Jealous much?

Discussion in 'Relationships, Discrimination, and Jealousy' started by RamIt, Aug 9, 2008.

  1. RamIt

    RamIt Member

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    I have always been unflappably secure and not jealous at all in relationshps. Ive never worried about the things a woman has done, or all the guys she knows.

    Now I am dating a woman with a very extensive sexual history that I love very much. From time to time, it fucks me up to think about her past. She says that she loves me more than any predecessor, and I have nothing to worry about. The sex we have is by far and away better than I have ever had before, and she volunteers the same opinion. She is also a great caring person and a lot of fun to be around. Im crazy about this girl, but her past is making me crazier.

    I hate that her myspace picture is of us together. Why? Because there is a bunch of guys on her friends list that she has fucked and sucked, and now Im the sucker loving her. All those guys had her like it was nothing, and I cherish her so much, its painful to think about. The head she so lovingly and amazingly gives to me, she also gave to random dorks she just met. Shouldnt that hurt? Why does it bother me so much to know she threw herself at so many tools just for fun, or lack of self respect? Everything we have means so much to me, and she means so much to me, why do I bother thinking about the amount of guys out there that have fucked her like she was nothing to them? How could I ever marry a woman who will make me the laughing stock of tons of guys who she sucked and swallowed at random?

    I really need some advice on how to think of things differently to help me get past this, or if I should just cut and run to save any further damage.


    Please help me with MY problem, I know its mine and not hers.
     
  2. ScorpioSlut

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    It's pretty simple....just as with any mistake or past action someone takes.....either you forgive and forget (as best you can) and love that person for what you are and what you have or just call it quits because you can't deal with those past actions.


    Perhaps you could talk to her about maybe removing people who were just random fucks from her life and that might make it easier for you to deal with...but don't expect her to. And basically if you love her as much as you claim then it should become a non-issue.
     
  3. Blocko

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    Love is about acceptance, who do you really love if you can't accept her past? Her past is part of her as well.

    To her you mean more than those guys. Do you think of her the same way you think about some girl you picked up in a bar for a 1 night stand? Do you expect her to lose respect for you because you had a one night stand or had a threesome or something?

    Sex and love are two different things and unless you're into virgins chances are she's had sex with someone before. Really, it's time to challenge your preconceptions that sound a little old fashioned and conservative in modern times; especially if you don't apply the same standards to yourself or your male buddies you apply to her.
     
  4. Principessa

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  5. Blocko

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    Instant classic. You have such a way with words NJ :biggrin1:.
     
  6. D_season 5

    D_season 5 Account Disabled

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    and some one said..that there is no harm in being promiscuous? some things do cum home to roost...perhaps this is yours, hers and ours? i dunno... live by the sword...die by the sword...

    how to move past it all...ahhh.. i don't think u do...given the way ur processing...either accept it..for there is nothing u can change...so accept what u can't change...OR reject it..being her..and move on...and what goes for her..goes for u..watch where u bury ur breeder and seed...so ur not re creating the same scenario
     
  7. drumstyck

    drumstyck New Member

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    You're chasing Amy. I went through something like what you're talkin' 'bout, 'couple years ago, this chick named Amy.

    So there's me an' Amy, and we're all inseparable, right? Just big time in love. And then four months down the road, the idiot gear kicks in, and I ask about the ex-boyfriend. Which, as we all know, is a really dumb move. But, you know how it is - you don't wanna know, but you just have to, right? Stupid guy bullshit. So, anyway, she starts telling me about him - how they fell in love, and how they went out for a couple of years, and how they lived together, her mother likes me better, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah - and I'm okay. But then she drops the bomb on me, and the bomb is this: it seems that a couple of times, while they were goin' out, he brought some people to bed with them. Menage a trois I believe it's called. Now this just blows my mind, right. I mean, I am not used to this sort of thing. I mean, I was raised Catholic for God's sakes.

    So, I'm totally weirded out by this, right? And I just start blastin' her. Like I don't know how to deal with what I'm feeling, so I figure the best way is by callin' her a slut, right? And tell her she was used. I'm-I'm out for blood. I really wanna hurt this girl. I'm like, "What the fuck is your problem?", right. And she's just all calmly tryin' to tell me like it was that time and it was that place and she doesn't think she should apologize because she doesn't feel that she's done anything wrong. I'm like, "Oh, really?" That's when I look her strait in the eye, I tell her it's over. I walk.

    It was a mistake. I wasn't disgusted with her, I was afraid. At that moment, I felt small - like-like I'd lacked experience, like I'd never be on her level, like I'd never be enough for her or something like that, you know what I'm saayin'? But, what I did not get, she didn't care. She wasn't looking for that guy anymore. She was - she was looking for me, for-for the Bob. But, uh, by the time I figure this all out, it was too late, man. She moved on, and all I had to show for it was some foolish pride, which then gave way to regret. She was the girl, I know that now. But, I pushed her away. So I've spent every day since then chasing Amy... So to speak.
     
  8. OmahaBeef

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    You need to ask yourself if you find this acceptable or not, and whatever you determine you must follow through with, and either mend it or end it. You are not wrong, but you are not right. It's up to you. Bottom line is...only YOU can determine what you are comfortable with accepting or not.

    If I was a betting man, I would say that your mind is already made up...so get on with it and cut her loose.

    ...OB
     
  9. Not_Punny

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    This is going to sound really weird, but I'll say it anyway.

    A friend of mine just got out of rehab, and to show him support, I went to several AA meetings with him. Believe it or not, it was actually really cool, and gave me a new perspective on forgiveness and the "human condition."

    My recommendation: Go to some AA meetings and listen to people who have been waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay out of control in their life. Listen to their stories and grow your heart a little bit.

    Life is NOT all about you.


     
  10. Guy-jin

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    It's because you're not as unflappably secure as you think you are. Deep down, you have an insecurity about your own experience and image. Like you said, it's got literally nothing to do with her.

    You're afraid, not conciously, mind you, but deep down in there somewhere, that by being "the dumb sap" dating her now, you're being looked down on by all these people on her MySpace page.

    First of all, you're not. They don't care about you. Why do you care about them? Especially, why care about what they think more than what you think? Do you think you're less of a man or more of a man for dating a woman who you say you love, who you have amazing sex with, who you connect with on a different level? Who's actually the "dumb sap" here, you or the morons who just got to have sex with her once and twice but didn't end up getting to stay with her? I'd say the latter group is the one that should be jealous and ashamed, wouldn't you?


    So be a little more unflappable. The opinions of these people doesn't matter in the least, and you ended up on top at the end of the day. If you start getting that feeling, slap yourself in the face and man up. Try to remember that you're the man, and that those people and their opinions don't matter because dammit, you're with the wonderful women they didn't get to be with.
     
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