It's a Beauty Contest, like such as!

[mindseye]

In light of Caitlin Upton's now-famous answer in the Miss Teen USA pageant, I'm offering this game:

Answer a question in the style of a beauty contestant: You have a 30-second time limit, which translates to about 50-75 words. Bonus points for mentioning the children, extra bonus points if you can squeeze in world peace as well. You don't have to actually stay on topic, but you should sound like you're trying to convince the judges you're on topic by repeating buzzwords from the question (like "maps") in your answer.

Then ask a question in the style of a beauty pageant judge for the next player. The question should mention some alarming statistic without a verifiable source, followed by a vague fluffy but "socially relevant" opinion question.

Here's your first question:

"Studies have shown that 85% of American homes do not have a working smoke detector. Miss Nevada, what do you think should be done about this?"

 

[wldhoney]

*opens eyes wide* Mindseye, I believe that if the tobacco companies would be honest and take responsibility for the health problems caused by smoking, the world would be a better place and we would no longer need smoke detectors in our homes. *smiles widely at judges with vacant look in eyes*


Next question:

"Miss Oregon. Experts believe that teenagers in the United States today are sexually active at a much younger age then elsewhere due to television programming. Do you believe this is true, and why?"

 

[mindseye]

(bravo! smoke detectors detect smoking, I love it!!)

"I personally believe that in the United States you are not a teenager until you are 13. In other countries like Africa and the Middle East, their language might not count you as a teenager until you are at a higher age. If televisions in those countries broadcasted in English, it would be a good thing for the children, even though our language starts the teens at a younger age."

The No Child Left Behind Act has threatened to cut federal funding for schools that do not meet minimum standards on high-stakes tests. Miss Guam, do you believe that standardized testing is a good idea?

 

[Pecker]

*smiles brightly hoping there's no poi salad stuck to her teeth*

Let me say this about that. There should be a chaperone required for every five children on any field trip so that no child is left behind.

Miss Minnesota, many of the nation's bridges are literally falling apart yet no funds have been allocated for their repair. What should the federal government do to correct this?

 

[B_Nick8]

Oh, my gosh! When I was 12, I like thought I would adopt a Chinese baby and bring it back to the US to live, you know? But when we tried to come here all the bridges were broken because we lost our credit cards and then I woke up. It was horrible.

Miss District of Columbia: Scientists have conclusively proven that we need to reduce the emission of fossil fuel gasses into the atmosphere. How would you accomplish this?

 

[mindseye]

"I believe Americans should eat more vegetables and less fossils, because obesity is a major problem that leads to the emission of fossil fuel gases. That's why I support Head Start in our schools . . . for our children!"

The three-million-year-old skeleton of an Australopithecus infant was recently unearthed near Dikika, Ethopia. Miss Indiana, do you favor the teaching of evolution-related discoveries like this in public schools?

 

[tim36]

Wow that is a toughie, but first of all I would introuduce legislation to limit the use of fossil fuel and to urge them to find safer more organically sound fuel to use that would benefit instead of harming our environment. Overall I think all of our modern inventions that blow harmful gasses and fuel into the atmosphere, should be regulated and remade to find alternative uses. But hopefully we as the next generation will realize that we must start to take care of our Earth and our environment and be more responsible.

Miss Tennessee: If you were elected the next president of the United States, what steps would you take to improve our image and standing to the rest of the world, while at the same time maintaining our policies that are important to our nation, in world affairs?

 

[jakeatolla]

(Eyes glaze comletely over )

*Gasp * Well, like we should just nuke them back to the stone age,
like it is in mexico.



Miss California, given the news of the latest sexual scandal involving
anti homosexual republicans, what should we as a Nation do to curb
these redneck atitudes in Government ???

 

[Pecker]

(Eyes glaze comletely over )

*Gasp * Well, like we should just nuke them back to the stone age,
like it is in mexico.



Miss California, given the news of the latest sexual scandal involving
anti homosexual republicans, what should we as a Nation do to curb
these redneck atitudes in Government ???

Well, I'm not a Republican, I'm a Protestant, but I think all of the redneck homosexuals should be more inclusive, like, you know, love everybody.

Miss Iowa, what would you do to increase America's corn output for conversion to ethanol?

 

[Ethyl]

Well, I'm not a Republican, I'm a Protestant, but I think all of the redneck homosexuals should be more inclusive, like, you know, love everybody.

Miss Iowa, what would you do to increase America's corn output for conversion to ethanol?

I would plant a lot more seeds and water them really well.

Miss New Hampshire, Americans without health insurance climbed by 2.2 million people in 2006. What plan would you propose to increase coverage for everyone?

 

[Principessa]

I would plant a lot more seeds and water them really well.

Miss New Hampshire, Americans without health insurance climbed by 2.2 million people in 2006. What plan would you propose to increase coverage for everyone?

Well like, if more Americans were to participated in rock climbing they would be healthier and wouldn't need so much insurance. :smile: I propose REI and EMS donate free hiking and climbing gear to the uninsured. It will be less expensive for the federal government. Oh and the bonus is I won't have to be stuck looking at all those fat, polyester, clad bottoms at the Wal-Mart. I also believe this will help stop Global Warming and aide in World Peace.


Miss Kentucky, this is a two part question. In the previous two presidential elections it is alleged that many votes were not properly counted. What do you suggest be done so that every vote may be counted in the future? Do we really need to count the votes of every person who enters a voting booth?

 

[mindseye]

"People who don't have enough coverage can catch colds, which is why people need health insurance. I think we should donate our used clothing to charities so that poor people can have more coverage. That is how I would increase coverage for everyone."


edit: darn, njqt466 posted while I was typing! Go ahead and answer her question...

 

[Not_Punny]

ooops

oh shit... I just realized I didn't have a CLUE about the game... I'll go ahead and pick up NJQT's question.

 

[Not_Punny]

Miss Kentucky, this is a two part question. In the previous two presidential elections it is alleged that many votes were not properly counted. What do you suggest be done so that every vote may be counted in the future? Do we really need to count the votes of every person who enters a voting booth?

Like, this is such a big problem! So many people can't read, especially children who have gone to school, so how do we know they're even marking the correct candidates?

We should post pictures, and let everyone vote on the candy-dates based on really important issues that are necessarily necessary for determining who is who and what is what.

QUESTION: Miss Arkansas: The United States is facing the lowest house resale rates of the decade. What should be done to stimulate the economy?

 

[faceking]

(Eyes glaze comletely over )

*Gasp * Well, like we should just nuke them back to the stone age,
like it is in mexico.



Miss California, given the news of the latest sexual scandal involving
anti homosexual republicans, what should we as a Nation do to curb
these redneck atitudes in Government ???




ummmm


Last I recall the LPSG terms included:

These violations are subject to a sanction up to, and rarely including, permanent ban, depending on (cumulative) severity:

• Content whose primary purpose is to disrupt or inflame.

Not sure how that is not "inflaming" via Republicans via rednecks (derogatory) and anti-homosexual.

Of course absence from moderation.. so I'll just have at it.

 

[faceking]

Miss New York, many bed-wetting red-doper diaper babies believe 9-11 was either put on by the Jews or by Haliburton... what would you do in the future to prevent this from happening?

 

[Principessa]

QUESTION: Miss Arkansas: The United States is facing the lowest house resale rates of the decade. What should be done to stimulate the economy?

ANSWER: Ya know I heerd that cutiepatootie Matt Lauer talk about this on tv the other day. And I think the solution is just as easy as falling out of bed! Just print more money, raise the minimum wage to $10 per hour, and lower prices on big ticket items like HDTV's and ceramic flat irons, an cute cars, and houses. :smile: Problem Solved! This will enable everyone to achieve the American Dream even those cute little brown folks who sneak across the border. :biggrin1: I don't care what nobody says those people are hard workers. We fired all those Haitians we had working for us cause they stole mamas jewelry. But those Mexicans work twice as hard for half the money. It's a win/win! :biggrin1: :smile:

QUESTION: Miss Texas, Since Miss Akansas mentioned "cute little brown people" sneaking across the border, what do you feel should be done to stop the problem of illegal immigration?

 

[Falcon9]

Miss New York, many bed-wetting red-doper diaper babies believe 9-11 was either put on by the Jews or by Haliburton... what would you do in the future to prevent this from happening?

Miss NY finishes her toasted bagel with just a schmear, and smiles brightly and flicks hair back over shoulder. I am so glad you asked this question because a lot of my friends were so affected in what happened on that awful day. I have so many Jewish friends even though I'm not Jewish and I'm pretty sure none of the terrorists were Jewish or working in that company that had all the profit problems. It is a really good question because we had to come up with answers for this two years ago in my World Awareness class. You can't stop anyone that is going to just go out and be evil and kill who they want, I mean look at Virginia Tech and that was just like a student that went there that did that. So really the answer is about trying to make things safer with better security and being more alert in your life. You have to go and live your life and not let the terrrorists win and I try to do this every day of my life.


Miss France, it appears there is still some discrimination in this country over French Fries. This stems back to March 11, 2003, at which time the cafeteria menus in the three United States House of Representatives office buildings changed the name of French fries to freedom fries in a symbolic culinary rebuke of France stemming from anger over that country's opposition to the United States government's invasion of Iraq. Now that America seems poised to change its policies regarding Iraq, do you think France will possibly be seen as having been vindicated?

 

[wldhoney]

Miss France, it appears there is still some discrimination in this country over French Fries. This stems back to March 11, 2003, at which time the cafeteria menus in the three United States House of Representatives office buildings changed the name of French fries to freedom fries in a symbolic culinary rebuke of France stemming from anger over that country's opposition to the United States government's invasion of Iraq. Now that America seems poised to change its policies regarding Iraq, do you think France will possibly be seen as having been vindicated?

*Miss France adjusts her beret* HardGuard, I have seen the movie "Super Size Me" which preaches hatred of the French. Everyone knows that a well informed person would eat croissants. I believe that those truly responsible are the Spandex industry. Not only is spandex the cause of obesity, profits from sales are used to fund weapons of mass destruction. Changing the name of french fries to freedom fries was really a secret message to raise the price of value meals at McDonalds everywhere.


Njqt's question was skipped, so I am going to place it here:

QUESTION: Miss Texas, Since Miss Akansas mentioned "cute little brown people" sneaking across the border, what do you feel should be done to stop the problem of illegal immigration?

 

[deepwader]

Welll.... that IS a learning! I will be perfectly honest, Miss Honey, and confess to you I just did not know there WAS a problem with people sneakin over the border from Arkansas. But now that you tell me there IS, the answer has got to be to put up an 8-feet high electrified fence just like round Daddy's ranch! Especially since you tell me the folks from Arkansas are BROWN! EWWWWWWW!

Miss Virginia: the promotion of abstinence in preference to the use of condoms has been blamed for the continuing growth of HIV-AIDS in Africa. What if anything should be done about this?