It's Shallow to Always Decline any Sexual Contact with Someone Who is HIV+?

[brooklynjackp]

a quote from a conversation elsewhere comes to mind.... "Sex is a mutually consensual activity and if you don't like the terms of my consent, then we'll find something else to do."

What are your terms of consent ? The original conversation was about using condoms, and his term of consent was to always wear one. If his partner didn't want to, then there was no sex. If your own term of consent is to never have sex with someone who is HIV +, then well, ok. That's your choice, but you're limiting yourself. You can still protect yourself and have sex with pretty much anyone you want.

I felt the same at one point in time. I never wanted to have sex with someone who was HIV + . In my 20's I lost a few friends to it, and it was horrible. I decided the best way to protect myself was to always be safe, and do whatever I could to avoid having sex with someone who was positive. Then I met someone who was outside of what I thought I liked. He was a little older, and he was positive. We had great chemistry together. We had amazing sex... safe sex, but amazing sex. Today, almost 6 years later, we're planning on getting married. I'm still negative, and we still have amazing safe sex.

Maybe it's time to step outside your point of view and reevaluate your terms of consent.

At last - some common sense. Thank you.

 

[SillyGayBoy]

People that fear catching it are the ones who have never been tested. When we are tested they explain the ways it can be caught. It is not a gay disease. Everyone should be tested.

 

[K.Dst]

I don't think anyone purposely goes out to contract HIV

Actually this would seem to happen more frequently than HIV-positive guys purposely trying to infect HIV-negative people.

It's no surprise that HIV is more prevalent in the world of men-prostitution. Some HIV-positive escorts are especially sought after once their serological status became known by customers who specifically asked for intercourse without a condom with them.
Apparently, it's so common it's even considered "more interesting" for some escorts to hide the fact that they are under medication to please that very specific range of customers.

It really is a phenomenon I don't understand, but it's a real thing.
I guess there's some part of "playing with fire" thrill (even with an untreated guy, transmission rate on a single unprotected intercourse remains low), but sometimes you just gotta remember some people are just weirdos... Especially when it comes to sex and fetishes...

 

[AlteredEgo]

Bumping so those who want to know why @MisterSlave is trolling me can see for themselves, and so that he can find my "now-buried thread and quote [my] sorry ass advocating unsafe sex". LOL

 

[MisterSlave]

Yes thanks for bringing it back up so people can see how hypocritical you are with your unsafe sex practices and your 2 faced lies. Its nice to see how far your hatred for the gay community and for people who have HIV goes. .(applause).

 

[AlteredEgo]

Yes thanks for bringing it back up so people can see how hypocritical you are with your unsafe sex practices and your 2 faced lies. Its nice to see how far your hatred for the gay community and for people who have HIV goes. .(applause).

I don't hate the gay community. I'm not heterosexual myself. I don't hate HIV positive people, I just wouldn't fuck one. Then again, I wouldn't fuck someone who had the flu. Does that mean I hate people with the flu? No, no. I don't even hate YOU. I do have a tremendous lack of respect for you though. YOU specifically, @MisterSlave , and that has nothing to do with any misfortune that has befallen you, unless you count that you were born in the first place. Now, out of your lying, soulless, cowardly face, you tried to say that in this thread I encouraged unsafe sexual practices. Show us. I found it for you. Quote me. I'm waiting, you fucking smear.

 

[MisterSlave]

You spend so much energy being angry and bitter towards me.. Maybe it is because you feel a little guilty I don't know.

 

[AlteredEgo]

You spend so much energy being angry and bitter towards me.. Maybe it is because you feel a little guilty I don't know.

I'm not bitter. That would require me to hold onto something from the past. You're an insignificant speck on a far away galaxy in the universe of my consciousness. I'm not upset about anything in your unimportant past. I'm angry about what you got busted doing today. I'm angry because on a day-to-day basis I don't think a thing about you. You post, I might read, I move on. If I agree, I might say so or click "like". If I disagree I have always given you the courtesy of doing so to your face. No one can show you screen caps of me saying anything to you that hasn't been said to your face.

But you? You won't admit you can't quote me advocating unsafe sex (as you call it), and that it was just a lie you told that you thought I'd never hear about. Well, I heard about it. I saw the screen shots. And now, because you lied (behind my back, no less) and won't take it back, I hope you die soon. When your man and your friends post their grief, I won't post anything derisive. They'll have been through enough just having to suffer your existence. But, I will pour myself a nice bourbon and laugh my flat ass right off.

Eat placebos and die. Then, immediately fuck right off, and die again.

 

[Hoss]

It's not shallow to refuse to have sex with ano HIV+ person, it is self preservation. The same as any and all sexual encounters, if it's known that the person has an s.t.d. of any kind or a contagious illness, I will decline, no matter how good looking and mouthwatering they are.

Similarly I feel it to be my responsibility to inform a perspective or current partner of any health issues I might be in the midst of dealing with if it could cause them harm.

 

[1g5463]

It's not shallow in the sense that one is being superficial by refusing intercourse with someone with HIV. I don't even conceive how one could be seen as such, it is a matter of health and safety.

I can only echo what Hoss had said but I might also add that there is still a large stigma associated with people with a positive status. I know my experiences aren't as developed and I fear geography might have something to do with it but there is still a feeling of stigmatisation and a sense of alienation from the rest of the populace. It is not uncommon for people to write things to the effect of "HIV + need not apply" on their dating profiles and with said people often being rather malicious to those afflicted. I also sense some resignation from + guys who will often make it apparent they have the status as a way of avoiding any hurt or disappointment.

So all in all I don't think it's shallow but could be misconstrued as cruel or insensitive, without further explanation.

 

[LeftCoast]

According to Dan Savage more HIV is contracted from men who are undiagnosed or untreated than men who are positive and have an undetectable viral load. Men with undetectable viral loads are essentially not contagious. So having unprotected sex with men who think they are negative is exponentially more risky than having sex with someone who is successfully managed.

 

[Bongo7]

I don't think it's shallow. I think it's self-preservation.

 

[916416]

Is this really a 12 page debate on if a person can choose not to sleep with anyone with a STD or specific STD's, AIDS or otherwise? I thought we believed everyone has the right to rule their own body? How is this shallow?

 

[freeballininnyc]

Here's the thing - you can be sexually discriminating of anyone and everyone you meet for whatever reason YOU decide and it's YOUR business. Whether it's STD status, race, socio-economic status, bad taste in music, the list goes on and on. Someone being offended because you don't want to sleep with them is stupid and not worth your time. And really, not worth theirs.

 

[Mercurygirl]

I'm not bitter ... I hope you die soon. When your man and your friends post their grief, I won't post anything derisive. They'll have been through enough just having to suffer your existence. But, I will pour myself a nice bourbon and laugh my flat ass right off.

Eat placebos and die. Then, immediately fuck right off, and die again.

You're not bitter but you hope he dies??? And on that, only a warped individual would hope someone with HIV would "die soon", especially over words typed on the internet. Seriously, grow up and get a grip.

 

[sangheili90]

I know this is an old thread, but is this a serious question?

 

[AlteredEgo]

I know this is an old thread, but is this a serious question?

It was/is a serious question. If you haven't looked through the thread yet, you might do. There is no consensus. There is an overwhelming majority, but several very good posts in opposition to that majority. Still, I think no one's mind was changed, certainly not mine.

 

[Mercurygirl]

I know this is an old thread, but is this a serious question?

Thought the same. Honestly, what a sick way of trolling people with HIV.

 

[AlteredEgo]

I know this is an old thread, but is this a serious question?

Still curious about your answer, if you're willing to share

 

[ronin001]

I finally got around to reading this thread and the many postings from so many members.

Men / Women have and can develop sexual preferences / biases based on hair color, ethnicity, height, age, breast size, Ass size, income level, type of car, type of house, kids ETC. So, I would have to presume that health is also a valid factor in selecting a sex partner; or entering into a LTR . I have been turned down / friend zoned before for what ever combination of the previous reasons that were factors.

I am a huge fan of the TV Show Queer as Folk, and this reminds me of the story line between Michael and Ben. Ben was HIV positive and a very handsome man ( no homo ) . Michaels mom was the biggest Gay and Lesbian supportive character you could imagine. Her brother who lived with her had HIV as well. Yet when she found out that Ben was positive, she was against the relationship. Over time she came to love Ben as much as she loved her own son. I know this was only a TV show; but it kind of reflects how initial perception and bias can over time change once you get to know a person

I know the original question was HIV, but as not to focus on one demographic, you can interchange the illness with Herpes, Syphillis , HPV or other transmittable diseases. Truthfully sum things up, I could only answer the question of how I would initially act, till after I had met the person and how my feelings develop from there.