Jst f**k Hoff..

Discussion in 'Et Cetera, Et Cetera' started by hungmark, Jan 23, 2006.

  1. hungmark

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    27 Little known facts about super-hero David Hasselhoff:


    1. David Hasselhoff coined the phrase, "I could eat a Horse" after he
    ate every last unicorn in existence.

    2. There is no theory of evolution, just a list of creatures David
    Hasselhoff allows to live.

    3. When David Hasselhoff drinks pee, his asparagus smells funny.

    4. When David Hasselhoff was born, the nurse said, "Holy Cow! That's
    David Hasselhoff!" Then she had sex with him. At that point, she was the
    third girl he had slept with.

    5. When David Hasselhoff goes to donate blood, he declines the syringe,
    and instead requests a hand gun and a bucket.

    6. In an average living room there are 1,242 objects David Hasselhoff
    could use to kill you, including the room itself.

    7. The popular videogame "Doom" is based loosely around the time Satan
    borrowed two bucks from David Hasselhoff and forgot to pay him back.

    8. David Hasselhoff can count backwards from infinity.

    9. Crop circles are David's way of telling the world that sometimes corn
    needs to lie the f**k down.

    10. When David Hasselhoff jumps into a body of water, he doesn't get
    wet. The water gets David instead.

    11. David Hasselhoff can divide by zero.

    12. In fine print at on the last page of the Guinness Book of World
    Records it notes that all world records are held by David Hasselhoff,
    and those listed in the book are simply the closest anyone has ever come
    to matching him.

    13. David Hasselhoff is not lactose intolerant, he just refuses to put
    up with lactose's sh1t.

    14. David Hasselhoff has two speeds: walk and kill.

    15. David Hasselhoff is the reason why Wally is hiding.

    16. David Hasselhoff can set ants on fire with a magnifying glass. At
    night.

    17. You are what you eat. That is why David Hasselhoff diet consists
    entirely of bricks, steel, and the tears of small children.

    18. David Hasselhoff once beat Super Mario Bros 3 without even touching
    his Nintendo controller. He just yelled at his TV in between bites of
    his "Filet of Child" sandwich, and the game beat itself out of fear.

    19. David Hasselhoff played Russian Roulette with a fully loaded gun and
    won.

    20. If you were to lock David Hasselhoff in a room with a guitar, a year
    later you would have the greatest album ever, it would sweep the
    Grammy's. When asked why he doesn't do this David replied "Because
    Grammy's are for queers." Then he ate a knife to show the seriousness of
    his response.

    21. On his birthday, David Hasselhoff randomly selects one lucky child
    to be thrown into the sun.

    22. When David Hasselhoff does a push up, he isn't lifting himself up,
    he's pushing the Earth down.

    23. Whenever David Hasselhoff puts out a cigarette, he throws it in slow
    motion into a long line of gasoline and calmly walks away as an inferno
    erupts behind him.

    24. David Hasselhoff invented black. In fact, he invented the entire
    spectrum of visible light. Except pink. Tom Cruise invented pink.

    25. David Hasselhoff is the only man to ever defeat a brick wall in a
    game of tennis.

    26. David Hasselhoff haunts Freddy Krueger's nightmares.

    27. The eternal conundrum "what happens when an unstoppable force meets
    an immovable object" was finally solved when David Hasselhoff punched
    himself in the face.


    The man is a law unto himself...
     
  2. GoneA

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    outrageous.


     
  3. B_Spladle

    B_Spladle New Member

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    wtf, these are all Vin Diesel facts. Some douche bag just replaced "Vin Diesel" with "David Hasselhoff" and thought nobody would notice? Ghey.
     
  4. hungmark

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    Ah sorry - I dunno where this came from - I just passed it on. Regardless of who they relate to thy are fuckin hilarious.
     
  5. Bryan_Lyte2

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    Boooooo *throws a tomato soup can*
     
  6. Pecker

    Pecker Retired Moderator
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    Well, who ever thought Hasselhoff was an original, anyhow?
     
  7. D_Elijah_MorganWood

    D_Elijah_MorganWood New Member

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  8. Cicero77

    Cicero77 Member

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    Hey this reminds me of a great little anecdote about The Hoff....

    In fact I'll let him tell you himself....read this newspaper article.

    It's the story of when he met a real legend - my favourite actor, Cary Grant. If you remember how Cary spoke it helps you enjoy what he said hehe :biggrin1:. If you don't know who he is the article will leave you thinking 'so what' hehe.

    It made me smile anyway :smile:

    Ian.
     
  9. davidjh7

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    Hmmm---your pics, and a tomato soup can. The tomato soup can got short changed.:biggrin1:
     
  10. fliegles

    fliegles New Member

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    Ahem, these facts are fucking pointless if you ask ME!:mad:
     
  11. jeff black

    jeff black <img border="0" src="/images/badges/gold_member.gi

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    Well, they are pointless, until you realize they are actually about JEFF BLACK. After that factoid, they are exciting, and make a great deal of sense.
     
  12. D_alex8

    D_alex8 Member

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    And yet you felt strongly enough to resurrect the thread after six months. What curious creations we human beings are. Some of us moreso than others. :rolleyes:
     
  13. fliegles

    fliegles New Member

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    It makes me smile too. I would say that Cary Grants comments were far more interesting than David Hasselhoff's story.:wink:
     
  14. jeff black

    jeff black <img border="0" src="/images/badges/gold_member.gi

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    LOL as always, ALEX.:biggrin1:
     
  15. Heather LouAnna

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