Jealousy of.... His hands.

[Chantillylace]

There are some guys who are so used to the stimulus of their own 'death grip' that they can't climax with a woman at all. This fellow may not be that badly addicted to his own hand, but it sounds pretty similar. If he's truly lousy in bed anyway, not open to pleasing you, he's not worth your energies.

Those who have posted here at LPSG for advice about such problems were open to change and truly wanted to enjoy loving their partners to the fullest, enough to ramp way back on the self-pressing until their bodies were receptive to less stimulus. Pity the hand rather than envying it.

You are always so... I can't think of the word, so informative and wise will have to work.
I always appreciate and look up to what you have to say.
I'm over it for the most part but it still gives me a queasy feeling... Good thing I ate some time ago.
Some dynamics in the relationship have to be broken/ wrong because I think that a guy who is open about masturbation like, "you made me so hot that I had to stop and think about you." I think that is completely hot and a huge turn on... I think fantasies are hot also, in the nature that they aren't about your partner, but I think sharing with your SO that you fantasize about a hot new coworker, or whatever can be damaging, so I don't share those, and don't want to hear about it.. I know it happens, hell I do it myself...
Kind of off topic, but all I ever ask is to somewhat included. I tried asking if I could help, but his petty excuses of not being in the mood, or too tired are so old.. I felt Luke herding him a midol and some tampons.

 

[RawDog]

I don't get it. My best, most mindblowing orgasm masturbating pales in comparison with the worst sex I've ever had.

No comparison. Hands down, sex... more specifically pussy, is so much better, so much softer, gentler, tighter, warmer, more loving, more completing, more quenching, more satiating, more fulfilling than my hand can ever be.

I've actually held off masturbating when my wife wasn't feeling well simply because it makes me feel worse for even trying to pleasure myself without my wife being involved.

 

[621634]

I don't get why he wouldn't have sex with you more. His excuses don't hold water. Maybe he's intimidated by your sexual appetite? Why do you think he's gay?

 

[D_Ernest Porknine]

Totally, shamelessly, off-topic, but.....this totally turned me on! :redface:

I too have to admit that the descriptions you provide of your libido and your cravings, etc. are very hot and and any "normal" guy would love to have you as a sexual partner... hands down, if you can pardon the pun.

And while the rest of your life with him may be okay (it must be if you went back to him) I also know that a lacking sex life can, and will, put a damper on your relationship. The bonding alone makes for a more fuller and lasting relationship. It is a wonderful experience to enjoy something that can give such pleasure with someone who also has the desire to enjoy it with you.

Here is hoping you can find your happiness in life (and in your bed).

 

[bigjpgh]

Guy sounds like he has some issues that go beyond you. I'm married and I still masturbate all the time. That being said, my wife is never wanting for sexual attention and if there were ever a time when I was jerking off and she came in and said let me help, I couldn't say yes fast enough!

 

[Chantillylace]

I don't get why he wouldn't have sex with you more. His excuses don't hold water. Maybe he's intimidated by your sexual appetite? Why do you think he's gay?

I'm not one to assume or pass judgement, but I believe he is as the very least curious... I'm apologizing now if I'm making gross assumptions about my ex that in no way lead to him being either gay, or curious... I don't mean to offend anyone and if I am wrong about my way of thinking, feel free to gracefully chide me, as I don't have any homosexual friends at this given time to talk to about my exs... quirks.
Here is what I have noted:
1. He is extemely homophobic. If he sees an obviously gay man he is in an uproar and saying all kinds of mean things. I tell him to just leave it alone, as just because the guy is gay, it doesn't mean he wants to fuck you.
That being said:
2. He dry humps, plays bangcock, flashes, and slaps his friends asses. Now I know this seems like normal 20 something behavior.. But it's just one piece of the puzzle..
3. Upon introducing porn in to our relationship to try and spice things up, I tried putting on a girl on girl scene to which he changed to a mfm scene and only came when he could see the guys shooting their loads on to the womens faces. He said two women don't get him off..
4. While broken up with me, his new girlfriends roommate, who has some ferocious kinks, told him about how she fucks guys with a strap on because she love the ability to dominate. Upon hearing this, asks his girl to finger him and likes it enough that it is now nearly a must-have in bed. Also, he fingers himself while masturbating.
5. When asked about his jacking off... Even when we were first together so I could learn his fantasies, he gets super mad.. Becomes distant and refuses to share what he fantasizes about, when asked how often he jacks off, he says he doesn't know.. Trying to avoid the entire question and I was only curious because I think masterbaring is sexy. I even started by telling him that I masterbate about 4 times a week, what I imagine and blah blah blah... Still won't open up.
6. Since he has the problem with all his exes even the extraordinarily hot ones, I have cone to believe that his fantasies are not obviously fulfilled by a woman. He also has zero desire to have a ffm.. I tried with a girl friend I had the hits for and had already messed around with.
7. He is so shallow with women that they have to look like goddesses to even
Have a smidgen of his attention. Which sadly enough is also how I can be with my choice on women... I honestly believe women is his second choice on a partner, and that he battles with social norms and afraid of what people might think of him if he is curious/gay.

Please if I am in left field, call me out.

 

[Chantillylace]

I too have to admit that the descriptions you provide of your libido and your cravings, etc. are very hot and and any "normal" guy would love to have you as a sexual partner... hands down, if you can pardon the pun.

And while the rest of your life with him may be okay (it must be if you went back to him) I also know that a lacking sex life can, and will, put a damper on your relationship. The bonding alone makes for a more fuller and lasting relationship. It is a wonderful experience to enjoy something that can give such pleasure with someone who also has the desire to enjoy it with you.

Here is hoping you can find your happiness in life (and in your bed).

Thank you so much. I'm sure that one day I will find someone who's idea of a relationship, both in and out of bed.
Until then I don't mind kissing frogs, so long as I don't fall for any that is.

 

[NewAgeMan]

In my opinion you are wayyyyy to sexy to have to be dealing with a guy like that! If everything you said about him is true, then he most definitely has a liking for men (although it sounds like he may be at odds with it). Him telling you that you are not physically fit enough for his tastes sounds to me like a cover up for what his real tastes are. There's nothing wrong with having those sort of tastes, but why not be open about it? That is what sex is all about!

 

[D_Rosalind Mussell]

Once he said he didn't find you that attractive, I think you had your answer. Whatever he seems to be attracted to is stuck in his own head and is mostly likely masturbating to that visual. He could very well be gay (my sister was in the same situation, married for 11 years to him, and it destroyed her self-worth) and in the closet. You also said he was financially dependent on you. It sounds to me like this guy needs a mother, not a partner. You are better off rid of this guy, too many unanswered questions and no reciprocation. I don't blame you for being physically repulsed by him, I would be too. I hope his odd and selfish behavior doesn't affect your self-esteem. You were exceedingly good to him and he abused that. Like the others have said here before, you are a beautiful woman. If he can't appreciate that, that's his loss. You're worth more than what this guy has to offer, which isn't much at all.

 

[helgaleena]

Why are you still with this loser? He and his hand are no sort of threesome.

 

[Chantillylace]

Why are you still with this loser? He and his hand are no sort of threesome.

I'm not.. We are done, but after this entire catastrophe, my self-confidence is at an all-time low. The support on the forum here has been more than outstanding and the mini ego boosts are much appreciated. Not to say that I 100% follow astrology, but I'm Leo (with an emotionally abusive upbringing) and let-downs and emotional abuses just send me in to a self loathing that can I nearly have to convince myself out of.

 

[Chantillylace]

Thank you. Your kind words and advice are appreciated. It's sad to see that someones confusion can cause others so much pain. I'm sorry to hear about your sister but so thankful that I don't have to pull myself out of a hole that deep and devastating. I can't imagine the agony, or amount of therapy I would need to overcome what she had to deal with.
I have walked away with at least a smidgen of ego and some heart. I'm sure after a long period of self-evaluation I will meet someone that works for me and doesn't destroy me.
I know I have some patterns to adjust so I don't keep ending up with the "fuzzy end of the lolipop", so to speak. I'm working on it.
I think single is the best possible answer for me. Something like, Eat, Pray , Love. I could use some Italy scenery! And I have always wanted to go, but commitments and no one to go with has held me back. No is a great time to practice loving myself.

Once he said he didn't find you that attractive, I think you had your answer. Whatever he seems to be attracted to is stuck in his own head and is mostly likely masturbating to that visual. He could very well be gay (my sister was in the same situation, married for 11 years to him, and it destroyed her self-worth) and in the closet. You also said he was financially dependent on you. It sounds to me like this guy needs a mother, not a partner. You are better off rid of this guy, too many unanswered questions and no reciprocation. I don't blame you for being physically repulsed by him, I would be too. I hope his odd and selfish behavior doesn't affect your self-esteem. You were exceedingly good to him and he abused that. Like the others have said here before, you are a beautiful woman. If he can't appreciate that, that's his loss. You're worth more than what this guy has to offer, which isn't much at all.

 

[B_curiousme01]

Exactly what I was going to say. And I would like to add that he is not worth your time, energy or affection. I am totally agreeable to masturbation. However, if it was either me or his hand, I'd leave him to it with a smile on my face for the next lucky guy I came across. It's isn't you at all. It's him and I really hope you can let go of the stupid and very inconsiderate things he said.

He is either:

A) Gay

or

B) Has some unordinary sexual fetish that he doesn't want to share with you for whatever reason. My initial thought was porn addiction, until you said he did it in the shower a lot.

 

[B_curiousme01]

I looked at your photos and no way are you over weight! Personally, and I'm 99% straight, I think you are beautiful. You have a body MANY woman would love to have. Enjoy it. Forget him and set yourself free. There's a whole wide world out there full of good things waiting for you. Go find them!!

 

[billdong9999]

I'm not.. We are done, but after this entire catastrophe, my self-confidence is at an all-time low. The support on the forum here has been more than outstanding and the mini ego boosts are much appreciated. Not to say that I 100% follow astrology, but I'm Leo (with an emotionally abusive upbringing) and let-downs and emotional abuses just send me in to a self loathing that can I nearly have to convince myself out of.

I think over time, the lesson learned is to find a balance between looking inward and outward for the answer as to why something happened in a relationship. Being someone who used to look very much inwards, to a fault, and feel the way you're feeling, it's been difficult to learn, but a rewarding skill to have.

You appear to be a fairly thoughtful and attractive person, so it's only a matter of time until you find someone you'll be much more compatible with.

Since this isn't the first time you've encountered someone like this, you might spend a little bit of time just trying to find any commonalities, between these ex's to see if there's a way to avoid this in the future. This specific issue, is probably one which is a little more difficult to ascertain early on, so I would just keep on truckin'.

Good luck.

 

[sodominsane]

I'm not one to assume or pass judgement, but I believe he is as the very least curious... I'm apologizing now if I'm making gross assumptions about my ex that in no way lead to him being either gay, or curious... I don't mean to offend anyone and if I am wrong about my way of thinking, feel free to gracefully chide me, as I don't have any homosexual friends at this given time to talk to about my exs... quirks.
Here is what I have noted:
1. He is extemely homophobic. If he sees an obviously gay man he is in an uproar and saying all kinds of mean things. I tell him to just leave it alone, as just because the guy is gay, it doesn't mean he wants to fuck you.
That being said:
2. He dry humps, plays bangcock, flashes, and slaps his friends asses. Now I know this seems like normal 20 something behavior.. But it's just one piece of the puzzle..
3. Upon introducing porn in to our relationship to try and spice things up, I tried putting on a girl on girl scene to which he changed to a mfm scene and only came when he could see the guys shooting their loads on to the womens faces. He said two women don't get him off..
4. While broken up with me, his new girlfriends roommate, who has some ferocious kinks, told him about how she fucks guys with a strap on because she love the ability to dominate. Upon hearing this, asks his girl to finger him and likes it enough that it is now nearly a must-have in bed. Also, he fingers himself while masturbating.
5. When asked about his jacking off... Even when we were first together so I could learn his fantasies, he gets super mad.. Becomes distant and refuses to share what he fantasizes about, when asked how often he jacks off, he says he doesn't know.. Trying to avoid the entire question and I was only curious because I think masterbaring is sexy. I even started by telling him that I masterbate about 4 times a week, what I imagine and blah blah blah... Still won't open up.
6. Since he has the problem with all his exes even the extraordinarily hot ones, I have cone to believe that his fantasies are not obviously fulfilled by a woman. He also has zero desire to have a ffm.. I tried with a girl friend I had the hits for and had already messed around with.
7. He is so shallow with women that they have to look like goddesses to even
Have a smidgen of his attention. Which sadly enough is also how I can be with my choice on women... I honestly believe women is his second choice on a partner, and that he battles with social norms and afraid of what people might think of him if he is curious/gay.

Please if I am in left field, call me out.

hes gay...too many risk factors to be ignored......plus to quote you "He gets out of the shower and he's fully erect. I offer again to help, orally, anally, however I can help. He declines."


probably not even bi...or he would be alot more into you

leave him alone let him work out his demons....in the long run he will be a happier man...with men

btw you are hot.....and in keeping with the spirt of post im going to stroke it to your pics....bye

 

[bid6555]

CL I said it before and I will say it again you are a mega hottie. The guy may have some issues, but it is only speculation. I can't imagine coming out of the shower hard as a rock and declining a blowjob from you. The issues could be medical, mental, god who knows. You got it going on so move on. It's him not you!!

WR

 

[DecoyMAX]

I'm not.. We are done, but after this entire catastrophe, my self-confidence is at an all-time low. The support on the forum here has been more than outstanding and the mini ego boosts are much appreciated. Not to say that I 100% follow astrology, but I'm Leo (with an emotionally abusive upbringing) and let-downs and emotional abuses just send me in to a self loathing that can I nearly have to convince myself out of.

No reason to be sad, he sounds like a closet gay waiting for his man crush to sweep him off his feet.

 

[Chantillylace]

*******UPDATE:*******

I am a generally nice person, so when said serial masturbator calls me this morning broken down and stuck.. I obliged. I have the day off, so it's not like I had anything else really going on. Aside from that he woke me up, and my brain was not fully "on".
Everything was fine and platonic. I took him to get his parts.. Everything was fine. We didn't really talk or "flirt".
I just saw it as me doing a favor.

THEN... I drop him by his place to sit down and divide how he will pay me back the money he owes me and he gets these funny looks on his face. So I ask him what's wrong and he doesn't answer but look at me, coyly.
I take that as a hint to drop the subject and tell him I need to leave to finalize some paperwork with the apartment I'm getting. I walk down the hall towards the garage door and he pins me against the wall and says you want to know what's wrong and starts trying to kiss me.
Impossible since I have my hands over my mouth and said, "no, I can't do this"
This turns in to a two hour debate of how much he's sorry, how much he misses me... How he wants to be better and make it up to me.
How he loves me and can't "live" without me.
I'm so over it. I still care about him, but will not be going down that road again ANY time soon. I kept up with my defense, saying no, saying "we don't work, we don't mesh"
He won't let up. Won't give up.


I'm not dumb enough to go back just now. He didn't even give me a chance to make an educated decision. I eventually discourage him enough and he let's me leave without carrying me back inside or pining me against walls.

I leave and he texts me, " I'm sorry that won't happen again. You're right, I probably just miss the company, but not really you."

Men :rollseyes:

 

[B_New End]

You bought his car parts for him? Or he owes you money from a previous time?