Jealousy of.... His hands.

Discussion in 'Relationships, Discrimination, and Jealousy' started by Chantillylace, Nov 8, 2010.

  1. Chantillylace

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    Ok, first let me say that though I am not very old, the majority of my relationships have been long term, and committed. I was married for two years, part of that time being a stay at home wife (requested by the ex) and have never EVER encountered anything like this.
    Secondly, I know that masturbation is normal, for both sexes and healthy. I would never be pissed at someone who did it, and never really cared much to even know when it was going on... I guess you can say that so long as I am sexually fulfilled than I don't really see the problem.
    Ok now that that's out of the way, here's my issue.

    After my divorce, approx. 6 months after I started dating this guy, and we were together for two years. About a month or so in to the relationship I started getting sexually frustrated because though I stayed at his house pretty much every night, we weren't I having sex. I'd probably say once a week, if that. So one day, since he works considerably early I snuck in to the bathroom to "surprise" him with whatever he wanted. I pull back the shower curtain to find him wailing away at himself. Scared him shitless.
    If I had been sexually fulfilled, I know I wouldn't have gave a shit. I actually find the entire idea of masturbation intriguing, and have actually encouraged it in the past with exes.
    But for this instance I was completely devastated. I couldn't understand how he could prefer his hand, instantly feeling like I just was not good enough in bed, or that something was wrong with me.
    Upon asking him about it, he said that he has been jacking off in the shower since he was old enough to sustain an erection, so it's habit.
    Fair enough.... But why would he prefer it over a real pussy?
    I'm not a sexual prude... But couldn't understand, because I had tried that morning to be intimate, tried the night before, and always the same answer---- too tired, or not "in the mood".
    I even went so far as to saying, at least be sexually open with me, tell me to help you. I give great head, or use my body as your cum canvas. I opened all kind of possibilities for him....
    Didn't work-
    Over the remaining 1.5 years I caught him jacking off more and more, sometimes three times a day... Yet we were only sexually intimate once a week.
    At one point he admitted that in some ways he didn't find me sexually attractive, too much on the heavier side for him... Not a good kisser.... Etc.
    Eventually, I left him. I just couldn't do his bullshit anymore, it wasn't just the masturbation issue, but other things, as he had become financially dependent on me...
    Fast forward 6 months... I start being happy instead of so miserable and down on myself. I am healthy, camping, hiking... Going to the gym. Regaining confidence, and steadily holding down a couple fb's... Just kind of dating, but not anything serious..
    Serial jack-off king calls.. Current girlfriend left him... He's crushed. So we talk. And I missed him... Long story short we have been trying again for about three months. Sexually it's not as bad as before. I am more satisfied, even though our schedules conflict.
    At the beginning of last week, we discuss master ation because I had been doing it when I don't get to see him for a couple days, at least we arent both awake at the same time.. And I tell him I don't care what he does to/with himself under two conditions, one: I'm getting fucked, and two: I'm not home.
    Please consider since I work 9am to 5pm with an hour commute both ways and he works 6pm to 5am with an hour commute, that I barely am ever home while he is. So this is ample opportunity to "take out" his sexual whatevers.
    So, I'm making him lunchto take to workday night since I had the day off... And he's in the shower getting ready for work. I work him up early to "play" but he didn't "feel" like it.
    He gets out of the shower and he's fully erect. I offer again to help, orally, anally, however I can help. He declines.
    Kind of bummed I go back downstairs and pack his lunch, evenhough he has an hour before he has to even leave the house.... I walk back upstairs to get to spend a little time with him and he effin jacking off.
    Fml. I have never ever in all the history of any off my relationships had anyone who has physically disgusted me more. I lost my damn dinner, and was so pissed that I nearly wanted to claw his face off.
    Today, I'm packing my shit for good. He is so not worth all the bullshit.

    Mostly me venting, but I have to know... Are there really a substantial amount of guys who prefer jacking off to their partners?
    Is it more common than I really want to believe?
     
  2. Chantillylace

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    Also it must be said that I have never ever had a single complaint in the bedroom.. I love cock, touching, sucking, riding... And not once ever was told until now that I was bad at anything. So maybe I don't do what he wants, or am not what he wants, but then speak the hell up! Teach me, train me... Don't just keep your mouth shut. I'm sure that I'm not an expert at everything, but if something is wrong, don't make the problem worse by doing things that will only intensify the issue..
    I'm sure if I was really sucky I wouldn't have consistent fb's, have sustained a 2 year marriage, OR held countless ltrs with no sexual issues.
    I just don't get this guy.
     
  3. Finker

    Finker New Member

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    I'm sorry to hear about your frustrations. As a person who was in this same situation with my ex, I can almost totally relate to the story albeit from the other side of the fence.
    Short answer, I had gotten used to jerking off for a very long time prior to hooking up with her. When we'd fuck she would get so wet and my penis was not used to the extra lubrication because it got used to the grip of my hand. I'd literally last for over an hour fucking her without cumming (I actually enjoyed that aspect as well) but then I'd eventually get limp and we foreplay and I get hard and go at it again.... etc.
    I did jerk off when I just wanted a QUICK release. It had NOTHING to do with me NOT wanting her, or not loving her. That being said, I still believe there is something kinda wrong with masturbating alone when you have a partner and they don't know about your habit.

    I honestly do believe there IS a solution to those who WANT to fix this problem. That's going for a while without sex and slowly adjusting to the vagina again.

    I really hope this helped clear things up.
     
  4. petite

    petite New Member

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    Finker brings up a good point. Did he take a really long time to reach orgasm during sex? Dan Savage talks about guys who grip too hard and have a difficult time during penetrative sex because of it.

    I understand how you feel. The only time that I felt hurt over TheBF's masturbating was when we started having less sex after my belly started getting big. I catch him masturbating while watching porn at his computer once or twice a month and it never bothered me before, but that one time I pouted a little bit because it was the first time I ever felt like he preferred fantasizing to porn over actual sex with me and he was sympathetic and sweet about it and asked me if it bothered me and then he fucked me really well. I bet that if your boyfriend had done that, then you wouldn't be so mad now, right?
     
  5. Chantillylace

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    Not that I still wouldn't be hurt by this, at least it makes sense. However, he has mo problem cumming with me. Usually sex with him lasts about 15-25 minutes and he cums just like he should... And he is bigger than most guys I'm with.. So I don't suppose it's a vagina penis issue. I get what you are saying, and that makes perfect sense to me. You have to get your rocks off somehow, and in that situation I don't blame you. I really don't. I'd be willing to work with what you had going on, so long as you were willing also. The shit he's pulling us just off... I'm beginning to think he is aroused by the fact that I will catch him. Or some kink like that. I absolutely can't continue with.. He physically disgusts me.
     
  6. Chantillylace

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    Nope.. He's in the normal to fast range for cumming. I think that if his situation was similar to finker's I would be able to be considerate and caring about it, so long as we are open and honest with one another.
    Also, previously, I have asked him about his tendencies and how exs have responded to it. Problem is I'm his only longest relationship. Before me, he maxed out at 3 months, after me, 4 months... I just need to stay the hell away from him. Somethings not right, and apparently I'm having a hard time recording the memo. Lol.
     
  7. Empathizer

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    Keep in mind as you read this that I'm very good at coming up with absurd excuses for men who most probably don't deserve them.

    Maybe you're too hot for him to handle? Maybe when he's with you he cums too fast for his taste?

    Maybe he's trying to build up a "tolerance" so that he can last longer and see more of your pleasure?

    Yeah, it's lame, but it's the only positive scenario I can think of.

    Odds are, he's been pretending to be something other than the completely self-centered guy who usually calls his own name during sex for long enough to suit him and he thinks he's got you in his hip pocket.

    There's probably a reason his max-out is three months: He gets bored of anything other than that sexy, sexy mirror image after that long away from it. He needs himself too much to let anyone else in. What a dink. He has you and he could "have" you anytime he wants, but he prefers a narcissistic handjob. If I had you and you were up for it anytime, believe me, my vibes would be gross and dusty the next time I checked on them.
     
  8. Chantillylace

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    Perfect. I can understand self betterment, only he cums in approx. 4 mins when soloing. So I could make that excuse for him if it were even remotely true. He has admitted to being shallow... Needing a. Rockin hot girl to satisfy his needs. Apparently I don't fit the mold. Also, when asked why he wants to be with me, his response is because all I do for him, and how much shit I put up with... But if I constantly wanted to wade through shit I would have just bought a damn cow, or horse. At least than I would have some positive return and a sense of fulfillment. Haha. Good lord in heaven.. I think I border masochism.
     
  9. drumstyck

    drumstyck New Member

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    first (and im not just saying this to be flirty or be a white knight or whatever), if he thinks you're too heavy, he's insane.

    i do think its interesting tho, that even after he admitted he wasnt totally attracted to you, he still called you back after your first breakup. do you know anything about the relationship he went into after your first breakup? i mean, most people dont want know about their ex having sex with someone new, but is there any idea as to whether he was just doing the same shit with a new girl, and she got fed up and tossed him?



    as far as myself, there have been times when im with a new girl, and she wants me to cum on her, so i just finish myself...but really, thats just a thing similar to the way we see it in porn...usually the guy will finish himself off, if for no other reason than "i know exactly how to produce the best orgasm, i know exactly how much pressure, what speed, etc"...but by no means would i turn down sex entirely in favor of masturbation.
     
  10. zaragoza

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    Since he clearly stated that he was only with you,because of what you do for him,and all he cares about are looks,all i can do is congratulate you,on dropping his sorry ass.

    He's obviously not worth your time,and is too in love with himself to care about what you want.

    Anyway.... i wish you the best.
     
  11. Chantillylace

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    Unfortunately I happen to know all about her, since I was the shoulder when she left him. Now there are always sides to a story, and I won't even know her side because i don't know her.. But from what I gather, she left because he is too needy. I guess. I can't fathom him needing much of anything besides left and right hand. He says he still jerked off with he also..
    Point blank I know everyone needs different things, but he's not that great in bed. He takes complete control and doesn't leave much room for say so.
    Sometimes I like it slower, because for me, it's not speed but rhythm. Slow and consistent can be amazing. He has a wondeful tool, and I really enjoy fucking him, but don't usually orgasm.
    I don't fake o's and he knows I dint always o. But his idea of sex is like riding a jackhammer only he stops like every 3 minutes to take a "break" it fouls up my groove.
    But everything feels great, girth, length... I dint know... I guess it's possible he picks up on me not always orgasming. Doubt it though, I don't ever tell him/act like he's inadequate because he's not.
     
  12. D_Ernest Porknine

    D_Ernest Porknine New Member

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    I can't speak for your BF but I will speak for myself:

    At times we all like to masterbate. Usually more than anyone else we know what feels the best to please ourselves, although I have been with partners that could more than make up for any hand job by far. I think it healthy to masterbate but I only tend to do it when I feel I am not being satisfied.

    Years ago, when my test levels were VERY much higher I masterbated quite often and it did not really get in the way of me having or wanting to have sex. As I've aged I've found I do need some more time to reload.

    If he is not having sex with you because of his excess masterbation than I think he is going too far. You sound like a VERY willing sexual partner and one that is willing to go more than halfway to satisfy him and yourself. It is a pity he does not realize this and learn to back off from him self pleasuring style and come back down to earth and you.

    I find his comments about you, saying you're overweight, etc. to show a lot of disrespect especially when he isn't respecting your wants. I wonder how he would feel if you decided that you needed another cock to satisfy you in the shower or elsewhere?

    At times I get a little jealous of my wife's vibrating wand because I realize my tongue can't flicker at 1000 times per second, however she assures me that my tongue and cock pleasure her more than her wand does and at times we use it during our love making. It hasn't taken the place of it, only added to the sensations.

    Best of luck. I'm sure you'll be swamped with guys offering to pleasure you.
     
  13. Stevie_D

    Stevie_D New Member

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    He is either:

    A) Gay

    or

    B) Has some unordinary sexual fetish that he doesn't want to share with you for whatever reason. My initial thought was porn addiction, until you said he did it in the shower a lot.
     
  14. Incocknito

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    I suppose every guy is different. For example...I cannot get hard in the shower. Its just a habit. I can get semi erect but never fully.

    Of course I have no problem with erections anywhere else (or in the shower if I'm sharing it with a sexy girl)

    As for this issue...you have an amazing body. I'd say at least 9/10 guys would want to fuck you. And the one out of the ten would be gay.

    Plus you seem very sexual and kinky only in the sense that you are willing to try different things.

    Definitely find someone else.
     
  15. SilverTrain

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    Totally, shamelessly, off-topic, but.....this totally turned me on! :redface:
     
  16. Chantillylace

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    After much consideration and his tendencies... I'll elaborate if need be, it's very possible he is gay and doesn't want to admit it, or at the very least attracted to men on some level.
     
  17. helgaleena

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    There are some guys who are so used to the stimulus of their own 'death grip' that they can't climax with a woman at all. This fellow may not be that badly addicted to his own hand, but it sounds pretty similar. If he's truly lousy in bed anyway, not open to pleasing you, he's not worth your energies.

    Those who have posted here at LPSG for advice about such problems were open to change and truly wanted to enjoy loving their partners to the fullest, enough to ramp way back on the self-pressing until their bodies were receptive to less stimulus. Pity the hand rather than envying it.
     
  18. Chantillylace

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    Hmm silvertain, at least you find it sexy and totally hot. You surpass him by leaps and bounds.

    So when are you going to be in Vegas?

    Haha.
     
  19. B_New End

    B_New End New Member

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    Ms. Lace, did you learn your lesson?

    P.S. the guy is a shallow loser that will never find happiness, not because he prefers jacking off, (some women would not care/be happy they don't have to fuck him) but because he has an incredibly high standard in women.

    ditto

    But frustration is always so sexy... hhmm hmmm hmmm mwah ha ha ha ha!
     
    #19 B_New End, Nov 8, 2010
    Last edited: Nov 8, 2010
  20. TheRob

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    Chantillylace you are actually so hot, that I couldn't read your thread I had to see your pics instead
    I'm not sure 100% the problem but I hpe everything goes well
     
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