Jealousy and Insecurity

Discussion in 'Relationships, Discrimination, and Jealousy' started by Pene_Negro_Grande, Aug 17, 2005.

  1. Pene_Negro_Grande

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    Okay felt like talking today....Okay going to visit my best friend who lives in another city on Thursday....He doesn't want his girlfriend to know because she would be upset that we are out without her watching his every move....She hates me I think because my bestfriend and I are extremely close and he confides in me more than her because of her craziness and jealousy....She has told me that I try to destroy their relationship (which is BS because I never say a negative thing about the girl and think her heart is in the right place but she is obsessed with my bestfriend)....She is the type that wants him isolated from his family and friends so he only depends on her....She does not trust him at all and I have asked them both why are they together then....The poor guy can't have a good time when we go out because of her making rude comments about a time when he cheated on her (which is bad but it was when they were having problems which is often)....All I can say is they got past it and got back together so she should drop it and move on now....I don't get it but she is a extremely beautiful girl (I mean a serious knock out) but keeps asking my friend if the girl he cheated on her with is hotter than her....She is miserable and he is miserable in the relationship but neither wants the other to be with someone else....Everytime they break up which is maybe twice a month - she wants to be back with him when she finds out he is having a good time without her....If she just relaxed and let him go out and have fun without her and wouldn't just go psycho on him - they would have the best relationship....I can't believe she doesn't see that she is pushing him away....Why do women do that....

    Another one of my friends who girlfriend when sober - you would think is a very strong woman....But when she drinks which is quite often she becomes this jealous psycho woman....I mean her boyfriend is a very conservative successful guy....I have observed her on Friday and Saturday night this past week act a complete mess in front of friends and complete strangers....My friend was saying hi to someone he met before and his drunk girlfriend saw it and yelled at him "fuck you asshole" really loud....We all tried to play like we didn't hear it but then he had to rush her out of there....That was Friday....Saturday while at a party, my friend gave a friend hug to a girl who is a friend of ours who recently just moved to the city with her boyfriend who we know but happened to be out of town....The drunk girlfriend went over in this girl's face and said do you know I am his girlfriend and kept repeating it and getting aggressive....I could see how mortified my friend was at the time and just froze in his steps....This guy has never given her a reason to be insecure....

    Just don't get insecurity and jealousy....I mean if the person is with you and tell you that they want you - why get crazy like that....I mean you only push the person away to find someone that is not insecure....
     
  2. naughty

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    Workin' up a good pot of mad!

    Malachi,

    Physical beauty does not equal internal beauty or security. I am so sorry for both of them. This sounds like an extremely unhealthy relationship. Neither is happy but afraid to venture out and find someone else. It sounds as if your friend's girlfriend needs some serious counselling, period. Unfortunately, many people confuse the need to get themselves together with the need to get together with someone else. I know you love your boy, but you need to stay out of it. Obviously, the pain of the drama has not caused him to make that hard decision. Beauty is nothing in the face of major issues and drama. He needs to think long and hard about what he wants in life and if he wants her in his life and move accordingly.

    Naughty
     
  3. Dr. Dilznick

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    Help him get his life in order. Life is too short to be tending to the needs of some insecure women that will do nothing to you but nag you to an early grave.
     
  4. Pene_Negro_Grande

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    True I definitely try to stay out of it....Usually when they start in on each other when we are out - I walk away....I am only involved because he asks me for my advice on what should he do - even though he rarely follows it....And he only confides in me about these things and I am his only outlet....It is pretty sad because he is a very good looking guy and too young to be going through drama like he is experiencing....Definitely going to try to help him see the light when I visit him today....I know we will have a blast this weekend and hopefully he will meet someone cool while we are out....
     
  5. citygirl

    citygirl Member

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    Not sure if your friend had problems in the relationship before he cheated on his girlfriend. But from a girls point of view, if she is drop dead gorgeous then why on earth would any man cheat on her? That's a serious blow to her self esteem and could be why she acts the way she does. It looks like your friend really loves her since he's still with her, but once you break that trust with a woman it is very hard to win it back or repair it. She will never trust him again, as the saying goes "once a cheater always a cheater".

    As for your other friend, tell him to stop letting his girlfriend drink! Drinking does lower your inhibitions so her true feelings are coming out, and from what it looks like she's extremely jealous. She needs to sort this out on her own or with a psychologist.
     
  6. Dr. Dilznick

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    From a woman's point of view, or from a man's point of view?

    Sometimes while mashing vagina I look down at the girl and already long for the next slab of pussy.

    Life is a journey.
     
  7. Dr. Dilznick

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    Also, why did you change your screen name from PetiteAsianBabe?
     
  8. citygirl

    citygirl Member

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    who&#39;s petiteasianbabe? <confused>
     
  9. Pene_Negro_Grande

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    Yeah they had their problems before he cheated....She was always jealous and insecure like wanting to know his every move, go through his cell phone, email, and generally snoop around his place....I personally could not date anyone who does respect personal space....Yeah I am sure it bothers her because she probably thinks that any man would be lucky to have her but her personality sucks....They are both 2 really good looking people and there is a kind of competitiveness they have with each other....Yeah I told him that she would never forgive him but he has to realize that himself and he should because even though they are back together after the cheating - she still brings it up weekly....
     
  10. Dr. Dilznick

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    <!--QuoteBegin-petite_asianbabe
    @Jun 2 2005
    I look for a guy who is funny, has an upbeat personality, romantic, and sweeps me off my feet. He has to be sensitive but at the same time macho with the guys. I don&#39;t mind a guy that cries (for me&#33;) Looks comes in at a close second, I have to be attracted to the guy. I love chest muscles and arms, not Arnold type but at least toned. A soothing smile and nice eyes. Height isn&#39;t much of a factor for me since I&#39;m 5&#39;4" and most guys will be taller than me. But he can&#39;t be shorter than me when I&#39;m wearing high heels. ;) And last but not least he has to be successful, or at least able to take care of me.

    So after saying all that, my current bf of 1 year fits that mold and more. He&#39;s 6&#39;4", a muscular 225 lbs, has a great personality and his own business. We met thru a mutual friend and it was love at first sight. I haven&#39;t bedded him yet (which is also important&#33;) but so far everything in the bedroom is great. And it doesn&#39;t hurt that he has a big dick. ;)
    [/quote]
    http://www.lpsg.org/forum/index.php?showtopic=11914

    Vs.

    <!--QuoteBegin-citygirl

    But this thread is dealing strictly with physical attributes. I think any attractive person will attract more attention from the opposite sex than others, and they will have more people to choose from for a possible companion (kind of like having the pick of the litter). What one person finds attractive may not be the case with another. For me, I tend to prefer tall (because I like to be lost in their arms) and strong (to protect me) men. But this is my preference. After that criteria is met I look for personality and then what kind of career they have. Those are the most important to me. It just so happens that my man has a big dick, but that&#39;s not what I set out looking for nor do I consider it a prize that I bagged a big one. In fact sometimes I wish he were a little smaller so it wouldn&#39;t hurt. :p[/quote]
    http://www.lpsg.org/forum/index.php?showtopic=13767&st=20


    People with multiple accounts usually give themselves away with the same posting style.
     
  11. Dr. Dilznick

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    <!--QuoteBegin-petiteasianbabe

    Must be a control thing with females becuz I drive him absolutely crazy and it gets me extremely wet.[/quote]

    Coincidence, I think not.
     
  12. B_DoubleMeatWhopper

    B_DoubleMeatWhopper New Member

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    The girlfriend is your friend&#39;s cross to bear, not yours. You shouldn&#39;t have to worry about her hovering over you like a harpy. I would explain to him that visiting him someplace when she&#39;s around wouldn&#39;t be fun for either of you. You should get together in your hometown or some neutral territory without her in the vicinity. You shouldn&#39;t be made to suffer because of his bad judgement in girlfriends.
     
  13. DanielForever

    DanielForever New Member

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    my best friend jake has a useless pathetic jelous girlfriend

    once he came over my house (he hasn&#39;t got a mobile phone) and she left over 70 missed calls on my phone saying he was to come home and that it was urgent. now that he has a mobile whenever he is out with friends and his mobile goes off he pretends he cant hear it. she moved in with him and his parents when he was 17 and thought he was in love, two years later the only thing that holds them together is a mixture of her bullying, general convinience, they&#39;ve forgotten what being appart is like and his pity on her- she is really mean to him at night then says sorry with teary eyes the next morning
     
  14. naughty

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    Malachi,

    IT sounds like Borderline personality disorder is epidemic around here&#33; No one should have to put up with that Malachi.I guarantee you that if she were not good eye candy on his arm or he were not afraid of Dead rabbit stew and a keyed car he would be so out of there&#33; This young womwn does not need to be in a relationship with anyone other than her therapist and that should be a professional one.

    Naughty
     
  15. jonb

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    Well, borderline personality disorder is a female disorder. (One reason is because a lot of borderlines were abused or neglected as children.) Basically, she needs therapy. First, a diagnosis:

    Does she meet five of the nine following criteria?

    1. frantic efforts to avoid real or imagined abandonment. (not including suicidal or self-mutilating behavior covered in Criterion 5)
    2. a pattern of unstable and intense interpersonal relationships characterized by alternating between extremes of idealization and devaluation
    3. identity disturbance: markedly and persistently unstable self-image or sense of self
    4. impulsivity in at least two areas that are potentially self-damaging (e.g., spending, sex, substance abuse, reckless driving, binge eating; [not including] suicidal or self-mutilating behavior covered in Criterion 5)
    5. recurrent suicidal behavior, gestures, or threats, or self-mutilating behavior
    6. affective instability due to a marked reactivity of mood (e.g., intense episodic dysphoria, irritability, or anxiety usually lasting a few hours and only rarely more than a few days)
    7. chronic feelings of emptiness
    8. inappropriate, intense anger or difficulty controlling anger (e.g., frequent displays of temper, constant anger, recurrent physical fights)
    9. transient, stress-related paranoid ideation or severe dissociative symptoms
     
  16. goodwood

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    Hey -

    Sorry to hear of your friend and the hot but psycho gf. You said he cheated on her once but they got back together. If he cheated on her then clearly things were not good and he knew it. Was he hoping if he cheated that would end that relationship rather than just flat out break up with her? It sounds like a bad match.
    I can understand her insecurity after the infidelity. BUt if she forgave him, took him back and trusted him (how exactly?) then she shouldhave nothing to worry about.
    Does she think you are a bad influence on him? I have had many of my guy friend&#39;s wives get really pissed off that we would hang out/catch a movie/have drinks. In each case, my friend had given the wife a reason to be unhappy about spending time away from her. While I had nothing to do with that if a friend of mine wants to hang out and we can have fun then that&#39;s that.
    As far as how hot she is - it&#39;s the hottest girls who are the most insecure. I can&#39;t stay away from the hot ones and in the end realize that yup. Psycho or else if not psycho - need far more help than I can give them and hope the next one will be better. Yet to happen.
    Even with your best friend, talking about the significant other/wife/girl friend is a very tricky think since the friend usually does not want to talk about any kind of problems they are having, especially if he may have in any way been responsible for them.
    It is odd though how women will not let things go. Do something once and every other thing you do they don&#39;t like - well, it all goes back to that first thing.
    I guess just be there for your friend. If and when he wants to talk he will. If not and he just wants to get out and hang out and not address the situation, then help him out. Under no circumstances utter a disparaging word about the girl.
    If she does not like you well then she does not have to. You are not doing anything wrong and that&#39;s that.
    Whatever they have going on sounds not good. I hope they work it out/she miraculously goes not psycho (if this happens, REPORT BACK&#33; We could make millions on the anti psycho chick serum)/he realizes he can actually be happy without her - gets over his own guilt for what he did and realizes he does not need to punish himself by letting her punish/control him - or whatever.
    Just don&#39;t you be too sensitive about what she thinks of you. You are not the issue.
     
  17. jonb

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    It&#39;s a simple matter. Just because he spends alone time with her doesn&#39;t mean he can&#39;t spend time without her. (As in, with you and your friends.) Bros before hos.
     
  18. citygirl

    citygirl Member

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    Dr Dilznick,

    Multiple accounts? Same posting style? You must be joking to accuse me of that. I see no correlation and it is definitely COINCIDENCE. Looking at petiteasianbabe&#39;s profile she&#39;s Asian and from California, just like me. Do you know how many Asians live in California? We grow on trees out here. And glancing at her posts it sounds like she&#39;s a little younger than I am and we&#39;re not even in the same point in our lives. So BACK OFF.
     
  19. Dr. Dilznick

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    It was an observation, not an accusation.

    Don&#39;t forget: same bra size (34B, close to a C), same weight (110 lbs), etc.
     
  20. citygirl

    citygirl Member

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    Don&#39;t forget: same bra size (34B, close to a C), same weight (110 lbs), etc.
    [post=337650]Quoted post[/post]​
    [/b][/quote]

    Now you&#39;re freaking me out, are you a stalker? :hiding:

    Well your observations are unwelcome. For your information 34B/C is a very common size in California and across the US, and have you ever seen an Asian woman? We&#39;re all the same weight and wear the same size. You&#39;d be surprised how fast size 0&#39;s and 2&#39;s fly off the racks.

    Anything else? Do I need to get a lawyer? I feel like I&#39;m on trial here. Go bother someone else, I have better things to do than waste my time with you.
     
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