jokes on size...that are true

[lebrave]

Few days ago I was part of a joke with three girl friends and a buddy where they said that he had a micropenis (he does not I think) and I had an enooormous dick. We both accepted it laughing, and we didn't go further. But I secretly wanted them to know that I actually have a large cock.
Have they ever occurred to you similar situations?

 

[navynmd]

My friend in highschool had a girlfriend who went to another college. We went to visit her where apparently her and her roommate called my friend "virgin killer" because he is hung. My friend at the telling if this joke just looked at me laughed and said "bitches always complain". Later found out it was true as he is 9.5 ish.

 

[lebrave]

and what about jokes among friends?

 

[halcyondays]

Kickstand. As a high schooler I used to pedal to this shaded dead end road with friends to get high. Once a new girl from the hood came along with us. As we dismounted bikes and lowered kickstands, one of my friends said, (halcyon)'s got a kickstand. Another friend smiled and quipped, He's got a kickstand alright. Others chimed in: Sure does. A big kickstand. Yep, yep, yep. Smirks. Laughter.

She picked up on the innuendo right way and started looking around. WHO has a kickstand?

They pointed at me. Her eyes made the inevitable journey. My face felt hot.

 

[bav4]

Well if anyone was to joke that I have a micropenis that would be correct!

 

[LargeInLife]

Let them find out on their own, don't tell them, let someone else tell them, or let them notice it on their own. Have sex with one of those girls' friends, and they will definitely find out. In the summer, you could go commando in white shorts perhaps?

 

[amazzzed2]

My wife and I joke about my small 5" dick, and we both laugh!

 

[jjdov26_2]

When I was in high school, the fashion as to wear a belt that was too long, and to loop the extra part of the belt around itself so that the end hung down in front of you.

This is the closest example of what I mean (except I is a woman's belt and has a different kind of buckle): http://ecx.images-amazon.com/images/I/51OsmYTRjXL._UX385_.jpg

Anyway, looking back on it, the fashion was probably hard some sort of phallic subtext, like a neck tie does. But i had no idea. I just tried to fit in with the fashion. But my belt wasn't that long, so when I did it, only about 2" was left over. It didn't really hang down but sort of stuck out, half hanging.

One day when I was a freshman, I was standing in the lunch line and two senior black guys were behind me. They were jocks and I was at that time a skinny nerdy type. They were joking and laughing, both wearing their belt looped and hanging, but with a lot of belt hanging down. They were joking about who had the bigger belt and the most hang. I didn't really get it, or why they thought it was so funny. At one point they said something to me I didn't understand, so I turned and said "what was that?"

When I did, one of the guys took his finger and flicked the extra part of my belt that was sticking/hanging in front of me, making it bob up and down. "Yeah, that's about right." He said and hey both broke laughing. I didn't get it and just turned back to get my food.

It was only later that I realized they were joking about dick size and about the steriotypical size difference between black and white guys. Of course, even now that I'm a built guy and no longer a slim nerdy guy, my "belt" still doesn't have much hang. So they were right.

 

[lebrave]

jjdov, sad but one good story

 

[jjdov26_2]

Another similar story:

In college, me and some of my friends were really drunk one night. We started talking about a conversation one of us had had with a group of women we hung around with. They had been talking about or is size and who out of us guys had the biggest. (I suspect now that my friend Robert had led the girls into this conversation, and later us guys, because he was the most hung of our group of friends and wanted the girls to know it.)

Anyway, eventually us guys revealed what size we had, verbally only. No comparing. (Although I'm pretty sure most were accurate because it matches pretty much with their soft sizes seen at the gym, comments made by girlfriends/wives later in life, and so on).

But we were all pretty shocked when our friend Sean flat out said that he had 5 inches. We couldn't believe that a guy would just flat out say he was below average.

Here was the breakdown:

Robert: 7"
Matt: 6.25"
Richard: 6"
Josh: 6"
Me: 5.5"
Sean: 5"

In later conversations with Robert, he admitted that he couldn't believe he "had 2 inches of Sean".

Also, Matt later said that he couldn't believe that Sean had said it and that "no guy should ever admit to being less than 5.5" I thought he might have chosen that as the line because he was talking to me and I had admitted mine was 5.5.

I admit that after that, We would sometimes make small dick jokes about Sean behind his back. Or, if there was a general small dick joke made in a TV show or movie, we would associate it with him. I admit that I did this too, even though I only had .5" more myself.

But the main joke (the one that this info is the backstory for) came after college when we got together to see a football game. It was me, Robert, Matt, Sean, and Sean's wife. We all went out to eat and got those big milk shakes with the long handles spoons.

That is, everybody had a long spoon except for Sean. When he pulled his out of his shake, it was just a short, standard spoon. When we saw it, Matt, Robert. And I busted out laughing, leaving Sean and his wife perplexed. We played it off as just a funny moment because of his spoon being different, but in the car on the way back, we admitted to each other that we had each had in mind "small spoon, small dick."

Oh course, we were a friends and it was all in good fun. But I've often wondered if any of the friends, especially Robert and Matt who often bragged about their size (Matt was really thick), ever joked about ME and my size they way they did Sean's

 

[lebrave]

lol true, a 6 incher is most likely to brag, more than a 8 incher

 

[Mr Ed in Mass]

I had a perve boss at work who had diabetes and couldn't get an erection,Every time he started talking sexually to a woman,he would stop,look at me and yell "stunt cock".

 

[eyemready]

I had a perve boss at work who had diabetes and couldn't get an erection,Every time he started talking sexually to a woman,he would stop,look at me and yell "stunt cock".

That's funny.

 

[bertberp]

Twice, both at two different jobs.
First time was when a group of girls were laughing about an older woman coworker "loving" me. The hottest one said "maybe he has three legs or something."

Second time a girl at work tried to call me Big Daddy Duck (idkwtf why) but instead it came out "big dick daddy."

Maybe they were both Freudian slips!

 

[lebrave]

exactly what I meant! Lol drôle, and what did you think? were you willing to say it loud "hey, I've got a big one"?

 

[EquusAZ]

As a skinny nerd when I was in college, and still a nerd to this day, I had many jokes made at my expense. It wasn't until I was about 20 or so that I had any real idea as to what size constituted small, medium, or large. I would just let folks run with it.

I may not be really long, but I am thick. *Grin*.

I remember one time when I was with an ex of mine (he was a real size queen) one of our friends made a joke which included a comment about my cock size.

I remember we were at our apartment, and a little drunk. My ex had been feeling me up the entire night. I was very hard, bored, and my mind wasn't really on the conversation. After the little cock comment my ex just calmly leaned over, unzipped me and pulled it out before my drunk butt even knew what was happening.

I could have died...I felt like I Was going to. I blushed really hard. My ex just smiled and asked if the guy had "any more questions?"

That shut him up.

He left soon after.

Personally I rarely will rise to the challenge. I'd rather let people find out on their own. I very rarely hook up online with my profiles and pictures.

I remember one hookup at a bar (he ended up being a really good friend - still is). He, me, and another guy were standing at the bar. My friend (we'll call him David) was eyeing us both up for a threesome. I Was young, I was not going to say no. The other guy was very cocky about his cock and his size and I remember he said "Horse face here probably doesn't have the dick to match so I get to be the top."

Um...yes...I have a long face....no jokes...

Anyway David began feeling me up. I got hard. I remember how surprised he was. He kept trying to tell the other guy I won the bet. He wanted to see if it was true. He was very turned on but disappointed. Turns out I Was bigger than the other guy (not by much) and was the preferred top for the evening.

*shrug*

Those are really the only stories I have. The others, well, like I said, a lot have been made and I just shrug and play it off.

 

[Mr Ed in Mass]

I was standing next to my friend at our nudist camp,two women walked by,one pointed to me and then to my friend saying" That's the long and the short of that story"

 

[lebrave]

Ed the topic is jokes on size without any evidence...

 

[Grower82]

Let them find out on their own, don't tell them, let someone else tell them, or let them notice it on their own. Have sex with one of those girls' friends, and they will definitely find out. In the summer, you could go commando in white shorts perhaps?

Very good advice. And a lot classier than bragging about your size to girls. All guys want other people to know how big they are. That is how there came to be sites like this. In real life though, its best to see if the other person is really curious first. Besides, the guys that brag about it, I don't know, but it seems like they are not always necessarily the biggest.

 

[Grower82]

"When I was in high school, the fashion as to wear a belt that was too long, and to loop the extra part of the belt around itself so that the end hung down in front of you. "

I remember that style! A friend of mine has even very recently been wearing it like that. It was canvas belts that were worn that way usually. I never wore it though.

The Extra Details: Belt Knot | Style | MAXMAYO Men's Fashion Blog

"It was only later that I realized they were joking about dick size and about the steriotypical size difference between black and white guys. Of course, even now that I'm a built guy and no longer a slim nerdy guy, my "belt" still doesn't have much hang. So they were right."

Of course there are size differences, and the stereotype is at least partly true. Guys love talking themselves up, and young black guys are no exception. So you can't blame them for that. But I hope they learned to lose the smug attitude. There are definitely plenty of big white guys out there, as this site proves, so they have likely at least been knocked down a few pegs by now. It always seems that the guys who brag the most are not necessarily the biggest.

When I was in high school, the fashion as to wear a belt that was too long, and to loop the extra part of the belt around itself so that the end hung down in front of you.

This is the closest example of what I mean (except I is a woman's belt and has a different kind of buckle): http://ecx.images-amazon.com/images/I/51OsmYTRjXL._UX385_.jpg

Anyway, looking back on it, the fashion was probably hard some sort of phallic subtext, like a neck tie does. But i had no idea. I just tried to fit in with the fashion. But my belt wasn't that long, so when I did it, only about 2" was left over. It didn't really hang down but sort of stuck out, half hanging.

One day when I was a freshman, I was standing in the lunch line and two senior black guys were behind me. They were jocks and I was at that time a skinny nerdy type. They were joking and laughing, both wearing their belt looped and hanging, but with a lot of belt hanging down. They were joking about who had the bigger belt and the most hang. I didn't really get it, or why they thought it was so funny. At one point they said something to me I didn't understand, so I turned and said "what was that?"

When I did, one of the guys took his finger and flicked the extra part of my belt that was sticking/hanging in front of me, making it bob up and down. "Yeah, that's about right." He said and hey both broke laughing. I didn't get it and just turned back to get my food.

It was only later that I realized they were joking about dick size and about the steriotypical size difference between black and white guys. Of course, even now that I'm a built guy and no longer a slim nerdy guy, my "belt" still doesn't have much hang. So they were right.