Jealousy issues

Discussion in 'Relationships, Discrimination, and Jealousy' started by dr_pepper, May 13, 2010.

  1. dr_pepper

    dr_pepper New Member

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    One of the listed possible subjects for this forum is Jealousy.

    I may be very much in the minority, but I am not a jealous type person. SO much so my wife was kind of upset by it. She thought that I should be upset if she was involved with any other guy, in any way.

    One incident that really comes to mind was with a FwB who was divorced but still friends with her ex and fucking him once and a while. One time he thought that he would get me pissed by getting into my face and telling me that "I didn't know it but he was fucking her too". I told him that "I did know, and that I didn't own her and she was free to do what she wants to, with who she wants".

    He said "you're weird!" I just said "thank you". I figure that any fun she can have is good. As long as it something she wants and is enjoying it.

    What do you think?
     
  2. helgaleena

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    I think jealousy is a sign of insecurity. I am jealous of people when I think they are more beautiful or talented or skilled. I never was jealous of a partner unless I felt inferior to them. And it was always a bad sign that they were going to dump on me very soon.

    I don't think I have ever been jealous Over a partner. I always think they are entitled to do what they like unless they have specifically promised not to, and in that case I like to play fair.

    Yeah, when I am feeling jealousy it is definitely time for a reality check!
     
  3. HiddenLacey

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    I'm definitely not a jealous person. The way I see it is people can do whatever with whomever they wish to do it with. Now that's not to say I'd would approve of someone I was seriously dating doing whatever he wanted, he simply just would not be the one for me if he felt he needed to look outside of our relantionship for certain things.

    I've actually found it funny that people have blatently tried to make me feel jealous by comparing me to other people, when in reality I found that I was not jealous of the remarks made, but saddened that someone who is supposed to love me would try to hurt me.

    I think that someone that is overly jealous has self-esteem issue's and what they really need to do is focus on loving themselves before they start worrying about other people.

    Edited after reading darkhorse's post: I agree with what your saying that it would be upsetting to know that the person you are with wouldn't care if your gone. But I don't really consider that jealousy, I think that's a natural reaction to finding out that person doesn't care about you as you care about them.
     
    #3 HiddenLacey, May 13, 2010
    Last edited by a moderator: May 13, 2010
  4. D_Phallus P Phyllum

    D_Phallus P Phyllum New Member

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    I somewhat agree, helgaleena, but what do you think of this...

    The nature of reality is uncertain, so to be insecure is, in fact, a symptom of honestly facing reality. We don't know anything that really matters; why we are here, and when we will no longer be here, or whether anything we know is actually true or just a belief. What is there to feel secure about in a completely uncertain world?

    Insecurity is therefore entirely natural. If insecurity is natural, and jealousy is a result of insecurity, then jealousy must be entirely natural too.

    There is therefore no need for a 'reality check' if one were to feel jealous. It is more likely that jealousy is in fact the result of simply facing reality!

    The reality in the case of dr_pepper is that he may lose his partner, which is a very real possibility if she is seeing other people. If losing her does not bother dr_pepper at all, then maybe this is why she is upset by his lack of jealousy. It is as if dr_pepper could not care at all whether she is with him or not.

    hmmm?
     
  5. helgaleena

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    Darkhorse, I agree that facing reality might be a very normal and natural and healthy thing to do. Jealousy means I might not have had my eyes all the way open about something or other. And as Submissive said, if I am worried I might 'lose' a person, they were not the best fit. It would possibly make us both happier to move on.

    Atm I am in relationships where I am not worried about that at all.
     
  6. D_Phallus P Phyllum

    D_Phallus P Phyllum New Member

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    I think there are different kinds of jealousy. The jealousy that arises from comparing oneself to other people is not really what is being discussed here. That might better be called 'envy'.

    I think the jealousy one may feel over a partner taking another lover without your consent is entirely natural. Animals can be seen to clearly display this kind of jealousy. In this context, jealousy can be viewed as a biological reaction to the prospect of losing one's ability to secure the continuation of one's genes.

    Jealousy is therefore a natural phenomenon, and it doesn't seem likely that there are 'jealous types', as much as those who are more or less aware of this reality.
     
  7. invisibleman

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    I do have jealousy issues. I wish that I didn't. But I do. I don't have much faith. I wish that I did but I don't. When I came out in my twenties, I didn't expect when I am forty to be single. But here I am. I deal with it. Gotta. Do I want to continue going to gay bars meeting men until I am sixty? NO. Do I want to go through computer dating sites to meet men? NO.

    Am I really different? Possibly.
    Should I be open to any and everything from a partner? Maybe. Should I tolerate him fucking other men while I get none from him? HELL TO THE INFINITE NO. Sustained... :mad:

    Maybe this is part of the reason, I don't care about gay marriage. I have went through soo fucking much with the men I was with. I can't seem to even keep my dates together...much less marry a man. I wouldn't want to EVEN bother with putting all that kind of trust in a man that would probably end up growing apart from me in the future. How can you ever put trust and faith in that situation?


     
  8. THEDUDEofDestiny

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  9. helgaleena

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    I didn't want my genes continued. i had to be tricked into it. But yeah, I'll agree with you ftmp.
     
  10. dolfette

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    i don't do jealousy.
    i put it down to being so bloody wonderful.
     
  11. AlteredEgo

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    Even my dog's jealousy pisses me off. I don't feel, or want to be the target of jealousy.
     
  12. invisibleman

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    Stop making the yummy chocolate baked goods. I am jealous/envious already. Grrrr. :rolleyes:

    :smile:
     
  13. ConstantComment

    ConstantComment New Member

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    I like to think that I don't get jealous, but maybe I do. I can get concerned though. I didn't like it when my ex husband got chummy with women whether they were originally a friend his, my friends or the wives of his friends. And then I would notice the private jokes. Maybe someone can tell me the best way to handle this for the next time.

    I have noticed situations in which I can only interpret that other person was jealous of me. For example, my sister and I were dating guys at the same time. We had both come out of LT marriages around the same time. She met her guy at a happy hour through mutual friends and was proud of the fact that she approached him first. Over time, she had to come to terms with the fact that he was cheap and not very generous in other ways.

    At the same time, I started dating a guy who approached me first, asked me out on dates properly and even paid. Her jealousy came out by hassling me that I was using him; that at our age, we had only 6 months to decided whether to marry a guy and to continue to date him was just using him. She also accused me of prefering white men (this guy is black). As it turns out the guy wasn't quite the catch, but I think the hysteria that my sister was stirring up with me had everything to do with the fact that she couldn't admit that she would really prefer more traditional forms of dating for herself.
     
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