I really don't get what all the jeering is about. Jude Law looks quite average to me, and I'm surprised all the snickering is coming from some of my fellow females out there.
I've seen a photo of Tommy Lee standing on stage, fully nude, and I swear his flaccid member looked rather average to me too.
Jude Law Caught Short in Nude Photo
By Chip Hilton
Aug 18, 2005
PARIS - Jude Law, who appears to have a knack for getting caught with his pants down, has done it again. A full montyor, as some wags have termed it, a half-montyshot of Law is zipping around the Internet, courtesy of a paparazzo who caught Law changing into his swimsuit near his mother's home in France.
The photo, which has quickly become the shot seen round the world, has also become a lightning rod in a curious debate regarding Law's natural endowment.
"The photographer didn't need a wide-angle lens for that shot," laughed fashionista and political commentator Joan Rivers. "Even if you're using the metric system, that guy comes up short. Where does he buy his shoes, in the boy's department at Harrods?"
"He's no Tommy Lee, that's for sure," said Pamela Anderson. "At first I thought they had photographed one of his sons by mistake."
"Hey Jude, you've got more than shagging the nanny to apologize for," taunted Courtney Love.
Although such observations are typical of the assessments of Law's manhood, he is not without his defenders. Gay.com, "after a very careful viewing of the evidence," suggests Law be given the benefit of the doubt.
"It appears to be a simple case of 'bad package day,' the result of an unflattering camera angle, and possibly some shrinkage."
What's more, said Gay.com, when Law appeared on Broadway in Indiscretions, "he spent the first scene of the second act completely naked, stepping in and out of a bathtub [and] not even first-row theatergoers recorded any disappointment. [Law] is famously comfortable appearing nude. He's stripped bare as the gay lover of Oscar Wilde, and in an ambiguously gay role in The Talented Mr. Ripley. Would even a man that good-looking drop his pants so often if there wasn't much to show off?"
Law's ex-fiancee, Sienna Miller, who was recently seen in public with a fully clothed Law, declined to comment on his credential. Law's spokesperson, Simon Halls, is clearly tired of answering similar questions.
"Have you no shame?" Halls shrieked at a New York Post reporter. "Every Tom and Harry's Dick has been raising this issue. The guy's on vacation in with his kids. People need to give him a little bit of a break."
Or a big break, depending on one's perspective.
In related news, radio station WKIT in Buffalo, New York, is sponsoring a name-that-willy contest. The person who submits the most original name for Jude Law's member will receive a director's cut of Alfie and a year's supply of Woebegone®, "The All-natural Penis-enhancing Herbal Supplement for Men."
