JL King downlow bisexuality

[blkbro510]

Interesting. So the bi man is non trustworthy because he can't have a solid preference, which means that men with a solid preference are trust worthy?

I think it's because some women see gay guys as being honest and forthright about what their responsibilities would be in terms of being a father, or even how they would handle that arrangement. I think there's a basic distrust of bisexual men in many cultures because they (we) are more ambiguous about where we stand sexually and emotionally. If a bisexual male can love either a woman or a man, then how can he be relied upon to have a preference? He can't. No preference, no emotional clarity or stability in terms of commitment.

 

[blkbro510]

Can you or someone invite Ian the Tall here to this thread? Thank you.

The terms people are interchanging here really don't have anything to do with being bisexual or homosexual. DL simply refers to an act being covert or secreted away.
NJ I did notice that you didn't use the word repugnant wich you have used to characterize men who are bisexual in the past. I honestly don't see what the big frigging deal is with people perceiving that bisexuals are somehow less capable of being in a stable relationship with another man,woman or indeed with one of each all living in the same house! Ian the Tall is one of those men who is involved {or was} with a person of each sex and according to what I read from his blogging he didn't seem to have any more problems with his lovers than most couples do.
I do find that what Bad billy said to Uncle Bucky was and is total hogwash.
Such fear and hate mongering shouldn't be allowed here.
Ooh he was banned! How about that!
C.B.:saevil:

 

[B_cigarbabe]

Can you or someone invite Ian the Tall here to this thread? Thank you.

You may look up his name, read his blogs and send him
a pm to invite him yourself dear!:wink:
Also why not ask biguy2738 about his
relationship and how he and his wife compromise
to make things work out in his marriage.
You could ask Mr. Ed and I how we came to terms
about our wanting to be with others of the same sex!
C.B.:saevil:

 

[B_Hung Jon]

Interesting. So the bi man is non trustworthy because he can't have a solid preference, which means that men with a solid preference are trust worthy?

Hey Blkbro510, I don't necessarily think this is true. What I'm saying is that some women perceive it to be true. They think that bisexual men can't be clear about their sexual/emotional preference, so they are less likely to stay committed to one gender. Otherwise they might have the need to "wander". For a woman with a child, this is anathama. There also seems to be some distrust on the part of gay peeps towards bisexuals as well. And for a similar reason. Some gays think that a bisexual guy will never be satisfied with just one gender, or that they're on the fence and can't make up their minds.

However in reality I don't think this is true. I have met bisexual guys who are as committed as anyone. I think it depends on the person. I also don't have a set idea about this whole issue. I've seen many different types of bisexual women and men, and I don't think one category captures all the nuances of their behaviors.

 

[VoyeurEx]

Wow
First let me admit I skipped over some of the responses. But this issue is so close to home that I have to respond.


I'm a BI man.

Some women care about it, some don't.

Some Men care about it, some don't.

WE as BI men have to decide, do we want to be hoonest with our partners, or do we want to sleep around on them.


I'm on the side of being honest

if you are not, then hey so be it, but in my 31 years I have not found a situation where honest truth did not work out for me.

Richard

It WORKED OUT for you because you have a BEAUTIFUL, BEAUTIFUL PENIS!!!!

 

[Principessa]

The terms people are interchanging here really don't have anything to do with being bisexual or homosexual. DL simply refers to an act being covert or secreted away.

Good Point! Though the way the OP worded his post it became a synonym for bisexual. If being on the down low equals cheating, then I disapprove of the down low regardless of the sexuality of the person doing it.

NJ I did notice that you didn't use the word repugnant wich you have used to characterize men who are bisexual in the past.

Actually at risk of being banned, I used the word 'repugnant' in regards to eating pussy. I have no bi-curiosity, I never have. I don't understand why that infuriates you and others. It's not a choice, I was born this way. :biggrin1:

I honestly don't see what the big frigging deal is with people perceiving that bisexuals are somehow less capable of being in a stable relationship with another man,woman or indeed with one of each all living in the same house! Ian the Tall is one of those men who is involved {or was} with a person of each sex and according to what I read from his blogging he didn't seem to have any more problems with his lovers than most couples do.

I do find that what Bad billy said to Uncle Bucky was and is total hogwash.
Such fear and hate mongering shouldn't be allowed here.
Ooh he was banned! How about that!
C.B.:saevil:

I may be wrong on this. :redface: But I think that the perception of some straight people is that a bi-sexual partner has double the opportunity to cheat. Hence the prejudice. :frown1: That said, the few bisexual men who have befriended me here seem to be extraordinarily picky about the men and women with whom they are intimate IRL. They actually seem to be more lonely than I would initially have expected. IMO - 90% of the silly OTT flirting that goes on in chat or the threads never goes any further than the internet.

FWIW: My inability to be with a bi-guy in a serious relationship has nothing to do with him and everything to do with me. I'm needy & perhaps a tad selfish in a relationship. :redface: I need to know beyond a shadow of a doubt that I am all he needs sexually.

 

[8060]

I first remember hearing the term "Down Low" back in 1995 when R. Kelly dropped his double album "R." That song was hot for a long time and it spoke about the secret relationship between a man & a woman. Secret being the operative word. He worked for Mr. Biggs, he was fuckin' his boss' woman, that's a secret. The term "Down Low" was initially to describe an act that no one else was to know about. When JL wrote his book, which I haven't read but I did see him on Oprah, he associated the term and it's definition with the act that he knew black men to be a part of. All it takes is one person, seen nationally (and don't let it be something that folks can gossip about), to attach something to something else and people jump on it. Now, down low is specifically for black men. "Down low brothas"...association of the secret with black men. Those are JL's words. Not the actual meaning or the truth by far.

OP, you asked if it were different for bisexual black men to come back from one side to the next during their sexual escapades without shame? I'm of the opinion that being upfront and honest with whomever one sleeps with should leave them with the window to fall out of or enter into another relationship with no problem at all. If honesty was initially used then there should be no shame in playing in both worlds. Now people do tend to associate a secret with a lie. That is why honesty is first in line.

Concerning white men, I wouldn't think that coming back or sneaking between both worlds would be any easier with any race. Intercourse is about the most intimate thing you could do with someone. When being that close to someone, one should be able to assume that their partner is not only telling them everything, but also not keeping anything from them. So, to wrap my thought up, I think that any problem that a bisexual man would have regarding his sexual activities would come from not disclosing his total behavior to his partners. Any truthful person can get around a stereotype.

Peace

 

[blkbro510]

But do folks have to come out. Why can't you just love who you want to love when you want to love? It's like telling a red head that I normally dates blondes, but right now I'm feeling your red hair.

I first remember hearing the term "Down Low" back in 1995 when R. Kelly dropped his double album "R." That song was hot for a long time and it spoke about the secret relationship between a man & a woman. Secret being the operative word. He worked for Mr. Biggs, he was fuckin' his boss' woman, that's a secret. The term "Down Low" was initially to describe an act that no one else was to know about. When JL wrote his book, which I haven't read but I did see him on Oprah, he associated the term and it's definition with the act that he knew black men to be a part of. All it takes is one person, seen nationally (and don't let it be something that folks can gossip about), to attach something to something else and people jump on it. Now, down low is specifically for black men. "Down low brothas"...association of the secret with black men. Those are JL's words. Not the actual meaning or the truth by far.

OP, you asked if it were different for bisexual black men to come back from one side to the next during their sexual escapades without shame? I'm of the opinion that being upfront and honest with whomever one sleeps with should leave them with the window to fall out of or enter into another relationship with no problem at all. If honesty was initially used then there should be no shame in playing in both worlds. Now people do tend to associate a secret with a lie. That is why honesty is first in line.

Concerning white men, I wouldn't think that coming back or sneaking between both worlds would be any easier with any race. Intercourse is about the most intimate thing you could do with someone. When being that close to someone, one should be able to assume that their partner is not only telling them everything, but also not keeping anything from them. So, to wrap my thought up, I think that any problem that a bisexual man would have regarding his sexual activities would come from not disclosing his total behavior to his partners. Any truthful person can get around a stereotype.

Peace

 

[Principessa]

But do folks have to come out. Why can't you just love who you want to love when you want to love? It's like telling a red head that I normally dates blondes, but right now I'm feeling your red hair.

Lousy analogy and totally inappropriate. Living a lie is never a good thing for anybody. As a previous poster stated you just need to come out of the closet. Accepting yourself is the first step.

 

[8060]

But do folks have to come out. Why can't you just love who you want to love when you want to love? It's like telling a red head that I normally dates blondes, but right now I'm feeling your red hair.

No, it is nothing like telling a red head that you like blondes...normally. Not at all. I'm not suggesting that one should have to come out to the whole world either, but to the one you're with, yes. I was just having this conversation with a friend earlier. People cannot think that the 'representative' of themselves is enough to build any kind of relationship on, be it short-term and sexually based or for the long haul. That 'representative', someone acting in the down low behavior, is why some relationships come to abrupt ends or never fully blossom.

You can love whomever you want to love. Just make sure that you put out some 'real love' from the 'real you' and not that 'rep love' so you don't get some bullshit in return. When you deal with other people, you need to be empathetic and be real with it. That train of thought should lead one to the right course of action when it comes to sexual disclosure.

 

[blkbro510]

Here's another one, can you love some one without them know your sexual past.

Not talking about just being on the DL or bi, how about if you were bull, a cuckold, swinger, and etc. Into extreme acts of sex, but you are willing to be in a relationship with someone who doesn't share the same sexual thurst.

Does that make you any less unture to your partner?

Is it because sexual disclosure become the barrier to relationship?

No, it is nothing like telling a red head that you like blondes...normally. Not at all. I'm not suggesting that one should have to come out to the whole world either, but to the one you're with, yes. I was just having this conversation with a friend earlier. People cannot think that the 'representative' of themselves is enough to build any kind of relationship on, be it short-term and sexually based or for the long haul. That 'representative', someone acting in the down low behavior, is why some relationships come to abrupt ends or never fully blossom.

You can love whomever you want to love. Just make sure that you put out some 'real love' from the 'real you' and not that 'rep love' so you don't get some bullshit in return. When you deal with other people, you need to be empathetic and be real with it. That train of thought should lead one to the right course of action when it comes to sexual disclosure.

 

[8060]

Here's another one, can you love some one without them know your sexual past.

Not talking about just being on the DL or bi, how about if you were bull, a cuckold, swinger, and etc. Into extreme acts of sex, but you are willing to be in a relationship with someone who doesn't share the same sexual thurst.

Does that make you any less unture to your partner?

Is it because sexual disclosure become the barrier to relationship?

If you're suggesting that someone has turned over a new leaf from a previous sexual lifestyle, then I guess I could say that it would be okay not to tell that on this condition: that you don't intend to visit that lifestyle again. Personally, I've never been interested in knowing my current partners' sexual past. It's irrelevant to me. I'd be more interested in knowing if they were going to turn me on and do to me what I liked, not what they did with other people. The untruthfulness will only come into play when you start playing with others instead of just your 'one.'

Being monogomous has the benefit of strengthening the sex between two people. Who knows? After a season of sex, you might bring them right up to your level without them having to know that you eat, sleep & dream sex.

Sexual disclosure doesn't have to be a barrier in relationships. I've had some really hot sex that have stemmed from very blunt conversations about sexual disclosure. When someone knows what you like, that lessens the chance for a lousy lay I'd say:wink:.

 

[blkbro510]

Now earlier a few folks on the thread it seemed that being white and bisexual is easier ( it's seems) okay there's adult performer Christian XXX and Max Diesel who have gotten alot of attention now days.

Now for those who don't know Chrisitan here's some links for you to study before replying back
His blog

Christian Sings The Blues

what folks think of him
Cristian XXX and Flip Floppers?, What I leaned about Porn Stars via twitter, Desperate XXX performers & relationships, XXX World of Porn

Christian XXX at work

XVIDEOS.COM - Christian Fucking Lovely Kat Hard - XVIDEOS

XVIDEOS.COM - BBW Desiree Devine - XVIDEOS

XVIDEOS.COM - BBW nympho - XVIDEOS

 

[B_cigarbabe]

Now earlier a few folks on the thread it seemed that being white and bisexual is easier ( it's seems) okay there's adult performer Christian XXX and Max Diesel who have gotten alot of attention now days.
Now for those who don't know Chrisitan here's some links for you to study before replying back

I don't get what point your trying to make by referring to these white porn stars Black. Certainly it isn't easier for whites to be bisexual if that's what you're saying dude.

Oh please! What the fuck does being white have to do with any damn thing?
Or for that matter being of any ethno racial composite?
You should disclose your past if the person your in a relationship with asks you.
It isn't important to everyone as 8060 said but if asked,you tell!
NJ when I said you found bisexuality repugnant it was in response to a very early thread where we had discussed what would be a deal breaker for you.
Bisexual men was one of your no-no's! Also eating pussy!:tongue:
C.B.:saevil:

 

[Principessa]

CB, perhaps the OP is referring to the old saying "white makes right." Apparently in his mind everything is easier for white folks even bi-sexuality.

Ohhhh, that thread! Sheesh, you know I'm a post whore. I can't be expected to remember all of them. :tongue:

 

[blkbro510]

No point to make just showing some prespective. However, it does open the question.

Isn't it easier for a white male pornstar to cross over back to straight easaier than a black pornstar?

Now earlier a few folks on the thread it seemed that being white and bisexual is easier ( it's seems) okay there's adult performer Christian XXX and Max Diesel who have gotten alot of attention now days.
Now for those who don't know Chrisitan here's some links for you to study before replying back

I don't get what point your trying to make by referring to these white porn stars Black. Certainly it isn't easier for whites to be bisexual if that's what you're saying dude.

Oh please! What the fuck does being white have to do with any damn thing?
Or for that matter being of any ethno racial composite?
You should disclose your past if the person your in a relationship with asks you.
It isn't important to everyone as 8060 said but if asked,you tell!
NJ when I said you found bisexuality repugnant it was in response to a very early thread where we had discussed what would be a deal breaker for you.
Bisexual men was one of your no-no's! Also eating pussy!:tongue:
C.B.:saevil:

 

[Principessa]

No point to make just showing some prespective. However, it does open the question.

Isn't it easier for a white male pornstar to cross over back to straight easaier than a black pornstar?

blkbro510, step away from the porn videos, have some decaf herbal tea and focus. You keep hopscotching around with your questions. That may be why you haven't received the answer you are looking for yet.

 

[blkbro510]

Not looking for answers, just convo. That's what I promised when I started this thread right? Expand our minds.

Besides decaf keeps me up.

blkbro510, step away from the porn videos, have some decaf herbal tea and focus. You keep hopscotching around with your questions. That may be why you haven't received the answer you are looking for yet.

 

[biguy2738]

Thank you for posting that site! I wondered where biguy2738 had gone, as I had been missing him for a while.

QT-Pie...I sowwy for being missing in action for soooooo long...and my apology extends to all of my other friends on this site. :redface:

The past year and a half has been rough and very time consuming. From going back and forth between countries, to my brother-in-law being diagnosed with cancer, to being in two car accidents and to my more recent turn of events, severely injuring my ankle which led to me having to deal with being immobile and it's rehabilitation for the past three months. I'm Murphy's Son, I tell ya! :biggrin1:

In all honesty, the greater part of my time is devoted to running the bi site. It's not your conventional forum for bisexual men because smut and hooking up aren't the impetus of the site. It's a place with a very unique dynamic because it's more like a support group in nature where serious and introspective discussion is encouraged. It's a place where encyclopedia type posts are encouraged. Ultimately, the purpose of the site is to provide men who are grappling with being bisexual with a platform where they are able to find support whilst participating in informative and thought provoking discussion; a platform that they don't have anywhere else and one where emphasis is placed on getting things right as opposed to getting one's rocks off. It also means that apart from the running and whip cracking on the site, on any given day, I'm counseling or conversing with anything between 5-10 men.

I'm still here and I continue to visit this site, I guess it's hard for me to find my mojo because I don't have a lot of time to invest on the boards, life's continuously sending hiccups my way LOL and to a large degree, I've changed. I'm not the same person that I was back then so I'm trying to find my feet again and until I do, I am more comfortable participating in bisexual discussions...the problem for me is that I tend to make long posts that are responded to afterwards, but I don't have the time to return and pick up where I left off. If only I could be twins!!! LOL

One thing that I have been wanting to do for the past month or so, has been to return to my blog and focus a lot of attention on getting it up to date. There will be a shift to the relationship aspect of my bi-journey. I hope that it will continue to be a resource or even just a source of comfort and encouragement to others who find themselves in my shoes...so getting it up to date is very important to me right now.

Sorry for hijacking the discussion blkbro510. I promise to move on to the discussion. Spank me beh beh, SPANK ME!! LMAO :yikes:

If a bisexual male can love either a woman or a man, then how can he be relied upon to have a preference? He can't. No preference, no emotional clarity or stability in terms of commitment.

This perception is very true. I also think that the thing that makes this perception even worse, is the fact that a lot of bisexuals don't take the time to fully understand bisexuality and how it impacts them, so they end up living it out from a physical level when a more integrated approach will enable their coming to terms with being bi and dealing with it constructively so much easier. There can be stability in terms of commitment but a lot hinges on the individual and the amount of hard work and discernment that he is willing to invest in the relationship and getting things right.

The one thing that I think aggravates this need to act out as opposed to face things down, is the fact that bisexuals can be biphobic. There are many men who only want to go so far as finding sexual release with other men and my interactions with bi men has led me to conclude that it comes from a place of fear. They're afraid of being bi and being labelled queer because they've been raised in homophobic families and communities. There's also the fear of developing emotional attachments with other men. The problem with running away, is that one no longer stops long enough to make informed choices and it leads to the eventual need to juggle worlds. I think that this in itself causes a lot of instability in their relationships.

But I don't think I would want to date a bi-guy. I think it has to do with competition and my monogamous nature, I can compete with another woman. I can't compete with a man.

There are a couple of things to consider...much as you're entitled to decide who it is that you'd like to have a loving relationship with, but I'm just sharing about these things purely for educational purposes:

There are monogamous bisexuals. Some are alternating bisexuals, who experience their bisexuality in a way where they are monogamous and desire only one primary relationship at a time (with no need for sexual release from another party)...the only area where bisexuality impacts them is that they are capable of being in this relationship with either a man or a woman. For them, its not about the gender but the person as a whole. There are also bisexuals that I've met who have made a conscious decision to be monogamous in their relationships. They have experienced things from both sides of the coin and eventually reached a place where they were ready to settle down and focus a single, primary relationship; they have found other ways for them to live out their bisexuality, be it having a close male buddy to simply interacting with other bi men online in forums like the one that I run.

What I can say, as someone who is bisexual and polyamorous, is the fact that my bisexuality not only deepened my relationship with my wife, but it also created a better understanding between us. Through relating deeply with other men...and being on the receiving end of men (in all aspects), it's enabled me to look at interpersonal relationships through the eyes of a woman and better understand what her needs and desires are, how the way that I relate with her impacts her and all of this I think has enabled me to find ways to be a better husband and partner for my wife. This is something that I promise to explore in another post...

A lot hinges on the mindset and approach of all parties involved, but it doesn't have to become a competition in any way. My relationship with my wife compliments my relationship with "Hubby" and my relationship with "Hubby" compliments my relationship with my wife. I honestly believe that my wife has more of me today than she did a couple of years ago when I thought that I was straight...and when I certainly didn't have any intimate relationships with men. She may not have all of me to herself, but she has a husband who is in touch with her needs as a woman and as my wife; one who is more committed to fulfilling those needs for her and who spends more time discerning what is best for her and how I am best able to be the kind of husband that she needs.

Sheesh! This is already long and I still have so much more to say...

 

[biguy2738]

Also why not ask biguy2738 about his
relationship and how he and his wife compromise
to make things work out in his marriage.

HAH! So it's YOUR fault that everyone's subjected to my long spiel. You need to be punished! LOL

Thanks for suggesting that I be brought into the discussion, 'Babe. Blkbro took you up on it and I thank him for his invitation to participate in this discussion...apologies for taking so long to start posting...

I think that I'll leave this for the end because there are a lot of things that I'll need to explore and talk about.

That said, the few bisexual men who have befriended me here seem to be extraordinarily picky about the men and women with whom they are intimate IRL. They actually seem to be more lonely than I would initially have expected. IMO - 90% of the silly OTT flirting that goes on in chat or the threads never goes any further than the internet.

Weeeeell, when one looks further afield, I must say that things go across the board...there are those who are picky and there are those who aren't. Some guys prefer to be intimate with other bisexual men because in their minds they think that a wedding ring will help prevent STD and HIV infections. They also believe that it reduces the risk of emotional attachments developing between both parties.

There are some who don't really care who they hook up with, just as long as the sexual contact is safe and nameless.

There are others of us who are extremely picky...I include myself because being bi-affectional means that there are certain things about the person and how we connect, that cannot be overlooked. At times being bi-affectional can be more of a bi-affliction. For me, it's enabled me to establish human to human connections on very deep levels and since the other person is gay, feelings start to develop and he sees the need to bolt for fear that the attachment deepens and he gets hurt because of my being married...understandably so...but for me, after all of the emotional investment, it's disappointing because I wasn't looking for anything deeper than friendship. When it comes to having a deep, loving and intimate relationship with another guy...well not all guys are wired like me and in the instance of bi men, since there's the biphobia etc., not that many men are open to the emotional aspect of being bisexual.

The easiest way for me to protect myself has been to be very clear about what I am about and what I am looking for, to take my time to get to know the other person and to pay more attention to what they aren't telling me than what they are. It kinda reduces the playing field beeeeeg time.

FWIW: My inability to be with a bi-guy in a serious relationship has nothing to do with him and everything to do with me. I'm needy & perhaps a tad selfish in a relationship. :redface: I need to know beyond a shadow of a doubt that I am all he needs sexually.

...and there's nothing wrong with that, NJQT. I think that the important thing is that you know what you want, you're clear about what you want...and knowing you for you, the guy will know very early in the relationship that if he's bisexual then it would be best that he doesn't invest any more of himself in developing a relationship with you.

But do folks have to come out. Why can't you just love who you want to love when you want to love?

For me, coming out was a very big deal; it's something that I felt I needed to do and also, I owed it to the people that I love. I think that a lot hinges on the individual and the nature of the relationships.

I NEEDED to come out to my wife. Part of it had to do with me and the other part had to do with our relationship. I simply couldn't see myself going through the rest of my life feeling like I had to play "James Bond"...I had no desire to cheat on my wife, but the idea of pretending to be someone that I'm not gave me the feeling of their being "cloaks and daggers" involved in our marriage. I also didn't want to spend my future asking myself, "does she love me for me, or does she love who she thinks I am?" A lot of this is the result of the way that we relate. We have always been completely open and honest with each other so for me, to be anything but completely open and honest with her would dishonor her and the kind of relationship that we worked hard to have. I also knew her well enough to know that if I ever cheated on a guy and she found out, the fact that I had never told her that I am bisexual would destroy her more than my infidelity. Ultimately, for me, in my mind I believed and still believe that she had every right to know...just as she had every right to make informed decisions about what would be in her best interests for the future.

I opted to come out to my friends because of the way that we relate with each other. We have the kind of relationships where we are committed to getting real with each other, no matter what. Our lives have always been open books to one another and I couldn't see myself holding parts of myself and my life away from them; it stood to build walls between us and would lead to our relationships' deterioration. I am yet to regret coming out to them...

What I can tell you, from interacting with a lot of bi men for over two years, is that the decision to withhold one's bisexuality when entering into a relationship with a woman, stands to trip one up more times than not, further down the line...most especially in instances where one hadn't fully grasped that one is bisexual and then decided to repress the feelings/urges/desires. Suppressing these things stand to have a pressure cooker kind of outcome because the more that one tries to suppress all of this, the more the pressure will build and eventually the lid is going to blow.

When this takes place, making informed decisions stand to go out of the window...the person will be overwhelmed by the desires; to a large degree it will be like a second puberty and the confusion will be overwhelming. I can't begin to tell you how many older men I've come across who talk about how they regret hiding their bisexuality from their girlfriends (who later became their wives). Some continue to grapple to keep things under control while others find the years of cheating and subsequent guilt a burden that they wish that they never had to bear.

The only guys who seem to have a good handle on things are the ones who entered their relationships with a clear understanding of what being bisexual meant to them and how they were able to deal with it constructively.