It's been a while...bit nervous...

Discussion in 'Women's Issues' started by girl.looking, May 14, 2009.

  1. girl.looking

    girl.looking New Member

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    This is going to sound strange, but I am pretty much 100% gay but I still find cocks a turn on. I used to have relationships with boys when i was younger many years ago, and had great sex too, but when I discovered women, I then discovered that I was much less turned on by men.

    I have just come out of a long-term gay relationship and have been thinking of perhaps trying sex again with a man, mainly because although i prefer women, I still wonder what it would be like to be with a man again - it's been about 12 years since I last slept with a man. I can say hand on heart I will not be 'converted' back again...I am just turned on by the idea of a cock, probably the fantasy of it has built up over the years if I am honest.

    The problem is although I am extremely confident around women, I would be so nervous around a man. I think I would be able to handle a spur of the moment sex-only encounter, but the thought of having to go through the whole exchanging of looks, chat-up thing in a bar (or wherever) with a man feels so alien to me. Also just how pissed off would a man be if when it came down to it I felt that I did not want full sex or something? What if I didn't even feel like kissing him (oh my god, stubble!) but felt that I could give him a handjob or something? Would a man find that strange?

    I guess the logical answer to arranging a no-strings liaison would be the internet (I'm not advertising right now!), but then I would be faced with fears about the person I was meeting - they would be a complete stranger and I am not sure I would feel safe. Or maybe I just need to find a man in my circle of friends who I can be honest with and just say I want to experiment a bit, are you up for it? Would a man think I was dirty/slutty if I took the honest approach?

    I know I sound pathetic and confused...but that is because I am! :)
     
  2. tall_hung_thick

    tall_hung_thick New Member

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    couple ideas for ya

    Maybe a guy would be interested in being with you and one of your female friends for a threesome.

    also you could always meet someone in a public place before you would do any kind of sexual relationship with them.

    I think if your up front about it most men would understand.
     
  3. girl.looking

    girl.looking New Member

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    i did think about a threesome, but my friends are my friends and i just don't fancy them at all, i certainly couldn't have sex with them. but yes, maybe i need to connect with some gay women who are into that sort of thing, that might be a safer and more comfortable way of exploring my feelings.

    even if you meet someone in a public place though, it doesn't necessarily mean they will not do something horrid in private. that is what scares me.
     
  4. Pitbull

    Gold Member

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    I think you are heading in the wrong direction on this one.

    If you think you might want to try again with a man even if nothing more than a night of fun and everything you put down - you need a man you can feel totally comfortable with and that is totally understanding about your situation and feelings.
    A man who is there for you.
    Totally.
    Aware that you might feel so awkward you could change your mind even after things have progressed.
    It would be less likely that you would retreat if you are comfortable with the person.

    And if you knew the person and were comfortable with them - it could be a beautiful night.

    My opinion.
    I'm sure you'll get others.
    Have fun sorting through them.
    We are here for you
     
  5. Wish-4-8

    Gold Member

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    I find it hard to believe a woman cannot go up to a man and ask, "Can I use your body to satisfy a craving. No strings attatched. Just let me play with you." or, "I'm a lesbian but want to dick to play with. Can I use yours?" and not get any takers. The no strings attatched is music to a guys ears.

    Its best to know the guy a little. (and safer) I would start making freinds now and approach them later.
     
  6. ruffboy

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    no idea how to go about getting the balls (no pun intended) to approach someone with an honest request that you have here, BUT, please don't think of yourself as pathetic and confused, just part of the rest of us who are pretty much all this way at one time or another, or, maybe more often than not ;-p yer a human being, a loving one it appears, entirely sensitive and worthy of venturing into any territory you wish. those paths are very hard to find and define from time to time though, but get rid of the negative language regarding self. you sound like a doll

    oh, and my dick is yours anytime you want it for anything ;-p NSA
     
  7. B_dxjnorto

    B_dxjnorto New Member

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    What a nice answer. I can't improve on it. Do what you want. I always find the hard part is finding someone who wants what you want at the same time as you want it.
     
  8. girl.looking

    girl.looking New Member

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    thanks for such a kind answer...the generous gesture :) it is pretty difficult admitting to friends how i feel especially when i am not clear myself. plus it is something i would rather not have out there as a topic of gossipy conversation everytime me and the girls meet for a glass of wine, or a bite to eat, and believe me it would be. i would rather explore this gently i think, just in case i don't pursue anything and i decide the fantasy is better than the reality.
     
  9. kazooplayer

    kazooplayer New Member

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    Interesting. From your hesitation, I don't know that this is something you have to actively seek out; I imagine if you let this stir in your head and pursue it subtly, you will find a man who will understand your situation and leap at the opportunity, even if it means "just" a handjob.

    I, personally, would be all over this like white on rice if I was asked :)
     
  10. ManlyBanisters

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    That would depend a great deal on the man in question, because, contrary to popular belief, men are not all the same.

    I think the internet might be the way to go - you can advertise very specifically, letting your prospective sex partner know that you are unsure how far you want to go or what you want to do at all. You can spend time exchanging emails or have IM conversations and get an idea of the person. You can then meet in a safe place and if you don't feel 100% comfortable you don't go anywhere private with him. (Note: if you do go this route then don't arrange to meet in public but go back to his place / your place - It'd be far better to use a hotel.)

    You could try going to singles bar to pick a guy up for a one night stand, but then you'd have to explain the whole 'not sure what I want to try' thing. If you put up a personal on craigslist (or wherever) you can be much more up front about that and you know the men responding know where you're coming from.


    Generally speaking I like you Wish, I'm prefacing my comment with that in the hope that you won't take the following as a personal attack, because it isn't. I really hate that attitude coming from a man. I detest the fact that there are men out there who think that women have no problem getting laid and that if we want cock we can walk up to any man and ask for sex and not get knocked back. It is total fucking bullshit.

    To think that way is more of an insult to men than women.
     
  11. Djingle

    Djingle New Member

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    Funny, I've just come out of a very long term relationship and am also very nervous about how shall I put it 'doing the act' with someone different than my ex wife. So I can totally understand your hesitations.

    Maybe we should help each other out?

    I guess I should also point out I'm about 7 inches so well below the average on here. Cant believe I've just typed that out but guess I should?
     
  12. D_1971Max

    D_1971Max New Member

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    I think the right man will understand you and might even feel feel honored giving you a chance to explore his body, finding out together how your feelings are, and letting you decide how far you want to go....to me that is regular respect to your partner/friend.
    And the internet could be a good place to find the right man.

    Lost of success!!
     
  13. Aplus

    Aplus New Member

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    Well I for one can most certainly understand fantasies, and how powerful they can be and immediate they seem. Unfortunately fantasies aren't always easy to live or come by without a good amount of patience and yet being fairly proactive. Some fantasies simply aren't gonna just come to you. Probably slightly tougher for a single women to come by then a man. I know it's certainly not always easy to do with friends, families, and casual acquaintances lurking.

    The bar thing might be the easiest to get a response, but not sure how "open" most men really are when push comes to shove. You could maybe test-the-waters there without having to automatically jump in. The internet or swinging are probably the most viable options for something that seems rather specific. All can have safety and trust issues though. Not that there aren't any single women swinging, but it's usually geared more towards single men and female/male couples. It can be done though....just have to be careful.
     
    #13 Aplus, May 21, 2009
    Last edited: May 21, 2009
  14. B_quietguy

    B_quietguy New Member

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    Do you have any close male friends who can help you explore your fantasy?

    Years ago, a lesbian friend of mine wanted to experience sex with a man - but like you, she didn't want a relationship with a man. She asked me since we were friends and she wanted somebody she could trust. I was not looking to start a romantic relationship too so she understood I would not want to go from sex-with-a-friend to romantic partner. She also knew I was hung which I think influenced her decision to pick me over anybody else.

    When the time came, I went over to her apartment for the evening. We talked about health issues, (STD's, current health, etc...) and sexual likes and dislikes before we began. She wanted to be in control about choosing which sexual activities to try, how fast, how deep, and which positions. I had no problem with her deciding each move. She was quite grateful to have a partner sensitive to her emotional state and be able to focus on her needs and desires.

    Since a male body was a new experience for her, I let her explore my balls, cock, buns, and chest. She stroked me to feel my cock grow firm in her hand. I showed her how I liked getting my balls stroked and licked.

    She tried tit-fucking my cock but decided that was okay but not that exciting to her. Fellatio was much more delightful for her. Despite her delight in sucking, she did not want to try swallowing or even getting cum in her mouth, so we stopped that well before I was ready to burst. I gave her some pointers about how men like getting sucked. Afterwards, she reciprocated by giving me some hints about how she likes women to go down on her.

    I asked if she wanted to try anal sex, but she had no interest in that.

    When it was time to try intercourse, I helped her roll a condom onto me. I laid back and let her straddle me and slowly pushed herself onto my cock. She got the entire length inside her in a minute, and then rested a moment to feel the cock inside her. I can still remember the look of delight on her face, and said a real cock felt better than any dildo. Then she began rocking back and forth on me. We switched to a few other positions; doggy-style, man on top, leg glider, butterfly, and scissors. She came a couple of times. After I came, I cleaned up and returned to her bed for some cuddling and fondling.

    She invited me over a few more times over the next couple of weeks. We remained friends and she eventually found a girlfriend.

    -----------

    Besides asking a male friend, you can also try the website 7orbetter.com. It's a dating site for men who are 7 inches or more. I spotted a couple of ads on there from lesbians.
     
  15. Muffins

    Muffins New Member

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    First of all, you are NOT pathetic and confused. You are human, and you are exploring.

    I know somewhat how you feel. I just emerged from a 7 year relationship with a woman. I haven't been sexual with a man since I was 19, and never had full (vaginal) sex with a man at all. But, a few years ago, I stopped denying my attraction to men, and now that I am split from my girlfriend, I am ready to come back to the other team, lol. My preference is, was, and always will be... men.

    Some things are better left in fantasy, but some are worth exploring. If you are unsure of your potential to remain "unconverted", this could be a growing experience for you. If you can find the right guy (preferable someone you know, someone understanding, someone you can communicate with) it can be a positive experience, no matter how far you go or don't go, or whether you decide its worth repeating or not. Remember the saying, its not the destination, its the journey.

    It's ok to be nervous, I am too. But you are not dirty or slutty, and any man who wouldn't understand your nervousness, your intentions, or respect you, is not worthy of your body anyway.

    Good luck, whatever you decide!
     
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