I'll tell you man. This is a rough road. I have been married awhile and have a lot of married friends. And I think this is one of the differences. My wife was sooooooo sexual when we were dating. I thought I couldn't keep up! But over time all sorts of shit gets in the way -- the jobs, the kids, the house, everything. And we've had sex for years now. But after the kids came, our sex life went downhill and has never quite recovered. Oh occasionally we will have the midafternoon quickie. If we plan for it, we might even have the all night gourmet love making session. But we both work a lot, a whole lot, because of our jobs (which we both love) and even times when we could have sex, we are often exhausted.
I read this book a long time ago called "His Needs, Her Needs" written by a guy who was basically trying to recover marriages in ruin. Basically, what the guy says is that women and men place a different priority on different things in a relationship. Women, above all else, value affection. They desperately want to feel loved. This might be different for every woman (should you buy her a card, rub her shoulders or just simply say "I love you"). My wife likes to be touched. A lot. NON-sexually. In fact, if I touch her sexually initially, she almost instantly shuts down. She wants to be loved, first and foremost.
Men, we want sex. Period. We want sex and sex and sex. Look at the way gay men talk to each other on this website. Is it a lot of "you are so special", "I want to hold you," "I cherish you." NO it is "god that is a big, sexy cock!"
Many women don't appreciate or often are horribly condescending when it comes to how much we need sex. We need it. Now there are some men out there who seem not to need it. But I think they are in the minority for sure. When I got married, I assumed that the sex would continue the way it was before we were married. I knew it wouldn't be as hot as the beginning of our relationship. But I didn't think it would fade out the way it has to become some distant player in my relationship. My wife used to tell me to "go fuck" other women because I was so horny all of the time. She didn't have the energy. And I have done all of the housework, got up with the kids at night to feed them and change the diapers, did the laundry, cooked AND worked.
We are just wired to have different priorities. To my wife, the children are always the number one priority. Always. And any time she is not doing something with or for them, she seems to be stricken with guilt. I would love to take her on dates every week. But half of the time she bails so that she can spend time with the kids.
This is a hard issue, man, and again, I feel for you. Honestly. Anyone who sits back on this thread and takes pot shots at you is being a dick, period. You are talking about stuff that is very real to a lot of us and putting it out there. I wish you good luck man.
I know I'm not getting divorced. But I am not going to let my sexuality go either. I'd go to the strip club every day if I had to to feel young and vital. But that's just me. But I would love to have beautiful, satisfying and amazing sex with my wife every day (or even every other day) too. I've just learned to settle with what I do have. Although, I agree, it is definitely not ideal.
It's not the quanity women, it's the quality and how you make the man feel. I'm sure my wife wouldn't like it if I slapped lube on my dick and slammed her till she came and washed off.
