It's time to end it.

Discussion in 'Et Cetera, Et Cetera' started by jinglschmidt, Jan 25, 2011.

  1. jinglschmidt

    jinglschmidt New Member

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    I've been single my whole life, and lonely for the past 15 years of it. I'm 25 now, and I'm tired of it. Sick and tired of hoping tomorrow will bring happiness when all it brings is more frustration aggravation and reasons to cut. I don't know why I announce this here, other than no one knows me here, and there's no reason for anyone to even care. Just another random internet voice speaking of eternal peace. I thought I would never give up on meeting any woman to make me feel what I'm supposed to feel being a human being, but I've sat on the outside of everyone i've ever known or seen, watching as they obtain a level of happiness in bonding with others, while I'm forced to stay in this spot because I'm so different.

    Everyone is different, that's no secret, but some of us are so different from others, that they feel compelled to point out your differences and put you down because of them. I could careless what people think of me anymore, because I'm leaving this infernal earth and everything in it behind. I look ahead, hoping that I will have a better chance in the next life.

    I originally joined this site a while back, thinking and hoping perhaps I could meet someone who would like me. But so much time has passed and I'm sick of feeling this alone feeling I've tried so hard to avoid yet I'm unable to shield myself from. I'm not sad anymore, I'm content. And perhaps that is merely because I have accepted my fate. I feel like this will be a new entry in my journal, because it isn't the end, but a detour from this rocky road I've been on for 25 years to something different, and if there is nothing after this, then I will finally have peace.

    It's been a pleasure while I was on here. I'm sorry to leave you all like this but I have to. I can't stand to be alone any longer, and refuse to continue to be alone and lonely despite all my attempts to be happy and in love.

    Sincere from my heart
     
  2. Drifterwood

    Gold Member

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    Why haven't you posted more?
     
  3. eurotop40

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    DO NOT say anything like this, please!
     
  4. ruggero

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    How are you different? Do you mean you feel different?
     
  5. cups

    Verified Gold Member

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    Dude, you are only 25. Why the big rush to find someone?
    Stop looking so hard and live your life.....Have fun!
    The ironic thing is you'll find the one when you least expect it and when you're not even looking.
     
  6. jinglschmidt

    jinglschmidt New Member

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    Post what? My life story? This is a penis support group, and there's hardly any place to discuss something like this. Much better to leave a note in the Miscellaneous forum

    How many reclusive people, terrified of everyone, voluntarily alone, lonely and unable to change anything, powerless against their own self? If anyone has known more than 10 and knows more to 'help' me than by saying "just go out and meet people" like there's nothing to it, feel free to offer advice. But I don't expect anything. I've reached the end of my rope, there's none left to grasp onto, and honestly, very little reason to try to.
     
  7. D_Tim McGnaw

    D_Tim McGnaw Account Disabled

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    The Tags on this thread are very worrying. I hope that instead of doing anything rash and irrevocable that you seek out the help of a real flesh and blood person whom you can talk to about your lonliness and your current sense that you think "it's time to end it".

    You are a young man, you have decades of life to lead and decades in which to find love and companionship and enjoy life, and no matter how permamnent you may think your current state is, it isn't, tomorrow you will feel differently and a year from now you will feel completely different.

    If there was even a chance that your current life would change for the better why would you give that chance up? And there definitely, undoubtedly is a chance, a very very big chance that your life will be better than it is now and sooner than you may think.


    Whatever it is that you think makes you different consider that everyone feels alienated sometimes, everyone feel alone sometimes, and there are some people who feel alienated all the time and alone all the time, and yet they continue to enjoy their lives and live in a fulfilled and complete way.

    If you suffer with depression then you can undoubtedly get treatment (or better treatment than you are getting now) and can be happy and not desparate. Knowing that, why would you give up instead?
     
  8. jinglschmidt

    jinglschmidt New Member

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    fun for me is love, if i can't find that, what's the point in sticking around to be lonely? why? i'm the only one in my life who holds any value to MY life. I'm not here for anyone else, other than myself, and if I've been unable to find happiness or pleasure in anything, any aspect, or any thought for as long as I can remember, then why should I hang around for 25 more years? I fail to see the logic. If something is lacking, you change it. If you can't change it, you lose the power to change it, and either you lose yourself, or you lose your life. For me there's the third option, take control and end it now that I'm ready

    It's not about meeting someone and falling in love for life. It's about being able to connect with ANYONE and have it be meaningful. I have lived 25 years in this world, and spent every moment of it alone. I'm sure there's some people out there who are able to cope with such a difficulty, but when you need something, so much just to survive, to be comforted, to feel alive, and you can never find it, no matter how or where you look. Couple that with social anxiety, agoraphobia, bipolar, bpd, and transgender-ness. You tell me, is that a cocktail for success? or a smorgasborg of trainwrecks just waiting to happen?
     
  9. D_Tim McGnaw

    D_Tim McGnaw Account Disabled

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    People post all kinds of threads here, take a look through the forums, you can discuss absolutely anything within the rules. And people here can talk with you and offer their insights and opinions.

    This topic, and the topic of depression and lonliness comes up around here more often than you think.


    I've known and know considerably more than 10 people living with the situation you describe. I've been in very dark places myself. There will be lots of people here who can relate.
     
    #9 D_Tim McGnaw, Jan 25, 2011
    Last edited: Jan 25, 2011
  10. willow78

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    jingls I know EXACTLY how you are feeling. I've sent you four PMs. Please talk to me! I'm not a trained professional but I could be the first step. HANG IN THERE, PLEASE!
     
  11. jinglschmidt

    jinglschmidt New Member

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    I've thought this out obsessively for the past 12 years, so this isn't a rash decision. I've also been getting all kinds of 'treatment' for the past 5 of my years, and quite honestly, nothing truly works. I will always be suicidal; it's just a matter of whether I'm aware of it, or I'm tricked into believing i'm not by chemical drugs. There are no coping mechanisms that truly work, nothing comes automatic other than what is in your nature. I've been suicidal for the past 15 years, and the past 5 I have been convinced that I'm just like everyone else.

    I was raped when i was 12 for being who I am by someone I thought I knew, but wished to use me in every way they felt they could--and did. I was suicidal before then, but they didn't help improve things.

    I'm not fixated on the past, quite the contrary I'm fixated on the future, and I fail to see anything positive in it. In fact, ever since i was 10, I've been unable to see myself living past the next year or two. That I've managed to survive every suicide attempt i've made since then is very aggrivating and maddening. Suicide fits me, it's just a matter of finding the right combination that will get me to the next life.

    I believe life is an eternal concept, and each journey takes various turns. I am meant for someone, but they aren't in this life, and that I'm prepared to move to the next journey merely means that I am not meant to find them in this journey, which has run it's course.
     
  12. D_Tim McGnaw

    D_Tim McGnaw Account Disabled

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    If you have a suicidal fixation then you need better treatment than you a recieving, five years of treatment if it's the wrong kind of treatment isn't going to do anything.

    You are a valuable human being who with some help has enormous amounts to offer the world and exactly because of what you've been through can offer the kind of valuable opinions and insights which might save other people from the despair you've suffered.

    I know you think that because the last 25 years haven't been great that the next wont be either but you can't know that for certain. And if you could get proper help and become a more life-focused person, and help others who may be going through what you're going through wouldn't that be a beautiful reason to still be alive?


    I know you don't realise it but there are people who care about you, and there are going to be people who love you in your life. You just need to be here for that to happen.
     
  13. willow78

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    You're only 25! Very few people have found their soulmate by that age. Most people don't find them until their mid-30's or even 40's so giving up now is far too early! You mentioned being reclusive and wanting to make a connection. Let's connect, talk to me, I know how you feel. I'm not bullshitting you, I've made posts on other threads about feeling lonely and isolated. LPSG is a great place for connecting and I've sent you four Private Messages if you want to talk privately. PLEASE HOLD ON!
     
  14. D_vukygujh

    D_vukygujh New Member

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    That you can compose a thoughtful and thought-filled sentence with impeccable punctuation is the reason that you will save your own life.

    If no one cared about you, I wouldn't be late for work right now. Nor would others.

    We all want to know how you make it through this, so that we can help the person down the street who has been in your shoes, too. And so that the person down the street can help us when it is our turn.

    Thank you for trying very, very, very hard.
     
  15. XSILVER

    XSILVER Well-Known Member

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    In additional to mt PM's, Hilaire IS speaking HUGE logic. You need to speak to someone and start reviewing alternate avenues. The future is a great place and can hold total happiness if you just give it a chance to do so.
     
  16. willow78

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    Hilaire is right - whoever is treating you is letting you down. You mentioned you were raped as a child so maybe counselling would be better start than medicine or pills. Plus it sounds like you started the medication when you were young. Anti-depression medication is not good for teenagers. Talk to a GP - don't go to the one who treated you before because it doesn't seem to be working - talk to a GP about how you're feeling. Admittedly I don't know a damn thing about the Middle GA health system but he or she will surely be able to refer you to appropriate health care services near you.
     
  17. Drifterwood

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    Maybe you felt that you weren't able to communicate and thereby connect with people, but I agree with Allendale, you are showing here that you are more than capable of communicating and connecting with people. This in my experience is how you find people that mean something to you and you to them.
     
  18. XSILVER

    XSILVER Well-Known Member

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    There is a world renown Center here in Toronto called "KMH" I know people who have attended to help them with their personal problems and are different people today (in a great way) because of them. It may be of some intrest looking into it and may be a quich GOOGLE search. It may be a great new begining for you and a supportive place for you to talk with people whop are going through EXACTLEY what you are going through. You are not alone !
     
  19. D_Tim McGnaw

    D_Tim McGnaw Account Disabled

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    I promise you jinglschmidt, if you get well, and get back a focus on life, and put your energy into helping other people who may be going through similar feelings and situations to you, you will have more love in your life than you can imagine. I know that for a fact.

    It's within your power to grasp onto that chance of happiness and love, and considering what you've already been through in life I suspect you have far greater strength than you think. Use it now to pull yourself out of this downward spiral and get the help you need, your life can and will be beautiful you just need to hang on and get the right help.
     
  20. XSILVER

    XSILVER Well-Known Member

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    In addition, only you can control your life and dictate what it is going to be. You said it yourself, If you dont like something, change it. - not end it. From this moment foward, make a vow to yourself to get better and change your life into a great, happy and powerfull one. Take control and YOU start calling the shots. Wake up every day and tell yourself "today is going to be a great one" and adventually, you wont have to say it anymore, it will just be.
     
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