I've seen it all now

Discussion in 'Relationships, Discrimination, and Jealousy' started by AZNEWGUY, Apr 11, 2010.

  1. AZNEWGUY

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    Well its official, a buddy of mine who as of late last year fucked, kissed, had relationships, and vacations with other men has a girlfriend. Now he doesn't communicate with me at all since I know so much about him. We were very close friends, best friends, now he is scared I might say something to his new girlfriend. I guess its the right thing for him to do since I wouldn't be able to look into her eyes knowing what he has done. I know sexuality has gray areas, just don't think its fair that I'm out of his life :(
     
  2. B_RedDude

    B_RedDude New Member

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    How old is this guy? Why do you think he changed up (or down)
     
  3. AZNEWGUY

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    Honestly I can't blame him. He is 38 and probably feels he needs to get his life together. He always said he wouldn't be in a relationship with a guy and I'm sure the pressure of the family is getting to him (they don't know about his bisexuality) . He is the only sibling that isn't married. I think he blocked me out of his life cause I remind him of that bi lifestyle. This will be the third time I know of that he is going cold turkey on guys, but I think this is serious this time around. We were friends for 10 years now he wants nothing to do with me. Out only contact is facebook every once in a while.
     
  4. dolfette

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    it sucks that he's cutting you out.
    maybe you could message him & let him know that you've no intention of trying to tempt him away or spill the beans to his new girl, that as his friend you only want to see him happy?
     
  5. naturistMale

    naturistMale New Member

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    ******************************

    "only want to see him happy" perfect !

    i just hope he's not going to get married because of Family pressure.
    that's so un-fair to the girl . I would think you are better off with someone that has more character and is grounded as a Man (Bi or total Out).
     
  6. B_Drake9

    B_Drake9 New Member

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    That's just messed up....
     
  7. NY4Curious

    NY4Curious New Member

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    Anyone who has ever had insecure bisexual friends, usually from very conservative families has found themselves in your situation. I know, I've been there several times myself. I consider these people (both men and women) to be cowardly and weak, and it's really not worth investing any friendship in them.

    I know that doesn't ever stop the isolation and hurt you feel at the moment, but you need to understand he abandoned you because he couldn't deal with the fact you are being honest with yourself and he is not.

    I look at it this way, a person who deceives themselves will never find happiness and time wounds all heels. You deserve a better friend than he is.
     
  8. lopo2000

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    I have one friend who actually has pre-warned me that in 5 years, he's gonna stop having relationship with guys and start having "real" life with a girl, because he believes that life as a gay is not real and can never go beyond sex, although some relationships can work, that is if the relationships are of 2 hunky gorgeous men, or at least one. When I thought about it, it's kinda true because all gays, at least in my life, that are successful in relationship are the ones with the looks or body, or money. I have 2 average looking gay friends, who don't have the money and look, though they're great in personality (they're my best friends), no other gays have wanted them to spend the rest of their life with. I used to think, wow, how superficial this all feels.

    Ok, I'm being irrelevant here. My point is, now I see my friend has already planned of leaving gay life in his 30's, it made me think, with this gay-bashing environment, perhaps it's just better to just "train" yourself to want women as your partners... So, when he'd decide that it's time, maybe he'll cut me off too. I'm afraid for it to happen because he's one of my good friends...

    I don't know... It's complicated...

    p/s: sadly, I'm one of those who keep getting eyes caught to people who are very appealing. Though most people I fell in love with are very average in looking.
     
  9. lopo2000

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    But abandoning the friendships (I don't know if I want to use the word "abandon", maybe "avoiding" the friendships due to not knowing what to do at that moment) might be caused by a lot of reasons. Perhaps he is just scared that things might be ruined by his friendships with other gays that others might find out that he's also having things and stuffs with other men, which might jeopardize everything and give pain and hurt to his families and all.

    And not being honest with ourselves is also more than meets the eyes you know. It's more complicated than wanting to be honest with ourselves. This is a world that likes to condemn the minority that we're talking about. It's complicated.
     
  10. dolfette

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    if he loves her deeply then it might just be the simple fear of losing her over something that, if he's in a monogomous relationship, doesn't really matter anymore.
     
  11. txquis

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    This is much more common than people think. I have known a couple of guys (one just a friend, and one an ex) who married women, and had kids, and buried their past somewhere. It sucks.
     
  12. Symphonic

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    Happens to the worst of us.
     
  13. ZOS23xy

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    And since a lot of people in the straight world find homosexuality disgusting, perhaps that is the reason for the barrier. I can understand that the relationship with the hetro couple is now sealed off and the man doesn't want his lady to find out about his past.
     
  14. dolfette

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    i'm sure it happens the other way around too.
    guy meets guy but doesn't want guy finding out about his girl filled past.

    lots of people, both straight and gay, are very suspicious of us bisexuals. there's a perception that we can't do monogamy and will use our sexuality as an excuse to cheat.
     
  15. conntom

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    It isn;t just about the disgusting thing you mentioned.

    Consider this:

    Gays and bisex are more likely to be exposed to AIDS... (might freak out the girl)

    And

    She can't compete with equipment she doesn;t have and not feel secure in the relationship - so he doesn;t want her to know.
     
  16. AZNEWGUY

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    Thanks for all of your opinions on this. It just really hurts, I truly value friendship and my family and I have done so much for this guy. He had NO friends at one point and I introduced him to all of my family and friends which enriched his life.
    This is how I feel about the situation, I just have to accept the situation. I've known him for 10 years, he knows I won't out him or say anything to his new girlfriend. It just truly bothers me that anything that has to do with that part of his passed is tucked away. I tried calling him, texting him, emailing him. 80 percent of the time, he won't respond. It just seems like he is slowly trying to get rid of me. Only time I hear from him are holidays and brithdays now.
     
    #16 AZNEWGUY, Apr 11, 2010
    Last edited: Apr 11, 2010
  17. dolfette

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    that is so unfair on you when you've really invested in his friendship.
     
  18. BigDallasDick8x6

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    Me too.
     
  19. BigDallasDick8x6

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    Somebody correct me if I'm wrong, but AIDS has been affecting many millions more heterosexuals than gays for many years now.

    I do agree with the second point -- You can't compete with equipment you don't have and that carries a lot of weight in relationships.
     
  20. killerb

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    i know exactly how you feel - i have a friend who is secretly gay but is in a relationship with a woman...i think that i'm the only one he's told about the men he's been with, and yes he has had relationships with men, not just sex...he is also the only unmarried sibling and he has told me that he just wanted all of the questions to stop...clearly he's only stringing this girl along so he appears to be straight to his family...and since they've gotten together, he hasn't been the same friend to me that he was in the past...i don't know what his reasons for that are and i don't care...all i know is that if he had been a true friend, he would never treat me differently...

    my solution was to call him on it & to distance myself from him...i told him that i'm still his friend, but i won't be treated as if i've done something wrong when i haven't...so we don't hang out anymore & only communicate by text or email at times...sometimes he will call, but i never call him...

    it's sad that people sometimes choose to try to live their lives to please others...it never works...eventually they all learn the hard way...
     
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