I've got a jock friend who becomes all touches and hugs when he drinks. It's strange.

Discussion in 'Relationships, Discrimination, and Jealousy' started by widenine, May 22, 2009.

  1. widenine

    widenine New Member

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    So.... we meet a pub or casual bar and start to catch up... starting from where we left off the last time. All is cool as his eyes roam the room looking for and locking onto big breasts, small waists, round asses and then, of course, the face.... exactly in that order. Not a shy guy and fairly macho and handsome, he motions to the ladies to come over and say hi....usually they do. Note: He"s 6' 5", 2 65 lbs, size 13 shoe And he's straight... never looked at a man sexually. Yet... we've discussed having a mmf threesome with his ex girlfriend who is hot and very very much into "having a good time".

    Around about the fourth beer or scotch, I notice the ocassional hand on my back pulling me closer so that he can whisper innuendos about chics in my ear. He laughs, sometimes loudly, and sometimes slaps my thigh or pulls close and plants a kiss on the side of my head. The more he drinks the more intimate he seems to get. If I'm standing and leaning on the bar, for example, as he's returning from the John, he'll sometimes do a back slap, punch, ass slap combo and follow-up with a toast.

    I've explained that I'm concerned about what folks may be thinking when he does these things. He laughs and promises to tone it down. How would you feel about having a good friend act in this way?
     
  2. 8060

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    Alcohol has a tendency to bring out the affection in some people. If he's your friend, then simply tell him about his affectionate behavior towards you while you're having some drinks and how uncomfortable it makes you. Friends appreciate honesty. If he knows that you don't care for that, he may be more active in trying to stop it. Good luck.
     
  3. B_Artful Dodger

    B_Artful Dodger New Member

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    Mate, loads of my lot get like that after afew drinks. Sometimes on a lads night out its hard to believe its a load of straight guys. lol :rolleyes:
    You just gotta deal with it or if your really embarassed by it, dont go out with him anymore.
     
  4. CALAMBO

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    hey man...i am just like your friend...i catch myself getting too friendly with a few friends....w/me it means nothing......and i really think to my friends it means nothing...but to be honest...i do want a jack buddy..maybe he does too...and if that is case....and the event shows itself...go with it...wtf...if u are comfortable w/your self and him, u must be if a MMF has been discussed, enjoy it buddy.
     
  5. AZNEWGUY

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    I think 8060 hit the target on this. I know a ton of straight guys who become super affectionate when they are drunk. Saying they love you, etc. Guys are taught to hold back any feelings of affections towards another guy all their lives and of course drinking brings it out. Some cultures excluding our own have men that are very close to each other. kisses on the cheek, longer hugs, maybe that's what he is used to. Just tell him and he will back off.
     
  6. sleepyboi!

    sleepyboi! New Member

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    I have flatmates who happily come up behind me in que for checkout and grab my ass or grind against me and they're not even pissed, it just means they're good mates, they're relaxed around you and they have a cheeky/fun/mischevious personality. Doesn't mean they're gay I'm afraid! They probably don't care what other people think because they're just having a laugh, and neither should you care. So what if someone peers over when he leans in an whispers stuff or grabs your thigh, neither of you have done anything wrong! Hope this has helped.

    ps. Drunkness will add to this and make it more noticeable, or bring it out of usually quieter people. Doesn't mean they want to get with you or anything.
     
  7. ruggermike

    ruggermike New Member

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    I get touchy when I drink too, but it doesn't mean i want to sleep with my mates. If your'e embarrassed, talk to him about it, otherwise, join in! haha.
     
  8. D_Jerry_Atric

    D_Jerry_Atric Account Disabled

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    I have a friend that likes to touch/grab my shoulders when we've been drinking and he'll do it out of nowhere and I hate this and I'm just blunt and I tell him to stop.
     
  9. widenine

    widenine New Member

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    Good feedback fellas. It helps to know that this is not so uncommon.
     
  10. MarkLondon

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    Dude, relax. I presume you're worried about people thinking you're a gay couple or something. What you described is typical straight male buddy behaviour.

    I think if you pay attention you'll notice this is not driving the women away.

    It's my straight mate that gives me the biggest, warmest bear-hugs when we meet or part, even in front of his wife and daughter. It's a sign that he's relaxed and confident in his heterosexuality.
     
  11. reallyhot

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    Isn't this what is referred to as "Bromance"??? LOL
     
  12. WellHung83

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    Some straight guys are just like that in that they are rather affectionate and, in a weird way when they know you are gay or bi, somehow think that in itself is permission for them to let go of the social norms of straight male or indeed male relationship behavior and be more affectionate and demonstrative of how much they actually care for you and indeed their own thinking on you as being a really special person to them.
     
  13. CUBE

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    Have him over, take some drinks, take a shower...it's time
     
  14. Stephenmass

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    I suppose it depends how bad it is when he does this. Could it be that he is behaving 100% normally as a str8 man but your own sexuality (I don't know what that is) feels somehow threatened because deep inside maybe you know you would go the distance with just him? I don't say this as a gay guy wishing str8 to str8. Perhaps if you were totally comfortable in your own skin you would care less what others think?

    It's just a thought and it's not put out there to put the blame or whatever you want to call it on you. It seems to me you yourself in your own post describe him as long story short "jock hunk" kind of guy. Could it be you are a bit attracted to this guy also? So when he does make the what you perceive as innuendos things, you simply perceive it differently as he does because of innate desires on your part?

    Shoot me if you want. Just a thought.
     
  15. BigDallasDick8x6

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    Hell Yes
     
  16. joeweekend

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    Question for you, widenine: would you mind his behavior if you weren't in a public place?
     
  17. houtx48

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    what's the difference between a gay guy and a str8 guy?.......about a 6 pack
     
  18. Mr. Big One

    Mr. Big One New Member

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    Thank you, that is a very good question.
     
  19. B_dxjnorto

    B_dxjnorto New Member

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    Just generalizing, since we don't always know where people are coming from--it seems the U.K. guys are okay with this and the U.S. guys want to say back it up. Interpretation of this behavior may be highly influenced by culture.
     
  20. MarkLondon

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    Yeah, just what is happening to masculinity in the states? Are straight guys not supposed to touch eachother ever?
     
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