Three couplesone elderly, one middle-aged, one young and newly wedapply for membership in a church. The pastor informs them that the requirement for new parishioners is that they abstain from sex for two weeks. The couples agree and go their separate ways.
After two weeks, they return. The pastor asks the elderly pair if they were able to abstain for two weeks. "No problem at all, Pastor," replies the old man.
"Congratulations!" says the pastor. "Welcome to the church." He turns to the middle-aged couple and asks if they were able to abstain for two weeks. "It was difficult," replies the husband. "By the end of the second week, I had to sleep on the couch, but we did it."
"Congratulations on overcoming temptation," says the pastor. "Welcome to the church." He then turns to the newlyweds and asks if they were able to abstain for two weeks.
"At first it was no problem," says the husband. "But one day my wife was reaching for a can of corn on the top shelf, and she dropped it. When she bent over to pick it up, I was overcome with lust and took advantage of her right there."
"You understand, of course, that this means you will not be welcome in our church," says the pastor.
"We know," says the young man. "Were not welcome at the supermarket anymore either."
A young couple is golfing one day on a very exclusive course lined with million-dollar houses. On the third tee, the wife slices her shot right through the large front window of the biggest house along the course. They walk up, knock on the door, and hear a voice say, "Come on in." Opening the door, they see glass everywhere and a broken bottle lying on the floor.
A man on the couch says, "Are you the people who broke my window?" The husband begins to apologize, but the man cuts him off. "Actually, I want to thank youIm a genie who was trapped in that bottle, and your wayward shot released me. Im allowed to grant three wishes, so what Id like to do is give each of you one wish, and Ill keep the last one for myself."
"Fantastic!" says the husband. "I want a million dollars a year for the rest of my life."
"No problem," says the genie, "its the least I could do. And you, maam, what do you want?"
"I want a house in every country in the world," says the wife.
"Consider it done," the genie replies, turning back to the man. "And now for my wish. Because Ive been trapped in that bottle, I havent had sex in a really long time. My wish is to sleep with your wife."
The husband takes a long look at his wife and says, "Well, we did get a lot of money and all those houses. If you dont mind, honey, I dont either."
The wife agrees, and the genie takes her upstairs, where he ravishes her for three hours. After hes through, the genie rolls over, looks at the wife, and asks, "How old is your husband, anyway?"
"Thirty-five," she replies.
"And he still believes in genies?"
A heavyset guy sees an ad that reads "Lose weight. Only $10 a pound. Call (202) 555-0238" and decides to make the call. The operator asks, "How much weight do you want to lose?"
"Ten pounds," he replies.
"Well have a representative over in the morning," says the operator.
About 9 a.m., theres a knock on the door. There stands a fairly good-looking girl, completely naked except for a sign around her neck reading If You Catch Me, You Can Have Me.
The hefty fellow chases her upstairs, downstairs, and all around the house. Finally, panting and wheezing, he catches her. After they have sex, he runs to the bathroom and weighs himself. Hes lost 10 pounds!
That night he calls the number again and says, "I want to lose 20 pounds."
"Well send someone over."
The next morning, hes greeted by a gorgeous girl dressed only in track shoes and wearing a sign around her neck that reads If You Catch Me, You Can Have Me. The chase takes a good while longer this time, but later he finds hes lost 20 pounds!
That night he calls and says, "I want to lose 50 pounds!"
"Fifty pounds?" the operator asks. "Thats an awful lot."
The man replies, "Listen, just take care of it!"
About 7 a.m. the man hears a knock and opens the door. Outside stands an enormous gorilla with a sign around its neck that reads If I catch you
After two weeks, they return. The pastor asks the elderly pair if they were able to abstain for two weeks. "No problem at all, Pastor," replies the old man.
"Congratulations!" says the pastor. "Welcome to the church." He turns to the middle-aged couple and asks if they were able to abstain for two weeks. "It was difficult," replies the husband. "By the end of the second week, I had to sleep on the couch, but we did it."
"Congratulations on overcoming temptation," says the pastor. "Welcome to the church." He then turns to the newlyweds and asks if they were able to abstain for two weeks.
"At first it was no problem," says the husband. "But one day my wife was reaching for a can of corn on the top shelf, and she dropped it. When she bent over to pick it up, I was overcome with lust and took advantage of her right there."
"You understand, of course, that this means you will not be welcome in our church," says the pastor.
"We know," says the young man. "Were not welcome at the supermarket anymore either."
A young couple is golfing one day on a very exclusive course lined with million-dollar houses. On the third tee, the wife slices her shot right through the large front window of the biggest house along the course. They walk up, knock on the door, and hear a voice say, "Come on in." Opening the door, they see glass everywhere and a broken bottle lying on the floor.
A man on the couch says, "Are you the people who broke my window?" The husband begins to apologize, but the man cuts him off. "Actually, I want to thank youIm a genie who was trapped in that bottle, and your wayward shot released me. Im allowed to grant three wishes, so what Id like to do is give each of you one wish, and Ill keep the last one for myself."
"Fantastic!" says the husband. "I want a million dollars a year for the rest of my life."
"No problem," says the genie, "its the least I could do. And you, maam, what do you want?"
"I want a house in every country in the world," says the wife.
"Consider it done," the genie replies, turning back to the man. "And now for my wish. Because Ive been trapped in that bottle, I havent had sex in a really long time. My wish is to sleep with your wife."
The husband takes a long look at his wife and says, "Well, we did get a lot of money and all those houses. If you dont mind, honey, I dont either."
The wife agrees, and the genie takes her upstairs, where he ravishes her for three hours. After hes through, the genie rolls over, looks at the wife, and asks, "How old is your husband, anyway?"
"Thirty-five," she replies.
"And he still believes in genies?"
A heavyset guy sees an ad that reads "Lose weight. Only $10 a pound. Call (202) 555-0238" and decides to make the call. The operator asks, "How much weight do you want to lose?"
"Ten pounds," he replies.
"Well have a representative over in the morning," says the operator.
About 9 a.m., theres a knock on the door. There stands a fairly good-looking girl, completely naked except for a sign around her neck reading If You Catch Me, You Can Have Me.
The hefty fellow chases her upstairs, downstairs, and all around the house. Finally, panting and wheezing, he catches her. After they have sex, he runs to the bathroom and weighs himself. Hes lost 10 pounds!
That night he calls the number again and says, "I want to lose 20 pounds."
"Well send someone over."
The next morning, hes greeted by a gorgeous girl dressed only in track shoes and wearing a sign around her neck that reads If You Catch Me, You Can Have Me. The chase takes a good while longer this time, but later he finds hes lost 20 pounds!
That night he calls and says, "I want to lose 50 pounds!"
"Fifty pounds?" the operator asks. "Thats an awful lot."
The man replies, "Listen, just take care of it!"
About 7 a.m. the man hears a knock and opens the door. Outside stands an enormous gorilla with a sign around its neck that reads If I catch you