinks that's gross, etc.

I ask her what she wants me to do with my fingers etc. And she says what I do is great. She is starting to understand what pleasures can come from her g-spot. It seems as though her g-spot orgasms are better than clitoral? They seem to last longer and I at least get some sort of vocal "ahhhh" from her. Like I had said earlier in the thread when I was pleasing her the other night, she left a big wet spot on the bed. Some was from me, but a majority had to be from her. So I know she enjoyed it.

If she said she has then why don't you believe her? I personally think too many people are ashamed of the fact that they touch their own body.IMO,if one cannot touch themselves and discover exactly what touch flicks the switch then nobody else is ever going to know.

G spot orgasms for me are not all that great,it's a weird feeling for me but of course we are all different.

Have you tried using a silk scarf pulling gently across her nipples?

Run a feather lightly across her body

Eat a mint and gently blow on her nipples/clit

Alternate an ice cube in your mouth and then licking her clit,then drink a hot drink and lick her again....the difference in temps is grrrrrrrreat for the woman.

Just a few ideas that i know feels good.....

Anyway,good luck! I hope things get back on track for you both!

 

[kinda_hung]

If she said she has then why don't you believe her? I personally think too many people are ashamed of the fact that they touch their own body.IMO,if one cannot touch themselves and discover exactly what touch flicks the switch then nobody else is ever going to know.

G spot orgasms for me are not all that great,it's a weird feeling for me but of course we are all different.

Have you tried using a silk scarf pulling gently across her nipples?

Run a feather lightly across her body

Eat a mint and gently blow on her nipples/clit

Alternate an ice cube in your mouth and then licking her clit,then drink a hot drink and lick her again....the difference in temps is grrrrrrrreat for the woman.

Just a few ideas that i know feels good.....

Anyway,good luck! I hope things get back on track for you both!

I beleive my wife has pleasured herself. But not much exploration. Maybe rubbing her clit in the shower and getting off. But very little.

I haven't done the feather or scarf. I was going to do ice one time and she flipped out. Said absolutely not! He breasts are off limits until she is horny and wet and in the mood! She has small breasts and she isn't turned on by them. So those are primarily left alone :frown1: I love her breasts. She has smaller 34-A's. But nice big nipples. ughh.... I love every bit of her body and can't....

 

[D_Rosalind Mussell]

Tasha has inspired me, I'd like to add to this list if I may?

String of pearls + clitoris = endless possibilities. :wink:

 

[teabagme69]

Get you some pussy on the side....or whatever you want. If you have expressed your concerns and she has not tried to change. Then you have given her the chance to fix it and she doesn't seem to care. I was in the same situation....I was starting to feel ALOT of resentment....until I got a piece on the side. Now it is all good!!!

Wow I am incredibly baffled by some people's apparent ignorance. Sorry to be so blunt and offensive here, but "getting a piece on the side" is never the answer. It is dishonest and hurtful, and chances are it is putting your entire way of life at risk. Things get tough in relationships sometimes. Sometimes sex drives don't coincide. It seems to me like a lot of posters have some very good points.

Some of the things contributing to her lack of desire may include the following:

1) She is incredibly stressed with work and life and honestly does not think about sex or even have the spare brain space at the moment to consider it,
2) She feels undesired or unappreciated in other ways,
3) She feels pressure to perform during sex and pressure to have sex because of your frustration (this one is a tough one to deal with, because you don't want to completely back off, but the pressure can definitely decrease her desire to have sex),
4) She honestly just has a low sex drive and sex is not interesting to her,
5) She has psychological issues with sex--Do you know if she was ever sexually abused? Was your sex life ever good?

There are any number of other potential reasons as well. Cheating is never a solution, but only a catalyst for more problems. The poster whose wife "took the hint" and "changed her ways" was incredibly fortunate, in my opinion.

 

[DasLeezard]

*expounds deep wisdom*

 

[D_Sparroe Spongecaques]

I beleive my wife has pleasured herself. But not much exploration. Maybe rubbing her clit in the shower and getting off. But very little.

I haven't done the feather or scarf. I was going to do ice one time and she flipped out. Said absolutely not! He breasts are off limits until she is horny and wet and in the mood! She has small breasts and she isn't turned on by them. So those are primarily left alone :frown1: I love her breasts. She has smaller 34-A's. But nice big nipples. ughh.... I love every bit of her body and can't....

Was she brought up to believe sex and sexual related things are dirty? I'm baffled as to why she iis freaked out by some things that are not pervy or fetishy........

Tasha has inspired me, I'd like to add to this list if I may?

String of pearls + clitoris = endless possibilities. :wink:

Oh i have loads more up my sleeve...so to speak :biggrin1:

 

[DeepDish]

kinda_hung: Given all the other stuff you said, I find this kind of curious.

My wife has cheated on me twice since we've been married.

Did you ever find out her "reasons" for cheating? What were they?

Did the two of you ever get the cheating issue resolved, or does it still bother you?

 

[helgaleena]

You tried doing the housework for her? Do you think she wants to be a bedroom goddess when she has you and 3 kids to look after everyday?
Just a thought.

Best response in this whole thread! Take it from an actual human female who has children.

Not that there aren't great suggestions from many wise old married heads as well, but it boils down to this. She would feel this way even if she did not also work outside the home. Not every human's energy level is the same, nor are sex drive levels the same. I hope you and your wife keep trying to balance your partnership however you can.

 

[At.your.cervix]

Look, it sounds like you both have full lives--especially with 3 young children. If you're at all normal, your life outside of the bedroom is likely sucking the life from inside of the bedroom. I know it's hard, but take some time-outs from both of your responsibilities. Get a babysitter and go out on dates together, even if it's just a movie. If you're not making a connection together in the bedroom it's likely that you're not making one together in other areas of your life (my god, I'm statrting to sound like Dr. Phil! Eck!!). How often do you two just have time to talk to each other, about each other? Always make time for that. And, if you can manage it, drop the kids off with relatives and just the two of you should go on a vacation together. It doesn't have to be a couple's resort or anything like that, just a place where you two can focus exclusively on each other--that and a nice king sized bed where a maid will take care of changing the linnens the next day ought to go a long ways towards reinvigorating your sexlife. But you have to keep it up. Where I grew up, almost none of my friends parents ever got divorced; it was only in thinking back to it, that I realized that every summer all of us kids got sent off to summer camp for a few weeks--my guess is that those few weeks away from having the kids around kept all of our parents from getting divorced.

Fucking is something which can be accomplished in a matter of minutes; making love is something which requires a solid effort for the entire day.

 

[Chaotica]

The times that I have really spent time caressing her body and playing with her, she loves. But she doesn't reciprocate.

You have to take charge of the situation by asking her pointblank to give you a backrub.

Seems like the only thing she wants to do is get her wet with lube, have sex, and go to bed. ASAP....

Lots of men would settle for that! What is the frequency? Count yourself lucky!

Is she refusing positions such as doggy?

 

[kinda_hung]

kinda_hung: Given all the other stuff you said, I find this kind of curious.Did you ever find out her "reasons" for cheating? What were they?

Did the two of you ever get the cheating issue resolved, or does it still bother you?

Yes. She was young and dumb. Pretty much we had arguements early on in our marriage at 21-22 yrs old. Guy at her work hears about it. Then sweet talks her etc. You know. Pretty easy for a woman to believe a man that's 10 yrs older and offers her the world.

No it doesn't bother me much. She knows how good I am as her husband and father to our children. She has told me numerous times how stupid she was for doing it. She also knows that I WILL leave if it ever happens again and I will fight for full custody of our children.