Jesus returns in a few days

Discussion in 'Et Cetera, Et Cetera' started by arkfarmbear, May 10, 2011.

  1. arkfarmbear

    arkfarmbear New Member

    Joined:
    Apr 12, 2007
    Messages:
    863
    Likes Received:
    10
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Arkansas
    A friend told me there is a new claim by some Christian preacher who is claiming that Jesus is returning later this month. Stay away from your local cemetary unless you want to be eating dirt as graves fly open when the chosen take flight to meet him in the air.
    I don't mean to be belittling or mocking Christianity. I've been a Christian for 4 decades. Long ago I stopped making my plans around believing such predictions. Obviously they were incorrect or, if accurate, I was left behind.
     
  2. nudeyorker

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Nov 6, 2006
    Messages:
    42,918
    Likes Received:
    37
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    NYC/Honolulu
    Oh crap I forgot all about this.... Jesus Returns on 5/21/11 -- Save the Date
    And I just paid my bills off too. I'm going shopping later... I don't really have anything to wear that really says Judgement Day the way I would really like it to.:rolleyes:
     
  3. monel

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Aug 23, 2007
    Messages:
    1,687
    Likes Received:
    4
    Gender:
    Male
    I didn't realize Jesus was ever a LPSG member. Shouldn't be surprised though. After all TheGod is.

    Anyway, welome back JC.
     
  4. rawbone8

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Jun 30, 2004
    Messages:
    2,864
    Albums:
    1
    Likes Received:
    4
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Canada
    Did He get banned here, too? :eek:
     
  5. conor

    Verified Gold Member

    Joined:
    Feb 15, 2010
    Messages:
    321
    Albums:
    1
    Likes Received:
    45
    Verified:
    Photo
    The Bible says that not even the Angels or the Son of Man know the day and the time of the Second Coming, so how can this preacher be so preposterous as to claim that he knows the date....?
     
    #5 conor, May 10, 2011
    Last edited: May 10, 2011
  6. monel

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Aug 23, 2007
    Messages:
    1,687
    Likes Received:
    4
    Gender:
    Male

    Since when has logic and/or reason had any place in religion?
     
  7. B_Nick8

    B_Nick8 New Member

    Joined:
    Jun 29, 2007
    Messages:
    11,912
    Likes Received:
    43
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    New York City, by way of Marblehead, Boston and Ge
    Yeah well, since it's not till the 21st, I wouldn't hold your breath unless you're a verrrry good swimmer.
     
  8. WSEATTLE

    WSEATTLE Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Sep 27, 2008
    Messages:
    1,272
    Likes Received:
    1,207
    Gender:
    Male
    When is Satan due to arrive?
     
  9. Lampwick

    Lampwick New Member

    Joined:
    Nov 26, 2005
    Messages:
    383
    Likes Received:
    2
    Gender:
    Male
    He never left.
     
  10. monel

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Aug 23, 2007
    Messages:
    1,687
    Likes Received:
    4
    Gender:
    Male
    Not true. I understand the Navy SEALS just buried him at sea.
     
  11. Boobalaa

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Jun 23, 2007
    Messages:
    5,626
    Likes Received:
    1,045
    Gender:
    Male
    "Jesus just left Chicago and he's bound for New Orleans..hell yeah.
    he took a jaunt through Mississippi where muddy water turned to wine..
    hell yeah.
    You may not him in person..but he'll see you just the same..hell yeah..
    :biggrin1:
    ZZ TOP_Tres Hombres
     
    #11 Boobalaa, May 10, 2011
    Last edited: May 10, 2011
  12. Joll

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Jan 28, 2009
    Messages:
    14,505
    Albums:
    1
    Likes Received:
    722
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Wales (GB)
    Lol!

    Heh, yup. Also - it indicates all sorts of things have to happen first, so we can be pretty sure he's not gonna come this month, lol.
     
  13. eurotop40

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Jul 25, 2007
    Messages:
    3,523
    Likes Received:
    122
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Zurich (ZH, CH)
    Jesus Spoke English! (Satirical T-Shirt) - Irregular Apparel - Skreened T-shirts, Organic Shirts, Hoodies, Kids Tees, Baby One-Pieces and Tote Bags

    Description: What's with all these anti-American funny looking people coming into our land and speaking strange languages? Who do they think they are? English is the native language of the American: that's why they call it English, the language originated in New ENGLAND! And as everybody knows, Jesus Spoke English! I mean, come on, read the Bible! God doesn't say "Bienvenidos" to Adam and Eve! He says "Howdy!" Go Jesus! Go USA! Go Patriots! Beat State!
     
  14. b.c.

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Nov 7, 2005
    Messages:
    9,259
    Albums:
    1
    Likes Received:
    1,666
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    at home
    Well, HELL, in that case I better whip up some jum-buh-LIE-a!!
     
  15. parr

    parr New Member

    Joined:
    Oct 21, 2009
    Messages:
    434
    Likes Received:
    0
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Florida
    My troubles will be definatly be over. I thought the same thing long ago.:biggrin1:
     
  16. Calboner

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Aug 16, 2007
    Messages:
    9,026
    Albums:
    5
    Likes Received:
    2,465
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    USA
    May 21 is just the day of the Rapture and the beginning of the Tribulations. Judgment day is not until October 21. So, unless you are among the saved, you have a few months yet. But Harold Camping, the flake who has offered this prediction as a matter of "mathematical certainty," uses the term "judgment day" as if it applied to the entire six months.

    Edited to add: Apparently I was wrong about the application of the term "tribulations," so perhaps I got "judgment day" wrong too. See my post no. 19, below.
    The Bible, like Duff Man, says a lot of things.
     
    #16 Calboner, May 10, 2011
    Last edited: May 10, 2011
  17. nudeyorker

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Nov 6, 2006
    Messages:
    42,918
    Likes Received:
    37
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    NYC/Honolulu
    :redface:
     
  18. D_ewjjde

    D_ewjjde New Member

    Joined:
    Mar 20, 2011
    Messages:
    75
    Likes Received:
    0
    Out of curiosity, does anyone know the amount of "Judgement Days" and "End Times" that we've survived already as a species? It would seem we're pretty resilient against the Gods attempts to punish us for all eternity.
     
  19. Calboner

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Aug 16, 2007
    Messages:
    9,026
    Albums:
    5
    Likes Received:
    2,465
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    USA
    Anyone who is interested can get the calculations of the Reverend Harold Camping (yes, that is his name: he is Camping) straight from the horse's, um, mouth right here. Here are some extracts. (CAUTION: INTENSE STUPIDITY FOLLOWS. Paying attention to it may cause your brain to burst into flame!) First, here is the scheme of history:
    Some of his calculations:
     
  20. lafever

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Aug 14, 2007
    Messages:
    3,179
    Albums:
    1
    Likes Received:
    82
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    U.S.
Draft saved Draft deleted