It's Have a Kid Time!

Discussion in 'Relationships, Discrimination, and Jealousy' started by goodwood, Dec 6, 2008.

  1. goodwood

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    Ok.
    So how many people here have said to a friend of the opposite sex that 'by the time we are 40 if we aren't married or have kids, we will do that with each other."?

    I have made several such joking deals with women, but either she or I were involved and so nothing came to pass.

    However, I was on the phone tonight with a friend i went to high school with and we have known each other since we were 15 and we have both been around the block so many times we are dizzy.

    I was telling her how i was seriously checking into egg and surrogate donors and also would consider adoption because the desire to be a father is so strong.

    She was telling me that she was also looking to have a child and be willing to do it on her own.

    So we agreed to talk at length in a few days about the prospect of having a child together since its what we both want and we have similar expectations of how we would want a child to be reared and educated, etc.

    I am kind of hoping this works out. We don't want to be in a relationship with the other one. But we both want a child of a specific genetic make up and want the child to be raised in the manner we both were, but better.

    Has anyone ever actually been in this position? has anyone done this?
    I am ready to be a dad and she is ready to be a mom and we have been close friends, our families have been friends for almost 25 years.
    We see no reason that we should undertake the same task on our own when we might be able to work it out together. What say you?
     
  2. jeff black

    jeff black <img border="0" src="/images/badges/gold_member.gi

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    As you probably know, a child is a huge responsibility, and not just financially. Are you two good enough friends that you are willing to share this responsibility for the next 60+ years?

    Personally, I think it's an ok idea, though, I have to wonder what happens if one of you meets someone in the next year or two. Make sure you discuss everything.
     
  3. marleyisalegend

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    :eek:
     
  4. Mandee

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    Well, I've never made an arrangement like this with anyone, but I keep telling myself that if I'm not married and pregnant by the time I'm 30 that I'm just not going to have kids. I don't want to be having my children in my 30s... one reason is that the older the woman is, the higher the risk of her child having mental issues. I don't know if I could handle that stress. I'm not a patient person... raising a mentally ill child would be very difficult for me.

    I have 9 years left... wish me luck!
     
  5. invisibleman

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    What do you mean by you are ready being a father? And she is ready to be a mother? And you don't want a relationship with the other but you are friends? You want the child to be raised in a certain manner you both were but better. How were you raised? How are you going to make that better? What does the child want? Do you think that he or she would like that sort of raising? What about parental rights? Have you checked into the legalities of such an arrangement? Talk with your lawyers. You may be friends now...but having kids can be a legal mess in case the mother doesn't want you to be raising the child.

    That seems like trouble to me.

     
  6. voyeuristic

    voyeuristic New Member

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    Mandee, these are some pretty interesting statistics -

    Maternal age 30 years, Down Syndrome risk factor is 1 pregnancy in 1089
    Mother's age 31 years, Down Syndrome risk factor is 1 pregnancy in 975
    Maternal age 32 years, Down Syndrome risk factor is 1 pregnancy in 855
    Mother's age 33 years, Down Syndrome risk factor is 1 pregnancy in 733
    Maternal age 34 years, Down Syndrome risk factor is 1 pregnancy in 617
    Mother's age 35 years, Down Syndrome risk factor is 1 pregnancy in 509
    Maternal age of 36 years, Down Syndrome risk factor is 1 pregnancy in 412
    Mother's age of 37 years, Down Syndrome risk factor is 1 pregnancy in 329
    Maternal age of 38 years, Down Syndrome risk factor is 1 pregnancy in 259
    Mother's age of 39 years, Down Syndrome risk factor is 1 pregnancy in 202
    Maternal age of 40 years, Down Syndrome risk factor is 1 pregnancy in 156
    Mother's age 41 years, Down Syndrome risk factor is 1 pregnancy in 119
    Maternal age 42 years, Down Syndrome risk factor is 1 pregnancy in 91
    Mother's age 43 years, Down Syndrome risk factor is 1 pregnancy in 69
    Maternal age 44 years, Down Syndrome risk factor is 1 pregnancy in 52
    Mother's age 45 years, Down Syndrome risk factor is 1 pregnancy in 40
    Maternal age 46 years, Down Syndrome risk factor is 1 pregnancy in 20
    Mother's age 48 years, Down Syndrome risk factor is 1 pregnancy in 16
    Maternal age 49 years, Down Syndrome risk factor is 1 pregnancy in 12



     
  7. goodwood

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    Good luck Mandee! you have plenty of time.
    Invisible man - yes. i am ready to be a dad. I have been and have had a few relationships end because the women were not ready or did not want children.
    We were raised as children of privilege, gentility. One's status can always be better, i think.
    What does the child want? i would hope the child would want the absolute devotion and unconditional love of its parents.
    Legalities will be sorted out before entering into such an arrangement to be sure.
    Thanks for your thoughts. I am appreciative of them.
     
  8. marleyisalegend

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    If you don't mind me asking, what's the specific genetic make-up and how are you going to ensure it? Are you both going to have your genes spliced?
     
  9. goodwood

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    genetic make up is of UK/european/scandinavian extraction on both sides.
    how to ensure it? mix up some sperm and eggs with each other. that's how.
     
  10. marleyisalegend

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    Cool. I've got an extra turkey baster I could loan you.:tongue:
     
  11. goodwood

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    thanks marley for the offer. that won't be necessary.
     
  12. marleyisalegend

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    Oh, gonna do it the old fashioned way? I have a similar deal with a friend of mine back in Chicago, if she's not married by 35 we're going to have a kid together (assuming we'll both be prepared by then).

    I'm looking forward to it, she's Mexican so I know this baby is going to be G-O-R-G-E-O-U-S. Whether or not that plays out, I also want to adopt. I think there's a lotta kids out there that need a good home, foster care is so backed up that they'll hand kids over to any old body. Some of those kids end up in criminal homes, used for criminal activities.:frown1:
     
    #12 marleyisalegend, Dec 6, 2008
    Last edited: Dec 6, 2008
  13. B_Think_Kink

    B_Think_Kink New Member

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    I have made a few of these with friends, jokingly, we'll see if they ever come to be.
     
  14. goodwood

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    Well all joking aside, this is one deal that may actually happen.
    Given the fact that we both were considering adoption as well as
    biological options, we are sensitive to the need of children already here.
    This is not a lark of a thing. Like i said, we will be in serious talks about this.
     
  15. marleyisalegend

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    I'm hopeful about my situation as well, she's on birth control in the meantime so I've got dibs on her ovary. I consider myself lucky, she's a great girl with a wonderful spirit, she was my partner-in-crime in acting class in high-school and have been close ever since.

    I want atleast 2 boys, one I'll name Xavier Dimitrius and another named Coprenicus Julian. None of my friends like that second name.

    Do you have a preference as far as sex? Do u have a name ready for whichever sex u get?
     
    #15 marleyisalegend, Dec 6, 2008
    Last edited: Dec 6, 2008
  16. Principessa

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    Goodwood, since you both want a child, will you be living together? If not, this is a sucky deal for the child. :frown1:

    Don't go postal on Goodwood, at least he knows what he wants. It's not like you were gonna adopt a white baby. :tongue: Personally, I want my babies to have good hair like you and Naughty. :biggrin1:

    :rofl: Give yourself until 40, 30 will be here so quick your head will spin.

    My mom had me at 36 and I do have issues with depression but it wasn't because of her age at the time of conception. :rolleyes: Not for nothing, but given my past knowledge of you, nd your family, if you got pregnant tomorrow your kid would most likely have mental issues. :tongue: Age ain't got nothing to do with it babe.



     
  17. goodwood

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    good job marley. good to be prepared. i hope the best for you.
    and yes. names have been slected in either case.
    i hope for a son but would be thrilled for a daughter. healthy and happy is the goal.
     
  18. goodwood

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    njqt -
    in this arrangement, we would work it out to live together. this had been discussed.
    we could have both had children with people far away that would not be involved and we both decided this was no acceptable. we would probably return to new york. if not that, then where ever we would be together.
     
  19. marleyisalegend

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    Amen. Fortunately you and I have it easier than our parents and definitely our grandparents. Technology and medicine makes it easier to guarantee the best conditions for producing a healthy baby. Erika and I are preparing for worst-case scenarios, we're both reading up on common birth defects, how to deal with them, and how to give the child a secure upbringing in a society where you can catch grief for any superficiality.

    I'm not too worried though, doctors can damn-near do magic with a woman's womb nowadays.
     
  20. goodwood

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    genetic counseling is something most of my friends have undergone to ensure a healthy child.
    many friends have had miscarriages and that has been heartbreaking for the loss. but despite the loss, all have been reasonable and realized that if the child was not to be born, then this was the way it should go.
     
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